Author's note: Awhile ago, Alexa requested a Grub/LGM Romeo and Juliet pairing story. I have fulfilled this request. I'm afraid the writing here is very substandard - I was rushing to get it done - and it's extremely cracky (especially Zurg's scenes), but I hope you enjoy it. One day I'd like to do a more serious LGM/Grub fic, since I really like the idea, but for now you have this really cracky parody.
"XR, watch out!"
The robot heard the warning just in time to dodge a well-aimed hornet blast. "You could have warned me sooner, before I almost got my circuits melted!" he yelled to Buzz.
The Rangers were embroiled in a space battle above Star Command, fighting the waves of hornets Zurg was sending from his ship.
"XR, take out those hornets! Booster, contact Star Command's launch bay and ask what's taking so long for those cruisers to get here. Mira, I need you to - "
"Hey, Lightyear," a mocking voice interrupted him. "Having trouble with our hornets?"
"The only one whose going to have trouble, Darkmatter," Buzz icily replied, "is you." He aimed his wrist ray at Warp and fired, taking out his jetpack. "By the authority of Star Command, I hereby - " Once again, the Space Ranger was interrupted - this time by a beep from his communicator.
To Warp's surprise, his wrist communicator also began beeping. He opened it and checked to see who was calling. "Hmm, Capital Planet seems to be sending a message on all frequencies." Warp smirked. "Must be pretty important. I'm sure you won't mind if I just leave you to find out what it is while I go back to Zurg." Shooting his robotic hand out and grabbing hold of a hornet, he was pulled away before Buzz could stop him.
"Darkmatter!" Normally, Buzz would have made an effort to go after him, but the message from Capital Planet took priority. He opened his communicator and watched curiously as the President's face appeared on the small screen.
"This is the president of the Galactic Alliance, ordering both sides to stand down.I repeat, stand down! Peace talks with the Raenok government are being carried out on Capital Planet, and we will not have them interrupted by this fighting. If the fighting continues, the Raenoks will send their fleet to take care of it. So, cease fighting now. There are to be no hostilities for the next week while peace negotiations are underway. Is that clear? Madame President out."
Buzz blinked in surprise. The President wanted him to stand down? While Zurg was attacking? And did she really expect Zurg to listen to her orders?
"What should we do, Evil Emperor?" asked Brainpod 57, glancing at Zurg.
"We don't take orders from the Galactic Alliance! We'll continue fighting!"
"But, your Evilness, we don't have enough forces to withstand a combined attack from Star Command and the Raenoks," protested 57.
"Oh... fine!" Zurg folded his arms. "I suppose the galaxy won't end if we postpone this fight till next week."
This announcement was met with cheering from the Grubs. "This means we'll make it back to Planet Z in time for Cake Day!"
"Yes, yes, whatever," Zurg shrugged, still angry over the President's orders.
"I just got off the horn with the President." Nebula entered the briefing room, glancing at Team Lightyear. "You're not going to like this, Buzz. She says we can't launch any attacks on Zurg for the next week. Apparently they're at a very delicate stage in the peace negotiations, and she doesn't want anything to disrupt them."
"But, Commander," Buzz objected, "even if we don't make any hostile moves, Zurg will. We have to be ready for him."
"I know." The Commander frowned. "He's probably already planning something. We have to keep tabs on him."
"But how do we do that if we're not supposed to cause any trouble?" asked Booster.
"I don't know," Nebula sighed.
"Excuse, me, Commander, but I have an idea." Mira raised her hand.
"I'm listening, Nova."
"Well, Sir," Mira began, "what if we use one of Zurg's own tricks against him? Remember the time he infiltrated Star Command by disguising a Grub as an LGM? Well, we could do the same thing - only not... not the part about disguising a Grub - I mean, we... we would be disguising an LGM - "
"I think I got the gist of it," Nebula nodded. "That's an interesting idea. It's worth considering. Buzz, do you know of any LGMs qualified for the job?"
Buzz frowned thoughtfully. "Yes, I believe I do, Commander," he answered. "A job like this would require someone with above average skills and intelligence. Someone who can think outside the box. An 'independent thinker', if you will."
"And you know an LGM like that?"
"Yes, I met him during the incident with the stolen trash compactor," explained Buzz. "I think he's just right for this mission. His name's LGMo."
"Name?" XR scratched his helmet. "I didn't know they even had names."
"Like I said, he's an independent thinker."
"Excuse me, Evil Emperor." A Grub nervously approached Zurg.
"Oh, what is it?" Zurg asked irritably.
"I, uh, I was wondering... Uh, well, you see... I... I would like to get married."
Zurg folded his arms. "First of all, you are not my type, and secondly, I'm not sure if that's even legal in this quadrant."
The Grub quickly shook his head. "Uh, I-I-I didn't mean to you, your Evilness. I meant to another Grub."
"Oh, well that's different," Zurg smiled. "Give my congratulations to the lucky bride!" He suddenly frowned, unsure of the Grub's gender. "Or... would that be groom?"
"Bride, your Evilness." The Grub sighed. "But, you see... I haven't actually asked her yet. That's why I came to see you. Do you... do you think you could ask her for me?"
Zurg glared at the Grub. "You want me to waste my precious time sorting out your love life?"
The Grub cringed. "O-o-only if you're not busy..."
"I'm an evil emperor!" Zurg picked up the Grub and began shaking it. "Of course I'm busy!"
"So... that's a no?"
Zurg flung the Grub across the room. "Ask her yourself later at the Cake Day party, you lackwit! I have better things to do with my time!"
"Speaking of Cake Day," a brainpod piped up, "should I send out the invitations?"
"Yes, send them out," Zurg nodded. "And make sure it's on an encrypted channel this time. Remember what happened last year? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry showed up to get free cake!"
"Don't worry, my Evil Emperor," the brainpod smiled. "There's not the slightest chance of anyone intercepting the signal this time."
"Have you intercepted any transmissions from Planet Z recently?" Buzz asked the LGMs, coming up beside one of the communication stations.
"Nooo," one of the LGMs replied. "Only messages to Zurg's bases advertising Cake Day."
"Cake Day?" frowned XR. "How come we don't have a cake day?"
"You don't even eat cake!" sighed Buzz.
"I'm just asking why Zurg's minions have a perk that we don't."
"Yeah, we should have a cake day," nodded Booster.
Buzz face-palmed, then turned to Commander Nebula. "We might be able to use this 'Cake Day' to our advantage. A lot of unfamiliar Grubs will be coming in from all over the quadrant, so we could easily slip our LGM into their midst and no one would notice."
"Good thinking. I want you and your team assembled in the Launch Bay with LGMo in thirty minutes. If you leave for Planet Z now, you can easily make it there in time for Cake Day."
"Grubliet, can I come in?" 57 knocked on the door.
"Of course, 57." The female Grub opened the door, smiling as her friend entered. "Is there something I can do for you?"
"I came to tell you that Grubis is planning to propose to you during Cake Day," replied the pod. "I wasn't sure how you felt about him, so I thought I should warn you first, in case you're not interested."
"Thanks, 57, but it's okay. Grubis is a nice guy. I guess I wouldn't mind marrying him."
"Are you sure? You quite don't sound convinced."
Grubliet smiled. "Like I said, Grubis is a nice guy..." She sighed. "It's just... I'm not in love with him or anything. But it's not like anyone else is going to ask me, so I might as well say yes."
"Alright, XR, LGMo, are you ready?" Buzz asked, bringing the Star Cruiser to a stop behind an asteroid.
"Why do I have to come along?" XR pouted. "Why can't Mira or Booster go? Infiltrating Planet Z to plant a spy isn't exactly my idea of a good time." A smile spread across his face. "Now, going out with that hot chick Mab from over at the robotic repair centre, that would be my idea of a good time."
Mira rolled her eyes. "Someone has to go as Buzz's backup, and since Booster and I have to stay with the ship, that someone is you."
"Oh, fine, whatever." XR gritted his teeth and followed Buzz to the launch tubes.
"Let the party begin!" Brainpod 57 threw confetti into the air, a Grub turned on some disco music, and cake was dished out to everyone. The Grubs soon succumbed to the influence of the sugar, and before long the whole room was thrown into chaos as they dashed madly about and danced on the tables.
Most of the brainpods looked on in disgusted dignity, but a few joined in the madness and some danced with the Grubs.
"I can't believe we only have this once a year," Warp remarked through a mouthful of cake. "This is great."
"Okay, so far we've managed to make it through the palace undetected, but I doubt our luck will hold out for long." Buzz turned to LGMo. "Get your disguise ready. I'm going to do a brief sweep of the area, then come back and take you to the cafeteria, where you can mingle with the party-goers and try to learn what Zurg's latest plot is. Got it?"
LGMo nodded. "Understoood." He slipped out of his spacesuit, underneath which was his Grub costume. XR handed him the final piece of the disguise - a rubber Grub head - and soon the little green man looked exactly like one of Zurg's minions.
Once Buzz was sure the area was secure, he led the group down the corridor to a door. Loud music and shouts emanated from it, and LGMo felt the first pangs of fear enter his heart. Would he be able to blend in without being noticed? What would happen if he was discovered?
"Are you ready?" asked Buzz.
"I... thiiiink so."
"Good. As soon as you learn something, call us." Buzz handed the LGM a small communicator. "And let us know if you suspect someone's on to you. We'll be waiting in 42 behind the moon, so we can have you out of there in no time."
Feeling slightly reassured, LGMo nodded and approached the door, while Buzz and XR left the scene. Once they were gone, he opened the door and stepped inside. The site that greeted him would have been comical if he wasn't so frightened: Grubs and brainpods were partying wildly, many of them holding cake in their hands, while loud disco music played.
"Hey, a newcomer," remarked Warp. "Welcome to the party."
"Thaaan - I mean, thank you." LGMo tried to adjust his voice and way of speaking to match that of the Grubs'. "Can I have some cake?"
After he was handed a slice of cake, he began looking for someone who might know something about Zurg's plans. His eyes were sweeping across the room when suddenly they fell on... on her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. LGMo felt his heart beat faster as he stared at her. He didn't know if there was such a thing as love at first sight, but if there was, then he had definitely fallen in love. The only snag... the lady was a Grub. As in, one of Zurg's minions who worked on the side of Evil. And he was an LGM, who worked on the side of Good.
While LGMo was gazing at her, Grubliet turned around, and their eyes met. She gasped in surprise as she took in his appearance. He seemed so different from all the other Grubs - he looked so much nicer, so much kinder. "H-hello," she greet shyly, approaching him.
"Hellooooo..." LGMo was too enraptured by her to disguise his voice.
Warp, who was standing nearby, overheard this. Strange, he thought. That Grub sounds a lot like an LGM..
"My name's Grubliet," smiled the female Grub.
"LGMo." By now he'd managed to get his voice back under control.
"It's nice to meet you." Grubliet held out her hand. "Are you new here? I don't think I've ever seen you before." I'm sure I'd remember if I'd met someone so handsome.
"Uh, yes, I'm from off-planet," LGMo replied, taking her hand and kissing it rather than shaking it.
Grubliet blushed. "I hope you'll be staying here for awhile."
"Me toooo." Completely forgetting about his mission, LGMo put his arm around Grubliet and the pair strolled across the room together, enjoying each other's company.
Meanwhile, Warp had come up beside Zurg, who was still trying to find the evilest flavour of cake. "Did you notice anything funny about that Grub over there?" he asked, pointing to LGMo.
Zurg glanced at the LGM. "No, why?"
"I don't know... I've just got a strange feeling about him. He doesn't act right..." Warp frowned. "He acts more like... well, like an LGM."
Zurg gave Warp a look. "Did one of the brainpods spike your punch again? What would an LGM be doing on Planet Z? And how would one sneak in undetected? And how come he looks exactly like a Grub?"
"I... can't answer that," Warp gulped, "but I'm telling you, there's something wrong about him. I'm going to figure out what it is."
"Yes, well, you do that," Zurg shrugged, turning back to the cake table "Ooh, bunzel muffins! My favourite!"
While Zurg and Warp were talking, 57 had been listening, and he frowned when he heard Warp's suspicions. I hope he's wrong. Grubliet seems to like that guy... If he's a spy, it would break her heart.
"I had a great time," beamed Grubliet as the party came to an end and the crowd began to disperse.
LGMo nodded. "So did I."
"Will I see you again tomorrow?" Grubliet asked.
"I hope so." LGMo gazed into her beautiful black eyes. "Good night." He leaned forward, kissing the Grub, then shyly pulled away and left.
"He's wonderful," Grubliet sighed to herself.
"Hey, Grubliet, I need to talk to you." 57 wheeled over to her. "It's important."
"Look, if this is about Grubis, tell him I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to him." Not that I really am sorry. I've met someone so much better. "I was busy."
"Yeah, talking to that new guy." 57 looked annoyed. "Do you even know his name?"
"No... he never told me," admitted Grubliet. "But what does that matter?"
57 sighed. "Darkmatter thinks he might be a Star Command spy."
"What?" gasped Grubliet. "That's impossible!" Oh, please, don't let it be true! I love him!
57 shook his head sadly. "I think Darkmatter may be right. That guy didn't act very much like most Grubs I know."
Grubliet felt as if she were going to faint. "My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy."