The Love Boat
Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12 and Kikki007
Chapter 23: Blow
"Look who I found lurking in the hallway," Edward said as he walked through the door of our cabin.
"I was not lurking," Alice retorted, following him inside. "I was just crossing the hall."
"You weren't even moving. That's lurking, Ali."
I snickered at their sibling-like bickering. "Good morning, Alice."
"Morning. You ready?"
Edward gave me a confused look, and I held a finger up to Alice, signaling that I needed a minute. I closed the half a step of space between Edward and me in the tiny room and quietly explained, "I meant to tell you before your run, but you…uh…distracted me."
He reached for my hips, pulling me even closer, but I quickly put a hand on his chest to maintain some space between us. As good has he looked practically glistening with sweat from his morning run; that was not the Edward smell I wanted to wear all day.
He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I was hoping you'd distract me in the shower."
What was it with him and that shower? It was seriously the size of a postage stamp.
"Unless that bathroom has turned into the Weasley's tent from the Quidditch World Cup, that couldn't possibly happen."
"Prove it." He nodded toward the bathroom door and reached for my hand.
"Maybe," I said, pretending to consider his challenge. "If you smelled half as good as you look all sweaty from your run, but alas, you reek."
"Come on." He playfully tugged on the waistband of my skirt. "I heard this is one of those fancy showers with soap and everything."
"Um…you guys know I can totally hear you, right?" Alice chirped from behind me.
I shook my head to clear it. "See? You distracted me again."
"It was working too. I almost had you convinced," he said, waggling his eyebrows.
"Sure you did." I patted his chest. "Anyway, last night I had trouble falling asleep after you passed out, so I went across the hall to see if Alice was still up. We went to the café and caught up a little. She mentioned this… thing… that sounded interesting, but it's ladies only. Do you mind just meeting up later, maybe for lunch?" I rambled at him, still feeling guilty that I'd forgotten to mention it before he left for his run.
"Why would I mind?" He gave me a reassuring look.
I shrugged. "Maybe you and Jasper can do something together?"
"Negatory on that," Alice piped in.
"Why?" I asked, confused.
"I suggested it too, but he got all huffy and said he wasn't a four-year-old and didn't need me to arrange playdates for him," she said, making air-quotes.
I snickered, partly because I could vividly imagine Jasper arguing the point very much like a small child.
She paused, and a slow smirk slid across her face. "And then, he asked me for his gambling allowance."
Edward and I both laughed. "No problem, cousin. I don't need you to set up playdates for me either." He winked at her, letting her know he really was okay with being on his own. "Actually there's something I've been wanting to do at the business center anyway. And I should check in with work while I have access to the internet, too."
"Alrighty then," Alice said, clapping her hands together. "We better get going so we can get front row seats for Fifty Ways to Blow—."
My eyes shot to Alice's as my brain sent her frantic telepathic warnings intermixed with blaring warning sirens you hear in submarine movies. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
She totally got the brainwaves, or maybe she just saw the panic on my face and swiftly covered her almost slip of the tongue. "... Dry your hair!"
"Fifty ways to blow dry your hair?" Edward asked doubtfully. "There can't possibly be."
"I know! That's why we're going to this class." Alice nodded, rocking slightly on her heels. "I'm going to count, and they better not short us."
"Oh! I know someone with one of those clicker-counter things," I added, thinking back to the bouncy bouncer from last night.
Alice's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Um. Okay?"
She stepped toward the door, but Edward grabbed my elbow before I could follow. He pulled me back to him and placed a sweet peck at the corner of my mouth. "Have fun at your class."
"Have fun doing whatever you're going to do at the business center," I mimicked, kissing him as chastely as he had me.
As soon as the door latch clicked, Alice squealed, wrapping her hand around my arm and hugging it to her chest as we walked down the hall. "You two are so cute together, it's almost sickening. I was almost embarrassed to be in the room with you mooning over each other like that. It was kinda gross."
"You know, if there wasn't so much Disney princess in your voice, I might actually believe you felt awkward." I bumped her shoulder, causing us to swerve a bit.
She bumped me back. "Let me have this. I've been planning this since we were kids."
"You've been planning on taking us on a sex cruise since we were kids?" I asked dryly.
An uncharacteristically loud guffaw escaped Alice. "Not the sex cruise part! But you and Edward… I've been planning it a really long time."
I shook my head, not doubting her for a minute.
"Seriously," she unnecessarily insisted as she pushed the elevator call button. "There was my wedding. I thought for sure he'd see you all grown up and fall for you like that." She snapped her fingers for emphasis.
I remember being disappointed that he wasn't at her wedding. I thought she was teasing me about my lingering crush at the reception when she leaned her head on my shoulder and apologized that Edward couldn't make it.
"You know, I'm still annoyed at that blizzard that snowed him in. I mean, February is practically spring. It's just bad form to snow that much, so late in the season."
I giggled at her lingering resentment of the snowstorm that blanketed the midwest on Valentine's day almost a decade ago.
The elevator's ding announced its arrival, and Alice led me into the car, still wrapped around my arm. She pushed the button for the appropriate deck and then turned to face me. "He would have, you know?"
"Who would have what?"
"Edward. Eight and a half years ago at my wedding, he would have fallen in love with you at first sight then, just like he did at Salty's."
I sputtered, unable to think of how to respond. Alice was a romantic to the extreme. She and Jasper had fallen in love at first sight when they were twelve years old. She believed in this idea of an instantaneous spark that irrevocably connected two souls.
"I was there, Bella. I saw it. I saw him the moment you walked in. And then at the table, when he played with your fingers… I swooned."
"You did not," I argued. "I would have noticed if you'd fainted."
"Well, maybe not on the outside, " Alice said, momentarily interrupted by the ding announcing our floor. Alice dragged me out of the elevator, continuing, "But on the inside I was swooning like a mo-fo."
I snickered. Her crazy enthusiasm was part of what I'd always loved about my dearest friend. That and the fact that the day after we'd had a spat about staying out of each other's dirty business, she'd willingly and without judgment attend a Blowjob 101 class with me. Which was probably a very good thing, because there was no way I'd be walking through these doors alone.
The registration table was set up like every Continuing Ed class I'd ever attended. We were given a nametag and a gift bag as we signed in. Then we found a pair of seats together in the semicircle of chairs.
I peeked into my bag and quickly snapped it shut. "Alice," I whisper-shouted out of the side of my mouth while looking straight ahead. "There's a blue thingy in my bag."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her dig into her own bag. "Oh my god…" she reached in and emerged with her own phallus, brandishing it like a trophy. "Mine's pink, and it has glitter!"
I looked away and started counting the ceiling tiles.
She leaned over and whispered, "I put my pretty pink pecker away; you can look at me again."
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, bringing my eyes back to my friend. "I'm sorry. I think I just need to work up to all of this..." I waved my hand at the bag in my lap.
"It's okay, hun," Alice reassured. "Let's start with something… smaller."
She held her breath to stop from snickering like a twelve-year-old boy at her own pun.
"Ha-ha, Alice." I smiled at her to let her know it was okay.
"I just couldn't not say it, you know?"
Shaking my head, I teased back, "You never could pass up a double entendre."
Alice picked through her bag, bringing up goodie after goodie. "What's this? Gummerz?" She held up a package with what looked like wax lips. "Oh my god… it's an oral sex enhancer. You know the jokes about toothless blow jobs?" She almost doubled over giggling. "These are teeth guards. I'm totally testing these babies out tonight."
I cringed slightly at her over-share.
She leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Jasper is always so grateful after getting head. He'll be putty in my hands. I'll probably even be able to confess how much I really spent on the island."
I shook my head, smiling. It was so typical Alice. Not only did she distract me from all the other ladies filling the room, but she did it in a way that brought us back to the same kind of T-M-I banter we would have shared before the cruise, and it oddly put me at ease. "Jasper is always putty in your hands."
She shrugged unapologetically. "It's true!"
Her smile relaxed as she gently set her hand on my forearm. "Are you feeling more comfortable now?"
"Good. Now, can I see your dick, or should we taste-test the flavored lube first?"
"Alice!" I half yelped, half snickered.
She laughed more fully, making me giggle too. Glancing around the room and noticed that everyone else was paired or grouped together and they were leaning over to whisper to each other and giggling as they sorted through their goodie bags too.
"Okay… fine." I opened the bag towards her and looked away. Maybe I wasn't quite ready.
"Oh. My. God," Alice cooed, her voice full of awe.
My eyes shot to hers.
Her eyes were wide, and she had one hand covering her agape mouth, the other touching just the edge of the bag.
What in the hell was wrong with it? I hadn't noticed any gross deformity before, but I did close the bag rather quickly. I peered into the bag with her, and it looked pretty much like a penis, except for its translucent midnight blue color.
"Is that… normal?" Alice asked in whispered awe. She looked into my eyes and back down at the dildo still in the bag. "I mean… is it supposed to be that big?"
I looked at it again and back to Alice and then back to the bag, trying to mentally compare it to Edward. It didn't seem bigger than him, but then Edward was bigger than either Tyler or Jake. So somewhere in the middle was probably normal, right? How was I supposed to know? I'd only seen three adult penises in my whole life. Tyler wasn't even technically an adult! I tried to think back to the one Alice had pulled out of her bag, but I only saw it for a second. Was there something wrong with mine? How was I going to learn to do this if I had a defective model?
I felt the space between my eyebrows furrow, and I started to worry even more. Why did I have to get the dud? I probably needed this class more than anyone else on this entire ship! Maybe Alice would trade with me. But then, she was so excited about the glitter. Did mine have glitter? I couldn't even remember. "What's wrong with it, Alice?"
"Can I… Can I touch it?"
I nodded silently, but inside my head, I was yelling, Yes. Yes. Touch it! Tell me what's wrong with it!
She held it tenderly in one hand, passing her other over it but not quite touching it, as if it were a soap bubble and might burst if it was handled too roughly.
"Alice, you're kind of freaking me out."
"Shh," she admonished sharply. "This is the first time you've let me see your cock. I'm supposed to tell you how awesome it is."
"Give me that!" I wrapped my hand around the shaft and snatched it from her. Alice's entire body vibrated with her cackling. "You made me think there was something wrong with it!"
She quirked her eyebrow. "Yeah, but now you're holding it."
Before I could respond, I heard a greeting sing out from the entrance as our instructor ambled into the circle of chairs. "Hello, hello, hello, my lovely, gorgeous friends."
At least I assumed she was our instructor. If she wasn't, she was the most extraverted person on the planet, which on this cruise, could totally be the case.
Her skin was almost as pale as mine was, and she wore her hair in an icy platinum blonde pixie-cut, but everything else was dark—her smoky eyes and crimson lips, the pitch-black dress under her shiny onyx corset and the matching knee high boots, both of which were laced with red as deep as her lips. I would have been much more intimidated if it weren't for the soft sweetness in her voice.
"Hello." She paused to take a deep breath and smile, looking at each and every one of us in the eyes before moving on to the next lady in the circle. "Welcome to Fifty Ways to Blow Your Lover. I'm Rebecca Gotycki, but you may call me Temptress." She winked, and you could actually hear a collective smile fill the room.
"This gorgeous goddess…" she waved her hand with a theatrical flourish as a woman in a short, satiny kimono stood to join her. "…is Nan, and she will be assisting us today."
Nan dropped her robe to reveal a neon green penis protruding from a strappy black harness over a pair of boy shorts. My eyes immediately skipped over her tiny matching tee shirt and focused on the red collar around her neck.
Temptress moved to stroke the fake penis. "And this... is Richard, but we call him Dick for short. Although, as you can see, he's not short."
The rest of the circle tittered. I continued flitting my eyes between the ring of the collar to the harness, trying to build enough familiarity to be able to look at it without having to avert my eyes. This was going to be a long class.
"When I first started giving these classes, I used my husband to demonstrate, but this class is three hours long, and as you can imagine, it was hard to sustain… well, sometimes not so hard… which is why we have Richard and Nan to help us out.
"Oh, and before I forget, usually when I teach this course, everyone gets a practice cucumber, but you all got a special gift from my dear sweet, brilliant friend, Rosalie. She has a brand new start-up toy company called Venus and has provided everyone with a beautiful, perfect piece of man-meat of their own to practice on!
"Now, I know the experience level in this room is probably much higher than a normal class. I even heard a rumor that there's someone on this ship who has a top-secret candy cane trick, but…"
I tuned Temptress out a bit as I leaned over to Alice and whispered in her ear, "I know her. The candy cane lady. I know her. Well, I know her husband."
I nodded and whispered the details in her ear. Alice's eyes went wide and tilted, silently asking for confirmation.
Our attention turned back to Temptress just in time to hear her announce we were going to start with an ice-breaker, and Alice would be first.
Thankfully, she repeated the instructions. "Okay, Alice will start us off, telling us her favorite word for penis. And then we'll go around the room. And remember, you can't repeat a term anyone else has used."
We were going to go around the room, and Alice was first. That would make me last. There were fifteen other women in this room. I didn't know sixteen words for penis!
Alice started off with admitting she liked to call Jasper's his little soldier, which was kind of like a gimme to the next two ladies, who snapped up "dick" and "cock".
Those pretty much summed up what I would call it.
Why did so many of them start with "P"?
And they went on and on. The other ladies would giggle or snort at the answers, but I was panicking with every new one—even the ones that made me cringe.
"And last but not least, Bella, you're up," Temptress segued to me.
I felt exactly like I did that time in the eighth grade, when I had read the wrong chapter of my science textbook and couldn't answer Mr. Banner's question about the circulatory system. I looked up, praying for some kind of divine inspiration. But nothing came. "Um…it?"
I wanted to sink into the chair and disappear.
"I know this sounds funny," Temptress said, waving her open hand toward me, "but the guys eat this stuff up. They love this little coquette thing she has going on. Especially when they're getting head. And have you seen her husband? The things I'd do to that man," she said, closing her eyes as if she was imagining it.
I ducked my head, hoping to hide the deep blush I felt heating my face and neck. Throaty um-hums buzzed through the circle, and even without looking up, I knew the ladies were nodding in agreement. Alice gave my shoulder a double-bump to get my attention. "They're all thinking you're a lucky bitch, which I totally don't get because eww, he's my cousin."
I looked up to see her shaking her head and wrinkling her nose in exaggerated disgust, and I laughed despite my mortification.
The instructor sauntered over to me me and brushed her finger down my jawline to lift my chin so I was looking up at her. "Look at this beautiful fucking blush. I'll bet it drives them wild." Without dropping my chin, she turned to more fully address the rest of the class. "Look how sweet she looks! She looks like she's never slobbed a knob in her life!"
My posture stiffened, and I'm sure my eyes were the size of saucers. She must have felt me go rigid because her face snapped back to mine.
"Oh!" she exclaimed in understanding. Her hands pressed together, resting on her own chin, almost as if she was in prayer. Her eyes lit up with excitement as she lowered her hands to her chest before moving them to gently cup my face. "You sweet, sweet angel. Don't you worry."
As awkward and worried as I had been about participating in this class and about eventually taking Edward into my mouth, I was never more worried than when she said that.
"No, no, no, you beautiful, sexy woman," she cooed at me sweetly. "You are in good hands. Nan and her dick and all of these gorgeous ladies will have you going down like a forty-dollar hooker during Fleet Week."
I'm sure my eyes went impossibly wider, and I heard Alice giggling next to me. This was going to be very long class.
So, do you think Bella will make it though the class, or do you think it'll be too hard for her to swallow?
When she gets back to the cabin, will Edward be expecting her to blow… dry his hair?
Thank you so much for reading. It would be kind of awesome to hear what you think.