A/N: I wrote this ages ago. (If it's any indication, the creature spells were still written as "Summon _" at the time.) It's pretty silly, and pretty terrible, but it always amused me for some reason.


Summon Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
over many a black and dangerous creature of an evil hand
While I pondered far from napping, suddenly he started tapping
my opponent started tapping, tapping all his swampy lands
"Tis some scheamer," thus I muttered, "Tapping all his swampy lands,
What does he have in his hand?"

I knew something he was brewing, in his mind a plan was stewing
but I didn't know what he was doing until he played his cards.
Eagerly I wished for islands, vainly I thus wished for more lands
but there were none in my hand, my hand was very, very sucky
and I knew that I would lose if I did not become quite lucky
and I glared across at Bucky.

For he'd played his Summon Raven, for I knew he was no craven
that his chin be neatly shaven even at this evil time.
So that now to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating,
"You will find that I am beating Bucky at his evil game
If you look you see I'm beating Bucky at his evil game
If you look I see the same."

Unholy Strength pulled out Bucky, for surpassing me was lucky
Thus he played upon his Raven with the mana from his lands
and again he started tapping, and so gently he was tapping,
and so faintly he was tapping, tapping at his mountain lands
that I scarce was sure I knew it when he played what's in his hand-
I nearly fainted to my lands.

Then I knew I was in trouble if I didn't start thinking double
nor would I think to burst his bubble by wishing for more lands.
But that Bucky was now finished and I knew that I'd be finished
if that Raven didn't vanish soon before it pecked at me.
I groaned in my mind but didn't find a way that I could see
This guy would quickly finish me.

Back toward my library turning, all my mind ourpouring, burning
soon again there came a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "Surely that is something I will play thereat is
I will play this Island that is now within my hand
Let my heart be still a moment while I tap this land
Let me see what's in my hand..."

Down that here I flung the card, but with many a window shard
in there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least black mana gave he, not a minute stopped or stayed he
but with beak of bird or lady perched above my mountain lands
perched upon a busted palace just above my mountain lands
perched and sat and nothing more.

Then this evil bird beguiling my sad card game into smiling
by the grave and stern black faces of the evil beak it wore
"Though your chin be shorn and shaven you," I said, "Are sure no craven
That you summon this black raven wandring from the nightly shore.
Tell me what his lordly name is on the night's Pizzeria shore."
Squawked the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear there talk so plainly
though his answer little meaning, little help to my game hand
for we cannot help the sucky that had cocky dared play Bucky
when his cards are not so lucky that he hasn't enough lands
for the Raven merely sat there on the busted fort above my hand
whose name he says is Nevermore.

And the Raven sitting lonely on that busted fort spoke only
that one word as if he cared for nought but sitting o'er my lands
Nothing more that Raven squawked, not a feather did he balk
till I quietly there talked, "Other friends have come before
come tomorrow he will leave me as my friends have gone before.
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled by the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken
"Surely," said I, "What it squawks above my filthy mountain lands
comes from some unhappy master who was followed by disaster
which came faster, faster, faster till his songs one burden had
Till the sad songs of his heart that ever-coming burden had
of Never-Nevermore."

And the Raven still beguiling my sad card game into smiling
straight I wheeled a box of cards in front of bird and busted fort
then while sifting I was lifting several great cards from the box
but the Raven snatched them from my hand and gave them to Bucky
who was really quite lucky while I was more sucky and mucky
that he croaked then "Nevermore."

Then I sat engaged in guessing but my mind was blank and messy
filled with the bird whose fiery eyes now burned into my brainless core.
This and more I sat there puzzling, while that Bucky was embezzling
card by card my whole collection while the Raven stared at me
Stealing my entire collection while the Raven stared at me!
That foul fowl squawked, "Nevermore."

Nevermore shall you play Magic for you've fallen fate so tragic
that the Raven he was summoned for the fowl intents of Buck
"Wretch!" I cried, and fouler words yet, "Your black deeds you get!"
Then I screamed poetic nonsense from the Raven's blackling presense
for he wouldn't let me think right while he was attached to me.
Squawked the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet," said I, "Thing of evil. Prophet still if bird or devil.
That Bucky sent to rob me of my cards! He takes my lands and hands
he takes my Zombies and Skeletons. Fowl Bucky get thee gone to Hades!
I don't know what fowl beast made these, but get this bird from me!"
I kept shouting rhyming nonsense from the Raven's evil presense
Then he said, "Nevermore."

I think I had better end this ere that Raven ekes my presense
to the fowl words of my soul. That he trembles, that he pauses
on the threshold of my clauses, Bucky cleanly slips away.
In my mind I wish the day would never dawn on his black fray
but the Raven archaeizes my fowl tongue until the dawn
I'll be trapped here evermore!