Coffee & Scissors
She's sitting there, all alone, staring into space.
Black sweats and an oversized dark blue sweatshirt have replaced the wedding dress and Tori absentmindedly wonders when she had the time to change in her hurry, or where she got the clothes from in the first place. But that really didn't matter now.
It didn't take long for her to find the dark haired beauty here. After all, this was their place. This park held so many special memories for both of them. It used to be their safe heaven, the place where they could be with each other and not worry about anything else. Although, this might be the first time Tori ever saw the park in broad daylight, with laughter everywhere and birds loudly chirping.
Jade still hasn't seen her standing there and Tori decides not to approach her yet, her heart beating way too strongly now. She settles for looking at her from a distance, watching her look to the ground and pick at her nails which – Tori guessed for the sake of the wedding – weren't painted black today.
She seems to be totally lost in herself, but when two kids loudly run past her she looks up, watching them and even smiling a little. Then, her eyes meet Tori's and everything around them seems to blur, the only clear sight they have being each other. She doesn't do anything but sit there and look at the brunette, seemingly waiting for Tori to make the first move.
And she does.
A soft smile is sent Jade's way as Tori slowly sets into motion, approaching the raven haired woman sitting on the park bench. Blue eyes never leave her as they watch her sit down, and Tori bites her lip and wrings her hands together, the nervousness practically punching her stomach and she clears her throat, not really knowing where or better how to start.
Jade smiles at the bundle of awkwardness that goes by the name of Tori Vega and decides to make it a little easier on the brown eyed girl. She looks away from her and leans back, taking a deep breath and burying her hands into the pockets of the big sweatshirt. She lets out a sigh and squints when she looks up into the blue sky, the sun heavily shining down on them.
"You know…a lot of brides would kill to have such a beautiful weather on their wedding day. And now look at me: running away from my own wedding. A shame, isn't it?"
"Well," Tori sighs, "I think that completely depends from whose perspective you're seeing it." They both smile and Tori can't remember the last time they were so relaxed with each other. But she could definitely get used to this, she thinks, when Jade starts to speak again.
"I was hoping you'd come looking for me."
"You did, huh?"
Jade lightly laughs and Tori smiles brightly, wishing she could hear that sound more often. "Why do you think I came here? I knew the first place you would look for me would be… this park."
Silence envelopes them, Jade looking straight ahead, watching all those people around them, while Tori settles to watch Jade. So many memories flash before her eyes. Their first kiss, their first night together, the many times they said 'I love you' to each other. Just by looking at her, Tori is send to outer space, to a universe where the only person that matters goes by the name of Jade West.
"I think he knew."
Jade's voice brings Tori back into here and now and she lightly shakes her head, having not quite caught what Jade had said. "I'm sorry, what?"
Jade glances over at her before looking back straight ahead. "I think he knew. About…about us, you know. I think…he knew that we weren't going to get married today." She sighs and purses her lips as the familiar frown replaced the eased expression on her face. "I mean…I don't know for sure but…he didn't really look surprised so…" She shrugs her shoulders and another sigh escapes her. "Just a wild guess."
"Jade…" At the mention of her name she looks back up at Tori, two dark eyebrows rising in question. Tori's eyebrows crease together and she cocks her head, her eyes almost getting lost in the light blue-greenish color of Jade's orbs.
"Would you…would you have married him if…if I didn't come to the wedding today?"
Tori doesn't really know why she asked that. Maybe she wants to be entirely sure that Jade doesn't regret her decision or maybe she simply is just curious. Jade looks at her for a moment, her eyes scanning over Tori's entire face until they rest back on her brown ones and she slowly nods her head.
"Maybe. I think so, yes."
Tori nods and looks down, swallowing the heavy lump in her throat as Jade looks away from her again. "But," Jade adds and Tori looks up again, "that probably would have been the worst mistake ever and I would have regretted it as soon as I would have said yes."
Blue eyes meet brown ones again and Tori notices the sprinkles of green in Jade's eyes, those eyes she would love to drown in.
"Because I love you."
It feels like all the air is knocked out of her body as Tori hears those words out of Jade's mouth and they repeat over and over in her brain, Jade's clear and soft voice jumping off the walls in her head like a bouncing ball. Tori takes in a shaky breath and smiles. Through her blurred vision she sees Jade smiling back at her, soft eyes watching her struggle with her feelings, but before Tori can say anything, Jade speaks up again.
"So thank you. For destroying my wedding and everything." She winks and Tori laughs, shaking her head at her. "Don't you put the blame on me. I didn't do anything other than looking at you."
"Yeah, well," Jade looks down at her hands, gripping the edges of the oversized sweatshirt she's wearing and looks back up, the joking look in her eyes gone. "That was enough for me."
Jade feels Tori shift closer, her eyes never leaving hers, and then, Tori lifts her hand, pushing exactly the same black strand of hair from Jade's face that already bugged her when she was getting ready. "So what now?"
Her soft voice almost makes Jade shiver and she smiles and lightly shakes her head, Tori's hand nearly burning the skin on her wrist where it is resting. "I don't really know," she admits and Tori smiles.
"What do you want, Jade?"
She doesn't have to think twice about it. Sitting here, looking at Tori smiling so softly at her, everything is just so damn clear. This is where she belongs. With Tori. She knows that now.
"I want you."
But then, her smile slips and Jade sighs and slides away from Tori, breaking every kind of physical contact between the two of them. "But…before I can be with you…I have to talk to Beck. I just need to…you know…clear everything up between us." Jade carefully looks at Tori, hoping she would understand that. To her relief, she smiles and nods her head.
"Do you…Can you understand me there?"
"Of course I do. He deserves that."
Jade nods and looks at her nails, shrugging her shoulders. "It's the least I can do, I guess."
"You're going to be okay talking to him? I mean, are you okay now? I know it must have been hard for you to…leave him like that so…are you alright? It's fine if you aren't. You can tell me."
Jade looks up and sees the concern written all over Tori's face and she smiles to herself, thinking back to the thoughts she had about Tori and Beck being like Coffee and Scissors. That she thought that only Beck could make her feel safe and that she will always need him. But now, as she is looking at Tori, who is looking back at her so worriedly…she knows that Tori can take Beck's place. She definitely can be both. Coffee and Scissors.
Her eyes focus back on Tori, who's looking at her warily. Jade laughs and shakes her head, her eyes twinkling when she looks back at Tori. "Sorry. No, I'm fine. Perfect even."
They smile, nothing else but them mattering to each other in this short moment as Jade cups Tori's face in her hands, leaning in until their lips collide. The kiss is slow and soft, and it's nothing more than a long peck but it's enough for both of them. It's full of promises and hopes and wishes, all the things that now, can finally come true.
2 days later.
"Are you ready?"
The voice of her brother's girlfriend seems so distant, so far away, as Jade and her stand in front of the brown wooden door that would lead them into Beck and Jade's apartment. The feeling of someone wrapping a rope around her throat overcomes her and her stomach turns at the idea that she will have to face him today, the first time since she left him standing at the altar.
They hadn't talked about it, even though they might should have. Communication had never been an easy topic in their relationship. They fought and made up or simply ignored the problem until they forgot about it or didn't care about it anymore. But that's how they are. That's how they always were. But now, it's time to face each other and Jade doesn't know how she should handle that.
"Jade. Is everything okay with you?"
Diana softly touches Jade's arm and turns her towards her, worried brown eyes searching her face. Jade's own wide eyes focus on Diana, her heart practically pounding in her throat. She takes a deep breath and begins to shake her head. "I-I really don't know. I'm just…" She pushes out a harsh breath and runs her hands over her face before shaking her head again. "No, you know what? I'm okay. I'm-I'm okay. I'm glad that you… Thank you for coming with me."
The brunette smiles and nods, her head motioning to the door. Jade lifts her hand, fear pulsing through her body as she finally knocks, her knuckles hitting the wood three times. The door opens almost immediately and Beck stands in front of them. Jade has to take a second look, at first not being able to recognize her former fiancé. His eyes look directly into Jade's and he looks so tired, dark shadows underlining his red eyes. His hair, his hair that always was sitting so perfectly on top of his head is all over the place today, he probably didn't even bother to run a brush through it.
"Hey," he drags the word out, his eyes flicking over to Diana before they settle back on Jade. "You didn't have to knock. I mean…you could have used your key."
"I know but…I saw your car outside and you were supposed to…not be home when I was coming to pick up my things so…" She presses her lips together and shrugs, "I thought I should better not… use my key."
He nods, running a hand through his already tousled hair as he steps aside, motioning for the two women to come inside. The door softly clicks shut behind them and the three of them stand in the middle of the living room, an awkward silence settling over the room until Beck clears his throat.
"Don't worry. I'll be gone in a minute. I just forgot something, so I came back and…" He laughs uncomfortably. "You can pack up your stuff without any interruptions."
Jade nods, averting her eyes while Diana mumbles something of going into the bedroom to start packing up there. Beck and Jade remain in the living room, standing face to face but neither of them really know what to say to each other.
"So," Beck speaks up, breaking the silence for the second time, "are you and Tori…are you…together now?"
His eyes look into Jade's, and he looks so tortured from simply asking this question that Jade doesn't know what to tell him. Her mouth opens and closes, all that escapes her mouth a breathy "I…". Beck nods and she feels her heart constrict when she sees tears gathering in his empty eyes.
"Beck, I…You can't even imagine how sorry I am. I never…" She steps closer and lifts her hand to touch his arm, but she stops midair, thinking that her touching him would probably hurt him even more. "I never meant to hurt you."
The bitter chuckle that escapes his throat almost surprises Jade and she catches the single tear that rolls down his cheek before he quickly proceeds to wipe it away. "Well, that didn't work out so well, did it? I guess… I guess I just can't compete with Tori. I never could." He shakes his head and Jade hears him swallow harshly. Then, his eyes find her again and she feels her heart cracking, his eyes so desperate that she has to look away.
"Did you ever love me, Jade?"
Light eyes snap up to look into dark ones and the moment the question left his lips, Jade felt even worse than she did before. How could he not believe that she loved him? To think that, in all those years, he probably always doubted her love for him, tugs at her heart and she nods her head vigorously.
"Yes Beck, I did! I really, really did and I still do but…just not… the way I should love you. More as…as a best friend."
He tilts his head and bites his lip, nodding his head. "Okay," he simply says and smiles, and although Jade knows it's forced, it means so much to her. "I…let you get your stuff now." Jade nods and turns away, shifting her attention to the DVD's and CD's on the shelf under the TV.
She looks up from her crouched position on the floor, Beck standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets. "Do you think that maybe… someday…we could…" He trails off and Jade watches him ring for words. "I mean…my life wouldn't really be complete without you in it, one way or another and-"
"I would really like that."
They smile at each other, genuinely, and as she watches him disappear through the door, Jade thinks that maybe, her and Beck could start over. As friends. Of course she knows she hurt him, and he'll probably need quite some time to heal. But the possibility of a fresh start, only the sheer thought of it, made her smile as she packed up her things.
And as her and Diana leave the building that Jade called home for a little over two years…she doesn't feel troubled anymore. She doesn't feel scared. Because all she can see is Tori's smiling face. She can hear her loving voice ringing in her ears and feel her calming touch.
And that is enough to reassure her.