AN: IMMMMMMMMMMM SSSSOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYY! :/ RL has been… as much as I hate to say it, but it's been a bitch. Updates will start regularly again! I actually have time around my school, work, and family. This is a verrrrryyy short chapter! I know I know! Im sorry again, but I wanted to get at least something out before I loose all of you guys! Expect a chapter, either Sunday or Monday, a much longer chapter!
Chapter 18: The Talk
As I paced my room, I put my loose curls in a bun. Loose hairs still fell, but I was too nervous to care. Edward was downstairs waiting for me, I told him I was going to get some sweats and a tank top on and I'd be right down. I didn't want to have this talk with him, as much as I knew it was needed, no matter how many times I convinced myself that Edward and I were meant to be together, I wasn't sure what would happen in response to this conversation. I could lose or take my mate. Things would change because of this conversation.
I finally got the courage to go downstairs. When I got to the end of the stairs, I turned to face Edward. He was sitting down on the couch; thinking intently on something. It was at times like this I wish I could read his mind. He got up as soon as he realized I had entered the room.
"Please, sit down," I gestured to the couch, where he was just sitting at. He sat back down. I sat down next to him, "so, I figured we could take turns on asking questions; we have to answer them 100 percent truthfully, no matter what the answer is,"
He nodded. "You can go first if you want," he said.
"Ok," I thought for a second, then I had an idea, "Do you actually believe I still love Jacob Black?" I pressed.
He nodded, "Yeah, you don't stop loving somebody, Bella; you don't just wake up and stop loving them."
"Edward, I stopped loving Jacob Black along time ago, I truly did. I only love you," I took a big deep breath of the useless air.
He nodded, I could tell he processed and understood what I just said, "My turn?" I nodded in response. He thought and thought. The room became filled with silence. I don't know if this is a real thing, or if this is even possible, but I honestly have never ever heard silence quite that loud. The silence said things that words couldn't. "Have you forgiven me?" he asked seriously.
Had I? It thought about it for the longest time, finally I sighed and nodded my head slowly. Then I quickly nodded my head, more sure of my answer then before.
"Thank you," he leaned in to kiss my cheek.
I scooted closer to him. "do you still love me?" I asked silently.
he chuckled, "that is the most ridiculous question I have ever heard." he scoffed slightly. "I could never ever stop loving you, it is as easy as breathing to a human for me to love you, Isabella, Do you understand what im trying to get across—,"
Before he could finish his sentence, I kissed him. I kissed him like he was the last water on earth and I was thirsty, like he was my last kiss on earth, like there was no tomorrow. His tongue asked for entrance and I quickly gave in. he kissed my just as eagerly. I leaned into him, until we were lying down. I was on top of him. We both not worrying about what was happening around us, hell Armageddon could be knocking on my door and I wouldn't care.
I finally pulled away from him. "I love you too." I said silently.
He reached into his pocket for something, and held it out for me. it was the ring. I gladly took it, "thank you," he said.
We both sat up. "I guess we should start the wedding planning…. or I should say Alice should start the planning," I laughed.
He took my face in his hands, "hey, there is no rush, if you want to wait we can,"
"Edward, I've always felt out of step—like, literally stumbling through my life—I've never felt normal, because I'm not normal. I don't want to be. I've had to face death, and loss, and pain in your world but I've also never felt stronger—like, more real; more myself—because it's my world, too. It's where I belong. so I don't want to wait, I want to be tied to you in every way possible."
"ok," he said quietly.
And I did want to marry him as soon as possible; I've never wanted anything more in my life. Edward was mine and I was his, he didn't understand my love for him. He had changed, so had i. everything was different now. I was ready for what ever would be thrown at us; I would never let Edward go.
"Do you wanna watch a movie?" I asked hesitantly. I got up from the couch.
"Sure, what did you have in mind?" he got up with me; I shrugged not having a solid answer. "Well, let's go look,"
"Ok," I took his hand and we led each other to the movie room I had.
He chuckled as soon as we got in my movie room, "what?" I asked wanting to know what was so funny.
"you have so much movies," he laughed again, "I just wondered how we would fit all of these when we got a house together," he smiled.
I chuckled, too, "we aren't getting ride of any of them so when we find a house it has to have a lot of spare rooms so we can fit all my stuff in." I paused, "well, your stuff too."
"That would be perfect," he smiled, looking through all the movies.
After about 5 minutes of looking through all the movies, we finally agreed on the newer version of Pride or Prejudice. I popped it into the DVD player and I sat down beside Edward. "Why are you sitting so far away?" he asked, I gave him a confused look. Then suddenly I was sitting on his lap as he held me on the couch. "This is better," he smiled and kissed my neck.
As we watched the movie, I had realized that THIS was in fact what I wanted; I never would ever want anything else in my whole life, the song I wrote for him (when I look at you) was true in everyway, Because I knew that every time I looked at him I was home, Isee forgiveness, I see the truth, and he loved me for who I was. I loved him for who he was now, more then ever.