The warning no one heard.
You hear the stories. You hear the stories of high school sweethearts who fall in love when they're sixteen and that's it for them. You hear about how they met, and how it was love at first sight. You hear about how they end up married fifteen years later with a couple of kids. But what you don't hear, is all that stuff in between. Surely their ride to living happily ever after had bumps along the way. But they don't tell you that when you hear the stories. You just hear about all the good stuff that happens. And then you expect that your story will be the same. But most of the time, it isn't; in fact, it rarely is.
I'd known it was going to be hard. When you spend almost everyday with one person, and then all of a sudden you're hundreds of miles apart, it's obvious it will be difficult to adjust; difficult being my focus here. I had known it would be difficult, but now it's beyond that. No way is this simply just 'difficult'.
At first it wasn't too bad. Looking back now, I guess it was just the excitement of New York and NYADA that was clouding over everything else. Although we were unable to room together, Rachel and I helped each other move our stuff into our new dorms. It was so exciting; meeting so many new people and attending classes that were actually enjoyable and that I actually wanted to attend. Blaine and I Skyped that first night, and then every second night after that. We were both bummed about being so far apart, but we were managing.
I can't really remember when it started. When the ecstasy from being in New York began to fade and the reality of how much I missed everyone back home really set in. I imagine it was somewhere around the time when I was given my first solo in my Classical Broadway elective, when I just wanted to see Blaine and tell him about it and wrap my arms around him in excitement to alleviate the sheer joy that was practically radiating off of me. But I couldn't do that. Blaine was in Ohio, and I was in New York. So instead, I sent him a happy text telling him all about it, adding a couple of extra "xo's" at the end.
Or maybe it started when I went out for dinner with Finn and Rachel for Finn's birthday. We went to this quaint little corner restaurant that mostly sold European dishes. It was great to catch up with them – with all of our schedules, it was hard to find a time when we were all available – don't get me wrong, but watching them sit there across the table, with their finger intertwined and so obviously in love, really struck a nerve. How can they be so happy, while I sit here with a physical ache in my chest from knowing it was going to be at least another four months before Blaine and I could sit like that together? It made me think about how I wouldn't be able to see Blaine on his birthday this year, and it pained me, more than I would have thought, to know that couldn't change.
It was like it had been creeping up for a while and then all of a sudden, BAM! I missed Blaine. God, I missed him! And I wasn't coping. I was in New York. I was actually living my dream. I was supposed to be having the time of my life. Instead, I spent a shameful number of nights with my fist stuffed in my mouth, trying to stay silent while sobs racked their way through my body. I wore Blaine's old Dalton jumper to bed, more often than not, in an attempt to make it feel as though there was a part of him with me.
Perhaps it was these moments that should have hinted to someone that something wasn't right. Perhaps these were the warnings I was subconsciously sending out to the world that I wasn't coping and that I was in desperate need of help. But they went unheard. And nothing was does about it. And so it only got worse.
It got worse to the point that, on Blaine's birthday, I wanted nothing more than to tell him how much I missed him and that I needed him with me and that I would do anything if we could just be together right there and then. But it was his birthday. I didn't want to ruin our Skype date by rambling on and on about how I was feeling lonely, and then probably end up making him feel guilty. I didn't want that.
So when it came time for me to log on, I put on a brave face; my party hat sat atop my head and my party poppers in hand. The party poppers which fell from my grasp as a grim-faced Blaine appeared on my laptop screen.
"Honey, what's wrong?" I asked in shock.
Our eyes met as Blaine let out a sob that almost broke my heart and said through tears, "it's my birthday. It's my birthday and I can't even feel happy because I haven't seen you in three months and I just miss you so much..."
And that's when I let go of my composure and let my tears fall freely.
Hey guys, thanks for reading!
After many months of solely reading Klaine fics, I decided to jump on the bandwagon – and this is what happened. Oh, and I got a tumblr! So come and visit me at: emlovessid . tumlblr . Com and say hi :)
Please review and let me know what you thought! Also if you have any prompts or ideas, send them my way :)