DISCLAIMER: See Chapter 1.
A/N: SORRY! I know this is late, but bear with me. If you're reading this you probably are, having endured two chapters already. Or you just skipped ahead. Which I don't recommend: it WILL be confusing. Anyway, hope you enjoy the piece, and read its partner Smile, Harry! By PhoenixFlameGinny67
Ronnie! Over here, chap, by your mother's knitting!
I had to head off to work, but I wanted to let you know that you got a letter from "Snuffles," if you know what that means. It's with this one, but make sure you burn it or something afterward. I give you permission to use the Muggle shredder, just to see how it works. When Fred and George came down this morning, I mentioned it to them, and they smirked and mumbled something about fireworks being out of the question... Make sure they stay within reason. Or at least do whatever outside.
Speaking of which: We're having guests tonight, so make sure everything's in tip top shape.
Hope you're doing well. Apparently you've heard I am too, which is all fine and good, and I'm glad you're reassuring Harry about his godfather, but even still, try to mention me in your letters as little as possible for now. With the whole maze rebirth thing, alerts are going up, and a scared Ministry will be on hyper-alert. I know you're referring to me as Snuffles, and you're just saying a blurb, but I want to remind you. And I don't want you to get in trouble if anything gets found.
I've sent a similar letter to Hermione, so you're on the same page. If you could tell your sister too, I'd be thankful.
By the way, give her a wink for me, and tell her good job reaching out. Hope she isn't distracted by hormones, like some OTHER friends Harry has.
You are going to AZKABAN. You're mentioning the conditions of a man who is on the run. Someone at the ministry just a bit less idiotic than you will figure it out and send you to Azkaban. Along with your parents, siblings, Harry, Hermione, Professor Lupin, Dumbledore... And anyone else you are connected to that probably knows quite a bit about it. And the worse part: Snape won't be going with you.
Hoping you use your brain,
THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION, in close association with Sensible Suggestions at your Service
Oh dearest brother, could thou look over next to the pile of papers?
Right, so, RON-
Dad gave you permission to use the paper shredder! We would like you to take this opportunity to do some much needed experimentation. For instance, shredding some paper dusted with Pit's Pyro Paprika. We promise that it (sadly) will not harm anyone, so it's alright, you can decline for safety all you want- it won't change a thing.
Fredrick and Georgius
(Names can't be too embellished, even if you change one a bit)
Er... By the shredder, then?
Why did you need me to do it again? I should think you're capable of pulling a button, or hitting in a few letters.
I don't need to do that, right? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TIPE!
SO... I'll do it, but only if you clean up afterward. If you don't I'll blame you for the whole thing.
We're very un-sorry for your recent injury caused by our idea; it wouldn't harm anyone with an ounce of consciousness. We do apologize for the grounding, but again, using your head, you could have decided to not listen to us. It was your choice to put a known explosive into unknown machinery and see what happened.
Get Well As Soon as You Start To Think,
"SO... I'll do it." When have those words ever been reassuring when you are doing something for you brothers? You're fifteen years old- we reckon the 3,562 pranks they've pulled on you could teach you something by now.
Prove us right someday.
The Always Think Twice Before You Do Or Feel Anything At All Association, researched and co-written by The Memory Trigger Association
P.S. We're owling your files to the Always Think Sixteen Times Before You Do Or Feel Anything At All Association. Farewell!
Sorry. I reckon it must be hard. Hey, I'll have Mum send you some food, okay?
...Never mind. Ginny's already done that. Speaking of which, you've written to my little sister more than you have to methis summer! What's up with that?
Anyway, sorry we can't tell you anything, security and all that. You'll be with us soon, though. Have you heard from Hermione yet? I reckon she's still a bit put out with me.
I dunno what you mean, mate! What betting pool?
Snuffles is fine, by the way. I thought you'd like to know. And Percy's still a great big prat.
Nah, it's okay. It's me who should be apologizing. I was a bit of a prat in my last letter.
Well, sorry. We're friends. I'll write to you more often if you write to memore often, you great git! What, are you skimping on parchment now?
No, I haven't heard from her. Strange, really, I was expecting rolls and rolls of parchment on how to grieve properly and such rubbish. And where's the admonitions on not doing my homework? I dunno about you mate, but I'm beginning to worry.
Oh, really? Then why is it Ginny's managed to slip me bits of information? Yeah, great ruddy security. Why do I have to be stuck here anyway? And don't give me that "It's-the-safest-place-for-you-Harry!" rubbish. I'm not a completeidiot, despite what seems to be popular belief.
No comment, Ron. You'll have to figure this one out yourself.
Good, I just got a letter from Snuffles. Haven't read it yet. Yeah, Ginny told me. I was sort of hoping I'd be hearing that he'd swallowed his pride and come crawling back by now. Let me know when thatmiracle happens!
P.S. Tell your Mum thanks for the food. It was fantastic, as usual.
Well, now that you've poked fun at my friends, blamed me for your problems with siblings, and gotten me in trouble with our best friend's godfather, your life is complete. You can go on to vacation in the Americas if you'd like (I recommend the southern end), get doted on by flirtatious flight attendants and hotel staff... Because my life is ruined, I give up...
You can be as rude and dim as you want. I will persist.
Your Unaffected Friend,
So hope you enjoyed, and even if you didn't, review regardless. Flames kind of suck, so try to have a point if you're poo-poo-ing me. I haven't stolen any of this from anything except Smile Harry, so no plagiarism screams either. Keep checking for new chapters, and have a nice day. Th-th-that's all folks!