I do not own Phineas and Ferb or R2D2. Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode.
Hail Doofania Bloopers
Heinz scowled down at the picture of his brother on the front of the daily newspaper. "Look at this, Norm. My brother Roger has been elected mayor! Look at him. He's honest and reputable and-ow! Paper cut! It stings, it stings!"
"Cut!" the director shouted, rubbing his brow in irritation. "You weren't supposed to tear the newspaper up, Heinz!"
Heinz sucked on his bleeding finger. "Well, excuse me for expressing my creativity as an actor!"
"You are such a drama queen," Norm piped up from his spot behind Heinz's desk.
"Shut up, you giant trash can! Keep it up and I'll convince the director to replace you with R2D2!" Heinz threatened. "Don't think I won't!"
Isabella skipped into the Flynn-Fletcher kitchen. "Hey, Phineas. Whatcha eatin'?"
"Footy Rwaigo Fwakes," Phineas slurred, trying to talk around a mouthful of cereal. "'Oo ant ome?"
Ferb rolled his eyes. "How charming."
"Cut! Phineas, swallow before you speak, okay?"
Phineas quickly swallowed his cereal. Unfortunately, it went down the wrong tube. Phineas coughed violently, sinking to the floor and clutching his throat. Ferb quickly dropped his spoon and dropped down beside him and did the Heimlich Maneuver.
Isabella winced as a glob of mushy rainbow cereal splattered on the floor. "Ew...gross."
"I'm okay!" Phineas wheezed. "I totally got this."
"Are you sure you don't want to take a break?" the director asked.
"I'm fine! Let's do this!"
"Whatcha eatin'?" Isabella asked as she entered the kitchen. Her foot slipped and she tumbled beside Phineas' chair. "Ouch..."
"Dude," Phineas giggled and helped her up. "You okay?"
Isabella blushed. "Yeah, sorry. One more time!"
Heinz and Perry were fighting along the edge of a building. Heinz waved his umbrella and went for the lunge. Perry groaned as Heinz tripped and toppled over the edge, going into the sandpaper factory instead of him.
"Cut! Heinz, Perry was supposed to be the one who falls!"
"Oh, you think that was deliberate?"
Vanessa looked down at herself in disgust. "I look like a walking candy cane. I mean, how many-" She shivered violently and dropped her cellphone. "Okay, seriously, either get me a jacket or turn down the A.C. I'm freaking freezing."
The director sighed. "Somebody turn down the A.C! We're on a schedule, people!"
"Whatcha doin'?" Norm asked.
Doofenshmirtz arched an eyebrow. "What does it look like to you? I'm building an evil empirrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeee!"
Heinz screamed as he slipped off of the steel beams and hit the ground. "Ouch...I think I broke a rib."
"We can't cover all of your accident insurance, Heinz!" the director warned.
"I just don't want anyone to see me in these clothes," Candace complained as she got out of the car to hold the door for her mother.
Linda rolled her eyes. "You think you feel ridiculous? I'm carrying a jackalope-oof!"
Candace giggled as Linda struggled to fit the lawnmower through the door. "Uh...you might wanna try holding it the other way."
Linda turned the lawnmower around and tried again. "Hey! It worked! Thanks sweetie!"
"Mom, I'm at the docks. You gotta get down here right away," Vanessa exclaimed into her cellphone.
"Cut!" the director called. "Sorry, Vanessa. Could you be a bit more enthusiastic?"
"Yeah, I'll try."
"Mom! I'm at the docks!" Vanessa cried, jumping up and down. "You gotta get down here right-"
She let out a yelp as her foot slipped on the wet wooden dock. "Ouch...too enthusiastic?"
"Too enthusiastic," the director agreed as the camera crew burst into laughter.
Jeremy walked up to Candace. "Whoa. Candace, are you going Goth now?"
Candace gaped. "Uh, uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it in that I'm wearing it right now and that I am attached to it in a very physical way and I am totally screwing up my lines right now and I need to start over."
"Uh, Uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off."
Candace paused and stared into space. Jeremy grinned. "No clue what to say next?"
"Not a single clue," Candace muttered. "Seriously, why do I get the long rants?"
"Hey, try memorizing my script once in a while!" Heinz hollered from off set. "It's like, two pages of backstory!"
Candace grinned sheepishly. "Good point. I got it easy."
"Uh, Uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off. No, no, no. But...I mean...uh... Hey Heinz! Wanna fill in for me?"
"I do see. What a cute little city. Oh, and it's soft." Charlene squeezed the plush model too hard and it popped. The two blinked as the felt littered the wooden docks.
"Uh..." Heinz drawled. "How did you manage to do that?"
"I have no idea."
"Hey!" Carl cried, storming on set. "Do you know how long it took me to make that thing?"
Charlene flushed. "Sorry, Carl."
"Mow, mow, mow, and my heart starts pumpin'. Chicka-chicka-choo-wa, never gonna stop. Gitchee-gitchee-goo-Carl! You missed your cue!" Francis snapped.
"Well, excuse me! The director wants the Doofenshmirtz scene finished by next week, and I gotta make a whole new plush model!" Carl snapped from off-screen.
"Geez, touchy," Francis muttered.
Phineas glanced down at Perry. "Perry, I almost forgot. It's the end of the day. You don't need to wear that thing anymore." He grabbed hold of the collar and tugged. "It's-it's not coming off."
Ferb grabbed the collar as well and started pulling. Isabella frowned and helped, but the collar would not budge. "Okay, who put super glue on Perry's satellite dish?"
Heinz cackled from off set and Perry chattered angrily.
"Come on, Heinz!" Phineas complained. "Seriously!"
"Uh, Uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off. No, no, no. But, I mean- I didn't want to put these- I-I want to put clothes on, but I- It was a mix-up, Okay? The dry cleaners and a- a jackalope lawn mower, and- Do you like it?"
"Cut! Great job, Candace," the director called out. "It only took thirty-five takes, but hey. We got it done."
Candace pumped her fist in the air. "Victory!"