I do not own Phineas and Ferb. Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode.
Happy Valentine's Day!
That Sinking Feeling Bloopers
Phineas and Ferb gazed at the surrounding landscape from the deck of the massive cruise liner. "Now this is a ship," Phineas said, pleased. "My, she's far. Is she ready to sail?"
"It's yar," Ferb corrected.
"What's yar?" Phineas asked in confusion.
"Your line. It's yar instead of far?"
"What the heck does yar mean?"
"I don't know! But it doesn't matter, just say it."
A dubious expression crossed Phineas' face. "Are you sure it's yar?"
"Did you read your script?" the director demanded in exasperation.
"I skimmed, but I think I'd remember seeing the word yar."
"Will you knock it off? Stop questioning the writers," the director ordered.
"It's not my fault the writers put weird stuff in the script. And you wonder why we screw up all the time."
"Oh, yeah, because your screw-ups are the fault of the writers," the director snorted. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."
Baljeet stood in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth.
"Baljeet! The Patels are here!"
"Mmfmming!" Baljeet spluttered, toothpaste foam dripping down his chin and globs of spit splattering onto the mirror. "Mmf muuhh oothsstee."
"Spit the stuff out before you try to talk!" the director snapped. "Or else you'll-"
Baljeet started to gag, clutching his throat and his face twisting up in disgust. The director rubbed his forehead tiredly. "…swallow it," he finished.
"Romance?" Baljeet repeated.
"Yeah. It's this thing that girls apparently go crazy for. Give 'em free food, some candles, a stroll on a beach, and bada-bing. You got a girlfriend for less than fifty bucks."
"Phineas!" the director cried.
Isabella, who was observing off set, gave a roll of her eyes. "And that is why he'll never have a girlfriend."
Francis and Carl began a round of Band Smash, matching the colours on the screen with the buttons on their respective instruments. The director arched an eyebrow when Francis made no move to throw the game, resulting in the game booing at him. "Francis, you're supposed to be horrible at this."
"Hold on, I just want to beat Carl's butt, then we can shoot the scene," Francis said hastily, his fingers speeding over the coloured buttons.
"This isn't a fun house, people! We got work to do!"
Just as the words left his mouth Phineas, Ferb, Buford, Baljeet and Isabella came tearing by on golf carts in what was obviously some sort of race. The director watched them speed by silently before dropping his megaphone.
"Is it time for me to retire yet?"
Baljeet rocked back on his heels as he waited for Mishti to come to the door.
"Hey, Baljeet!" the girl greeted cheerfully. "What's up?"
Baljeet thrust a bouquet of flowers in front of her. "Um, if you do not already have plans for the-"
A bee popped out suddenly from the flowers, buzzing in irritation. Mishti shrieked and raced off, the bee chasing after her.
"Baljeet!" the director scolded.
"I did not plant it there!" Baljeet protested. "I promise!"
"Ouch! It stung me! Someone get a bandage!"
The director flopped back in his chair. "Well. I guess we won't be getting Mishti back here anytime soon."
"Was that Candace on the phone?" Lawrence questioned.
"Yeah. She probably doesn't know we're in the living room," Linda answered.
"So, what do you think?" Lawrence began blowing into the pink tube again and Linda attempted to keep a straight face, only to dissolve into giggles.
"I'm sorry, but I think this the most random thing we've ever done."
"You think this is random? Just wait until you see the scripts for the upcoming episodes," the director muttered under his breath.
"So, what I'm going to do is move the lighthouse all the way to the other side of town!" Heinz explained, slapping the lighthouse in a different location on his scale model of Danville. "The boats will follow it, as moths follow-wait, did I already use that metaphor?"
"It's not a metaphor, Heinz," the director interjected.
"No! It's a simile!" The director cried. "Sim. I. Lee."
Phineas snickered from off set. "I think I know someone who failed English in school."
Candace snapped her phone shut in irritation. "Well, they've gotta come back sometime, and when they do I'll be standing right here ready to bust them."
Three seagulls flew over and landed on her body. She scowled and flapped her hands madly. "Will you-? Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow! One's stuck in my hair! It's pulling-OW! Help help help help!"
"Oh, Phineas, this is so romantic," Isabella sighed dreamily, leaning over the railing and embracing the sea air.
Phineas smirked and gave the girl a shove, sending her flying over the metal bars and into the water below. "Yeah, I'm the master of romance all right."
"More like the master of getting death wishes." The director shook his head.
"This food is really good, do you not think so?" Baljeet asked, moving his spaghetti around with his fork.
"Yes…I guess so," Mishti answered reluctantly.
Before Baljeet could finish his line the rope holding Buford aloft snapped, sending the burly boy crashing to the table and smacking Mishti in the face with his foot. "Hey! Wasn't that supposed to happen a little later on?" Buford demanded.
"Remember your cues, people!" Baljeet added. "We managed to get through this without laughing, and someone gets a case of the slippery fingers."
"Yeah…we're definitely not gonna be seeing her again," the director sighed, staring at Mishti, who was holding her nose in agony.
"I hope Perry the Platypus appreciates all this hard work," Heinz said hopefully, painting the last piece of his scale model.
"He-" Vanessa began, strutting past Heinz. Her boot snagged on the edge of the carpet and she fell forwards, smacking her head against the floor. "Won't," she finished dazedly.
"You had two words!" the director had to shout to be heard over Heinz's howling laughter. "You're in this episode for five seconds! All you had to do was walk! I swear, if this takes more than two takes, you will see me lose my mind."
"Too late," Vanessa said softly.
"I don't get it," Phineas said in puzzlement. "We've tried everything in that romantic movie but nothing seems to work. The orchestra, the petals, the love song. The only other thing they did in that movie is sink the ship."
The lighthouse flew by in the instant, soaring right over the ship and high into the sky. The director stared blankly after it before turning to his special effects crew, who in turn were staring at the remote control.
"…oops," the head of the crew said meekly. "Wrong button."
"Phineas, where are the life preservers?" Isabella cried anxiously.
"We don't have any!"
"We've got 'Fun Preservers'! Hit it, Ferb."
Ferb pressed the button, but nothing happened. Eyes wide, Ferb frantically checked the battery compartment. It was empty.
The shrieks of the extras drowned out the swearing of the stars and the director.
"Okay everybody, to the 'Fun Preservers'!" Phineas cheered.
The extras attempted to keep happy expressions on their faces as they jumped into the tubes and sped down the steep water slide. Isabella sauntered behind Phineas and gave him a shove, sending him tumbling at a rapid pace down the slide, his pained yelps mixing with the sound of rushing water.
"Who's the 'master of romance' now?" Isabella called tauntingly.
"Phineas! Isabella! Stop trying to drown each other!" the director scolded.
Candace and Jeremy were silent as the orchestra played, rose petals raining down on them and Buford swinging above them. Before Jeremy could utter his line, the rope supporting Buford snapped once more.
"Who's in charge of the ropes?" Buford demanded, straggling to his feet. "How much of a genius do you have to be to hold a rope for three minutes?"
"It's not the rope that's the problem," Phineas spoke up from off set.
"Well, then what is the problem?"
A sly smirk crossed the redhead's face. "Your weight."
As an angry Buford chased Phineas all over the studio, the director slouched against his chair and sighed. "I try to do a Valentine's theme-ish episode, and all I get in this place is a frightening amount of vengeance and violence. What kind of a kid's show am I running?"