TC Stark: Before I get on with the chapter, I must let everyone know...this is the last chapter. Don't kill me! I thought it over and I mused over making this two chapters. But, then I thought that the two would be incredibly short and dull. So, I merged the two together. It's not the longest story I've written, but I feel its deeper than anything I've ever written. I'm proud of it and I think that its reflected by all of you followers. I'm not sure if I should do a sequel. What do you guys think? What would you like to see in a sequel? Thank you for everything!I love you all!
Disclaimer: I only own my ideas.
Natasha didn't watch cable television often. Most programs were trash and there was only so much of the weather channel she could take. So, the agent was pretty surprised when she decided to watch Sex and the City. SHIELD had been particularly slow and she had already worked out. None of her books appealed to her in that moment and she wasn't about to watch a man eat bugs.
There was a lot of stupidity she didn't understand, but there was something she could relate to. It just happened to be season three on. Natasha wasn't sure if she completely grasped the characters, but she understood that Carried was cheating on Aiden with Mr. Big. In retrospect, it looked like Aiden might be the better choice. It took a long time for the columnist to realize what she needed to do, but eventually she revealed her affair to her boyfriend.
It was time for Natasha to come clean. It was clear that she had feelings for Loki. He was the first person she had ever allowed to stay the night. She hadn't kicked him out and she hadn't walked out. In fact she had wanted to be near him. It felt good to lay in his arms and feel his heart beat against her ear drum.
It was wrong. As a member of the Avengers, she should have never gotten involved with the god. He had tried to destroy two worlds, attempted to kill all of them, and was successful in ending Agent Coulson's life. They had never gone out on a date and there was no way in hell she could ever let others know. Not that anyone besides him knew of her relationship with Steve.
Still, there was no denying herself. Had she ever been a noble person? She had been trained as the ultimate assassin. She had done unspeakable things and killed more people than she could count. Natasha should have known she could never be with someone as noble as the captain. She had fooled herself long enough. How could he ever understand?
Which was why she was outside Steve Roger's apartment. This couldn't last any longer. It was unfair. It seemed infidelity was quite common amongst relationships, but she wouldn't allow that. If she were to even open herself up to being with someone, it would be him only. Sighing almost nervously, Natasha reached out and knocked. The agent couldn't remember the last time she felt anxious. That feeling was foreign to her. But, it had been a week since she had even seen the soldier and their last encounter hadn't gone very well.
After a moment, the doorknob turned. Natasha could successfully say that this was probably the first time her heart pounded anxiously. She had been in many battles, stared death in the face, and had seen things most others couldn't fathom. Yet, she dreaded being face to face with the captain. Especially when Steve opened the door with wet hair and no shirt. She needed to remember who she was and not give into her basic instincts. Doing that was what got her into the situation she was in.
The Black Widow's presence seemed to put a smile on Steve's face, as he greeted, "Hey, Natasha."
Shit. Why was he so nice? He should have slammed the door in her face and told her to never come back. Though, why would he? To him, Natasha was his girlfriend who was dedicated to her job. Faking a smile, she finally spoke, "Hi, Steve. May I come in?"
He seemed all too happy to let her in. Happy to offer her a drink. Happy to have her in his apartment. If she were any other girl she was sure he would have even hugged her. That probably upset her even more. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't like that kinda of greeting. Natasha knew that if she didn't stop him, she would never do what she needed, "Steve...we need to talk."
How cliché was that?
Steve was in the middle of pouring a drink, when Natasha spoke those played out words. It was obvious he knew what was coming, by the way he slowly set down the pitcher of water. The captain may have been from another time, but he knew what that phrase meant. Inside she was cursing herself for using that phrase, but what else could she say?
Sticking his hands in his pants pockets, he walked around the kitchen counter and asked, "What's on your mind?"
This was it. Taking in a deep breath, Natasha began, "I wanted to apologize for kicking you out last week."
"Oh, don't," He waved her off with a smile, "You had a mission."
"No, I didn't. I lied."
This seemed to confuse the captain. He furrowed his brow in confusion, before looking back at her, "Why?"
Natasha frowned, "I don't know how to be in a relationship. At first, we were just friends who had sex. And I really wanted to explore this world with you. But...I'm not sure I can handle it. It became too hard for me. Too overwhelming. You're a great person and it would be nice to continue dating you. I tried to deny myself, but this isn't who I am. I am Natasha Romanoff. The Black Widow. I can't do this to you anymore."
Steve's words swam through his head. She hadn't really skated around the point. It was honest. It was something that she hadn't been with him in a while. And although she had killed plenty and probably destroyed dozens of families, this was the first time she was actually afraid to hurt someone. The captain had treated her nicer than anyone had before. It was just her luck that she couldn't accept his generosity. No, she had to care for someone like Loki.
Steve slowly sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, "I...kinda knew this was coming."
"Really?" Now she was even more upset that her inner turmoil had been able to be so easily detected.
"Yea," He nodded, "You seemed distant. I knew you were trying. I just wanted you to feel human."
He really was taking this better than she thought. Taking a seat next to him, Natasha asked hesitantly, "So...are...are you okay? I don't really know what the protocol for this is."
At this he smiled, "You really helped me, Natasha. I've really enjoyed the time we spent together. I feel I'm a little more ready for this world now." He didn't want her beating herself up.
"I did...I do...care...I just can't."
Steve frowned, "I know."
"So...you're going to be okay? With your love life?"
"I...I think so. I feel more confident. Thanks to you." He grinned over at her.
Well that was a relief. With a small smile, she turned to him, "Thank you."
Steve smiled while grabbing a hold of the redhead's hand, "Hey, I can't be upset. I'm happy to say I was able to be that close to you. To get to know you better. But, are you going to be okay?"
At this she raised her eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I feel I've grown. I'm going to be able to go out and...maybe one day I'll meet the right girl, but...what about you? Will you ever be able to find true happiness?"
Natasha thought about Steve's question all day. He had taken the break up remarkably well. There was no way that she wanted to hurt him. It was almost a relief that he had understood. She wasn't quite sure how she would react if he had been too upset. The captain was a great man and deserved to find a woman who didn't doubt her feelings for him. He was such a kind man that he expressed his want to still be friends. To still go out for drinks. They were Avengers and they needed to stay together. In a way it felt nice to know she had a friend other than Clint.
In another way it crushed her. Steve was going to be able to move on with his life. The captain may have not had much luck with women in his time, but she was sure he would be able to find someone in this time. With her help. Natasha had found that he indeed grew. He had become more confident and with his good looks and kind personality, he wouldn't have a problem finding a woman.
But, would she be okay? Even though he had just been broken up with, Steve still took the time to be concerned about her well being. She must have been a masochist to throw him away. Sure, they had had a great time together and had great sex, couldn't she be with him? No, that would be wrong. To both of them.
Natasha had known she had done the right thing. It was nice to know that she had been able to do something noble. Being an Avenger wasn't righteous enough for her. Sure, she had saved Earth from certain destruction, but it was all in a day's work. She was a trained agent working for SHIELD, where she used the same skills she did when she was an assassin. Whether it was Chitauri warriors or human beings, she was killing.
Being deep in thought, Natasha had somehow ended up in Central Park. Of course she had noticed her surroundings while driving, but realization of where she exactly was hadn't dawned on her until her mind stopped spinning. Steve and her had enjoyed themselves in this park once upon a time. But, Natasha wasn't that nostalgic of a person.
It was a nice day. The sun was shinning and she felt the warmth of the rays against her skin. It was almost enough to make her forget about what had just happened. She was alone in a secluded area of the park. Just her and her thoughts. Natasha could only hope that Fury had a mission for her soon, so that she could forget her feelings.
"Did you break up with him?"
She recognized the voice that broke her silence. Glancing over, she saw Loki standing beside her. How he knew where she was didn't matter. He was the God of Mischief after all. A sorcerer. What she did muse over was his attire. No Asgardian clothing or warrior armor. Rather he dawned a more Midgardian attire; probably in case someone walked by.
Loki's face was still; unreadable. His hands were tucked into his black pants pockets, as he shifted a tad uncomfortably. After clearing his throat, he asked, "How did he take it?"
Her eyes flicked up for a moment, before answering, "Better than I thought."
"Does that upset you?"
He would be lying if he said he knew how to read women. Natasha wasn't open with her feelings and neither was he. Not really knowing what to say in that moment, Loki went to take a seat next to her. He hadn't been able to get her out of his mind. No one had been able to break through as well as she had. Had been able to make him come to terms with his emotions. She had spoken and he had listened. And when he spoke, she listened.
Loki had thought he had the upper hand. Making her give in to her primal needs and show her true colors had been fun for him. That was until she forced him to show his true colors. He didn't want to enjoy lying next to her, but he had. In fact he relished in the feeling. Yearned to feel her body next to him. It was the first time he ever felt...whole.
Natasha's eyes shifted over to the god, who was waiting patiently. No pressure. No judgment. Just a fellow outcast, who hadn't any idea how to be normal. Looking forward, she explained, "He knew something was wrong. He was able to read me. He wasn't upset at all."
Confused, he asked, "Had you wanted him to react more distraught?"
"No," She shook her head, "I'm happy he will be able to go on with his life."
Silence fell upon them again. Neither knew exactly what to say. Natasha hadn't expected there to be a softer side to Loki. She hadn't exploded on him to gain pity or to crack him open, she had just broken. She was surprised to see that there was something deeper to the god than what was just on the surface. In essence they were one in the same.
Looking over at him, Natasha's lips tightened, "No one could ever know we are together."
Her words shocked him. The honesty and boldness of her statement. Before their little dance had even begun, Loki had thrown away the thought of even having a female companion. He envisioned himself as a ruler and the idea of a queen felt intangible. A woman could slow him down and he doubted he'd even find one to share his passion.
Loki knew if they were to continue whatever this was that no one could ever know. He had committed crimes that weren't going to be so easily forgiven. And while the sorcerer was ready to admit his love for Thor and Odin, he couldn't promise he would give up his devious ways. This had been the way he always was and he couldn't predict his next course of action.
For now it seemed Natasha had changed her ways. She would continue to justify her primal urges by working with SHIELD. They would continue to be on the opposite end of what was right and what was wrong. While she may have been the kind of woman that didn't care what others thought of her, he knew how big of a deal it would be if others found out.
"I don't care," He finally spoke, "I just want to be with whom I love."
Natasha glanced over at him. His face was serious and still. After looking him over, she admitted, "Me too."