Disclaimer: Fan made by fans for fans. I do not own these characters; JK Rowling does. Please don't sue.

Summary: He was your first love. T for language and mention of sex.

A/N: Thanks for all the reads/reviews/favs/alerts, you guys are wonderful!

A/N 2: Submitted to wujy's "Presenting the Second" challenge on HPFC


First Love

-x-x-x-x-

There's nothing you can do. You're smitten. He's just so tall and funny and looks so hot in his Quidditch uniform. Whenever he looks your way or smiles and says "hello", your heart beats fast, your insides melt, and it's bliss; you can't help but feel giddy the rest of the day.

But he'll never notice you because he's joined at the hip with his best mates, the Chosen One and the resident Know-It-All. And you may be jealous of the bushy-haired brainiac with a stick up her bum, but she's your dormmate. She can be nice when she's in a good mood, which is often because he makes her laugh. But when she's a right bitch and makes yours, and everyone else's, life miserable, you can't help but be a tiny bit happy because maybe now he'll stop looking at her and maybe, just maybe, he'll notice you.

-x-x-x-x-

You're the happiest person in the entire universe because the impossible has happened; he's actually yours and a goofy smile appears on your face as you imprint this glorious day in your long term memory. He played brilliantly (did you see that last save he did, he was magnificent) and his team won the game! Amidst all the celebratory cheers and hugs you just couldn't help yourself could you? You launched yourself at him and kissed him full on the lips, and wouldn't you believe it, after a moment's hesitation, his arms went around you and he kissed you right back. It was heavenly and wonderful and... a bit rough and sloppy and wet... but it was him and that's all that matters.

You're so happy you barely notice her muffled sobs at the other end of the room.

-x-x-x-x-

Your days are spent by his side; at classes, meals, and free time whenever you can. You attend his practices and do your homework together. He's not as smart as you thought (she's not helping him anymore), but he's not a dumb jock either and he's just as funny as always. He always has something to say; about classes, homework and prefect duties; how much a git the Potions Professor is; Quidditch and practice and you can't help but nod and smile and agree with him about everything because you feel the exact same way; it's so weird how in sync you two are.

When you mention the next Hogsmeade weekend and how you want to go to Madam Puddifoot's teashop, he shoots you down and offers up the Three Broomsticks, but it's not romantic, so you both settle on visiting the Shrieking Shack (maybe he'll hold you close and try to comfort you when you pretend to be scared). He tells you about the grand adventure he had there, when an infamous criminal tried to kill him, but it turns out the criminal was a good guy and was really trying to kill his pet rat who turned out to be a Deatheater in disguise. You're mesmerized by his bravery, even though the Werewolf Professor and Chosen One had to save him. But when he mentions how she helped him with his broken leg, you kiss him senseless because you don't want to talk about her and soon you lose yourself in his embrace and hope it's you he's really kissing.

-x-x-x-x-

It's almost Winter Break and you're dreading being away from him. They say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", but he's been quieter lately and you're afraid you're losing him; that you will lose him once he's away from you. So you do your best to cling to him even more, no matter how much he tries to avoid you and one night you give him everything because you love him and Oh Merlin, it hurts so much! And you ignore her name which he murmurs when it's over, because denial is more than just a river in Egypt.

He's your boyfriend, not hers. He loves you, not her... doesn't he?

-x-x-x-x-

He's been hospitalized and no one told you! You're only his girlfriend; you shouldn't have found out about it through the grapevine. But he's asleep when you visit him; he's always asleep and soon you're asking the Chosen One for updates and reassurance about your boyfriend and relationship because he won't talk to you anymore. And once he's released, he's friends with her again. You're scared and insecure and you don't know what to do, so you do the only thing that worked in the past, you kiss him until he forgets her. But kissing always leads to sex now and neither lasts very long and he's always leaving you to be with her. And although you do your best to grab onto him and keep him close, you can feel him drifting away, like swirling columns of smoke slipping through your fingers.

-x-x-x-x-

You're lying in bed, crying your heart out because he's no longer yours. He's a cheater and a liar and you're a fool for letting him play you like he did. Your friends want to help you; they tell you that he's not worth it, he's an insensitive arse, just a dumb jock, and there are much better guys out there; that she's nothing but a slut for stealing him away from you. But the pain is just too fresh right now and you just want to be alone. So you curl into a ball and cry yourself to sleep, hoping that it's all a dream; that he'll still be yours in the morning.

-x-x-x-x-

It's not a dream. He's not yours. Maybe... he never really was.

-x-x-x-x-

Time passes. One day turns into one week. One week into one month. Two. And so on. They say, "Time heals all wounds". Sadly, you discover they're right. The pain, the anger, the loneliness; it all slowly fades away. But all too soon it's replaced with fear; war is among us and you do your best to survive. You can't help but worry about him (you'll always care); he's out there, somewhere, fighting the good fight. But war helps put things in perspective and you realize now that he's not your Prince Charming; you two were never meant to be. He may have hurt you excruciatingly, but you had some good - great - times together and he's not a bad person.

So when he shows up with his best friends in the Room of Requirement to save the world during the School Year of Hell, it's déjà vu. You launch yourself at him, just as you did back then. But this time it's just a hug; a validation that he's alright, that you're alright. You're back to being friends again. And you're okay with that.

He was your first love, after all.