My first attempt at Legend of Korra fandom. How much do I love LOK? Omg, omg, omg...
I apologise in advance for the lack of proper em-dashes; I'm on my husbands computer, and I don't know where linx keeps its em-dashes. Also, his desk is full of empty beer bottles, cheese wrappers, and general dirt and disarray; this has no bearing on em-dashes, or lack thereof, I am simply bitching.
Title: The Things Her Heart is Trying to Tell Her
Sum: The past twenty-four hours have been brutal (her first date! Her first kiss! With two different people who happen to be brothers...and her teammates..and her only friends; one of whom already has a girlfriend), and what weighs on her more than her anxiety over the Fire Ferret's upcoming match with the Wolfbats is the fact that Korra is one shitty avatar.
Written post episode five:)
She's sitting on top of the air temple and she's looking at the stars, which wink at her, as if to mock her; as if they are saying, look at the avatar who doesn't understand her own destiny; the things her own heart is trying to tell her.
Korra juts out her chin at the sky, defiant; petulant. Damn stars, Korra thinks, what do they know? After all, by the time a star's light reaches the earth, the star itself is most likely dead, burnt out, kaput; and though she knows it's useless to have a hissy-fit over starlight, Korra glares, and scrunches up her face, and wishes she could muster her super-human bad-ass avatar strength to tear down the stars from their place in the sky, just to prove her point that stars are stupid, and don't know anything, and damn it, no one trained her for this.
Korra rolls her eyes at her own antics and sighs, settling her back against the roof. The past twenty-four hours have been brutal (her first date! Her first kiss! With two different people who happen to be brothers...and her teammates...and her only friends; one of whom already has a girlfriend...dear gods what was I thinking?), and what weighs on her more than her anxiety over the Fire Ferret's upcoming match with the Wolfbats is the fact that Korra is one shitty avatar.
"Gods," Korra mutters, "I am one shitty avatar."
There. She's said it. She's proclaimed it to the stars, which continue to wink coolly at her in their remote orbits.
It's not the fact that she likes Mako (somehow, she knows; she knows that her and Mako go way back, like a past life or a dream of a past life that she can't quite remember, fragments that are precious and fleeting in her mind's eye). It's also not the fact that Bolin is the crazy awesome goofy younger brother that she's never had (in this lifetime, anyway). It's the fact that with her thoughtless actions, she's alienated two brothers-two orphaned brothers who are everything to each other-just because Korra sees the so-called "truth" and cuts through flesh and bone, stripping away all the veils between them until Mako (whom she loves, or thinks she loves, or...) shouts at her, and Bolin is bawling, scattering red rose petals in his flight, and Korra is left alone.
What kind of avatar is she if she can't even be kind to her own friends?
A breeze stirs off the water, and she shivers, because her hair is still wet from the shower; still, she does not move to get down off of the roof.
Maybe she's salvaged something by winning their last match in the quarter finals; maybe her desperate and determined bending defended something that should never have shattered, or split. Korra doesn't know; she hopes so.
"That's it," Korra muses aloud. "I'm done with this. No more dating teammates. From now on, it's platonic friendships only." Korra nods, fiercely. It's the only way to get through the finals, and it's the only way to keep her friends. Except that...
Except that nothing. Screw destiny, and the winking stars, and the little voice in her head that whispers, you know Mako likes you, you know; Korra doesn't care. She has more important things to do (winning pro-bending tournaments, fighting terrorists, keeping the balance of the world, etcetera, etcetera) than to moon over some handsome, snarky, infuriating fire bender-no matter how handsome and kissable he might be...
Right. It'll be easy. No sweat. She'll just have to forget how nice it was kissing Mako; how her heart felt all jittery and played the xylophone on her ribcage when his lips met hers-
Shut up, Korra thinks at herself. Don't think about that kiss. Just. Don't. Think about it!
Korra pries herself off the roof and stalks over the eaves to her open window. The white curtains blow with a breath of wind as Korra lets herself in, lets herself fall on her bed. She squeezes her eyes shut, and because she is the avatar (and awesome! And fierce!) she wills herself not to think about it. She falls asleep meditating, her mind free of any thoughts, like the buddha himself.
When Korra wakes in the morning, her curtains are still fluttering in the bay breeze, and Korra is smiling from a half forgotten dream of warm lips and flushed cheeks and it felt so right; it felt like my own destiny, as natural as bending, or breathing-
Korra shakes her head and throws herself out of bed, out of that gray area between waking and dreaming, and zooms down the stairs, ready for breakfast training meditating; anything to forget the things her heart is trying to tell her.