A/N: I am waiting for my family to hurry up, and get ready (going to see The Avengers) so I had this in my head and decided to write this. This is NOT a poem.

Sometimes I wonder…

Wonder if I'm wrong,

Wonder if it'll ever be,

Wonder if it's even possible,

My brain says no, but

My heart says yes.

I don't know what to do,

I can't stand not saying anything,

I feel like I'm living a lie.

I hate lying to her,

But if I tell her…

I don't know if I'll be rejected,

Or have my feelings returned.

I would rather stay her friend,

And be able to…

Hug her tight

Hear her secrets in my ear

Hold her waist

Sit super close to her

Share showers with her

Get goodnight kisses on my cheek

And sometimes…

Give her kisses when she sleeps

Watch her sleep,

And just be with her,

Apart of her life.

That's all I want.

That's all I ever wanted.

But, I want to be apart of her life,

In a different way than I am now.

I guess…

I want to openly love her,

With her love in return.

To not be judged.

To be accepted.

To not be called a freak.

Or not get those disgusted stares.

All that would happen if I told her how I feel.

I have her love.

Just…

Not how she has mine.

One day, maybe, just maybe…

I'll tell her how I feel.

And maybe, just maybe…

She will tell me she loves me too.

I closed my journal, and walked to the living room. I waited for what I prepare myself for every morning. I have become such a good actor lately. Maybe I should take drama next year. As I thought I heard my window open.

"Hey Rocky!" CeCe said coming over, and sitting on my lap. "Hey." I said sounding like my normal perky self. "How was your night?" She asked standing up, and grabbing my hand, taking me up with her. "Good yours?"

"Perfect!" She said leading me out the front door. She kissed my cheek and I kissed hers. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and we started walking to school together.

I wonder how much longer I can keep this up. Well who cares because if I ever get the courage to tell her, I'll probably talk myself out of it. "Hey Rocky, can we talk?" Oh great time to hear about her boyfriend…Deuce.

Welcome to my life…full of lies, lost love, depression, and wonder…I like to call it hell. That works well. Welcome to my life, I mean…hell.