I don't own any of the characters. Except for Cindy… I also don't own Harry Potter.
Anyways, sorry if this kind of gets confusing, I was up at like, 3 in the morning typing this on my iPod because this beautiful idea for a Drarry fanfiction came in to my mind and I couldn't let it get away. I actually wrote a great deal of this on my iPod.
(Edit Note: I'm going back through because I made a mistake, Harry and Ginny's first son isn't Albus, it's James... I made the mistake when I was writing it on my ipod and then never noticed, until today... I feel stupid, and sorry for the mistake!)
Something has been bothering me for a while. My inability to have children, to give birth. I've always known that Harry wants children. We've ignored it but to me it has always been the elephant in the room. The fact that someone I love so much wishes got something I could never give him hurts me. I would do anything for him, and I guess this is it. To break both of our hearts so he could have a wife, a family, a future more than just the two of us. Even if it was with that stupid disgusting Weaslette. Anything to give him that.
"Potter… It's over." I say, feeling my heart break with every word. I remind myself that this is for him, to give him everything above my own feelings. I know that this is unlike myself, but when it comes to Harry, it's different. I guess that it's just love.
"What do you mean, Draco?" Harry asks me. His eyes look dead, as if I've stolen his soul. I know immediately that he knows what I mean but he wishes and hopes that I don't mean that. I want to take my words back, because I'm hurting him, but what is better?- For him to never have a child call him dad or for him not to have me?- I choose for him, the first is the worst. At least we had now, but even with that consoling thought both hurt me, both realities I can imagine and the one that hurts me the most is the one that I can live with. Because this isn't about me.
"I mean this relationship. Don't you think this has gone on long enough?- We both need wives, children…" I trail off, hoping that those painful words prove a point.
"Look, Draco, I don't want anyone but you, and if this is about children I can go without, we could adopt even." Harry suggests, looking at me eagerly. Adoption is a possibility but I can't give up on this now. He'll be happier, he just has to trust me on this.
"Really Potter?- But what if I want that? A wife and a child in which are mine?- Not someone else's but my own, flesh and blood." I say, lying. None of this matters to me, I don't want that. I will never have that, I will never get married because without Harry it isn't worth it.
"Then there is nothing I can do but be miserable about the thought of you with a woman, the thought of you creating a life with her that I could never give you. Goodbye Draco." Harry says, leaving. And only once he is gone I allow myself to cry.
Merlin, I felt stupid, horrible even. To think that Draco had loved me when he hadn't. Maybe he never had. I wish again and again that I could live in that oblivion again. The one in which I thought he actually loved me.
Ever since Ginny found out that me and Draco are over she has begun to act like it never happened. Like we've never broken up and I've never left her for a man. I think I can live this way, with Draco away, a distant memory. Maybe I'll never love Ginny the way she deserves to be loved, but I love her enough to get married someday and live life the way Draco talked about the day we broke up.
Speaking of Draco, the last time I heard of him, he had left England, rumored to be on his honeymoon with a girl. If Draco can move on, so can I.
The day I asked Ginny to marry me should have felt like a good one. I was marrying the only girl I had ever 'loved', but it felt lie it was more for her sake than for my own. It was an obligation of duty, not of feelings. Ginny was happy, and that helped make it better. This was all for her anyways.
Yesterday news reached me that he and that Weaslette are to be married, I've never been sicker in my life. Instead of focusing on the fact that the man I love most is marrying a woman I despise, but on my work. It is quite a feat but it's something that I have come accustomed to, to letting the everything slip away but business. Me and Cindy are in America, which so far has not impressed me that much, with their love of coffee and sports that are just reasons to beat up another bloke.
Cindy, despite what rumors are flying about, is my business partner. As a woman who is married, nothing could go on, yet the ring on her finger and the mystery of who she is makes her being my wife the perfect lie. Most people, maybe even him, believe that she is my wife and that we are on our honeymoon. Not that I'd ever tell her that rumor was helpful.
Everyone is so excited for the wedding. Except for me. I feel horrible about that. Ginny deserves better, they all do. I don't deserve to become part of their family. I'm not worth the fuss. Because here I am, marrying a woman I don't love the way I should when I know perfectly well that this could be called using.
But what am I to do? Chase after a man who doesn't love me?- who is also married? Break my bride-to-be's heart? Make the only people who have ever felt like family hate me? Never. No one can know that this is all lies. That this is just me going through the motions in which they want me to, instead of myself pulling me through.
His wedding is less than a week away, and then I lose my sweet hero forever. He will no longer be mine, but hers. Hers with the children he's always wanted. And with that I'm sure he could be happy. At least with that this misery that hangs over me like a cloud can lessen. With him happy my own misery is meaningless.
Once again I find myself at this hopeless muggle bar, filled with deadbeats and drunks. Through I don't usually drink away my sorrows, not when my father went mad, not when my mother died, but for him, I shall. Anything to take away the loneliness that has become my life. There is no one left around for me anymore, not friends, not family, and surely not lovers. The only thing there is in consolance is the oblivion of sleep and alcohol.
I'm ready for my funeral- I mean my wedding, but who cares? It all feels the same. Without Draco this all feels worthless. I'm nervous, not because I'm afraid of mixing up but because I don't know what will happen next. If this will end in heartbreak or if I can live like this and maybe even be happy.
Even through I feel nothing but something a little more than sisterly love for Ginny, I have to admit that she looks beautiful, the perfect bride in her homemade, but none the less beautiful, dress. Everything was perfect, but instead of long red hair I wished for long blond locks, the ones that remind me of ice instead of fire.
As I lay in my bed, I imagine. I imagine what is going on right now, his wedding to that Weaslette, but also what could be if we were still together. Sometimes I can just lie in my bed, and I can almost feel him, smell him, beside me. Like he should be.
Sometimes I get angry at myself for doing such a thing. For giving him up, and for what? A life of loneliness while he makes offspring with that Weaslette. It sickens me, that I had done that to myself, to him. Until I remember the way he looked when he talked about children, the way his eyes lighted up and the way he seems to look like he'd make a great father. And only then is all of this alright.
"Do you, Ginny Weasley take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The man we have asked to wed us, I don't even know his name, and I don't care to either. I wonder what Draco is doing right now. If he even misses me, if he regrets anything.
"I do." Ginny says, happy tears in her eyes. At least one of us here is happy about this, I think, smiling down at her.
"And do you, Harry Potter, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" He asks me. This is the moment… The moment that Draco is no longer mine and I am no longer his forever. I become Ginny's and Ginny's alone.
"I do." I say loudly. Some people giggle and the serviceman says something about me being a very eager groom, making even me laugh. At least today has been a somewhat glorious day.
Today I open up the Daily Phropet, hoping to hear something, anything about the wedding. Of course, being his wedding, It's on the first page, leaving me wondering if our wedding would have been too.
Along with the story there was a picture. Weaslette, as even I had to admit, looks rather lovely, but it is him that steals the show away, looking dashing and handsome in his suit. It's no wonder that the wizarding world loves him, his looks and courage scream hero. It's also no wonder that both me and the Weaslette, now Potterette, love him with all our hearts.
Instead of feeling anger, or humiliation, I only feel sad for myself and happy for them. It's obvious from their photo that they are in love. That this is what should have happened and that all that had happened between him and I had been but a dream.
After many congratulations from various people, friends and family alike, through no Draco, not that I expected him, rumor has it that he and his wife are still in America. We get ready to head of on our honeymoon. Even through I am excited, even eager, about this, I cannot help the feelings that this is very wrong. That Ginny should be marrying someone else that only loves her and only her and that I should be with Draco, but I know that this is all I get and that I should take it and just live with it.
I need to accept that this is my life now.
Just as a little note, when this comes up "-/-/-/-" It means I'm changing from Draco to Harry or from Harry to Draco if you haven't figured it out, and the (number) means that I'm moving a little forward, I included it when I first started writing it, but I'm not sure if that'll show up in the next few chapters or not…. (In true me fashion, I've wrote a bunch of the story all at once and then will get writers block and then forget… Through generally I'm good about coming back and writing more if I can!)