I am tired of this, of you, my brother. Of how everyone in the family lets you get away with it.
You are arrogant, and cruel, and you don't seem to care about anything but yourself, if it was just that I think I could stand this still, but it's not. They cater to you, your every wish; they love you dearly and let you get away with everything.
I just can't take it anymore, the way our mother fawns over you though you barely notice, I am always there for her, and because of this I am not worth a glance in comparison to you. Worse still is our father, you are his darling little boy, and he adores you in a way that I cannot achieve no matter how I try.
You've always shadowed me simply because you are the loud one, if you are having a bad day everyone knows. If I am having a bad day, I won't tell a soul.
It's been festering for years, and I don't know how much longer I can keep it to myself, how much longer I can just let you walk all over me and everybody else in our family.
But you know what hurts the most, the absolute worst, is that no matter what I say or do, even if I stand up to you and tell you that you're wrong, they will side with you, our parents.
You are reckless, and they adore you for it. I think I might hate you dear brother, I still love you of course, I always will because you're still my brother. I still remember that boy I played with in the yard.
I wonder if you still think about when we were younger and spent all of our time together.
I suppose I understand why they love you so, why you get the most attention, they are afraid they will loose you. Our mother already has in some ways and she tries desperately to get her little boy back, and our father fears loosing the bond he shares with you.
I'm always there you know...I'm always trying to hold you all up, to protect, to help, to make it all better, to take every single burden onto myself just so that everything will be okay. But they don't appreciate it do they, I'm not even sure they noticed.
It's hard to manage it and it all only makes me think that maybe I didn't help, maybe you all don't need me, if I left, if I never came back, I'm starting to be fairly certain it wouldn't make a difference in any of your lives.
It's all the same. Friends, family, no matter what you do, they all abandon you eventually in one form or another. I'm not sure why I even care anymore.
You are all wrong, you're wrong – there is something broken in our family and no matter how hard I try, I can't fix it.
You take everything and give nothing back, not to me anyways, I guess you never had to. All of your affection is for our father.
It is the short small moments where you are my brother again that I doubt myself, doubt how I feel about you. But then only moments later you are back to the arrogant creature you have turned into.
Well I won't be like them, I won't do it. I refuse to cater to your demands out of some desperate need to be loved. Hate me, despise me, go ahead, I expect nothing else. I don't need the affections of others to live.
But I swear, someday, I will find a way to make you regret it. Because I love you brother, more than you could know, but you only deserve my hate from this point on.