Author's Note: I know, I know. I haven't gotten the others out but I will. It's just that I've seen a lot of fills and all of them has Loki knocked up and I wanna do something else for a change and I like Tony and him together and I'm rambling so I'll stop. And on this note, I love Coulson.
Warning: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS- not so much but still, SPOILERS! Tony's swearing.
I HAVE NO REGRETS! I DO WHAT I WANT! (ehehehe)
DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE. Well the plot for this story is mine. Not the characters or anything.
Summary: Tony had always been careful with who he sleeps with. Man or woman, he always makes sure that there will be no accidents. Still, who really knew how potent a frost giant sorcerer was in bed? Well, now he had some idea.
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Pepper was going to kill him.
'I believe Miss Potts would be the least of your worries, Sir.'
Right. Scratch Pepper out of Number One for Who Wants to Kill Tony This Week list and put her in a tentative Number Three spot with Rhodey or Coulson taking Number Two (if only because they'd bore him to death with the nagging). Fury would definitely get to him first, chew him out, spit his bones, crush it into powder and find a way to get him back just to do it all over again. Fraternizing with the enemy (former, anyway) and all that shit.
'Very melodramatic, Sir, but your imaginings do have some merit. I don't think it's possible to die of boredom without an external factor or revive a human from crushed bones though. Unless if Mister Fury asks Mister Laufeyson if it were possible through magic.'
Tony wasn't quite able to hide his flinch as he heard his name and boy, was that another can of worms he didn't want to deal with at the moment, especially when it came with a huge, blonde tazer with a brother complex (another possible contender for the Number One spot). More importantly, what the hell? Was he talking out loud again or did JARVIS suddenly have telepathic abilities?... If he did, that'd be so cool. An AI reading your mind... Creepy but still cool. Oh, and it was Odinson now, not Laufeyson, according to Thor.
God, he needed a drink, a good strong one, preferably a whole bottle, maybe two. But he'd been sober for the past three months and he'd never been more relieved he'd let them (including him but nobody really had to know about that except for him, JARVIS and himself... possibly Odin, too, but, yeah... best not to think about that) bully him into it- supposing that this situation was the real deal.
JARVIS thankfully pulled him away from his train of thought. 'It is the former, Sir. Even I find the idea of being able to read minds- yours in particular- daunting and just as "creepy" as you say. On another note, I would gladly update the data on Mister Laufeyson but having two Odinsons would be quite confusing.'
Tony rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. "Alright, smartass. I just thought it was cool. I don't want you to take over my head or anything." Now, he heard himself talk which was a lot better than before. Damn, he missed the sound of his voice. "Just call them Loki and Thor. Don't worry, they won't mind."
'Wouldn't dream of it, Sir. Really. And as for the two Odinsons, I don't want to be rude. That is your default configuration, not mine.' There was another pause. 'File on Loki Odinson has just been updated.'
"You and your snooty accent," Tony muttered in a huff before he turned his attention to the thin plastic lying on his bathroom sink and the possible consequences of this situation. "JARVIS, look up the average rate of accuracy in these things," he said, motioning to the plastic with a vague wave of his hand.
There was a pause of silence as JARVIS went about gathering information.
'If ideal conditions are met, the accuracy of those tests are up to ninety-seven percent, Sir. The sensitivity of the test determines the accuracy and most inaccuracies are results of errors in application or following instructions. Of course, given that you are most assuredly male, results may vary as these tests were made for females.'
"That makes sense. I guess I'll have to book an appointment with Dr. Jenner like Pepper wanted," said the billionaire thoughtfully. "JARVIS, contact Pepper and have her come here. We're going back to Malibu."
'Shall I turn on the face recognition cameras and record her expressions once you tell her the news?'
It sounded even more dry and sardonic when spoken in a British accent but it was a very good question. That'd be fucking hilarious!
"Hell yeah, that'd be fun to watch later and don't you give me an attitude, mister. I can still reprogram you. Maybe I'd give you a chipmunk voice," Tony threatened as his eyes strayed to two telling pink lines on the plastic.
'Is that what they call "mood swings", Sir?'
"Shut up, JARVIS."
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Pepper was thankfully finished with another meeting Tony skipped (the last one for today and she could finally have a nice, quiet night to herself, for a change) when JARVIS called (she thought too soon). She had just gotten into the car, told the driver to get her back to her apartment when her cellphone shocked the hell out of her with another Black Sabbath song. Damn it, Tony had changed her ringtone again!
"Yes, hello?" She snapped at her phone. "JARVIS? What? He wants me to go the penthouse right now? I'll come by later, I have to drop some things at my place first... What? It's urgent? JARVIS, everything is urgent with him. He can wait. Just thirty minutes." She paused, glaring at the car ceiling as if it were at fault for the untimely call. Then her eyes widened. "A medical emergency? JARVIS, get Tony to the phone, I want to talk to him. What? What do you mean, he doesn't want to talk to me? He wants to talk face to face?" She was getting really worried now. "Tony had better be having an aneurysm or I'm going to kill him when I get there. Alright, I'll be there. Tell him I am not happy with him switching my ringtone and you better have those cameras turned off."
She ended the call and looked up, finding her driver looking at her expectantly through the mirror. "You know where to go, Joe," she said and the driver, Joe, nodded at her with a slight smile. The car drove off and turned the opposite direction from her apartment through the busy streets of New York.
She wondered if this had something to do with the stomach flu he'd been complaining about and hoped that he was finally relenting to see Dr. Jenner, nevermind that she could come to New York instead of the other way around. It had been going on for the past three weeks and though she didn't show it, she was getting worried. Of course, Tony being Tony, he balked at the idea of consulting his private doctor and had said that he was going to be fine if he took a couple of days rest which Fury had surprisingly agreed to, if only because he'd be more of a liability on a mission.
She went past the glass doors, smiling briefly at the jovial doorman who always greeted her when she dropped by and went straight to the elevator. She listened to the horrible, catchy tune playing in the elevator for ten minutes before she reached the penthouse with an audible ding.
'Sir, Miss Potts has arrived,' JARVIS announced as soon as she stepped in.
The penthouse was just as it was the last time she visited (which was yesterday). It was spotless; furniture in all the right places, no random, freaky clothing on the floor. She didn't really know if she should be happy or having a panic attack.
She turned her gaze over to the granite island before the bar where all Tony's vintages were neatly stacked and routinely kept in stock. As far as she could see, no bottles had been opened, no sign that he had gotten anything to drink. Good, she didn't have to nag him about that.
"Hey, Pep, I'm over here!" She heard the billionaire shout from somewhere further in. "I'll come out in a bit. Make yourself comfortable and grab a drink. Oh, and I'll have some chocolate milk, if you don't mind."
Pepper didn't bother to reply and shook her head, dropping her purse and the several folders of documents Tony had to look over and went over to the fridge beside his wine cabinet. She couldn't help but smile in relief knowing that they were able to persuade him from drinking himself to oblivion and that he was keeping his word. She poured chocolate milk for Tony then grabbed the mango juice he kept there for her and poured herself a glass.
'Miss Potts, kindly put a funny straw in the glass. He seems to find it amusing.'
"He finds everything amusing, JARVIS," she muttered, knowing that the AI could easily hear her. She grabbed one, a crazy purple one in the shape of a car.
'He has become attached to the green one nowadays, Miss Potts. The one with the loops.'
"Well, he seems awfully picky with his straws," she said thoughtfully, placing the purple one on the sink and took the green one.
'I suppose it has something to do with his condition, Miss Potts.'
She started at that and looked sharply at the ceiling. "What condition?" she demanded. "JARVIS, is Tony really alright?"
"Hey, no spoilers," said Tony as he finally showed himself, still as casual as ever, wearing a faded, old t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He was beaming but Pepper knew him better than that and there was something in his eyes that was making her nervous. He was holding something behind his back and didn't look like he was going to show it to her anytime soon. "Um, you might wanna sit down for this, Pepper."
"Oh my God, Tony. What the hell is going on?" she asked as she approached and Tony led her to the large sofa in front of the ceiling-to-floor windows that he'd been thrown out of six months before. She placed the glasses on the low table and sat down, watching his every move, every expression for any sign of pain.
Tony took a deep breath, expression turning solemn as he dropped what he was holding on the table. She stared at it then looked up at the billionaire's face whose eyes were looking at a very attractive little speck on the table and refused to meet her gaze.
She turned back to the thing, noted the two pink lines and as a woman, she knew what it meant and she really didn't know what to say.
"Is this your medical emergency?" was the only thing she could think of to say after ten minutes of silence. "I thought you were dying or you discovered you had some kind of cancer."
Tony finally met her gaze with wide eyes. "Well, yeah, I'm fine. In a manner of speaking. I don't know what will happen in the next few months though. It was all very sudden."
She took a deep, calming breath. "Please tell me it wasn't that Italian don's daughter. You know how dangerous that is?" Tony just looked at her confused. "Are you being blackmailed? Did they threaten you? Are we going to have to do damage control? Did they want child support?" Then, she broke off because now she was thinking how troublesome child support would be. "I have to get in touch with your lawyers then because child support is tricky. Maybe we should have a DNA test first."
And she continued muttering to herself about the scandal, and the tabloids and how the stocks are going to plummet if Tony didn't handle these things carefully.
"Woah, there, Pep," Tony interrupted her mental note-taking. "Look, no one's pregnant. At least, no woman I had sex with is pregnant. I'm much more careful than that, you know that right?"
"Then what the hell is this supposed to mean, Tony?" she snapped at him, gesturing at the plastic strip on the table. "That's a pregnancy test! And I might not go around as much as you but I know how these things work and it's showing me a positive."
"Those are my results, Pepper," Tony said quietly, looking at her with wide, beseeching eyes.
"What? Tony, I really don't understand what you're trying to say," she said. "Unless, if you're telling me you somehow got pregnant?"
Tony's eyebrows rose a fraction, his head nodding a bit.
"If this is a joke, it is so not funny, Anthony Stark," she gritted out, attempting to stand and pausing as she felt his hand on her arm.
"No joke, Pep," he replied, looking straight into her eyes. "You can ask JARVIS."
'Indeed, Miss Potts, the test results are accurate. That one is only among a few that we've tried earlier today,' the AI informed her. 'Of course, we don't know for certain unless we consult a doctor.'
She took a deep, calming breath and sat back down. She had to be rational and composed. Tony could still be joking about this. "Okay, tell me. Did you sleep with a man?"
If what they were talking about weren't serious and strange, she would have laughed at the blush that suddenly stained his cheeks. She was going to have to ask JARVIS to give her a copy of this talk.
"Well, that answered that," she said smugly as he glared at her. "What possessed you to think that you could be pregnant?"
Tony thought for a bit. "Remember my, uh, little stomach flu?"
"Yeah, I remember." How could she not when everyone complained to her that they could hear Tony retching past midnight despite the soundproofed walls?
"Well, Clint said something while I was puking my guts out at three in the morning and I didn't really think about it until I casually read about other symptoms. I wanted to know if it could be possible but I didn't want anyone else to find out that I took it seriously so I moved out for a bit and here I am."
Pepper thought. "Okay, first of all, some of those symptoms could be mistaken for other things. Like you not sleeping for four days straight, living on coffee and locking yourself in the workshop. Second, you're a man, Tony. Men don't get pregnant. It's biologically impossible."
"What about magic? Do you think it's possible through that?" he asked her, voice low.
Pepper sighed. "I don't know. I'm not an expert on all things mystical. I suggest we go to Dr. Jenner and find out for sure. If you're still not satisfied, maybe you should ask Thor's brother for some ideas."
And cue a guilty flinch and the blush that was steadily rising up his neck to the tips of his ears.
She tried to rein in some calm. "Tony, who did you sleep with?"
He bit his lip and looked out the window. "Oh, you'll be very angry with me, Pep."
Please don't say Loki. Please don't say Loki. Please don't say Loki. Please don't say Loki.
"It was Loki."
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Author's note: And that is that. Hmm.. Any suggestions for other pairings? I am open to your ideas. I got this idea when I read another fic... I think it's with Darcy Lewis... but then I decided I liked the idea of Tony and Loki more (frostiron is my current OTP) and went with that. I read other fics with Loki being knocked up and I wanted him to get someone else preggers for a change.
As a note, I am not killing Phil here. I love him too much and he's such a fanboy, it breaks my heart. He never got Steve to sign his Captain America cards, for goodness' sake. (I'll prbably give him the opportunity sometime.)
First time writing for the Avengers so your reviews and feedback is greatly appreciated. Tell me if I did any of the characters justice, or if I should change something. Just got into the fandom, so I am acquainting myself with their stories.
No flames please.