Author's note : I am not sure what the heck I am doing anyway. So I had this idea in my mind for a while now and I decided to make it, just like an one shot, perhaps more if people like it.
Also, please note that Deadpool will have less of the 4th wall breaking thing here, since let's just say I want to focus on the story. Still, there will be pop culture references, can't have Deadpool without references. Also, most of the super hero folks are either dead or retired, just for the sake of the story.
Sheppard walked through the wet hall way from the dock bay, if you can call the tiny, and leaking, hall way a dock bay. Water dripped on his N7 armor, and Grunt just grunted (yes a horrible pun I know), while Garrus shrugged it off, not complaining one bit that his face still hurt and the dirty water wasn't making it any better.
"Who are we looking for this time Sheppard ?" Garrus asked, his fingers, or talons, whatever, fumbling on his omni-tool.
"Better be someone strong." Grunt clasped his hands together excitedly.
"A merc named Zaeed. He used to work for Blue Suns. Timmy Boy had given me his file. Impressive, for a merc. But we are not recruiting him."
"Who are we recruiting then ?"
"Zaeed mailed me, saying he knew someone just for the right job. Not sure who though."
As they reached the entrance toward Omega, Sheppard saw a man in his late 40 in yellow armor manhandling a Batarian. Considering this is Omega, it wasn't that strange. But Sheppard read the file and knew this was the man they were looking for.
"Sheppard right ?" The man asked, not turning away from the Batarian one bit. "Be right back." Zaeed kneed the Batarian in the stomach and followed up by an uppercut, promptly knocking him out. "There, peace and quiet." He said before turning back to Sheppard.
"So the Illusive Man looked me up, saying you are recruiting people for a suicide mission, and contracted me for the trip."
"Pretty much so yes. But you aren't joining ?"
"Hell, I am a merc, I kill people, and I am damn good at what I do for a living, even if I said it myself. But a suicide mission through the Omega 4 relay ? You better call the expert."
"And who is he ?" Garrus asked. "Or she ?"
"It's a he. And he is the best, if you wanna pull off that shit, he may be the only one ever walk out alive."
"I am not sure if you are exaggerating or just too crazy." Sheppard lazily commented.
"Oh I may be crazy, but what he did, made me look sane." Zaeed smirked. "Does the name Deadpool ring any bell ?"
Both Sheppard and Grunt remained calm, but Garrus was pale, if that was even possible, and started to stammer.
"You mean, Deadpool, as in the Deadpool ?" Garrus asked. "You knew him ?"
"The one and only. And if I knew him. Guy is a legend among the mercs. Anyone who had taken the steps into the world of mercenary know the name Deadpool."
"Care to explain Garrus ?" Sheppard asked.
"Sheppard, during my time in Omega, there was talk about one man clad in red who went by the name Deadpool." Garrus took his time to swallow. "He worked as a private contractor, and only took the most impossible jobs. Every time he came back alive to collect the creds."
"So ?" Sheppard wasn't impressed. A merc who had the success rate of 100%, that was rare, but it wasn't much. Zaeed for exemple, who could probably do the same.
"Now here I gotta interrupt you." Zaeed said. "I went with him on a few mission, just for the fun of it. Once he was swallowed by a Threser Maw. You know what he did ? Detonate 3 packs of explosive from the inside, and cut his way out with his sword."
"A good warrior." Grunt nodded. "I'd like to fight him."
"But that wasn't what made him stand out." Zaeed said. "I believe Archangel here knew one story."
"Yes I remember." Garrus sighed. "That day I was patrolling, and Zaeed was down at the slumps with Deadpool, I believe. An explosion occurred, and I was able to take out the arsonist. Deadpool and Zaeed took the attack, but Deadpool took the most of it."
"Guy pushed me away. Lost half my face and my right eye, but still better than burn to death." Zaeed told them.
"What about Deadpool ?" Sheppard asked.
"Here is the interesting part. He walked out, well more like limping out. One leg was blown off and half his face was gone and he was still laughing like crazy. Apparently his regeneration rate was shit load higher than a Krogan, he can regenerate lost body parts and he claimed to be immortal. After that shit, well I gotta believe he is."
Sheppard took a full minute to register what he had just heard. Either Garrus and Zaeed had both inhaled too much red sand on that explosion, or that was the very truth. Grunt was fidgeting with his hands, and was quite nervous, despite not wanting to show it.
"And then there was this one time, we were hired to storm an Eclipse base. He took 25 clips worth of bullets into his body, both his arms torn to shreds and he was armed with just a knife I help him put on his mouth before storming the base. Three hours later he walked out with the target's head in his mouth."
"Anything about him I should know ? Despite being immortal and all that ?"
"Guy is batshit insane, and I don't mean the good kind. He is a simple man, easy to motivate. The only three things you need to tell him is that there are money, violence and hot chicks, that's all you need for him to join you." Zaeed said. "And no matter what he appeared to do, he'll stick to the contract until it's done, unless you screw him over first, then you better watch out."
"When do we meet him ?" Sheppard asked. Zaeed took a look at his omni-tool before he answered.
"5 minutes, at Aria." Zaeed hoisted the unconscious Batarian over his shoulder. "Let's move."
Garrus and Grunt sat at the bar to drink and waited until Sheppard returned. In the meantime, Zaeed dropped off the Batarian in a very unceremonious way at the Mercenary post and walked to the waiting Sheppard.
"I'd transferred him the file and the money, he's all yours now. One last warning, you cannot control him, so don't try to even think about it. The last one who tried to do it, well, she's fucked."
"I'll keep that in mind." Sheppard nodded. "You sure you don't want to tag along ?"
"I still have unfinished business. Perhaps after I am done with this and you still need me, I'll reconsider. Now go, he is waiting at Aria's place."
"Hope to see you later Zaeed." Sheppard nodded before walking away.
There at the VIP room where Aria usually sits, there was a man. He was cladded in a red suit with two black stripes running on the side, a red mask on his face with two black blotches with two white dots in the middle where his eyes were supposed to be. Next to him there was a disheveled Aria who was trying her best to fix her clothes, which were a bit torn and tried her best to hide the blush on her face, but so far, she was failing.
"Heh, when Zaeed said the one who tried to control Deadpool was fucked, I never thought he meant it literally." Sheppard smirked. Aria shot him a dirty look before jerking her head, motioning him to sit down.
"If you aren't trying to save the universe or whatever crap you are selling you'd be dead." Aria said.
"Relax Ari." Deadpool said while stroking her tentacles, hair, what is it anyway ? "So when do we go ?"
"Don't you have a few question to ask to something ?" Sheppard asked.
"I am a merc, I read the mission, I got the creds, I do the job. No questions needed. Well, maybe some. Do you have any booze aboard ? And the food ?"
"Well, we have a bar. And a private chef. Is that all ?"
"I am a simple man Johnny. Well then, I am in."
"Welcome aboard mister Deadpool." Sheppard shook the hand, only for it to fall off.
"My bad, it wasn't fully healed yet." Deadpool said before picking it up and put it on his stump. "Anyone got some duct tape ?"
Sheppard rubbed his temple. He felt a headache coming up. Sheppard knew for sure he'd have troubles coming his ways.
Author's note : Well, sorry to end it here, but I wanna see how people welcome this story before going any further. If you like it, please reviews.