Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, this is a fanfic not for profit ect.

A/N: I should be updating this at least weekly, more if I get the chance. I wrote this towards the end of my other OUAT fic 'In a Land Far Far Away' as towards the end of that the Swan Queen interaction was getting serious and I wanted to write something funny and light and I just wanted to see what would happen if Emma came to Storybrooke as a young pregnant teenager and how that would affect things. It sort of took on a life of its own now...


Regina Mills glared at the pickup truck across the street. It was packed full of hideous mismatched furniture and black bags. She would have sworn that it was actually a dump truck but the fat blonde woman was moving everything out of the van and into the house instead of throwing it away.

It seems that the old cottage had finally been sold which made Regina grind her teeth. At least she could take comfort in the fact that the doddering old woman that lived there must be dead. The little shack was an eyesore. It had been bought when the town was much smaller and back then it would have been just outside the towns limits. Then Regina went and shifted an entire world of fantasy people into the town which lead to rapid expansion thus incorporating the dingy little shack.

Regina hadn't even known of its existence until this part of town's real estate value shot up and the bigger and better houses had been built here. If she couldn't have her damn castle she was going to have whatever poor substitute this world offered. The doddering old woman, whose name Regina didn't care enough to remember, had the great fortune to actually own the land and house. Instead of selling it and moving to Florida to die like old people in this world should do, she had clung on stubbornly to the house and refused to sell.

That meant that every holiday Regina was subjected to garish decorations. She did laugh when the old womans son nearly set himself on fire on one of his rare visits during the fourth of July. It seemed that the new calibre of neighbour hadn't improved. Quite frankly she looked like a hick.

She was dressed in a white wife beater that couldn't stretch over her fat belly and disgustingly left the skin hanging out. Her jeans were torn and the boots she was wearing- don't get Regina started on such awful footwear. She looks like she stole them of a homeless man who got them of a soldier.

Worse than that, as the woman moved back and forth unloading the truck an even more obese man stood leaning against the front smoking. He hadn't even looked in the woman's direction let alone offered to help. It seems that a couple of married hicks had invaded her neighbourhood.

Regina scowled one last time flinging the curtain shut. Sometimes she wondered what good being mayor was when she couldn't order beheadings like the good old days.


Six fifteen was dinner time. By six fifteen Regina sat in the last booth of Grannys with her back to the wall so she could judge the entire restaurant. It had a window with enough of a wall that she could sit back and not have the sun in her eyes. Beside her booth was the juke box that everyone had the good sense not to even contemplate playing when between six fifteen and seven in the evenings.

She took out her own utensils from their leather pouch and began to polish them with a disposable napkin. She had washed them thoroughly at home but she liked to shine them before eating. She found the simple motions relaxing and she liked seeing her reflection in the glinting teeth of the steak knife. They were actual silver with RM engraved on the handles because while she might be forced to eat with the plebeians it didn't mean she had to eat like them.

Regina sniffed and began to wash the table with a wet wipe. It was clean but you could never be too careful. After all, the one responsible for the cleaning cavorted with wild beasts regularly. Regina frowned and looked around for the cavorting harlot herself.

"-and that is how you refill the napkin dispenser," Ruby said walking backwards in those ridiculous red heels and pop socks that she thought was acceptable to wear to work. The short shorts were also tacky. "It's not rocket science, everyone here is really nice the only one that you should watch out for is-"

"Six twenty!" The chef dinged the bell.

Ruby to whirl around "Madam Mayor!" she exclaimed in surprise shooting a nervous glance at the clock "I didn't realise the time, I'm so sorry," Ruby cringed moving quickly to the kitchen bar and picking up Regina's meal.

It was Tuesday. Tuesday was rare steak, she liked it pink enough to see the blood, mashed potatoes and peas. Ruby laid the plate down in front of her and quickly ran behind the counter to get her jug of ice water. Regina also brought her own glass.

Usually that was about as much interaction Regina had with the outside world during her personal time. Citizens knew that between the hours of nine and five thirty she would listen to them cry all they liked but her own time was sacrosanct. Today however the fat blonde from earlier grabbed the jug from Ruby's hand and they both watched in slow motion horror as she poured the water into a plastic tumbler that the diner used. She set it down on the table sliding it across to Regina leaving a water trail across Regina's once pristine table.

"Hey, I'm Emma," the fat blonde tilted her head. It was like she was confused by her own name Regina thought her eyes narrowing. She gave a vacant smile "I'm new in town and I'll be working here from now on. I hope you enjoy your meal."

"And how," Regina hissed pronouncing each word deliberately because she wasn't allowed to rip peoples heart out in this world. "Do you expect me to do that when you've created a hideous mess at my table and expect me to eat off of it?"

"Madame Mayor," Ruby spoke up hesitantly trying to pull the fat blonde away. "She's new she didn't know any better-"

"What are you talking about?" The blonde frowned. "The water ring?"

"I suspect not knowing better is a frequent occurrence for this one," Regina fumed reaching into her bag for another wet wipe as she gave the water jug back to Ruby.

"Jesus," Emma rolled her eyes "its just a bit of water, here," she pulled a cloth out of her apron and thunked it heavily on the table. She jerked suddenly her free hand flying to her belly. The hand with the cloth suddenly jerked forward spilling the water glass over Regina's dinner and lap.

"Oh shit," Ruby breathed. She backed away hurriedly.

Regina shot up out of her seat looking down at her ruined dress suit. Her eyes jerked up angrily as Emma seemed frozen in horror. "You complete idiot!"

"I am so sorry, let me help," Emma moved the already damp cloth in her hand in an attempt to further humiliate Regina by rubbing in the stain.

Regina's nostrils flare as she smacked the hand away. "Do not touch me you utter moron!" She snapped gathering her things "I hoped you enjoyed your brief time in employment because this will be your last day. You should feel proud of yourself, you've managed to fail at a job a trained monkey and a brainless harlot can do without effort! Truly your stupidity should be recorded to wow the ignorant masses."

"Hey!" Emma growled "I said I was sorry!"

"As am I," Regina snapped throwing her coat over her arm. "Sorry that people don't have to take a test to have children in order to prevent useless wastes of space and talent from reproducing specimens like yourself!"

That really seemed to get to the other woman who flushed darkly. She moved as if she was going to strike Regina but Ruby grabbed her. Regina looked her up and down scornfully, she wouldn't expect anything else from a fat dumb hick blonde with a useless husband. She pushed passed them both knocking into the idiots shoulder on her way passed.

Being surrounded by incompetence was truly vexing.


She went home and showered. As soon as she was changed she got back into her car and took off for Granny's Bed and Breakfast. That damn pickup was still on the side of the road still half full and with cigarettes littering the ground around it. It only increased her anger as she drove. She threw open the door and the little bell clanged in alarm announcing her presence. Granny appeared from the room behind the Inn Keepers desk looking flustered.

"Madame Mayor! I heard about what happened, I am so sorry!" The old woman wrung her hands frantically.

"I don't want your apologies," Regina glared watching the woman shrink back "I want you to fire that imbecile or I'll sue you for negligence!"

"I'm so sorry," the old woman repeated "it was the girls first day, she's new in town and-"

"-And I didn't come for a sob story," Regina cut in placing both hands on the desk and leaning over threateningly. "Fire her or else."

"I-I can't," Granny trembled.

"Why not?" Regina hissed.

"Mr Gold asked me to give her the job," Granny spluttered out "he made it part of the agreement for lowering the rent."

"Excuse me?" Regina said narrowing her eyes. This was an unwelcome turn of events.

"I'm afraid its true," the bells above the door chimed more subdued now as if afraid to draw attention to themselves. Standing in the doorway was the little twerp of a man in one of his pin striped suits. "Ms Swan is part of my community project," Mr Gold smiled coming to a stop facing Regina and Granny. "I worked out a deal with Granny and Mr Granger who inherited his mothers house for her room and job."

"What community project?" Regina snapped suspicious.

"Oh, just a little project I help out with," Mr Gold give his thin lipped smile as he leaned forward on his gold handled cane, "trouble teens and the like. Emma has been in trouble with the law and my programme offered to help rehabilitate her and give her a better start. You know what it's like madam mayor, people make foolish mistakes and want to start fresh, become a new person almost."

"And how would I know that?" Regina turned her regarding him thoughtfully. It was things like that that made her wonder how much the little shit actually remembered.

"You hear about it all the time in the papers," Mr Gold waved airily his smile never faltering. "Ms Swan is just a product of her environment not a real criminal. I hope by bringing her here to make her home in Storybrooke it will agree with her more."

"That doesn't stop the fact that she nearly assaulted me and ruined one of my best suits," Regina tilted her chin up.

"Ah, Miss Mayor, have a heart," was that a smirk on Mr Golds face? "Ms Swans contract of employment officially resides with me. I'm afraid I just can't agree to fire her on her first offence. But rest assured that the money to replace your suit will come out of her pay check."

Regina drew herself up to her full height. "If this happens again-"

"Then I will take much harsher action," Mr Gold assured her with an oily smile stepping aside to wave her passed him.

"You won't be the only one," Regina promised as she walked out. That little shit was up to something she could feel it.


Regina entered the diner at six fifteen the next day. She glanced about her, there were two families eating in the booths and three individuals scattered about eating or drinking coffee. Emma was behind the counter at the cash register and when she saw Regina her jaw tensed. Regina stared at her flatly before going to her booth.

She began to wash the table with her wet wipes and then unrolled her eating utensils. "Listen, about yesterday," the fat girl shifted from foot to foot at the front of the table looking uncomfortable as she gripped her little notepad uncertainly. "I think we got off to a bad start. We both said and did some things we regret but-"

"I have nothing to regret," Regina said not even bothering to look up from polishing her fork.

"Seriously?" Emma snapped whatever patience she had quickly ran out. Short tempered, not at all surprising considering she had been in jail. "You don't think you over reacted even a little?"

"To which part?" Regina said looking up at last giving the fat girl another scornful look. "To the part where the idiot waitress ruined my table, or the part when she dumped my dinner and drink into my lap. Oh I know, how about when the little jail bird reared up and looked like she was about to punch me?"

Emma flinched looking horrified for a brief but enjoyable moment. "Who told you that I was in jail?"

"None other than your shifty benefactor," Regina snorted "not that it would have mattered, I know everything about this town. It was only a matter of time before I knew. By the way, that hideous pick-up truck is causing an obstruction. Not to mention an eye sore. Get rid of it."

Emma's nostrils flared and she puffed up indignantly but Regina didn't get to hear her response as the bell dinged and the chief shouted "six twenty!"

"That would be my order," Regina tilted her head expectantly.

"You haven't ordered anything," Emma bit out with a glare.

"I'm a regular customer not to mention very important to this town," Regina reminded her. She wished she had a badge to flash, one that said Storybrooke Owner; Regina Mills. "They know what I have to eat. Now fetch me my dinner-hopefully walking and carrying isn't beyond your skill set."

Emma growled but stomped away. Ruby came out of whatever corner she had been hiding in to fetch her drink. Regina smiled to herself as the chicken roast potatoes and carrots was set down in front of her. She ate her meal with her usual entertainment of complete and satisfying silence.

Emma was at the cash register as she went to pay. "How the hell did you ever get elected?" Emma asked as she rung up the total. Six dollars and sixty seven cents the same amount every Wednesday. "You have no people skills."

"I have skills for people worth my time," Regina responded handing over ten dollars. She always got back three cents, three dimes and three dollars, she liked getting the set of three numbers on the third day of the week. It was her more whimsical side coming out.

"I can't wait for the next election to roll round," Emma said hand outstretched with Regina's change "just so I can vote for your opponent."

"I've always run unopposed," Regina glared taking her change. Something didn't feel right.

"I might just run to give everyone an alternative," Emma half joked with a snort.

Regina looked down at her hand, three dollars, three cents, a nickel and a quarter. Her hand closed into a fist and she glared up at Emma "I think I'm more than a match for a fat dumb hick with a prison record."

Emma flinched and slammed the cash register closed with a bang "I might have been in prison but I'm smart enough to know the difference between someone who's fat and someone who's pregnant."

Regina recoiled her eyes darting down to Emma's stomach and back up in confusion. "Yeah," Emma sneered "who's the idiot now," and then she waddled away indignantly leaving Regina to her realisation.