Disclaimer: Means I don't own Uta no Prince-sama or any of its characters, songs, etc. It belongs to those wonderful folks at Broccoli!
"Dooohh…" muttered the drowsy teen as he craned his head away from the desk's shiny surface. An enormous puddle – no, lake – of drool occupied the space where his face was. Using the back of his hand, he wiped away excess saliva from his cheek. His laptop screen flickered as he poked the touchpad, interrupting his ridiculous screen saver. He leaned forward and groaned, "Did I ever finish that term paper…?"
A stern voice added from behind him, "It's about time you woke up. Those papers are due within an hour."
"Yeah, thanks, senpai," The red-head replied with a lower timbre in his tone, indicating his dry sarcasm. The older boy happened to glance over and catch his fingers ghosting over the keyboard. It only took a few seconds and he finished the closing sentence of his twelve-page exposition. "You worry too much, you know?"
"And you don't worry enough," His roommate answered and looked up from his book again, "though you seem to enjoy reading that trash more than the class materials…"
Otoya puckered his lips and ignored his friend's rude comment, browsing through the many stories that his favorite site had to offer him. Usually, he stuck to the 'games' section, but today he felt a bit adventurous and wandered into the 'anime' section instead. Nothing piqued his interest until he spotted their listing.
"Look, look!" He exclaimed with a wide grin and beckoned his friend closer, "There's a page on here especially made for us!"
Tokiya sighed and put his book down; at this rate, he wasn't going to get any reading done, so he might as well indulge his goofy roommate. His eyes widened as he read through the introductory paragraph of the first story that Otoya clicked. His voice shifted dramatically.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have to be at least thirteen to sign up for this sin-fest?"
His younger counterpart hummed in reply, "Yeah, why?"
"Then how do you explain this terrible spelling? And the grammar, where is it?" Tokiya spouted like a kettle boiling over. Otoya couldn't help laughing at him.
"Chill out. People just write this stuff for fun. That's why it's called fanfiction."
The dark-haired teen continued with his rant, "But that is no excuse for butchering one's native language! Don't the site administrators monitor this garbage?"
"Tokiya, it's just – "
The door swung open behind them and in sauntered Ren. The expression he wore was a delicate blend of confusion and sheer amusement. Before Tokiya could reprimand him for entering unannounced, he inquired as to the ruckus heard across the hall, "My, my, Tokiya, you do seem agitated. Did Otoya use you as an audience for one of his one-hit-wonders again?"
"We're reading fanfiction, thank you very much." The red-head snapped suddenly, shocking the two older boys. With a small huff, he turned back to his laptop and continued to scroll through the stories available. Another one caught his eye, particularly of a romantic nature.
"What the…" Ren's voice trailed off into nothingness as he read along.
Otoya exploded with laughter. "That is so not Tokiya!"
"Who is this Sakura Isabella Swanheart? I know of no girl with such an outlandish name…" Tokiya narrowed his eyes and continued to read. Snickers and giggles echoed around him as they all neared the end of the first chapter in which Evil-Clone Tokiya had taken the rainbow-haired heroine into his dorm room and made violent love to her. In the middle of the day. A school day.
Even Otoya was astounded. "Who wrote this crap?"
"What preposterous bullsh – "
"Easy, Ichinose," Ren cooed and pat his back, "remember the last time your blood pressure skyrocketed? I have no intention of dealing with another massive nosebleed or brain hemorrhage."
"What are you doing in here anyway?" The youngest of the three piped up and clicked on a different story to appease the raging, blue-haired beast behind him. Ren retained his silence for a moment, carefully pondering the reason why he barged into their room. His expression remained poised and thoughtful as he chimed,
"I suppose I just wanted to get away from Masato. He can be quite irritating when it comes to deadlines and such. I'd rather not deal with his drama on top of having to write my term paper…" His voice faded again when he noticed how unresponsive the smaller boy was. He cocked one eyebrow upwards and looked to Tokiya for some explanation, only to discover that he'd fallen into the same, death-like trance. His next question was obvious. "What's with you two?"
Otoya felt his stomach twist and churn as he tried to close his laptop. "I-It's nothing! Really, you should probably go bacK to your room before Masa has a litter of kittens or something!"
"You found some horribly distasteful story about me, didn't you?" Ren rasped and seized the laptop cover before Otoya could completely close it, "Why don't we have a look?"
Tokiya issued a final warning, "Believe me, Ren, you don't want to know what was so crudely scrawled across that screen…"
"Bah. How bad could it be?" The curious blond leaned over Otoya's shoulder and browsed through the first few lines of the supposed abomination. The spelling was perfect and the grammar immaculate. The details were short and concise. The dialogue was engaging. Ren could feel the bile crawling into his throat as he continued on. His facial features slowly morphed from interested to utter disgust. "Oh God…"
Otoya quickly closed his internet browser out as Ren made a beeline for the nearest trash can, clutching his mouth and stomach as he ran. "Would he ever do something like that to Masato? They don't even like being in a room together, let alone…"
"Some prepubescent girl acting out her nonsensical fantasies was all it was. That's all any of it was and will ever be. Period." Tokiya slinked away from the desk and retreated to the comfort of his own bed, to the beautiful reality his Music Theory book offered him. The younger boy shuddered and pushed his laptop away, sighing,
"I'm off of fanfiction like forever now."
Tokiya was cut off again when Syo poked his head into the doorway wearing a concerned frown. "Um, is there a reason why Ren is out on the floor cold with a ginormous pile of puke next to him?"
The two roommates glanced back at each other and gasped simultaneously, "Is he – "
"Syo-tan~" Natsuki's annoying voice sang from the place where the tiny blond had left him, "I think I found Ren's lung in here!"
Memo to Readers: This was one of the most enjoyable things I've ever written! Parodies and satires are so much fun~ Mind you, fanfiction is simply that and people will always write what they want to. I just wanted to express how absurd some of these silly little tropes really are (OCs, Yaoi, etc.) And for those of you who were lured in by the promise of a steamy Tokiya/Otoya midnight tryst: You shouldn't always judge or fave a story just because of a pairing. :P