Pasta, pineapples and Peter.
By The Next Alice~
3,047 words long. Whoa...
Disclaimer: I am pleased to inform you that after a hefty lawsuit, I do in fact now own HnKnA! Let's roll out the champagne! Only, I can't drink... *sigh* No, I don't own my lovely bishies. But I do own Lacie, while my lovely best friend xxxPureRosexxx owns Lexi!
It was a usual day at the Clock/Clover Tower of Wonderland, where the two newest outsiders had chosen to live (after a brief spell with Jokers, anyway). Lexi was innocently walking down one of the many hallways when she heard a muffled thud and a pained sounding "owwie~" after it. Curious, the girl opened the door into the room from which the sound had come and stepped though, her dark eyes scanning her surroundings. A badly made bed, soft toys scattered almost everywhere, a few books piled up on a desk… And a younger girl sitting on the floor, rubbing her sore head. A clean white bandage was wrapped around her face, covering her eyes.
"Who's there?" the girl turned in the direction of the door, her long hair brushing the floor as she did.
"It's just me, Lacie. Did you run into the wall again?" Lexi asked, concerned for her friend. Lacie smiled ruefully and nodded, "I wanted to get some cake from the kitchen, but I think I missed the door. This," she pointed to her covered eyes, "is going to take some getting used to."
About a week earlier, the two girls had attended an event: a special performance at the Joker Circus, the main attraction being Lexi herself as the final act. However, just before it started, the Bloody Twins had stolen the show with a spectacular surprise of their own - slashing their "Big Sis" (Lacie) across her face with a knife, slicing clean through enough of her eyes to render her forever blind.
Lacie had taken it reasonably well, considering she could never read books or watch anime anymore (two things her life basically revolved around), but soon she was covered in light bruises from running into things.
Lexi reached down and pulled her friend up, "Sorry, but there's no cake. In fact, here's no anything. Ace came over a few minutes ago, cleaned out the entire kitchen and left. I'm going to the shops to buy some more food now. And coffee, before Julius collapses from lack of caffeine." she rolled her eyes at the last statement.
"Oh~ can I come? Please?" Lacie pleaded, clasping her hands together. Lexi hesitated; leading the blind girl through the forest and the town would be a bit of a bother, and the trip would be over faster if she went alone…
As if sensing her friend's train of thought, Lacie suddenly shrugged indifferently. "Actually, it's okay. I need to practise the piano a lot more now, so I can play by feel, so I guess I should be doing that instead." she said offhandedly, feeling her way to the door. "If I get bored, I'll visit Julius or Nightmare. I'm sure Gray will visit me, 'cause you know, the piano is in his room," the girl added, giggling quietly as she entered another room. A few moments later, the tinkling melodies of a piano floated out into the hall.
Lexi breathed a sigh of relief and left the tower, heading onto the path that lead through the woods, as it was a pretty way to travel into town. As she walked, she added items to her shopping list - eggs, milk, cake, coffee, cake for Lacie…
"Eeek! Sorry!" distracted by the list in her hands, Lexi walked straight into a red-plaid clad back. Wait a minute… she narrowed her eyes as a pair of white rabbit ears twitched in her direction. Oh dear Lord, it's-
"Lexi my dear, I felt you'd be near! My love for you is like a sensor!" Peter White exclaimed happily. Lexi half-smiled half-grimaced at the Prime Minister of Heart Castle as he gazed upon her lovingly.
"Hi again… Peter…" she managed to say, putting the shopping list in pocket of her shorts. However, as all rabbits do, the man had very sharp vision.
"What is that?" he asked curiously, his gloved fingers itching to reach into her pocket and read the note; perhaps it was a love letter (for himself of course), confessing all her hidden passion and feelings for him!
"It's just a shopping list. See?" Lexi handed it over, raising an eyebrow in amusement as Peter visibly deflated.
"Oh! May I accompany you? Please?" he asked, reminding the outsider of the way Lacie had pleaded earlier, causing her to have a twinge of remorse, which may have been what lead her to say… "Okay okay. You can come, but it's only boring grocery shopping like milk and bread."
"I see…" the rabbit-like man scrutinized the list as if it were evidence in a murder case. Lexi couldn't help smiling a little at his obvious enthusiasm.
It didn't take long for the two to reach the town market, thankfully without any death or flamboyant declarations of love; for which Lexi was very grateful for. However…
"What on earth is this?" Peter stared down at a particularly spiky pineapple, the expression on his face a mixture of wonder and disgust. "Is it some kind of new weapon? Does it exploded? It looks somewhat similar to a grenade in appearance…"
"It's a pineapple. Not a grenade." Lexi deadpanned, grabbing the fruit in both hands and waving it in front of his bespectacled face.
"Impossible. Pineapple are yellow and come in circles or chunks." the Prime Minister drew said shapes in the air to illustrate his point and crossed his arms firmly, then frowned in confusion as the outsider burst into peals of laughter.
"Oh Peter, they don't come like that! You have to cut off the outside and slice them!" she managed to choke out, "How have you not seen fresh pineapple before?"
Peter shrugged. "The maids and cooks take care of those details. I just eat it."
Seeing that the man-like rabbit wasn't kidding, Lexi's dark eyes grew wide and she stifled a snicker. Poor guy. Who didn't know what a pineapple was?
"Okay then, what's this?" she lobbed a banana at him, which he caught with grace.
"I'm not an idiot. It's a banana." he sounded hurt.
"Just checking," the girl smirked and then grabbed his hand, pulling him to another stall. "Now listen up," she pointed a finger in the air, "When you grow up- I mean get married, you can't expect your wife to cook every meal, so you have to know what everything is. Since no-one else will, I guess I'll have to teach you myself, so pay attention. First of all, most vegetables and all meat taste MUCH better when cooked. So let's go around and I'll show you everything, okay?"
Peter smiled, his bunny ears flicking up in joy. "Yes sir!"
As the two went around, Lexi actually found that Peter wasn't being as irritating as usual - the Prime Minister was listening to what she was saying, and taking it in, even asking questions about various methods of cooking. However, there was a plan ticking in the back of Peter's mind… he had to be careful not to blurt it out.
"Ooh no! We've been out for hours!" the outsider finally caught a glance at the giant pocket watch swinging from her friend's waist and almost went into cardiac arrest.
"But you taught me heaps! I'm sure they won't mind," Peter said, waving dismissively.
"Still! I'm never going to be able to make dinner in time! Not by myself, and everybody's busy today! Damn damn banana pineapple!" she sighed.
Peter grinned. "No need to fret; I'll help you my pet. You can teach me more while on the job." He offered as sweetly as possible.
Lexi hmm-ed, narrowing her eyes as she turned over the possible endings and outcomes to both answers she could give him. Meh. What the heck. "Sure. We're having spaghetti tonight, and we have all of the ingredients, so we'd better hurry home."
The two did indeed hurry to the tower, Peter being especially careful as he was the one carrying the food. Sneaking into the tower, the duo stealthily made their way to the kitchen, commando rolling and army crawling when necessary – if Julius caught them he would undoubtedly complain grumpily about 1) how long Lexi had taken to buy coffee, and 2) why had she not started dinner? It was absolutely hilarious for Nightmare, who was watching their spy-like endeavours without their knowledge. The incubus almost died laughing when Lexi assumed a 'walk-like-an-Egyptian' pose to get past Julius's open door while Peter did the caterpillar on his stomach. Eventually the outsider and the Prime Minister reached their final destination: the tower kitchen.
And then the mishaps really began…
"Eeh? Peter! You're supposed to chop the onion before putting it in the pot!" Lexi exclaimed, shaking a wooden spoon at the rabbit. Tomato sauce flicked off of it and not only stained the apron he was wearing, but his face as well. Peter pouted.
"But chopping onions makes me cry! I can't cry in front of the one I love! He protested, scooping the offending onion from its position in the pot. Outside, Lacie and Nightmare pressed themselves to the crack in the door, the former listening as hard as she could while the later focused on seeing (he could hear their conversation as well as the thoughts in their heads, so it was like a movie soundtrack with commentary). It was hard to keep from loudly snickering and giggling as Peter accidentally broke the spaghetti sticks, chopped the onion into large, uneven chunks (and did cry, sobbing onto Lexi's shoulder as she continued stirring the tomato sauce, a look of longsuffering on her face) and drew a picture of a rose in flour on the kitchen bench. However, Lexi was patient and dinner did eventually get cooked. Hearing their own stomachs rumbling, the two eavesdroppers burst into the kitchen.
"Did you get me any sweets? It smells like spaghetti! Hi Peter!" Lacie bubbled over in excitement for the upcoming meal.
"Why didn't you guys ask me to help? I could have gotten out of work!" Nightmare joked, stealing a spare tomato. Lexi rolled her eyes.
"Like you did any work anyway, you slacker!" she scolded, hand on hip. The incubus grinned, not bothering to deny the accusation.
"Hello Lacie. Yes, my love did buy you some sweets, as she is very kind, but I think you'll have to wait until after dinner." Peter said, a little absentmindedly but still paying attention to the look of extreme shock that appeared on the blind girl's face.
"You... actually spoke civilly to me... Whoa. That's a first." She gaped, almost forgetting to close her mouth at the end of the sentence.
"Anyway, food's up!" Lexi cheerfully announced, "So if Nightmare can set the table, Peter can help me serve the food and Lacie can go get Julius and Gray?"
Nightmare haphazardly grabbed handfuls of cutlery – knives in one hand, forks in the other – and left to the dining room. Lacie took ten steps and ran onto a bench.
"Oops... Oww... I'm fine~" She got up and this time felt her way to the door, slipping out while rubbing her hip, where a new bruise was getting ready to form.
"Di-inner ti-ime!" the call echoed throughout the tower. The first person to charge into the dining room was a brunette knight, his red coat fluttering behind him as he ran.
"I see you're back to eat me out of house and home again, hmm?" Nightmare questioned – though not unkindly -, setting down the last of the tableware.
"Yeah, pretty much." Ace admitted, grinning cutely at Peter as he came in, laden with plates of steaming pasta. "Hey Mr Peter!"
Ignoring his fellow resident of Heart Castle, the rabbit put the plates in the appropriate and went straight back into the kitchen.
"You were right. Ace showed up." He mournfully conceded his loss to their bet. Lexi snickered and piled more spaghetti onto a plate, so much that it was enough for two people. It was a good thing they had made so much food...
"Hmm. Spaghetti. Did you get my coffee?" Julius asked, sitting down in his place at the table and ogling the food appreciatively. It took all his self control not to add 'woman' to the end of his question, as Lexi would probably find that sexist or something equally ridiculous and refuse to give him his coffee. And damn, did he want his steaming cup of perfection. The mortician's hands had been shaking as he had fixed numerous clocks while dinner was being prepared.
"Yeah, she did! And my cake! Just wait, okay Godot?" Lacie ran her hand over the tablecloth, narrowly missing three plates of food, a cup of tea and the Parmesan cheese shaker. Successfully finding her seat, she flopped into it, carefully picking up the cutlery beside her plate.
"I assume you aren't talking about Shakespeare's Godot?" Julius looked vaguely interested, then sighed as he realised some sort of enthusiastic videogame speech would answer his question.
"Eeh? No. I didn't know there was coffee was in Shakespeare's time. I'm talking about Godot from Ace Attorney! His real name is Diego Armando, and he was in a coma because Dahlia Hawthorne – the evilest but coolest woman in the whole Ace Attorney series – put poison in his coffee! And he loooooves his coffee. He's like, a caffeine addict. He's epic and so badass!" Lacie squealed, her face flushed with fangirl happiness.
So caffeine addiction equals badassery?" Gray summarized, sitting next to the younger outsider and grabbing her elbow when her knife got to close to him for comfort.
"Yup. I guess that makes Julius badass too, huh."
"Julius is not badass. I'm badass. There is no other epitome of badass but me." Ace cut in, pulling a 'Like A Boss' face that Lacie couldn't see. Before anyone could reply, Lexi spun in carrying garlic bread, Peter right behind her.
"Right. We can all eat now." She said, taking her place across from Nightmare and next to Julius. The Prime Minister of Heart Castle happily sat beside her.
"Yaaaaay~ Paaaaasta~ It tastes really good!"
"Do you want to romantically share a plate with—oww! No need to hit me!"
"Like Lady and the Tramp..? Cute!"
"That's a great idea! We should totally do that, huh Julius?"
"Ace. Get away from me. Now."
"Aaaah! Lacie! Put your knife down!"
"Oops! Sorry about that! I didn't stab you, did I?"
"Good Lord, I'm trembling so... Sexism be damned, you didn't make my coffee, woman!"
"Jeez! It's not a sandwich. Make your own."
"I'll make you coffee, Julius... But you have to help me... In the kitchen... By ourselves..."
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU DAMNED KNIGHT!"
"You know you want me~!"
"I know you care, just shout whenever, and I'll be there, you are my love, you are my—"
"Ugh, Lacie, don't sing that. And guys! No suggestive things in front of Lacie! You'll taint her innocent mind!"
It was like a big family dinner. A rather strange, dysfunctional, mostly male family, but a family none the less.
Lacie did get her cake. Julius did not get his coffee, and spent the next two and a half hours so irritable and shaky that Lexi had pity on him and made it.
It was rather late by the time for bed rolled around. Peter walked Lexi to her room and the looked at her with puppy eyes.
"Not happening." The outsider crossed her arms, giving him a deadpan stare. More puppy eyes, his snow white ears laying flat on the side of his head for maximum adorable power. Lexi waved but stayed strong.
Peter smiled, leant down and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Alright, my love. Your way this time. Unless..." there was a small flash of light as he transformed into a fluffy little bunny.
"Pleeeeeease? Pretty pretty please?" he pleaded, clasping his paws together, eyes growing bigger as the pink flowers of moe appeared around him.
"Fine, fine. Come in them." So-fluffy-puffy-puff-ball-of-fur-kyaaah-so-cute! The words raced through Lexi's head on a continual loop.
"Yay! It's my cuteness, isn't it~ I'm irresistible!" the little bunny hopped straight from the doorway to the bed, curling up on the side of the pillow. He did not expect a blanket to be thrown on him, and struggled pathetically with the object.
"What is this for? I don't like it!" His little voice protested, slightly muffled but still clear.
"I'm getting changed. Even if you are a bunny on the outside, on the inside you're still Peter. That's why." Lexi replied, tugging her night shirt down over her head just as Peter escaped from his blanket trap.
"Cuddle me~" He demanded, holding his paws out like a baby wanting to be picked up. "Please."
What the heck. He's so little now, and so cute~ Lexi's mind returned to its moe-mush-loop as she picked up the little fluff ball and squished him against her.
Peter smirked. (It kind of failed, as it was a cute bunneh smirk, but a smirk all the same.) He had had the best day ever: spending it shopping with Lexi, making diner with Lexi and now she was hugging him! In her bed, no less. And the best part was that when she finally accepted him as a lover, he could make her the meals she had told him about today!
The bunny snuggled against Lexi in contentment. Life was good.
A/N: So, that was for my lovely sweetie xxxPureRosexxx who guessed the Deathnote reference in my Ouran story. I'm ever so sorry for how long it took me to upload this. I hope you enjoyed it, sweetie! It went for five and a bit Word pages, so it's officially my longest story!
If you're not her, thanks for reading anyway, and please leave a comment, even if just to say "Eeh? What the heck is this?" Thank you so much for reading!