Evasive maneuvers. That's what this is going to take.
Regina is angry enough to kill, and the fact that that isn't a euphemism is clearly displayed in her body language, judging by the way the citizens of Storybrooke scatter as she struts down the sidewalk towards the police station.
If Gold thinks he can depose her like this, he has another thing coming. Graham might not be Sheriff anymore, but there's more than one way to exert influence over local law enforcement. Plotting furiously, Regina strolls right into the Sheriff's office to discover Emma Swan... asleep at her desk.
Regina is just about to rouse the sleeping Sheriff in a loud and possibly unpleasant way when Emma shifts position slightly, her head still resting on a resolutely not done pile of paperwork.
"Gina," Emma mumbles, or at least it sounds like it. Regina freezes. Out of context like this, she has no idea why Emma might be saying her name. Probably having some outlandish dream about killing Regina and sweeping out of town with Henry in tow, no doubt. Regina bares her teeth at just the thought.
But the next noise out of Emma's sleeping mouth is not a name, not even close. No, it's a breathy, almost frustrated little groan that Regina recognizes only too well.
Oh. Oh, well. That's certainly interesting.
Regina's mind is already racing like it's powered by Ferrari, because the mortification alone could give her all the leverage she needs. There's no way Emma Swan is actually attracted to her, although Sidney's research has hinted that simply being female is no barrier to finding yourself in Emma's bed (for one night only, no exceptions). Waking Emma now and confronting her could persuade her to leave Henry alone for good, or at least make Emma more amenable to being steered away from investigating Regina for Kathryn's disappearance (and reappearance, more to the point).
As she steps in behind Emma's chair, intent on scaring the living daylights out of the Sheriff, Regina is halted again by the sound of her own name. This time it sounds breathy, almost... nice? It's the first time she's heard it spoken that way by her current nemesis. Regina isn't expecting to feel a faint tugging in her chest at the sound, but it happens quite without her permission.
"Emma," she whispers, leaning in close. Well, damn, that wasn't what she meant to do at all, but Regina finds herself breathing in the faint scent of flowery shampoo and coffee, wondering how she hasn't noticed it before. Something in the perfume Emma wears is faintly spicy, and it makes Regina want to linger. In spite of herself, she says Emma's name once more, softly, hoping to provoke a reaction.
"Mmmm," Emma murmurs in her sleep. "Regina."
Regina smiles at the effect her dream self is apparently having. It's flattering, at least, to be the object of some sordid little fantasy, but she really doesn't have all day to hang around watching Emma snooze on town money. Reluctantly, she stands up straight and moves carefully back round to the front of the desk.
"Sheriff Swan!" Regina barks, and the effect is both instant and comical. Emma snaps upright in a way that cannot be good for her back and the startled expression on her suddenly awake face makes Regina want to laugh out loud. Hell, she might even cackle if she let the laugh escape. That would not do.
"Huh?" Emma says, rubbing at her eyes ineffectually. "What? Um, Madam Mayor?"
"Sleeping on the job, Sheriff?" Regina asks, smirking in preemptive victory. "It's almost like you want to be disciplined."
And oh, what a glorious blush. Emma flushes pink, right to the tips of her ears.
"I, uh, I had a late night at the hospital," Emma tries to explain. "Interviewing Kathryn, making sure she's going to be okay. Which reminds me-"
"I'm not here to talk about your time management," Regina snaps. "But I am here to pass along some information about the kidnapping."
"Yeah?" Emma looks skeptical, but then she extends her arms above her head and indulges in a full-body stretch that-quite simply-short-circuits Regina's brain. She can't remember the details of her little plot, or how she was about to implicate Gold; hell, she can't even remember her bra size right now as she watches Emma arch her back and basically present her very decent cleavage up for display in an off-the-shoulder black sweater that Regina might actually allow to hang in her own closet. "Sorry," Emma adds too late, dropping her arms. "I just can't wake up properly until I do that."
"Well, it did sound like you were having a very... active dream," Regina accuses, finally gathering her wits enough to go down the 'embarrass Emma into silence' path.
"What did you hear?" Emma fires back, her voice low enough to be a growl. "Dammit, Regina. You can't go around town sneaking up on anyone you like."
"Who said I like you?" Regina gasps, flustered now. "Oh, wait, you meant-"
"Yeah," Emma cuts her off, grinning. "But the panic on your face right now tells me I might have just hit a nerve, Madam Mayor." Emma stands then, lean and confident in her simple tank top and skintight jeans. "Did I?"
"Screw you," Regina retorts, gathering up her purse in preparation for storming out.
"Oh, I think you know I already did," Emma replies, rounding the desk now. "At least, in my head I did. Question is, why are you so concerned about it?"
"I'll have your job for this, Sheriff. Sexual harrassment is-"
"Bullshit," Emma finishes. "I'm not your superior. And I'm not the one whispering your name in your ear, am I?"
"You... you were asleep," Regina says, weakly.
"Not in a deep sleep," Emma says, and Regina wants nothing more than to wipe that smirk off her stupid, smug, really-very-pretty-face.
Regina wills her hand to form a fist, trying to reach for the same primal rage she felt in the graveyard all those months ago, but her heart isn't in it (well, it's not in her chest either, but she's used to that by now).
"You wanna hit me?" Emma says, offering up her jaw, even tapping one (long) finger against it in invitation. "Because I have a sneaking suspicion there's something else you want to do more."
"Go to hell," Regina spits, trying to back away but her feet just won't cooperate. She stumbles-actually stumbles-in her four-inch heels, and that leaves her grabbing at Emma's arm to prevent landing ass-first on the cold, no doubt sticky, floor.
"Smooth," Emma mocks. "Should have guessed you'd be this uptight, though."
Regina is just about to protest, but that move gets a whole lot harder with Emma's lips pressed against her own. She raises a hand to push, to swat, to generally make it stop, but she finds herself clutching at Emma's almost-bare shoulder and pulling her closer, deepening the kiss as she does.
Emma's eyes are still closed when Regina finally pulls away, and she's looking far too pleased with herself for Regina's liking.
"Miss Swan," Regina begins.
"Oh, cram it with the surnames, could you?" Emma asks, her eyes opening. "Call me Emma, and I'll kiss you like that all over again."
"You," Regina sighs. "Are ridiculous. Emma," she adds, almost as an afterthought, and it's mostly to see if Emma will be true to her word. Test them, Regina knows, and they inevitably fail. But Emma doesn't fall at the first hurdle, no, she steps back in and with strong fingers at the base of Regina's neck, claims another greedy kiss. Emma is quick with her tongue, deft and darting with licking and stroking that can't help but turn Regina's mind to its potential elsewhere.
This is really not how it was supposed to go.
"So tell me, Regina," Emma says when she starts peppering kisses along Regina's jaw, before pausing to nip at her earlobe. "What have you been dreaming about lately? Or should I just show you what my subconscious has been up to?"
"Oh," Regina gasps, clarity returning. "Don't think you're getting this all your own way, Emma."
With newfound confidence, Regina shimmies out of her black coat, letting it fall on the floor. She kicks off her heels, handing the height advantage back to Emma and not caring one bit.
"Damn," Emma says, still smirking. "I thought you were all talk, Madam Mayor."
"Never," Regina replies, quite honestly. She shoves her fingers into the waistband of Emma's jeans and tugs her towards the unoccupied cells. The first one is thankfully unlocked, making Regina's aggression look a little more choreographed than if she'd had to stop and ask for a key.
"Conjugal visit fantasies now?" Emma asks, her eyebrows arching. "You really are a woman of hidden depths."
Regina's response is to undo the buckle on Emma's belt, then tug the leather free until she has it in her hands, all the better to snap it quickly between them, the loud 'crack' echoing in the small space.
Emma actually gulps at the sound, and Regina places the belt carefully on the basic cot that comprises the only furniture in the room. "Maybe later," she promises, and Emma is so distracted that she doesn't immediately notice Regina unfastening her own gray, tailored pants. Emma does notice the soft sound of fabric hitting the floor though, and she rounds on Regina in an instant, her hands grabbing Regina's ass as Emma takes another forceful kiss, sucking on Regina's lip until she's whimpering for more.
When Emma relents, Regina latches onto Emma's neck with kiss-swollen lips. She feels light-headed, almost impossibly turned on, and that's only increased by slipping her hands beneath Emma's black sweater. Emma moans, the sound vibrating in her throat under Regina's caress, and that's the final straw for taking it slow.
Their remaining clothes come off in a rushed, slightly fumbling routine that allows them to fall on the cot already tangled together, bare limbs tangling and sliding against each other as kisses are traded with increasing intensity.
"Christ, you're good at this," Emma manages to say at one point, and Regina would be offended if not for the darkening of Emma's eyes with sheer lust.
"You're not so bad yourself," Regina concedes, pressing her thigh between Emma's and luxuriating in the happy groan that provokes. Emma is on top, not usually Regina's preference, but as in so many other things lately, she's willing to make the exception. Especially when Emma rolls her hips, grinding against Regina's thigh with a warm wetness that betrays exactly how much she wants this.
"Fuck," is the only eloquent thought Regina has left when Emma's fingers skim over her clit. She's beyond words altogether when two fingers press inside.
"This isn't all I've dreamed about," Emma mutters, working her fingers harder now, drawing a series of moans from Regina that she can do nothing to stop. "But it's a good start. I'm going to make you come so hard, you know that, right?"
Regina groans in response, her body already tensing under Emma's touch.
"I should make you beg," Emma says suddenly, her hand stilling in mid-thrust. "Wouldn't that be a sight to see?"
"I..." Regina struggles for words, rocking her hips against Emma's hand, willing her to continue. "Please," she concedes. "Please keep going. Please."
"Well, shit," Emma says, wide-eyed. "That was every bit as," she corkscrews her fingers back into Regina, making her cry out. "Hot as I thought it would be. Do you need to come, Regina?"
"Yes," Regina hisses, clawing at the thin cotton sheet beneath her. "Yes, yes, yes."
"Okay," Emma says, licking her lips in anticipation. Her touch is more focused now, grazing Regina's g-spot with increasing pressure until Regina is quite sure she's losing her mind. And then Emma's thumb is circling her clit and Regina lets go, lets the world fade out completely, and she's calling out Emma's name until she's hoarse.
"Wow," Regina manages to say as she comes back to herself, chest still heaving from the effort to breathe and the rest of her body gloriously relaxed. Emma is still kneeling over her, watching intently.
"If you need some time to regroup-" Emma offers, but Regina silences the insulting implication by sitting up just enough to latch on to Emma's nipple, causing her to cry out happily. "Ooh, nice recovery, Regina," she adds, sarcastic to a fault.
She's still a little woozy but Regina knows this is no time to start backing down from a challenge. She doesn't want to risk flipping them on such a narrow space and with limited control over herself, and so she uses her current position as best she can, switching from one breast to the other with a series of fervent licks, hard sucking and just a flash of teeth here and there to remind Emma exactly who she's dealing with. It works perfectly, judging from the way Emma spreads her thighs wider to allow Regina access for her questing fingers.
It's not enough, though, and Regina is determined to impress. Reluctantly, she lays back down, causing Emma to start protesting right away.
"Listen, if you're going to be some kind of pillow queen-" Emma says.
"Of course not," Regina says, offended. "But why don't you bring yourself up here?" She adds, patting her own shoulders to make her intent clear. She raises one eyebrow in question, and actually laughs out loud as Emma scrambles to take her up on the offer.
And so Emma settles with her knees either side of Regina's head, bracing herself with palms flat against the cool brick wall. Regina, a little apprehensive, decides this is no time to be a coward and wraps her hands around Emma's thighs, pulling her closer.
It's easy to tease, to keep the first touches of her tongue barely any pressure at all, but still Emma responds by pushing against Regina's mouth. From there it's impossible to resist, and Regina throws every bit of her determination into getting Emma off hard and fast. She dips her tongue inside over and over, before lavishing attention over every inch of wetness and finishing Emma off by sucking hard on her clit. Regina's more than a little flattered when Emma's loud climax results in her soaking Regina's lips and chin.
"Fuck," Emma gasps, moving just enough to then collapse on top of Regina. Their damp bodies press together, the smell of sex all over and around them, and Regina realizes she can't even remember why she's there in the first place. Not when she has the option of running her fingers through long, blonde hair and listening to Emma sigh contentedly against her shoulder.
"So, Miss Swan," Regina murmurs. "What will it be? Dreams or reality?"
"Reality," Emma replies without a second's hesitation. "We get to do this again, right? Because dreaming just isn't going to cut it now."
"Maybe," Regina admits, the urge to protect herself already roaring back full force. "I mean, I think I could agree to that."
"Such enthusiasm," Emma snorts. "You're lucky you can do better things with that mouth than talking."
"Stop, your pillow talk is making me blush," Regina deadpans. "Shouldn't we get up?"
"Let's stay like this a little longer," Emma pleads. "After all, I'm still pretty tired."
Regina smacks Emma's back playfully, rolling her eyes as she does. She'll come to regret this moment of madness, maybe sooner rather than later, but right now it's pretty hard to care. As Emma cups her breast with a soft hand, Regina decides to let the future worry about itself for a while; she'll evade the rest of the trouble as she finds it.