It's Disgusting, By Miranda Cosgrove
Inspired by a song, and Oh no! it's not Kuwabara/Yusuke! I actually wrote this for my sister whose OTP is Hiei/Kurama. I found it in my folder and decided to post it. Enjoy, lovelies.
In all the years that Hiei had been alive, he'd never been an open person. According to the humans, that was the understatement of the century, but Hiei himself had never found it to be a flaw. He'd survived the harsh conditions of the demon world as a baby in a band of bandits. Killing was his way of life for as long as he knew. Allowing anyone close to him was out of the question in the beginning of his life.
The demons who had taken him in even abandoned and shunned him from their life, finding him too dangerous for him to be around. Hiei attracted dangerous demons to fight when he paraded his tear gem around. After many years of solitude, he had convinced himself that their shunning him was the best thing they could do. After all, being close to Them put him in danger. Caring for others and thinking they could care about him was only a farce. The bandits only banded together so they didn't all want to fall prey to someone much stronger. Sharing was only a means of survival.
So he didn't fight them to be welcomed back. He pushed it out of his mind. He knew in his heart that he was one to be abandoned over and over again. After all, he'd been dumped from the Ice World. It seemed his destiny to be alone. So he moved on, never staying in one spot long.
But presently, Hiei was looking in the window of Kurama's apartment building. He hadn't seen his mate for several days face to face, but he kept his Jagan eye always open for the red head's condition. His conditioned seemed to be a perpetual pool of calm tranquility, which with any other person Hiei would watch wearily. But Kurama could also play mental games and hide how he actually was from the Jagan which made the fox... unpredictable. It often frustrated Hiei to no end because he was so used to reading people's minds so he could respond socially. It made getting away from being social with Kurama's human life so much easier. Of course Kurama tried to get the fire demon to be as social as possible, which in theory was like trying to teach a fish with no wings to fly.
The reason Hiei had not seen Kurama for many days was simple. Hiei had simply left for some alone time. Even being mated he could not be around someone constantly. It drove him nuts being cooped up in a human apartment just to see his mate every day. Kurama was one of the few- no actually, Kurama was the only person he wanted to stay by for months on end with. He wanted to be next to him every day. He wanted to go to sleep with him and wake up with Kurama in his arms every morning. But then Kurama always had to get up and Hiei had numerous fantasies of how he could dice up the infernal ringing of the human invention of the alarm clock. Hiei had killed 3 clocks already and the last one Kurama left for work leaving Hiei strapped to the floor with vines. That was only a warning from his mate. Kurama hated shopping for new clocks.
The infernal human job kept Kurama away for most of the day, leaving Hiei to occupy himself. How Hiei occupied himself was often to watch Kurama. Yusuke and the oaf called it stalking. Hiei called it watching his mate and saw nothing wrong with keeping an eye or three on the fox all day.
Actually, it took some time before Hiei realized that he was watching Kurama too much. He knew for a fact that Kurama could take care of himself. Kurama never even complained about being watched, in fact the red head often used it to his advantage to tease Hiei through out the day and those days lead to extraordinary nights in that apartment. But Hiei realized also realized that he came to expect the consistency of Kurama's presence.
That was dangerous. He knew it was dangerous because times like these, when Hiei wanted to leave for at least a few months on end to remember the feeling of surviving in demon world and killing for his meals, he always ended up at the end of the week back at Kurama's window, watching the fox read or tend to plants.
He thought on how much he had the urge to stay within a few feet just to feel the hum of Kurama's energy. He didn't have to constantly touch Kurama; just watching him was enough sometimes. Sometimes touch was too much because Hiei didn't want to let go. What had started out as sex and sparing had become something foreign to the fire demon. Something too close for comfort.
Hiei even found irritatingly soft thoughts coming to his mind. Being held by Kurama was just as grand as holding him in his own arms. Touching Kurama's face was an odd compulsion that he often denied himself because even kissing at first was far too intimate. It was all too caring and attached. It was disgusting.
So Hiei convinced himself to leave for a few years at a time. A few years was often nothing to a demon. They were long lived and the strongest of predators knew that waiting was how battles were often won. Leaving the Human World was a breath of fresh air. The constant flood of weak humans sometimes made him want to cull the herd of their idiots. His first kill and feast alone was a great and satisfying accomplishment the first night. Then he'd turn to offer some kill to his mate who was not there and he'd feel the unfamiliar tug of loneliness. By the next morning he would already be back at Kurama's apartment to make sure Kurama was getting up on time for work and he'd watch Kurama walk and use the bus to get to his job.
Hiei grew to hate it for the longest time because he could not break the cycle. He'd try his hardest to leave but something always pulled him back. Kurama always pulled him back. And Kurama never evened mentioned Hiei's absences. It was like Kurama knew he'd come back. But Hiei never promised he would always come back. He never intended to come back time after time. He never intended to feel perfectly content being by Kurama's side and he had never, ever wanted to feel the stroke of happiness of caressing Kurama's sleeping face in the middle of the night after an exhausting night of sex. He never wanted it until he'd first experienced it and now he couldn't get enough.
Hiei climbed in the window of Kurama's apartment naturally and Kurama was writing something at his desk. The window was the fastest way to Kurama's room from the outside. It was Hiei's own personal way into Kurama's life.
"Welcome home." Kurama smiled without ceasing his task. Hiei removed his sword and left it at the window. Another habit he'd formed that was unnatural from only a few years ago. He actually felt secure enough there to put down his weapon. The the greeting was new, Hiei noted. Home. Hiei pondered the word at the window sill. He didn't really consider this building of anything of the sort. In fact Hiei couldn't think of a place he actually would call home. There were places he slept that he felt secure enough to close his eyes but nothing felt like a 'home'. He heard of them often. Home was supposed to be a warm place of belonging that others constantly said without thought.
Hiei brushed it away, preferring to not question that subject right now. He walked over to Kurama and his hands rested on Kurama's shoulders leaning over to see what Kurama was writing. It appeared to be business related, "You're not at work." Kurama leaned his head back and their cheeks brushed.
"It's just a few ideas I need to give my step father." Kurama told him, "It'll improve some things around the office." He turned his head and kissed the fire demon's lips by surprise, "How was your trip?"
"Fine." Hiei replied casually. He never went into detail about what he did when he left, nor did Kurama tell him about what happened when he was gone. It was just natural for neither of them to talk about. But for everything else they had small conversations or at least a brief summery of words to express a situation. This was one subject Kurama didn't delve into too deeply and Hiei didn't let on very much.
"Something on your mind?" Kurama asked, finding Hiei's normal quiet to be even more distant at that moment. Hiei blinked, realizing he hadn't responded further to anything in a significant amount of time. Kurama always had been able to read him better than he liked sometimes.
"You never ask me where I go." Hiei said after a moment and Kurama blinked his brilliant green eyes at him.
"I'm surprised you worry about me asking." Kurama replied after a moment.
"I don't." Hiei said quickly, "I just noticed you never ask."
"You never ask about what I do when you're gone." Kurama countered and Hiei was quiet for a brief moment. He just assumed Kurama did what he always did only without Hiei there.
"I always find you doing the same things as when I leave." Hiei said.
"Yes, I know." Kurama said, "but you never ask." Hiei was quiet for a long moment. Was there something Kurama did he wasn't aware of? Now he was curious.
"What do you do when I'm gone?" Hiei asked and Kurama rested his head on his mate's shoulder, glancing up at the ceiling.
"Well..." Kurama's voice was soft but even, "I wake up alone in bed. I eat breakfast and shower. I go to work. I grocery shop. I come home and read or tend to my plants. Organize and clean..." Hiei regretted asking at first. It all sounded fairly mundane and boring. But Kurama glanced at his mate, his eyes softened, "Then I go to bed and wonder if you'll come back." Hiei blinked, curiosity reigniting.
"But you never ask." Hiei said and Kurama smiled a bit, but it was sad.
"I know you don't like it here." Kurama said, "I know you need to get away from all the humans and have your solitude. I'm fine with that. But I'm still entitled to worry."
"You never ask me to stay." Hiei told him.
"What good would that do?" Kurama asked logically, "You need the flexibility to go as you please. Who am I to hinder your freedom?" Hiei's grip on Kurama's shoulders tightened a little. Kurama was really too intelligent for his own good. Those words just made Hiei want to stay near Kurama longer and closer, which didn't make any sense since Kurama was only allowing him more freedom to leave. He turned Kurama in the seat and kissed the red head, startling him since Hiei was not big on surprise kisses.
"You baffle me." Hiei finally said and Kurama smiled at him happily, even slightly flushed.
"Well it keeps you around." Kurama told him.
"I try not to be around." Hiei said and Kurama blinked, as if surprised.
"What do you mean?" Kurama asked.
"... I keep trying to leave. But every time I do, you pull me back." Hiei said and a slow but warm smile spread on Kurama's lips.
"You don't know how happy I am when you come back." Kurama told him and they kissed again and Hiei felt warm tingles in his belly that were separate from his fire energy. Those weird fluttering made him think strange thoughts; such as he was comfortable there and that perhaps this was what people meant by Home.
Still, the primal demon in him fought to be free and he knew he'd be out the window again in a matter of weeks. But he also knew he'd be coming back and for once, Hiei was alright with that; as disgustingly soft as it was.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a lovely review and tell me what your favorite part is. favs are lovely, but reviews let me know how you liked it.