Title: No Way To Spend A Vacation

Author: LadyNRA

Rating: T - Given for some minor violence/gore and suggestive situations

Spoilers: None that I can think of

Characters: Everyone in the J2 crew although the Robot doesn't have much to do.

Genre: Action/Adventure

Disclaimer: The folks who created LIS, pure geniuses that they are, are responsible for everything on the show. I'm just having fun with the characters. They were spending entirely too much time cooped up on the Jupiter 2 or stranded on barren planets and it was time to set them free for a little while on a lush world with native inhabitants.

Summary: The Jupiter 2 lands on a planet for a brief respite from the confines of the ship and find the natives are not exactly friendly.

Author's Note: Thanks to Lostinspacefan for the beta read. This story was written about 12-14 years ago. It sat and sat completed but not proof read all this time until LISfan saw it and suggested I put it up on this site, so here it is…

No Way To Spend A Vacation

By LadyNRA

"Uhhhh-huh-huhhhhhh," an open mouth yawned loudly from the small stateroom belonging to Zachary Smith, the Jupiter 2's resident stowaway. "Oh, how gauche! Excuse me my dear," the doctor added, self-mockingly, with a vague wave of his recently manicured hand.

That hand swooped down to select a pawn from the chessboard, and he moved it diagonally to capture his opponent's rook.

"Drat!" hissed the beautiful blonde seated across the small folding table from him. She watched him idly pick at a minuscule strand of cuticle that was ruining the near perfection of her work. If she lost one more game to him she was going to be giving the middle aged doctor a pedicure, and she really, really had no desire to do that. It was true that he was more fastidious than Don, but older feet were still…well, older.

Smith yawned once more, not bothering to cover his mouth. Judy, the Robinson's eldest daughter, didn't deign to even notice. After years of living in close quarters, rude noises, poor manners, and odious bodily emanations went by without comment because it simply wasn't worth maintaining decorum with people one knew so intimately.

From around the corner, Will Robinson, bordering on his 'teenage' years, peeked at the game in progress and shook his head with a wry smile. Judy was going to face checkmate in 3 moves if she wasn't careful. He was tempted to help but if there was one thing he knew, it was that, even with the threat of having to do a pedicure on fifty year old feet, Judy would never allow him to assist her. The longer they had been in space, the more stubborn she had gotten in some areas, and this was one of them.

The truth was, for reasons even she couldn't fathom, she had sworn to beat Smith at this game. Outside of Will and the Robot, no one had ever beaten him. Not even her own father, though John Robinson really had as little to do with Smith as possible under other circumstances.

Looking at the doctor, she caught the smug smile. She was losing big time. She knew it. And she couldn't figure out how to change the outcome. Suddenly, she hoped Smith's feet weren't sweating inside his boots. Mentally swatting the thought aside, she made her move.

Behind her, she heard Will groan. As she turned to catch his eye, she also saw Smith swoop over, move his queen and state, haughtily, "Check!"

Overwhelmed by frustration, she made a crazy move that neither of the males expected. Two sets of eyebrows, one graying, and one reddish blond, raised toward the ceiling.

"What are you doing, my dear?" Smith asked incredulously. It wasn't like her to just throw the game, no matter how badly she was losing, which was all the time.

"I give up!" she muttered. Then she stretched out one slender hand. "Hand it over!"

Smith's brows, previously skyward, came together over the bridge of his nose. "Excuse me?"

"The foot!" Judy snapped uncharacteristically. "Hand over the foot, and let's get this over with!"

Instead of offering the requested appendage, Smith leaned toward her, until their faces were only twelve inches apart, and murmured, "Are you sure that's what you really desire?"

The very suggestiveness of the tone popped open the blonde's eyes. In all their days together, cooped up in that little space vessel, Smith had never made the slightest innuendo. High praises certainly, debonair gestures most definitely, even some playful teasing designed to irritate Don, but never, ever, anything remotely resembling a genuine "pass". In response, her jaw dropped.

For a second she was speechless, until she saw the minutest upturning of his thin lips. He was playing with her. At first, she was tempted to get really angry, but then the ire drained away in a wild rush, and she found herself laughing.

Still standing behind her, Will just shook his head in disgust. "Grownups!" he muttered, as he stalked toward the Robot, who was standing watchfully in the corner. "And it's worse when they're sisters too!"

"Boy, you said it," the robot chimed in, not meaning a word of it, but knowing that Will needed a youthful brand of sympathy at the moment.

"At least they aren't playing Strip Chess," the Robot added once William had gone to the upper deck in search of his father.

"Then my husband would be forced to kill him," Maureen Robinson said with a sweet smile, as she sat mending a torn tunic. She didn't really mind the wagering that Smith and Judy had set up lately. At least it had added some diversion from the star hopping that had gone on for three very long, and equally boring months. Fortunately for the doctor, she hadn't heard his last comment, or she would have killed him herself.

Glancing at the cabin, she heard the metallic hiss of a zipper being opened, and a sigh of pleasure from the doctor. Despite herself, she cringed slightly, and then leaned over far enough to glance into the open cabin. With relief, she saw Judy slipping off one of Smith's black boots.

Soon her thoughts were back on the tedious routine of their days. It had been some time since they'd been aboard the Gaelorian Gem for their last vacation. Then they had returned to the never-ending blackness of space, and the never varying sand and scrub brush of several worlds. They'd refuel, get out long enough to stretch their legs, scout the terrain for any potentially useful supplies, and then venture off in the vastness of space again.

Accompanied by the sound of sloshing water and a male baritone voice murmuring an occasional 'aaahhh' of delight, Maureen went in search of her husband.

As expected, she located her husband, son, and Major Don West in front of the large viewscreen staring at the same dark emptiness that she had seen for weeks. Only an occasional and very distant star flickered in the distance.

"Hello dear," Maureen said, as she drew up behind her husband's command chair. Lightly she massaged his shoulders. John reached back to lovingly pat her hand, then clasped her fingers gently in his.

"Everything okay down below?" he inquired absently, as if it was more for conversational purposes than out of real curiosity.

"As well as can be expected. Penny is napping. Judy lost another chess game to Dr. Smith. "

John shook his head slowly. "And what was the wager this time?"

"A Pedicure," she supplied with a roll of her blue eyes. "I think they are running out of things to wager. She has already served him breakfast in bed, done a manicure, mended some of his clothes, and gave him a shave and haircut. I can't wait 'til she realizes she's never going to beat him at his own game, and give up on it."

"Boredom can do strange things to people," Don sighed. Much as he would have liked to wring Smith's neck for manipulating Judy, he had vowed to stay out of it. The quarters were too tight to spend every day arguing over inanities. As long as Smith didn't get any funny ideas over 'his woman', he was content to just sit back and leave her alone in her quest to best the doctor. He reminded himself that after three years in space, Smith appeared to have respected the family enough to ignore the beautiful blonde, except when he was manipulating her into getting involved with one of his typically unsuccessful schemes. So, for the moment, he relaxed.

John fixed his wife with warm brown eyes. "We are following the star charts we got from the 'Gem' and, so far, we appear to be on course. According to my calculations, and barring mishap, we should be approaching a planet suitable for us to land and …"

"Take care of the usual?" Will asked ingenuously.

"Right, the usual. Fuel, food – - "

"A swim in a lake?" Will queried, ever hopeful that the next landing will provide them with a more earthlike planet.

John tousled his son's reddish hair. "Sure, after it's been checked thoroughly for anything dangerous."

Will's smile drooped instantly. "There's always something dangerous, Dad. Seems like there's never a decent place to set down that doesn't have space dragons, space werewolves, space demons, space - "

"Okay, okay, we get the idea. But please, son, don't sound like Smith when you try to get the point across."

"Sorry," the boy said ruefully, "Couldn't help myself."

John laughed for the first time that day. "That's okay, I understand perfectly. But the good news is that this planet promises to be more earthlike than any we've seen since we landed on that rainforest planet."

"You mean the one with all those worms under the surface?"

"That's the one, but there was nothing in the star charts to indicate this planet's surface can't be traveled. Still you will need to be patient until I am sure that there are no carnivores big enough to eat little boys."

Will smirked. "Oh Dad, that's never stopped me before."

"Don't I know it!" John chuckled. Without another word he turned back to the darkness before them, gazing into space as if he could already see the planet they were searching for.