Dog Door of DOOM

"Gah, come on!" He tugged harder on the door. It stayed locked, almost taunting him by not even budging, no matter how hard he pulled on the doorknob, or sent his foot flying into the door itself.

Zim was starting to hate his life in that moment. He had had a horrible day at the dreaded Skool: being late to class, humiliated and then, as always, pushed around and teased constantly by the rest of those filthy Earth children. All he wanted to do was go home and rest his pounding head. Yet, when he got there, he found the door locked. He didn't even remember locking the door. At first, he pounded on the door, thinking that Gir was inside making waffles or watching TV like he always did, but instead, there was only silence. Gir probably wouldn't be home for a long while, and Zim would not spend the rest of his day outside.

He sent another kick at the door. He stood there momentarily, thinking of a way in. He remembered something he had installed only a few weeks before for Gir, to seem even more 'normal'. He glanced down at the small opening in the door. A dog door. A few weeks before, while walking home from Skool, he noticed that most humans with dogs had a small opening planted inside their front doors. So Zim went home, did research, and installed one into the door.

Gir hadn't used it. He would be so eager to go outside that he'd simply race through the door, not bothering to use the dog door Zim had installed in order to look more normal.

Zim got down on his knees and stuck his head through the dog door. He could clearly see his living room, and the couch he longed to simply sit on and maybe eat some snacks to get his mind off such a horrible day. Zim pulled his head back, getting a better look at the dog door. It was tiny, he'd admit that, but it seemed big enough for him to squeeze through.

He made his decision. He reached his arms forward through the dog door, angling his shoulders for them to slide through easily, which they did. His head, shoulders and arms were through after a minute, and determined as he was, he continued to inch forward through the dog door. After a moment of inching forward, he stopped, feeling his Pak hit the top of the dog door, not allowing his body to move forward. Rolling his eyes, Zim turned his body slightly, and with a bit of difficulty, his Pak made it through as well.

Zim smiled. Good, I'm almost through. He continued to wriggle forward, until the door seemed to shrink around his middle. Then, he stopped moving forward. Unable to move any further. He squirmed, but the door refused to let his body move forward.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" he screeched, squirming madly. Gritting his teeth in aggravation, he placed his hands on the side of the opening and pushed hard.

His body didn't move at all. The dog door seemed to tighten around his middle each time he squirmed or tried to push himself through.

He grunted, pushing harder against the opening with his hands until he broke out into a full body sweat. After a few minuets of fruitless attempts of pushing, Zim slumped forward. The couch was just right there... If only he could get inside.

"Damn it," he sighed, as he began to try and back out of the dog door. He hated to admit it, but he just couldn't fit through. He'd have to wait outside until Gir came home, much to his dismay.

He tried to back out, -oh how hard he did try-, but found he couldn't. The tight opening refused to let him move backward with it bunching up against his ribs. It hurt when he did try and push himself back. It felt like his ribs might break if he tried. Trying to move forward didn't hurt as much. Well, when he tried again to push himself through, it suddenly did. He underestimated the size of the dog door, and he realized this when the horror of his current situation sank in:

He was stuck.

He was stuck in that damn dog door! What if some human passing by saw him? What if some human saw him and tried to help?

With a new found determination, he placed his hands back against the sides of the opening and pushed hard, straining so hard to move forward to the point that his headache from Skool increased.

He continued this for nearly thirty minutes, stopping to rest for a few minutes before starting up and attempting to get through the opening again.

Thirty minutes was all it took for Dib to walk by and notice a half of a body sticking out of a dog door, the legs kicking feebly. And Dib knew who it was upon immediate observation, but was so shocked over what he was seeing that it took him a moment to remember and realize who it was in the dog door.

As Dib walked forward, closer toward the familiar green house. As he grew closer, the sounds of muffled grunting could be heard, the legs continuing to kick around. An obvious struggle. Oh my God he IS stuck! Dib realized gleefully. He burst out laughing.

Zim stopped struggling, his body freezing at the sound of that familiar voice laughing. He let out a growl, annoyed and embarrassed. "Dib! What are you-"

"OH MY GOD, ARE YOU STUCK?" Dib responded, laughing hysterically. He almost couldn't breath he was in such hysterics.

"NO!" The disguised Irken lied, letting out another growl. "I'm just... trying to get in."

"You are stuck!" Dib stated, still laughing.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"AM NOT!"

"Are too," the human boy giggled. "Man, I wish I had my video camera! Do you know how many views I'd get if I uploaded this to YouTube?"

"You will not upload this to any TUUUBE! Do you hear me Dib-stink?" The Irken yelled, re-starting his attempts to get through the dog door.

Dib calmed down after a few moments, nearly out of breath. "Ahhh... This is hilarious."

"Is not," Zim muttered, still trying to shove himself inside his home through the hole that was currently his prison.

"You know, this reminds me of that episode of Winnie the Pooh," Dib said, leaning against the door that currently held Zim captive.

Zim stopped struggling, confused. "Who is the poooooo you speak of?"

"It's a cartoon from back in the day," Dib responded, shrugging. "You've probably never seen it."

"Obviously."

Dib rolled his eyes. "How did you get in there, anyway?"

From the other side of the door, Zim lowered his head, embarrassed. "The door was locked when I got home so I... tried to find another way in."

"And you honestly thought you could fit in a dog door?"

"I underestimated it's power!" Zim argued, "It's not my fault I was desperate."

"Uh, it kinda is."

"BE QUIET!"

Again, Dib rolled his eyes. "Someone is in a bad mood..."

"Look," Zim sighed. "I'm tired, hungry, and had a really bad day so I am in no mood to put up with your stupidity!"

"Uh, I think you've got it backwards," Dib argued. "It's me how has to put up with YOUR stupidity."

Zim ignored him and went on, "And now I'm stuck in a dog door where anyone can see me! I just want to get in my house and EAT. Is that to much to ask?"

"For you it is," Dib admitted. "Yes."

Zim squirmed a bit, growing uncomfortable. This dreaded dog door was growing much to tight for him to even expand his lungs to breathe. Despite his annoyance, and despite his arrogance, not wanting to ever ask for help, he knew he would need some assistance. I'm gonna hate myself for this... "Can you... help me?"

Dib raised an eyebrow, amused. "Help you get out?"

There was a pause, then a sigh. "Yes..."

Dib thought for a moment. Despite his good nature, Dib felt like he wanted to be an asshole, just for one day, and get his revenge on Zim for everything, and this would be the perfect form of revenge. "Nah." Dib turned on his heel, beginning to walk away.

Zim was taken aback. "NAH?" he yelled, "WHAT DOES NAH MEAN?"

"It means no!" Dib called out, walking further and further away from the green home, down the sidewalk on what was his current route home until he was completely gone, leaving Zim still stuck in the dog door without any help at all.

Three...

Two...

One...

"YOU HORRIBLE, DREADED MONKEY-FILTH!" Zim screeched, squirming madly. "WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'LL..." he was so enraged at the human boy that he was at a lost of words. "I'LL-I'LL..." he slumped forward once more. "I'll think of something horrible..." he sighed.

But his anger hadn't faded completely yet. He tightened his hands into fists, his heart racing, his sight blinded by rage.

Everything came at him in two words; only two words he was able to say in his rage:

"MOTHER FUCKER!"


A/N: This happened to me today. XD Only I'm not Zim, and I didn't have the Dib there to annoy me.

See, the house we moved into recently has a dog door, because the family who lived here before had a dog... Hence the 'beware of dog' sign on our window. XD

I didn't have a bad day though, but I was tired and wanted to go inside and watch TV and eat and relax. But when I walked up those front steps and went to open the door, I found it locked. FUCKING locked. And no one in my family was home; my littlest brother, Liam, was at my grandma's house and my mom doesn't get home until six and my stepdad works super late... And I forgot my house keys on my night stand. And all the windows were locked and the back door was locked as well, so there was only one way to get inside...

The dreaded dog door of doom.

Note: I am not overweight in any way. I'm only 115 pounds. Not big at all. But that dog door- HOLY SHIT was it small.. And I underestimated it's size.

I got stuck at the hips though, and it hurt like a fucking bitch! I got through after forty minutes of relentless struggling, thank the Lord. XD And when I did finally make it through (I felt like I was being birthed XD), I was so annoyed, and even more tired AND sore. So I started thinking about Zim and thought, "Wouldn't it be funny if...?" and got out my iTouch and began to write, to ease myself before I exploded into a full-on rage.

Gah, my hips hurt hella bad. _ I can't believe I even found myself in that situation.

NEVER AGAIN DOGGY DOOR: NEVER AGAIN I SAY!