The Illusive man took a long pull from his cigarette, and watched the screen that monitored his base at the chrono station. Just to his left, the brilliant shine of the reddish blue star illuminated the cabin of his escape shuttle. Kai-Lang, that incompetent fool, had allowed himself to be tracked. Now the true mind behind Cerberus was forced to watch his empire burn, while the Alliance invaded.

Commander Shepard, like everything Cerberus builds, had turned against him and was tearing through his base. Oddly enough, for everything that he's destroyed, he was still only the second most destructive thing to ever come out of his labs. That dubious honor went to the Centurion Cell. Those morons, in the pursuit of the ultimate Bio Weapon, superpowered a bunch of Honey-Badgers by jamming L-5 Biotic Implants into their skulls.

The Illusive man shuddered at that particular memory.

Come to think of it, they were never actually able to contain the situation. He was just lucky that they were stuck on the planet, where the base was. But God help them all, if they ever figure out a way use any of the escape pods that the base personnel never actually made it too.

Regardless, for the first time since reviving Shepard did he ever truly regret it. The commander was like a force of nature. A hurricane, to strong, and too unpredictable to ever control. Everything that they've ever thrown at him, he's destroyed, or somehow managed to turn it against him.

The base surveillance showed that he's already reached his office. A true feat, considering that he'd had to rip his way through nearly a platoon of troops. The illusive man sighed, as he realized that he was probably learning all of his secrets from his very own terminal. The commander was forcing him to reveal his hand, and make his move to control the reapers. He looked to the security updates and saw that Kai-Lang was almost there. That idiot is undoubtedly going to get himself slaughtered, but Tim found that to be acceptable. He needed to be punished for leading the commander to his base, and maybe he would actually do something useful and kill Shepard in the process.

Downing the rest of his Scotch, he stepped into the quantum engagement device, and issued an order to the VI.

He couldn't help but smirk to himself, and entertained the idea of disconnecting on him, at the end of their conversation. Just to see how he liked being on the receiving end for a change. The very thought amused him to no end.

His own office materialized around him, and...

The sound of his glass tumbler, shattering on the floor, was soon followed by an insanely silent moment as both The Illusive Man, and Shepard's party, found themselves in a completely awkward moment.

For the first time in his life, the Illusive Man honestly did not know what to say. After another second, a large vein throbbed in his head, and he crushed the cigarette he'd been holding.

"Uhhh... Illusive Man... I uh, wasn't expecting you to call..." Shepard said awkwardly. Tali gave a sheepish wave, and Liara tried to bury her head in embarrassment.

The Illusive man's luminous blue eyes were now shining bright red, with pure rage.


XXMinutes EarlierXX

The Commander casually walked into the office that he'd only ever seen through live feeds, and stepped over the smoldering remains of the door.

Blowing the door had been completely unnecessary, but Shepard would be the first to admit that he was a sucker for the dramatics. And being that this was the office of the man whom had terrorised half the galaxy, he felt that this was a special enough occasion. From behind him, both Tali, and Dr Tisoni stepped in, taking in the room that they'd thought they'd never see in person.

"Keela..." the quarian said, as she took in the sight, of the massive dying star, that seemed to fill the entire window in front of his desk. Liara, being that she was the shadow broker, looked to the holographic screens and wondered what kind of wealth of information that they'd walked into.

"Goddess, Shepard... I can't believe we're actually standing here!" The Shadowbroker said, and she began to look over the dozens of windows that were open on the Illusive Man's screen. She turned and saw that Shepard wasn't paying attention. With a grim face he scanned the room, obviously looking for something, or someone. She took a second to look around, and saw that the Illusive man was nowhere to be found. Undoubtedly, he'd fled.

"Shepard, I'm so sorry. We came so close, only for him to get away at the last second." The commander waived it off "Meh, I kinda figured that guy would have some sort of escape plan or something... Oh well, time to plunder!" he said gleefully as as he looked over at the Illusive man's seat and sat down. He was willing to admit, it was pretty comfortable. "Hey, you guys think we can get this into the Normandy?"

"Shepard, the Alliance is going to blow this whole place up! No, we don't have time to steal his furniture!" She exclaimed and pointed to the window, and the ensuing battle that raged outside.

"Awww..." The commander said sadly. To the young Quarian woman, he looked like a child that'd been told that Santa wasn't coming this year, and that Christmas was canceled because of it. Tali rolled her eyes at his antics.

"Well that doesn't mean that we can't take everything else that isn't nailed down." she said and gestured at her suit "These suits have more pockets than you think..."

"... You're like, the best girlfriend ever. You know that?" He said and Tali giggled. This time it was Liara's turn to roll her eyes, and she quicky returned to hacking one of the servers that she found.


Distracted once again, Liara turned around and found that the noise was a Zippo lighter snapping shut. Shepard had found some cigarettes in the desk, and had lit one up. It appeared that he was trying to do an impersonation of the leader of Cerberus himself.

"... Something, something, humanity... Something, something, complete..." The commander said, as he sat in the Illusive Man's chair and tried not to burn himself with the cigarette that he'd just lit.

Tali'Zora vas Normandy watched, with growing trepidation, as one of the greatest heroes to ever be given flesh, who single handedly united galaxy and kill at least 3 reapers, take a long pull from the expensive cigarette in his hand...

...and promptly proceeded to hack his lungs out.

"Holy crap!" Commander Shepard hacked, coughed and wheezed "God is this what the Illusive Man is doing to himself?" He had to stop again, and after another few seconds of trying not to die, he was finally able to speak again. "Geez, if the Reapers would have waited another few months, lung cancer would have totally taken care of this for us!"

While Tali tried not to think about the fact that she was sleeping with this man, Liara walked over and tried to discourage Shepard from touching any of the sensitive looking equipment on his desk. Being the Shadow Broker, much of her own terminals were biometric and were set to purge themselves if anybody that wasn't her came across her more sensitive materials.

"Goddess, Shepard! Would you please watch what you're touching? Who knows what any of this equipment does. It could be booby-trapped!"In spite of the asari's warnings, the commander looked to one item, that appeared to be some sort of com device, and reached out to it. Liara instantly recognised it to be a micro QE communicator.

"Lighten up Liara. Besides, its not the Illusive man would keep anything that would explode right on his desk." On an inspired whim, the commander hit the button with total disregard to whom it might connect to.

"Uh... This is The Illusive Man..." He paused as he realized that he hadn't actually thought this far ahead "...Release the Kraken!" he blurted and let go of the button. Both women groaned at his poor joke.

"What? it was the only thing i could think of-" He was cut off, as the device toned with an incoming transmission.

"Illusive man, this is Director Ross, of the Kraken Cell, reporting in. I still advise that more time was needed as subject E-45 Codename 'Kraken', is still highly unstable and very dangerous. However, as per your orders, we have released it into the general populous and is now reaping your terrible, terrible vengeance sir."

Commander Shepard hissed a breath through his teeth, and slowly backed away from touching anything else. "oohhhh... We'll just blame that on the Illusive man too..." Liara face-palmed, and Tali just shook her head.

However, like so many times before, the moment soon passed and that mischievous smirk soon returned. Tali slowly back up, as she knew that whatever it was, she probably wasn't going to like it.

"heh... Hey Tali?" The quarian's eyes narrowed to slits as she gave him a suspicious look. Commander Shepard took her glare as a sign to keep going. "You uh... You wanna have sex on the Illusive man's chair?"

"I.. wh... NO! Keela, what is wrong with you? There's no way i'm getting naked anywhere near this place," The young quarian brought his hands to her head, as if trying to banish the very thought of Shepard's indecent proposal out of her head "and i can't even imagine how furious the Illusive man will be if... if he were... to..."

Tali blinked for a second as she realized that the Illusive Man, bane of the quarian people, would in fact be pretty pissed. "Ok, I'm game." she said, and began to fiddle with the release clamps to her environmental suit. Shepard grinned.

"Sweet!" He said, and began to pull at one of his boots.

Liara on the other hand looked absolutely mortified. "I-I cannot believe you two! We are in the middle of goddess damned mission! And what? Do you two just expect me to just wait outside, while you two go at it?"

"You know..." the commander reached out, snaked an arm around the Liara's shoulders and gently began to pulled her in "I never actually said you had to leave..."

(Renegade + 9001)

And that's how i maxed out my renegade bar... True story!

Anyway... I reeeaaally gatta hurry up and finish this stupid chapter of Therapy at Muzzle Velocity, and Full Circle, and pray to god that everyone isn't too pissed at me for never updating.