Disclaimer: I only own my obnoxious self-insert.

So, it's been about four months now, hasn't it? Yeah...sorry about that. I know I'm horrible, but I'm going to take the lame way out and cite college as my excuse. I had classes that required quite a lot of work outside of class, and I also had band and a life (yes I know, how bizarre to imagine I might go out and have fun!) and various things to work into my schedule as well, so fanfiction fell to the back burner for a while.

This is my peace offering to you, and it should be quite fun for us all...you'll see what I mean when you read it =) As for my other stories and ideas, I'm working on new chapters for my existing fics and completely new stories as well, so keep your eyes open.

As always, read, enjoy, and review-as you'll see, reviews are going to be the key to this one.


"Hello," Paton said. "Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, you. We do know that you're out there, you know—you readers and writers who avidly follow the mundane events of our daily lives."

Julia grinned from where she stood by his side. "Our lives are hardly mundane, my dear," she said smiling, placing a hand on his arm.

Paton sighed heavily. "Fine," he lamented, rolling his eyes skyward. "Encourage the middle and high school-aged girls who cybernetically stalk us to continue to do so. Encourage these teens and college students to write us into further inane, absurd adventures and land us in all sorts of predicaments." He flung his arms out in a dramatic half shrug. "Who am I to care?"

Now it was Julia's turn to roll her eyes. "As if you don't enjoy the attention," she teased, poking him in the ribs. "And I, for one, find many of our little adventures quite…enjoyable." Her face darkened in an attractively embarrassed blush with this admission.

Paton paused to consider the full meaning of her words, then smirked slightly in acquiescence. "That they are," he conceded.

A heavy, prolonged sigh from the air above caught his attention, and he snapped back into the role of announcer. "Ahem, right. Now, to business… TO all of you readers—and writers—who have been following min and Julia's story, allow me to first and foremost say thank you. I must say, it is quite nice to have a following all of our own."

Julia nodded in agreement, adding, "You may wonder why we have waited so long to address you directly, when we knew of your existence and role in our lives from the beginning."

"We were simply content with things the way they were." Paton finished her thought, smiling winningly at his unseen audience. "For the most part, you do quite a nice job of enlivening our domestic bliss."

"However," now it was Julia's turn to speak once more," now we address you directly at the behest of PhantomPenguin, and incredibly intelligent, creative, witty, gorgeous—hey!" She broke off and shot an amused but irritated look into the air. "Allow me to voice my own opinions, please. Thank you!" She shook her head. "Though it is true…anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Well, she's a good friend of ours whom I'm sure you all know quite well too."

Paton took over speaking. "She's having us speak to you first and foremost to prove that she is not dead, nor has she fallen into some sinkhole and disappeared from the planet. She has not forgotten us, nor has she forgotten you; she's been at college, and (as I well remember) college can be quite stressful and exhausting. So many things to learn, hours spent pouring over countless thick books, strange sleep patterns—"

Julia jabbed him lightly in the side with her elbow. "That sounds like you now, love," she said teasingly, interrupting his spiel to plant a light kiss on his cheek.

"Why, that it does!" he declared, beaming at her. He looked skyward and quirked an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you that you don't enjoy that?"

"Take Honors Chemistry and its lab for a full year and let me know," a wry voice replied.

Paton made a face. "No, thank you. I don't do sciences like that."

"And thus your life is much more fun and enjoyable," the voice retorted. It took on an amused tinge. "Digressing a bit, though, aren't we?"

Paton blushed, a light pink staining his cheeks. "Ah, right. Anyway, to all you faithful readers, PhantomPenguin apologizes profusely for her prolonged absence—"

"No, dear, I believe her actual words were 'for seemingly getting abducted by aliens and existing in a writing vacuum for these past few months'," Julia corrected, amusement tugging at her lips.

Paton fluttered a dismissive hand. "As an apology," he continued, ignoring this interlude and moving on the most important part of his speech, "she has called in a favor we owe her—"

"One of many," Julia noted, interrupting again. She blushed when Paton glared at her for cutting him off. "Well, it's true," she said defensively. "We've quite enjoyed her more recent imaginings…."

Catching Julia's eyes in an intense look, Paton nodded slowly in agreement, heat crackling between the two of them in an all-but-tangible line. "That we have," he said huskily. They stood like that for a long moment, lost in memory and imagination, then suddenly recalled where they were and who was present and jerked back to attention.

Paton reluctantly broke their gaze and returned to issuing PhantomPenguin's peace offering. "Where was I…oh, favor. Right. Well, we—that is, Julia and I—have agreed to do a question and answer session with our dear friend—a series of interviews, if you will—in which she will pose to us all of your burning, unanswered questions regarding our habits and preferences."

As he finished speaking, he and Julia exchanged a wry glance that demonstrated just how they felt about that.

"To have your questions asked and answered," Julia added, "simply put it in the form of a review and—if it isn't lewd or insulting—we will answer it in the subsequent chapter." She turned to paton and laced her arm through his, leaning against his side. "Is that everything?" she asked, looking up in his face.

Pursing his lips, he ran through a mental checklist. "I do believe it is. Well, my friends," he addressed the readers, "this is where we leave you until the next installment (which will be up as soon as we receive enough questions). Julia and I have a picnic planned in the park today, and for once you are not invited."

Julia poked him in the ribs. "Don't be rude," she said. She smiled a bright smile at their unseen audience. "Until next time, everyone!" she said, and with that they were gone, disappearing into a bright, sun-filled day, wicker basket and checkered blanket in hand.


Alright, guys...the more questions I get, the longer and more creative my chapters will be! Have at! =D