Your name is HARRY POTTER and you are a troll. Okay, so your name is missing a letter for a proper Alternian name, but that doesn't mean that you aren't a troll!

You live in your amazing TREEHOUSE in the rainforest with your BAT LUSUS, who you affectionately call BATMOM.

Your Batmom had to build the whole house by herself, since there are no drones to do it for you on Earth.

You enjoy learning about ALTERNIAN HISTORY, which you get from a bunch of books that you have had since you appearified in the middle of the rainforest.

You are very proud of your HERITAGE, as well as your blood colour, which is jade green. If you lived on Alternia, you would have had a very rare MOTHER GRUB LUSUS, but since they don't have those on Earth, you instead got your delightful Batmom.

Your hero is the DOLOROSA, a figure from history who had a romantic and tragic life. You wish you could be just like her, except for the torture and dying bit.

You are just about to head out to the FOOD SUPPLY LOCATION, or as the humans call it, the grocery store. You have on your SHITTY HUMAN DISGUISE, a large hat to cover your horns, and human makeup to cover your grey skin. Occasionally the makeup will flake off, revealing your skin, but because of the unusual way you are dressed, most humans seem to think that you just came back from a costume party.

You were just leaving when your Batmom flies through an open window and drops a dead owl at your feet. The owl seems to be carrying a letter. You decide to open it.