A/N: So this is totally based on a daydream of mine because the girl I am in love with lives way further than she should do and I can't get to her. Also, I am totally obsessed with Jordin Sparks' new song The World I Knew and it's mostly because the video is set in Africa and that's where my little baby lives. I'd like to think this could fit in somewhere with Brittana and college and seeing as they haven't seen each other in forever, it might work! I hope you like it but don't worry about reviewing because I totally just wrote this for this special girl in my life who I stay up really late every night with just to fall asleep next to her, even if it is over a silly iPod.
I don't own Glee but I'd like to say I own my own life and I wanna take control of it one day.
I can't wait just to see another day, if it means it's one more day that I'm with you.
She turned up on your doorstep thirty-two hours ago, hair uncombed and falling in rat tails at the sides of her rosy face, her shoulders heaving from carrying something other than her bag, which you couldn't quite figure out. You hadn't seen her for seven months and you think that's probably why you couldn't move when you opened the door. She was tired, and she was wet, and the first thing that came out of her little mouth was,
"You didn't tell me McDonalds was that close to your house."
If your eyes had not been bulging out of your surprised face, you would have appreciated the surreal giggle that left your lips at that moment.
But you were just so stunned.
You had wanted to ask her what she was doing and why she was here. But all you could focus on was how clear your mind suddenly felt even though you had absolutely no answers to the invisible questions falling dejectedly around you in the sticky air.
It had taken you a while to realise it was raining but when you wiped the raindrops off your face, you felt that they were warm.
"Oh," You'd breathed, swiping away at the other tears you felt falling, before your face had crumpled and you'd just fallen into her arms, holding her tighter than you think you have held anybody else.
You had spent the evening showing her around your house, trying really hard not to stop hugging her and touching her. When you'd changed for bed, you asked if she wanted to use the bathroom but she told you it was okay. You'd turned around out of respect anyway, smiling at how this girl that you loved was standing in the same room as you.
Neither of you had slept the night before. There had been so much squeezing, on her side, because you knew she was so afraid you would just disappear.
You were never going to, though. And you'd told her that, and then you had showed her.
She had told you many times that all her first kisses had never been promising.
Why, you had thought, when you're so perfect?
So when she had squeezed you for the twenty-first time last night, you had turned over, so your left arm was resting beside her face and your own was hovering above hers.
"Baby," You had breathed, because you couldn't quite believe she was in your bed. "Look at me,"
She'd looked so scared then, and more than anything, you'd wanted to change that.
Her eyes, which you swear had diamonds twinkling all around them, sparkled up at you and you had known it was the right moment. The right moment to take her fear and turn it into disbelief.
"I love you,"
It had been the first time you'd said it to her face and in the way you wanted it to mean.
She had smiled and as you felt yourself beginning to grin, you had bent your head and connected your lips with hers.
You hadn't rushed it; you'd wanted it to be perfect. And you think it was. You smiled into her, taking her bottom lip so gently in between yours and running your tongue along the outline of her delicate teeth. Your heart had skipped a beat when she sighed into you and you had to pull back a moment to catch not only your breath, but the rhythm of your beating heart.
She had smiled at you then, and even though you had never felt so nervous in your whole entire life, you felt, for once, that you could do this and that you could be okay with it.
"I love you too," She'd whispered back, before giggling disbelievingly at herself. You'd moved to stroke away the hairs from her face as you giggled with her.
And for the rest of the night, you'd just repeated the way she had whispered her love for you in your mind over and over again.
And now it's your second evening together, and you hate yourself for feeling even more nervous than the night before. Your insides are churning and you can't bring yourself to keep your eyes off of her as she changes into her pyjamas. You want to say it's mesmerising, but the way she keeps turning around to catch you staring distracts you from appreciating anything but her eyes.
You bite your lip in shame, look to the floor and grin sheepishly to yourself. She caught you again.
When you've finally brushed your teeth and washed your face, you walk back to your room and find her lying so casually on her side of your bed, reading one of your magazines on the bedside table, with just your fairly lights for vision. It's so familiar and somewhat domestic that your stomach flips and you unexpectedly gulp.
This causes her to glance up at you.
As you make your way to your bed, you can't help but notice how hard your heart is hammering in your chest. Any minute now, you think, it's going to break out and fly across the room. Ironically, you don't feel scared; for the first time in your life, you see that there is a difference between feeling scared and feeling nervous – one of them gives you invisible confidence, the other gives you nothing.
You're still smiling as you climb onto the bed, moving to hover right above her as she lies there reading the magazine. You wait until she's looking into your eyes and then you whisper,
She smiles bashfully at you before averting her eyes back to the magazine. You find her chin with your right fingers and tilt her head back up so she has to look back at you. You grin even wider and stroke her bottom lip with the pad of your thumb. She kisses it and you gulp again, biting on your own lip to keep from spurting out too many smiles.
"Hey, baby," You say, moving your gaze from her lips to her eyes.
She smiles back at you. "Hey,"
You lean forward then, brushing your lips over hers, your thumb still tangled in between. You open your mouth to deepen the kiss, your hand moving to her cheek to cup it and hold a little longer on her upper lip.
She's perfect and she's overloading your senses and your atmosphere. Pretty soon, you're sure she's going to engulf you in her wave and carry you to a shore you never knew existed until now. And it's not like she's even trying – she's just kissing you back.
You gently bite down on her bottom lip and welcome the sigh it brings you. It makes you smile into the kiss and you feel her smile back. It gives you a feeling in your tummy that you don't think you've ever felt before; it's fizzy and excited and it's completely making your head feel like someone just blew warm air into it.
You move your kisses down her haw, towards her left each and when you reach it, you nibble her earlobe and whisper so gently, "I want you to know how much I love you."
She responds with that little, breathy noise that defies the word, sexy, exactly.
Your lips trace a path down her neck, where every so often, you pause and breathe in the smell that you've come to learn is just her. And as you hover there, kissing and swallowing the delicate skin that lies there, you take a moment to thank the stars for bringing her to you – because just for tonight, you really do believe that there is a God out there, somewhere, sitting in the stars and smirking at how you never thought this would really happen.
And it did.
Your kisses turn quite noisy and you realise you're getting more worked up than perhaps you should be. You stop more abruptly than you want to and the fear in her eyes totally catches you off guard.
"I'm sorry, baby," You say, cupping her cheek once more, and searching her eyes for any more signs of worry. "I didn't mean to scare you."
As you study the flicker of her eyes, you realise that maybe you're the one who is worried. Maybe you're the one that is terrified because you have no idea what you're doing. Maybe it's you who needs the reassurance and the loving kisses and not just the beautiful girl lying so vulnerable beneath you.
Just as you're about to move away, she reaches her left hand forward to grab your own and squeezes it tighter than she was squeezing you the night before.
"Don't move," She says, looking straight into your eyes. They're so powerful and so serious, you wonder how you've never made her incredibly mad before.
You go to promise her you won't but she takes your hand and places it over her heart. Instantly, you feel it beating, and it's just as fast, if not faster, than your own.
"Listen to that," She whispers, searching your eyes. "It's asking you to stay with me."
Your heart melts a little at that and before you can stop yourself, you're surging in once again to kiss her. The kiss is different this time, though. It's more heated; you feel yourself wanting to find her tongue and battle with it.
So you do. You press the tip of it against the line of her lips and shamelessly demand entrance into her mouth. You find her tongue and let your own tangle with it, discovering more heat and more hunger as she moans into your mouth.
She pulls back ever so slightly, her eyes wide with surprise because she hadn't meant to do that.
"Fuck," She breathes.
You smirk at her and stroke the corner of her swollen lips with the pads of your fingertips, as if to tell her what words simply cannot say – that it's okay.
She breathes in deeply and you close your eyes as her breath falls back onto your face – you are that close. You don't think you've ever been this close with anyone else before.
You open your eyes and find her looking back at you with something you know recognise as wonder.
"Can I...?" You begin, quickly glancing down at her lips before returning to her eyes. "Can I kiss you again?"
The air is silent as you wait patiently for her reply, your breath rapidly speeding up as your heart battles to remain in control. She looks up at you, and in jus that one look, she seems to tell me everything that she's scared of – all her fears, all her worries and all her regrets – they just pour out, right into my eyes and swirl around until the pricks of little tears tickle at the corners of my eyes.
She notices, and reaches up to brush them away.
"Of course you can," She tells you, leaning up on her elbows to kiss both your damp eyelids.
You smile through your tears and kiss the hand that's holding yours to her heart.
When she lies back down again, she looks up at you, playfully, as if she's waiting for your next move. Her submissiveness burns through your body and for the second time that night, you find yourself rushing forward to connect your lips again.
This time, her tongue wrestles with yours and you smirk into her lips, wanting to taste every little part about her because she's so perfect and so beautiful. You want to know why the roof of her mouth tastes sweeter than the tip of her tongue and why it feels even better to run your tongue along the top line of her teeth and not the bottom. You want to know everything and because you're searching so hard for these answers, you haven't noticed that both your hands have found their way up her shirt and onto her bare skin.
She seems to notice for the first time too because she leans up and freezes slightly.
"Is this okay?" You ask, because you're kind of feeling like she wants you to move them.
She stares a little longer at your hands and then looks up into your eyes and smiles breathlessly.
"This is more than okay." She says, leaning up to kiss you again.
You pull back, because you want to stare at the diamonds in her eyes a little longer. She frowns playfully at you and leans back a little. So you follow her, but pull back again at the last minute. She knows you're teasing and so you both giggle, sighing into each other when you finally kiss again, pushing her head back into your pillow.
The kiss gets heated once again, and so your hands seem to take lead from that. They run up and down her sides and soon enough, her own hands are on your bare skin, tracing softly just above the line of your pyjama pants and under the hem of your shirt.
You lean back and look into her eyes.
"Take it off," You whisper, because you're not sure if you meant to say that, or if it's just your pants talking.
When she lifts the material up and over your head without hesitation, you're pretty sure you definitely meant to say that.
She gasps, because you're not wearing a bra, and you don't think she was expecting that. And there's nowhere to hide because your fairy lights are on and she's beneath you, so she can see everything. You feel you need time to feel self-conscious and embarrassed but the way she's looking at you like you're the brightest star that ever existed makes you want to be this way around her all the time.
Without saying a word, she leans forward to kiss the gap in between your breasts. You roll your head back because you feel like nobody would ever want to do that and now that they have, it feels so good. She kisses you again there and you can't help the groan that escapes your throat.
She smiles up at you, pleased that she emitted that noise from your body. You smile back at her because she's taken away all your worry and all your doubt by doing absolutely nothing but being herself.
She starts kissing her way along your chest, above your collarbone and down your left arm, pausing at the scars you know you have there. As she presses her lips harder to each scar, you roll your thigh in between her legs and press upwards.
She shudders, completely caught off guard and you lean down to rest your forehead on hers. She looks up at you and that's when you press again, but this time a little harder, and she full on whimpers. You kiss her mouth because you can't help but feel overwhelmed by the effect you are having on her.
As you move your lips so gently over hers, you press again, and this time she moans into your mouth. It makes you moan with her and so you bite her bottom lip softly to tell her it's okay. She kisses your upper lip in response and you can't help but think she's telling you the same thing.
She pulls back and rests her head into your pillow.
"Will you let me make love to you?" She asks, so timidly, you think you couldn't quite hear her.
Her eyes widen because she thinks you don't want that, so you instantly kiss her on her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids and her nose, finishing on her forehead before whispering back, "I would like nothing else."
She grins super big up at you. You grin back as she flips you gently over, so she's the one hovering above you. This time, you smile up at her and feel that same rushing burn when she puts her own thigh between your leg, smiling back.
"I want to make love to you in kisses," She tells you, pressing her lips in separate drops across your collarbone. "I want to tell you with every kiss one thing I love about you." She continues, moving her kisses to your chest and softly licking the skin there. "I want you to watch me heal your hurt and, more importantly, I want you to feel me heal it." She stops to look up at you and then looks to your lips. "Do you think you can do that for me?"
You're so stunned you can't speak, so you settle for just nodding back and blinking away the tears that fill your eyes once more. She giggles as she kisses them away and leans back.
"I'm going to start with your arm, okay?"
You lick your lips gratefully, as she bends down to your first scar. When her lips press to the fading white line, you close your eyes so tight, you think you'll blind yourself. But when she hums against your skin, you open them, because she doesn't find them disgusting.
"I love the way you laugh at yourself when you say something funny."
You smile to yourself and feel her move to the next white scar.
"I love the way you can make my heart jump just by telling me something really simple."
You giggle, because apparently that happens a lot. You're still giggling when she kisses the next scar, and you wait patiently for her to tell her the next thing she loves about you; you're pretty sure she will run out by the time she reaches the scars on your legs.
"I love how easily you can talk about things that other people find hard."
You cock your head because you've not heard that one before.
"I love the way you have about four different smiles."
"I love the way you mutter, 'oh my god' when I say something dumb, or uncool."
"I love how after every late night phone conversation with you, I wake up with the biggest-ass grin on my face that only I know what for."
She reaches your belly and you didn't realise that she knew you had scars there too. She brushes her lips over the smallest one near your hip bone and breathes hot air onto it. You watch her, in awe, as she bites her lip, sending shivers down both of your spines.
"I love how even though you've done this stuff to yourself, you still manage to be the most beautiful person I've ever met."
She kisses the one under your belly button.
"I love how even though you think you're so broken, you're actually the most fixed and put-together person I will ever know."
She looks up into your eyes and finds your hands. She brings each finger to her lips and rallies off ten more things she loves about you, and with every reason, you find yourself falling much faster and much harder in love with her than ever before.
You didn't think it was possible to love someone this much.
You feel the tears running down your face before you even have a chance to fight the gasp. She hears you and crawls straight back up your body, resting her own above you, warming you and telling you that you're okay and that you're safe.
She then reaches up a hand to brush the tears off your cheeks and jokes that this is meant to be happy.
"That's why I'm crying, baby." You say, tucking her blonde hair behind her perfect little ears. "Because I've never been this happy."
She smiles wide as she leans in to kiss you, and that smile... you just can't seem to not smile every time she gives it to you; you could never be unhappy around her.
"Let me show you how much you deserve to be happy."
Her lips find their way down to your right thigh and you know what she wants to protect. She takes a moment to study the different scars you have scattered on the skin there, before she places her lips on the biggest one and holds there for several seconds.
You lean back into your pillows and close your eyes, your breath speeding up because of the warmth radiating off the blonde.
"I love you," She breathes into your skin, "because you make me feel like I'm the most special and most beautiful girl in this whole world."
You whimper because that's all you've ever wanted her to believe.
"That's because, baby," You begin, finding her hand and pulling her back up to face you. You make sure she's looking right into your eyes when you finish, "You are."
This time, she has to look away because her eyes fill with tears. You smile at her because now you're the one wiping away the water and kissing her beautiful eyelids.
And as she settles back on top of you, she begins kissing you again, softly playing with your lips and pulling back every so often to smile. You kiss the corners of her mouth every time she does that because you don't want to spend a second away from her lips.
Her hands find their way to your chest and when she squeezes, your breath hitches and you lose control of your kiss. She smirks into it and squeezes again. You're sure this has never felt so good in your life. The other people you've been with must have been awful at this. Either that, or she's just insanely talented at this kind of stuff.
Her leg presses against your centre once more and you sigh into a smile. You want her to do it again because every time she does, not only does the burn surge through you, but a huge wave of love does too. You want her to touch you so bad and you want to touch her even more.
So you lift your hands to her shirt and pull at the hem. She stops her kissing but doesn't move her lips away from yours.
"You're so beautiful, B." You mumble against her mouth, opening your eyes only slightly.
She creases her forehead and you nudge your nose slightly to kiss it away.
"Can you let me show you just how beautiful you are?"
It takes her a minute but she eventually sighs into your lips and kisses you fiercely. You take that as a yes and pull gently at the shirt, until she sits up a little to let you pull it off. She's wearing her bra and you smile amusingly up at her. She gives you a look that says, 'I didn't know this was going to happen', and falls bashfully back on top of you.
You manage to encourage her eyes to look into yours and as you do, you reach behind her to unclip the item. She bites her lip when she hears the clasp snap and you ask her once more with your eyes whether she minds this.
Her kiss tells you that she doesn't.
When you feel her bare skin rest on your own bare skin, you lose your breath for at least ten seconds. You cannot remember a time when something felt so perfect and so right and just so good.
"Baby," You breathe, wrapping your arms around her bare back. "You are so beautiful."
She breathes hot air right onto your neck and it's then that you feel her leg resting in between yours again. Your smirk and, surprising her, flip you both over so you're back on top again.
"You'll feel a little better beneath me." You smile, kissing her forehead and her nose and finally her lips. She looks up at you with what seems like gratitude and as your fingers toy with the waistband of her pants, you tell her you love her again.
And then once you've removed her pants, you look into her eyes and tell you that you love her again.
And when you've taken off your own pants, you tell her once more – just so she's absolutely certain that you really, really love her.
Your right hand moves slowly down the side of her bare skin, past her chest, down her belly to her hips, across her thigh and to her knee. You whisper that she's beautiful as you trace your fingertips back up to her lower belly, where you play around with her soft skin there for a while.
You drop lingering kisses all the way down her body, before moving back up and taking her breast in your mouth. You pause there for a while, slightly nervous because places like this have always seemed forbidden to you. But when she moans, you know you've done something okay and so you carry on kissing there, letting your fingers move down above the material of her pants and directly over her centre.
She whimpers a little at the contact because you've been kissing for a while now and that's just made you both that much more sensitive. You move your fingers softly and carefully, so worried about doing the wrong thing. You only know what feels good on you, so you wait for her groans to know that it feels just the same on her.
You move your lips back to her own, cupping the top one and pressing down gently. You let your tongue play around with the moans and the secret sighs that leave her mouth, repeatedly murmuring to her that she's beautiful and that you love her.
You begin to remove her underwear and this time she doesn't show any signs of discomfort. You kiss her everywhere and you pull them off the ends of her feet and drop them to the floor by your bed. You then take her hands and put them to your own underwear, asking her with your eyes to remove them too.
You're surprised when she moans out, "You're so fucking hot," running her hands through your raven black hair, and using the other one to squeeze your butt.
You smirk, feeling more worked up with every touch she gives you. "It's about to get hotter."
You watch her face and stare straight into her starry diamond eyes as you lower yourself onto her, both of you gasping at the sensitivity and at the touch. It burned, but in the best way possible.
"Move with me," You tell her.
She whimpers as the contact sends countless waves of pleasure all through her body. You love the way you groan together because it makes you feel like you are actually doing something right for once.
You catch her gaze after losing it from the sighing, hers full of gratitude and yours full of excitement. Your hips uncontrollably buck into hers, in one sharp, quick, movement and you can't stop yourself from crying out a little.
She reaches up to cover your mouth with hers and swallows away how uncharacteristically loud you are being. Your hips buckle together, and soon, your mouths just aren't enough to hold in your cries. You both have to cover each other with your hands and your lips, closing your eyes tightly because you're so worried about being heard.
When you come around, you look at this beautiful girl that you just made love to and smile. Her breathing is erratic and so is yours. You feel like you need to rest, so you fall delicately onto her chest and let your body heat dance with hers.
"And you think I'm the hot one?" You laugh, your face inches from hers.
She laughs breathily, her whole body damp from the heat. Her chest rises and falls heavily. You don't think you've ever felt this exhausted yet this happy in all your life.
"You are," She replies, simply.
You are both silent for a while, unsure how to feel about what just happened. Only the sound of your calming breathing fills the heated air. You have no idea how you are meant to react to this situation. Brittany has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. And for as long as you can remember, you've been head over heels in love with her. You know everything about her, emotionally and physically, and it's only know that you've really shown her what she means to you and how the word love can be defined just by looking at her face and reflecting on what you just did.
You just made love.
And Brittany never took her eyes off you.
You smile, before resting your arms on her chest and looking into her eyes. "You're really good."
Brittany laughs, her head rolling back before focussing back on you.
"I only did what you did, babe." She answers softly, stroking your hair.
You lean in and whisper right onto her fragile lips, "I've never been like that before. I've always..." You stop and lower your gaze to her neck. You feel lost and you don't want to feel like that after doing something so amazing. You want to tell her how this is the first time you've ever actually made love to someone and how it's the first time you've ever felt something during, well, sex.
"I've always been too scared," You finish, not daring to look into her eyes in fear she will judge you.
But without hesitation, she reaches up to cup your cheek in her warm and safe palm and looks solidly into your eyes.
"San," She says, her eyes adopting that serious look again and looking into both your eyes. She smiles and repeats herself, "San..."
You search her face before smiling back at her, waiting to hear what she wants to say.
"You have no reason to be scared," She tells you firmly, taking her other hand to your hair and stroking it softly. "You're with me."
In the corner of your eyes, you feel those damn tiny droplets again. They pocket there before falling gently down the sides of your tanned cheeks. Your big, pouty lips tremble slightly as you let out a long, shaky breath and bite your bottom lip.
"You," You breathe, smiling uncontrollably. "You are incredible." You lean down and kiss her lips once more. "And yes, I'm with you." You peck her nose. "And you," You raise your eyebrows, grinning at this beautiful girl in front of you, "You're with me."
Thanks for reading, kids. My tumblr if any of you didn't know is i-fly-with-broken-wings(dot)tumblr(dot)com.
Thank you! Poppy x