A/N Just a fluffy follow up from Neighborhood Watch. Too many things left unsaid. Oneshot from Kensi's perspective. Please review!
I don't own anything! CBS owns it all!
He remembered. She couldn't describe the feelings that had overwhelmed her when he described exactly what she had worn that day almost three years ago. He hadn't even known who she was the first time they met. She had to admit she felt a little disappointed when he first said he couldn't possibly remember what she was wearing. She also knew she did a terrible job of hiding that fact. But then he had looked directly into her eyes and said, "Black tank top, jeans, bag that goes across the shoulder. Hair, down. Wavy." She couldn't help but look back into those beautiful blue eyes and smile. She felt herself begin to blush and had looked down briefly. She wanted to kiss him so badly but Paulina had spoken and she suddenly remembered where they were. She had said, "You guys are just too cute!" Kensi had again blushed when he said, "Mostly her."
Their week undercover as Justin and Melissa had been filled with surprisingly few arguments and those had been worked out quickly. They probably would have been better off if they had concentrated on being solely Justin and Melissa but Kensi and Deeks had made appearances also. After a while it seemed there were no real differences between the two. One minute they would call each other by the name of their alias and the next it would be their real name. They had done laundry, cleaned house, made the bed, cooked meals and visited neighbors together. They had also slept together. In the same bed. For over a week.
At first it had been awkward. She had insisted on sleeping on the right hand side which he also said he preferred. It was the one argument they had never really settled. She was nervous the first night and afraid that he would take advantage of the situation. Part of her wanted him to make a move but to his credit, he had been a perfect gentleman. At some point very early in the morning she had finally fallen asleep. When she woke up a couple of hours later, she found herself cuddled up to his back with her arm draped over his waist. She had quickly backed away and was surprised to hear him moan softly. She had kept perfectly still, hoping not to wake him. A few minutes later he rolled over in his sleep and had reached for her, pulling her back to face him. This time he wrapped his arm around her waist and soon his breathing was slow and even again. She had felt safe and comfortable and was soon asleep herself.
Nothing was ever said about how they managed to be tangled up together every morning when it was time to get up. They just smiled at each other when the alarm went off, untangled themselves and got ready for the day.
Except for this morning. She had found herself wide awake before the alarm went off. They were again tangled up and facing each other and she watched him as he slept. He looked so peaceful and happy. His nose twitched slightly and she couldn't help but smile. This felt so right. He was funny, smart, handsome, sexy and… her partner. Which was why it was so wrong. She was falling for him and falling hard. She couldn't allow it to happen. It was unprofessional and most importantly it would ruin what they had.
She had slowly and carefully extricated herself from his arms and gone for a run through the neighborhood. She had to clear her head. When she had returned to find him waiting for her out front, her heart had skipped a beat. So much for clearing her head. It hadn't helped when she told him she didn't wake him because he was doing that 'cute twitchy thing with his nose' and he had smiled and said, "I have a tendency to do that when I'm happy."
All of these things were simmering below the surface as they dressed and walked to Brett and Paulina's house that evening. She was unusually quiet and so was he. Neither had asked the other why. She was amazed at how Deeks had transformed into Justin. He was charming and absolutely irresistible. Paulina seemed to think so too. And it really bothered her.
So when she asked how they first met, Kensi decided to tell the truth… sort of. The basics were there, just the place, the reason, the names and some of the details were not. Okay, so it wasn't the truth but it was the best she could do on the fly. The kicker had been when Brett asked her if she remembered what he was wearing. She had immediately said, "White t-shirt, red shorts, black socks." When Deeks looked stunned by her answer, she had quickly taken a drink and looked away.
"Wow, that's actually quite impressive." Deeks had managed to say as he watched her intently. Kensi wanted to kick herself for blurting it out. It was her that had said it and not Melissa. So when Deeks had said he couldn't remember what she was wearing it had hurt. She remembered that day vividly and a part of her hoped he had remembered it as well.
To say this had become a defining moment in their relationship was an understatement. He had remembered. As he said those words her whole perspective changed. This was Deeks looking into her eyes and not Justin. This was her Deeks and he remembered what she had been wearing when they first met. And when he softly recited the list as those ocean blue eyes gazed into hers she couldn't help but melt inside. This was real. It wasn't part of their cover and it had nothing to do with their aliases. This was about them. Kensi and Marty.
Brett had asked Deeks when he first realized she was the one but before he could answer, the timer dinged and dinner was ready. She was sure now, that he had an answer to that but she doubted she would hear it any time soon. But someday she would ask him to answer that question.
Now they were searching through the drawers in the dining room after their hosts had gone to retrieve more booze. Deeks was staring at her with those beautiful blue eyes and she couldn't handle it. Not now. "Why are you staring at me? We're supposed to be married; husbands don't stare at their wives."
"I'm just trying to figure out where you hid your gun," he said with a confused look on his face. "You are carrying right?"
"Of course I am," she whispered. She suddenly heard Brett and Paulina coming back to the dining room.
"Then where are you carrying…" Deeks started but never finished the sentence.
She could have walked over to the china cabinet and pointed to an interesting item on the shelf. She could have pretended to lose an earring which she had done several times before. She could have pretended to be having an argument with him which was way too easy for her to pull off. She could have even pretended to be sick. But she didn't. She walked quickly to him, reached up and placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him. It wasn't a frantic or passionate kiss. It wasn't soft and teasing. It was kiss of opportunity.
Deeks seemed to be stunned. At first he did nothing but he quickly recovered and began to respond. Just as his arms started to wrap around her, Brett and Paulina walked into the room and interrupted them.
She was shocked at herself and tried to recover but was shaking slightly and sputtering. Deeks was speechless as he looked everywhere but at her. It had affected them both.
Later when Deeks wanted to talk about it, she brushed it off and pretended it had meant nothing. She was mad at him for his behavior after they discovered the dungeon. She knows he was probably trying to push her to see what she would do but it still made her mad.
This was how they coexisted. He pushed. She backed away. She never pushed but today she had for the first time when she kissed him. She suddenly realized his comments about the dungeon, Paulina, the hand cuffs… were his way of backing away. He was just as afraid of this 'thing' as she was. It should have made her feel better but it didn't.
She told him goodnight as she left the mission just as she had done many times before but this time it felt different. For over a week she had told him goodnight as they turned out the lights and cuddled up in the same bed. Now she was going home to her empty house… alone. She couldn't help but feel sad. Everything had changed in the span of just a few hours. She wasn't simply content with going home and unwinding with a carton of ice cream or a soak in the tub. She missed him already and she had barely made it to her car. It would never be the same again.
Her only comfort was in knowing he probably felt the same way. She doubted he would ever tell her. She doubted she would ever tell him. It was just too damn complicated.
An hour later as she got dressed for bed, she allowed herself a few moments of self-pity. She turned out the lights and lay down on the bed. It felt so big and so… empty. She allowed tears to fall silently down her cheeks and tried to think of all the reasons why it would never work. She couldn't think of a single one.
Just as exhaustion was about to overtake her, she heard a buzz from her phone. She reached over and carefully read the text message she had received. A smile crossed her face as she read it again.
'Goodnight Kens. I miss you.'
She carefully typed a message back to him.
'Goodnight Marty. I miss you too. xoxo'
A few seconds later she received another one.
'Wow. My first name and another kiss? What did I do to deserve this?'
She answered, 'You remembered.'
There was a long pause before another text message came through. As she read it she was confused. All it said was 'Open the door.'
As she contemplated what it could possibly mean she heard knocking out front. She sat up quickly and raced to the door. She opened it to see him standing there with a nervous smile on his face. She opened the door wider and gestured for him to come inside. As she closed the door behind him he reached his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. His other hand went to her cheek as he bent down and kissed her.
This kiss was nothing like the kiss they had shared earlier. This one was passionate, loving and all consuming. She couldn't think and her legs were barely holding her up. Her heart was pounding and her lungs were burning but she didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss with everything she had.
When they had to break for air, he leaned his forehead against hers and said, "I fought with every ounce of my strength to keep from doing that this past week."
She shivered as he held her and she replied, "No need to fight anymore." He leaned in and kissed her again but this one was desperate and needy. She broke away from him then took his hand in hers and led him to her bedroom.
As they stopped beside her bed, he kissed her again and then asked, "How did you remember what I was wearing that day?"
She ducked her head and then smiled up at him. "Because I couldn't get you out of my head and that was how I pictured you every time I thought of you."
"How did you remember what I was wearing?" she asked.
"Because you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and I was mesmerized by your eyes. When I was undercover all those months, I thought of you often in that outfit."
He kissed her again and grinned, "Well, that outfit and thinking about you in pictures wearing nothing but a smile."
She laughed and pulled him down on the bed with her. "Much better," she grinned. "This bed was way too big without you in it."
"So was mine," he said seriously as he kissed her neck and collarbone. "This is me Kens, not Justin, not your partner but Marty." He looked into her eyes and whispered, "Can we make this work? I don't want to start something if you don't want to this relationship to grow. I can't do this for a while and then just go back to the way it was and pretend it never happened."
She could see the doubt in his eyes and knew he needed to hear some sort of a commitment from her. She quickly thought through several things she could say to alleviate his fear but the best option was the one she knew to be the only thing that mattered.
"I love you Marty."
A/N Okay who says husbands don't stare at their wives? Mine does. Although I'm pretty sure it's because he thinks I'm nuts...