Chapter Eleven: Smashed

Yuu adjusted the radio station in the car as it wove out of the outskirts and into the bright lights of Sapporo. Renaka had suggested that afternoon it might be good for the two of them to get out and Yuu had agreed. The mangaka had lent the two her spare car, which Hisashi was driving. Every once in a while the blond glanced at the directions from the internet Yuu had written down. Having lived in the area, Hisashi had tried to convince Yuu that there wasn't much of a night life in Sapporo. But knowing the blond's hermit tendencies, Yuu was unconvinced and soon had located several gay bars on the internet that the two could go that night. Hisashi had still been a little vicarious about the idea, but Yuu had pressed that they could use some time together.

Knowing the city pretty well, Hisashi was able to locate the place Yuu had picked easily, which was a smaller bar in the downtown area. Knowing Hisashi abhorred things like dancing and loud music, Yuu had picked a quieter place (from the reviews on the internet at least). They also served food, and knowing Hisashi had a weakness for the fried and unhealthy, Yuu thought maybe he could coax some calories into the thin form. Hisashi hadn't eaten much at lunch, which both his boyfriend and adopted mother noticed.

Naturally, besides spending time with his partner, Yuu did have ulterior motives for the get out. Despite the fact that outwardly Hisashi was handling everything okay, Yuu could see subtle signs of stress piling up and he hoped a different atmosphere might get him to talk.

The bar was a bit more crowded that Yuu thought it would be, but he still managed to spot a booth in the back as they came in through the door. Seeing the subtle looks the two garnered from the solitary patrons at the bar (especially the doe eyed blond), Yuu flipped on his seme senses and took Hisashi's hand, leading him to the back corner.

"What do you want?" Yuu asked as Hisashi slid into the booth. The blond stuffed his hands in his hoodie pockets before replying.

"Beer, I guess."

"Want any food?"

Hisashi shrugged and Yuu went back up front to place their order. He got a beer himself and also asked for an appetizer of fried tofu, determined that some vittles were going to get in his boyfriend's stomach that night. Yuu took their drinks and headed back to the table, and his teeth gritted as he noticed a tall, somewhat drunk patron making his way towards their booth. However when they ran into each other, Yuu's eyes flared crimson and the stranger slunk off, as those irises had clearly communicated that the booth and the blonde were both his.

"Dick," Yuu muttered under his breath as he sat down next to Hisashi and handed him his drink (naturally the blond had been far too absorbed in staring at nothing to notice the attempted advance).

"Hmm?" He grunted back.

"Nothing," Yuu said, swallowing a mouthful of beer. The two sat in silence for a bit, just taking in the dim atmosphere of the place, though Hisashi seemed to perk up a bit once their appetizer came out. Feeling a little hungry now that the smell of grease hit his nose, he began to pick at the food. Yuu watched him carefully, waiting and sipping his drink for the right time to approach him. Surprisingly, Hisashi had already downed his entire glass, as his German blood always seemed to kick in around booze. And though Yuu knew he could hold his liquor, a light flush had started seeping into Hisashi's pale face. He did seem a little more relaxed, if not talkative, so Yuu finally took the plunge.

"Is it nice being back home?" Yuu asked, scooting over and wrapping his arm around his boyfriend. Hisashi swallowed another bite of tofu and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess."

"You tired?" Yuu smiled. "We had a long day."

"No kidding. Handing my parents and Renaka's girls all in one day is a chore in itself," The blond muttered.

"They seemed friendly enough though. They clearly all miss you."

Hisashi pondered this for a second and nodded.

"Yeah…I guess they do. Though to tell you the truth it sort of doesn't feel like home anymore. I kinda miss my apartment."

Yuu chuckled.

"Don't worry, it'll still be messy when we get back."

Hisashi snorted and stole a drink from Yuu's mostly full beer. The brunet let him, though they would certainly would have to curb their alcohol intake if they wanted to drive back to Renaka's tonight. Yuu let Hisashi eat some more, but noticed quickly that the topic of their conversation wasn't what he'd hoped. The blond didn't seem to be taking to their vacation well, in fact, he was already talking about going back to Tokyo, and it bothered Yuu.

"Hisashi," He said as the blond downed the rest of Yuu's drink. "Are you…doing all right?"

"I'm fine." The blond said in a slightly heavier voice.

"You don't seem fine. Look, it's got to be hard on you being reminded of Atsushi so much, and I want you to tell me if it is so I can help you."

Hisashi turned his slurry blue eyes to his boyfriend and pointed to the empty glasses.

"We're out of beeeer."

Yuu sighed.

"We can get more Sashi, but you should eat more first. You'll throw up if you drink on an empty stomach."

"Fine," The blonde replied, popping another piece of tofu into his mouth. Once the rest of the appetizer was gone, Yuu got their beers refilled, only to have Hisashi drink both of them again. It soon became clear to Yuu that Hisashi wasn't drinking to relax, he was drinking to get drunk. And the responsible Yuu knew he had to put a stop to it. This wasn't like other times at their apartment where they were having fun and maybe had a little too much wine and drunken sex. Hisashi was hardly saying anything even through his dazed expression and seemed to have no regard for himself or his boyfriend.

"Yuuuuu," Hisashi slurred when the booze ran dry again. "Top me off will ya'?"

"No way," Yuu said. "I'm cutting you off. We're going to leave as soon as I pay the bill."


"Yes. We're going to find a hotel and spend the night here. There's no way I'm letting you drive."

" 'M fine Yuu."

"My ass. Come on."

Yuu slid out of the booth and held out his hand to Hisashi, who waved it away but nearly toppled over as he tried to stand. Yuu draped Hisashi's arm over his shoulder and supported him as they made their way out. And Yuu's face darkened as that same dick guy from earlier barked a laugh and winked at them both.

"Hey boys, if you're into wood I got enough for the both of you. I don't even mind fucking a guy who's completely smashed."

Yuu's eyes snarled at him again, but he replied crisply.

"Why don't you and your wood get bent before it offends the wrong person?"

The guy's eyes widened and he was about to stammer a reply, but the two had already gone out the door.

About an hour later, Yuu laid a nearly asleep Hisashi onto the double bed in their hotel room, sighing at his disheveled state. Luckily there had been a decent hotel only a few blocks away, but Yuu had inwardly vowed to learn to drive upon his return to Tokyo so this wouldn't happen again. He'd thought taking Hisashi out would be a good thing, but it turned out to be a big mistake. That idiot had probably figured Yuu would try and get something out of him and decided to drown himself in beer.

Yuu sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. Did Hisashi really not trust him enough to talk to him? Sure it was difficult sometimes to get him to express his discomfort, but this was entirely new territory. Hisashi was deliberately avoiding him and that made Yuu worry.

He carefully leaned over the blond, brushing back a few of his sweat-damp curls.

"I love you, Sashi. Can't you see that?" He whispered.

The faint blond stirred a little bit and leaned into Yuu's touch.


Yuu's eyes widened and he leaned closer.

"No, it's me…Yuu."

"Oh," Hisashi moaned in relief. "Sorry…I keep seeing his face…when I close my eyes."

"Is that bothering you?" Yuu asked gently.

"He's haunting me," Hisashi gasped, his lower lip quivering. "I can't see past him…It's all my fault."

"No it's not, Sa-chan," Yuu murmured, using his special nickname for the blond. He tenderly leaned down and kissed the pale forehead. "It's not your fault. Everything's going to be all right."

"I miss him…" The blonde quivered, turning onto his side. "But I just want him to go away…"

Hisashi's body gave a distinct shudder and Yuu quickly pulled the covers over him. He carefully watched the blond's face as he stripped off his own clothes, and saw the thin body relax into a drunken slumber. He slid in next to his boyfriend, kissing his cheek and wrapping his arms around him. But the more he stared at Hisashi's face and thought about what he said, the more distorted his expression became. And such an ache blossomed in his head that he too now wished he had drunk more.

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