Chapter Fifteen: Panic
At soon as they made it back to Renaka's house, Hisashi paid the driver and clumsily stumbled out of the cab. Steve was once again waiting on the porch, but the blond ignored his welcoming back, going inside instead. Yuu quickly followed, his mind fraught with worry. And when he too went inside, he found Hisashi collapsed in a chair, sobbing.
"Sashi," He said, quickly walking over. Having heard the sounds of the two, Renaka came out of the kitchen, surprised to see them back so soon. But her entire face fell as he saw Hisashi crying and she came to her surrogate son.
"Hisashi, what happened?" She asked, tenderly combing her fingers through his hair. The blond gritted his teeth and only shook his head, so Renaka turned to Yuu.
"Did something happen with Hiroshi-san and Saki-san?"
Yuu swallowed grimly, his eyes not leaving his boyfriend.
"They want him to get married."
Renaka sighed heavily and kneeled down next to Hisashi, placing her hand on top of his.
"Oh Sashi, you know they mean well. I'm sure if they knew about you and Yuu they never would have brought it up."
Tears leaked out of the Hisashi's blue eyes, and he held his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry," He sobbed. "I'm so sorry."
"For what?" Yuu said gently. "It's not your fault."
"Yes it is!" Hisashi choked out. "They would know about us if I wasn't such a coward! It is my fault! Everything is—"
Hisashi's cries suddenly stilled and he leaned back against the chair, blood draining from his face.
"Sashi?" Yuu said, taking his shoulder. "What's wrong?"
But the blond only continued to stare into space, and Yuu noticed that tremors were once again racing through his body.
"Hisashi!" Renaka said with force, taking his hand. "Talk to me. What are you feeling?"
Hisashi's mouth opened, but it took almost a minute for words to come out.
"What?" Yuu said in a panic, but Renaka quickly gestured for him to be quiet.
"Sashi," She said. "I want you to take a deep breath. Ready? Breathe in…and out."
Hisashi shakily nodded and with some difficulty, managed a deep breath. However, after several more, he wrapped his arms around himself, leaning over and shaking.
"Yuu," He said with chattering teeth. "I'm cold."
Yuu stared at him in amazement and worry. Renaka's house wasn't cold in the least and Hisashi was wearing a long sleeved shirt despite the summery weather. What the hell was going on with him?
Sensing Yuu's worry, Renaka squeezed Hisashi's hand and began to gently talk to him.
"Hisashi…do you know what's happening? You're having a panic attack. But you're going to be fine, we've been through these before. Now, Yuu is going to help you lie down on the couch while I go get your pills, all right?"
Tears splashing down his face, Hisashi nodded and let Yuu pull him up and settle him on the couch. The blond sank into the deep cushions, breathing in short rasps. Seeing him start to shake again, Yuu grabbed a blanket from the recliner and tucked it around him as best he could. Yuu had never seen Hisashi this bad before, and was at a complete loss of what to do other than follow his instincts. So he sat down next to the couch and gently took Hisashi's hand and held it until Renaka came back from the bathroom with a prescription bottle and a glass of water.
"Here Sashi," she said, handing him a white pill. "Take this."
The blond took it and the glass shakily, setting the pill on his tongue before washing it down with the water.
"There," Renaka said, stroking his curls. "You'll be all right. We're all just going to sit here and relax. Do you want the TV on?"
Hisashi didn't respond, so Renaka simply sat down on the other end of the couch, turning on the TV but keeping the volume low. Hisashi was still gasping, but after a while he turned his head and began to watch. Slowly, his anxiety died down and he wiped his eyes with the blanket. When Yuu noticed him calming down, he took Hisashi's hand again, giving it a soothing squeeze. The evening dragged on with only the voices on the program for sound. And eventually, Hisashi's red eyes started to close as the medication made him sleepy. After several yawns from him, Renaka leaned over and touched his shoulder.
"Why don't you go to bed Sashi? You've had a long day."
Hisashi wordlessly got up and headed out of the living room, the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. And once he was gone, Yuu turned to Renaka shaking his head in disbelief.
"How did this happen?"
"I know this must come as a big shock to you, Yuu," Renaka replied. "But Hisashi has always had problems with anxiety, and today must have just triggered something in his head, probably what his parents said."
"I think it's more than that," Yuu sighed, remembering how quiet Hisashi had been during their time with Chiaki. "I just never expected something like this. I haven't seen him that bad before."
"Which is a good thing Yuu," Renaka said. "Hisashi told me over the phone last week that he hasn't needed those pills in over two months, and I think a large part of that is because you've been around."
"What are they exactly?"
"Xanax. The doctor prescribed them when he was in his last year of high school. He only needs them when he has an episode like this though."
Yuu combed his fingers through his shaggy hair, mentally exhausted from this day. This vacation was fast becoming a nightmare, and he was starting to consider cutting it short and taking his boyfriend away from all this. But for the time being, he needed to be there for Hisashi, even if he didn't fully understand what his partner was going through. And he would.
After talking with Renaka for a while longer about Hisashi's condition, Yuu decided he would turn in as well. He skipped the bath for tonight, choosing to shower in the morning instead. As he opened the door to the room he and Hisashi shared, he noticed that the light was on.
"Sashi?" He murmured, but there was no reply from the curled lump on the bed, which was odd. Hisashi hated sleeping with the light on, meaning the medicine must have really knocked him out. The dog was once again at the foot of the bed, but it didn't growl as Yuu pulled off his clothes and slid into the bed. Instead, it only looked to Hisashi, resting its head on its master's leg.
Yuu pulled the covers up and settled in next to his boyfriend, wrapping an arm around his torso and planting a kiss on his blond head.
"I love you Hisashi," Yuu murmured as he too closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep.
Yuu mind was in a haze as his eye lids slowly opened, only to be greeted by near darkness. He squinted over towards the night table, seeing the lit numbers of the digital clock, and he groaned when he saw that it was only five-thirty. However, as he rolled over to go back to sleep, he noticed that he was alone in the bed.
"Sa-chan?" He said quietly, but no reply came. Yuu was about to get up and look for him, when he heard the bathroom door down the hall close and quiet footsteps approach. A second later, Hisashi came back into the room and sat down on the side of the bed. He hadn't noticed that Yuu was awake, which left the brunet in an awkward position. He certainly didn't want to startle Hisashi, so he decided to just close his eyes and pretend to sleep.
Hisashi sat on the edge of the bed for what seemed like an hour, and his breaths came in heavy sighs accompanied by words that made Yuu's eyes open and widen.
"Atsushi…what do I do?"
Annalisse Rubisher, JoanIncarnate, and puppyfacetwo- thank you for your awesome reviews! :D
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More to come soon. Stay tuned.