Chapter Sixteen: Solace
Yuu awoke the next morning feeling as though he'd not slept at all. As he stretched in bed, he had the urge to close his eyes and drift back off. But the second he glanced to his side, his mind shook off those desires.
Hisashi was facing him, his eyes still shut in slumber, his breaths steady. And when Yuu looked upon his face, a small smile dragged at the corners of his mouth. Hisashi was a picture of handsomeness with his pale face, straight nose, and thin lips. Stray curls fell across his forehead, adding a bit of humor to the peaceful, sleeping face.
But Yuu's smile fell and he sighed the longer he stared at his boyfriend, knowing that as soon as Hisashi awoke, all those painful memories of yesterday would come flooding back. But resolved to see him through it, Yuu scooted over and snuggled next to him, wrapping an arm around his torso. They laid together for several minutes before Hisashi began to stir and mumble in his sleep. His blue eyes slowly opened and settled on Yuu, and from their gaze, it was apparent Hisashi had not slept well either.
Rather than speak, Yuu simply hugged him tighter, planting a good morning kiss on his forehead. Hisashi settled comfortably into the embrace, and to Yuu's surprise, returned the favor with a light peck on the lips. Encouraged by this Yuu sank down and deeply kissed Hisashi, their tongues dragging and slicking around together. And the longer they kissed, the more Hisashi began to demand. He adjusted himself so that Yuu could roll on top of him and wrapped his arms around the brunet's neck, humming and moaning into the kiss. But after several minutes, Yuu began to realize that Hisashi wanted more than light contact and pulled away, licking his bottom lip.
When Yuu moved away, Hisashi's blond brow creased and he looked at his boyfriend pleadingly. But Yuu remembered the few words Hisashi had spoken to the darkness that night and didn't move.
"Sa-chan," he said, finding Hisashi's hand and giving it a squeeze. "I don't….I don't think this is a good idea. Especially after all you went through last night. Let's just take things slowly today, okay?"
Hisashi lowered his eyes and nodded, sitting up as Yuu got out of the bed and headed for the bathroom.
The rest of the day passed without much incident. Renaka, also thinking that the blond should take things easy, had set him up in front of the TV with charcoal pencils and a sketchpad, which Hisashi soon filled with detailed pictures of a snoozing Steve. Yuu sat beside him most of the time, reading some of Renaka's Winged One manga and subtly keeping an eye on his boyfriend.
Around noon, Saki called to make sure Hisashi was all right and the blond took the phone, reassuring her that he was fine. Though both Yuu and Renaka exchanged a concern look when he didn't mention anything about his panic attack or his true feelings on the subject of an arranged marriage.
Although Yuu could understand why Hisashi avoided both subjects, he continued to worry about his actions. Hisashi was more withdrawn than usual, even to Yuu. And though he longed to hold his boyfriend and reassure him, Yuu also couldn't get past what Hisashi had done last night, calling to Atsushi for help. Why was he asking a dead friend when Yuu was right here, waiting and willing to listen to him?
As much as he hated to admit it, Yuu was hurt by the action, and he quickly realized that wound went deeper than he originally thought. He was jealous of Atsushi and the claim he still had on Hisashi, and the more he thought about it, the more depressed he became. Atsushi was a fragile subject, and talking about it so soon after last night could trigger even more emotional trauma for Hisashi. And when they both got into bed that night, Yuu's mind was so fraught he didn't know how he was going to sleep.
However, he surprised when Steve scratched at the door, Hisashi ignored it, settling in next to Yuu. In fact, really rather close to Yuu. Sensing he wanted some sort of physical comfort, Yuu wrapped an arm around him, but yelped aloud as he felt Hisashi's hand slide into his pajama pants.
"Hisashi?!" He whispered loudly. "What are you doing?"
"What—What does it look like?" The blond stuttered back. But before Hisashi could do anything further, Yuu grabbed his wrists and pinned them at his sides.
"Sashi, what is this all about? You don't talk to me all day and suddenly you want sex? I thought you didn't want to do that here."
"Well I changed my mind," Hisashi shot back, struggling against Yuu's grip. "What's so wrong with it anyway?"
"What's wrong is I don't want you to be sleeping with me when your mind is on someone else!" Yuu barked.
"You're one to talk about that!" Hisashi retorted, tears starting to spring up in his eyes. At this sudden outburst, Yuu released him and stared in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing," Hisashi quickly amended, wiping his eyes. But ever the insightful one, Yuu saw immediately what he was talking about.
"You mean Chiaki, don't you?" He said. Hisashi choked back a sob and lowered his eyes.
"Yes," he replied in frustration. "All right. You caught me. I'm freaking jealous of that stupid blockhead, okay? How can I not be when you two are so buddy-buddy?"
"I'm sorry, Sashi," Yuu replied. "I—I had no idea."
"Well you do now," Hisashi said, turning away from him and letting out an exasperated breath.
Yuu sighed and lowered his head as well, trying to conjure up words.
"I have something I need to tell you too…I'm…I'm jealous of Atsushi."
"What?" Hisashi said, scooting around. "But, Yuu that's ridiculous…Atsushi's dead."
"That doesn't change the fact that his memory is still a huge part of your life. You and Atsushi were friends for years and you've had a hard time coping without him. Speaking as one who knows, I know that eight measly months aren't enough time for you to begin to heal from that. And I'm jealous that I can't be the one to bring you solace."
Hisashi's eyes widened and he stared at Yuu in amazement, knowing that Yuu had just uncovered truths he himself hadn't completely realized. But that realization also came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks, and he found himself wiping tears away again, unable to answer.
But the blond's breath caught in his throat as Yuu suddenly grabbed his shoulders and caught his mouth in a rough kiss. Tired of feeling sick and empty, Hisashi responded, fighting back with his own tongue. Yuu pushed him down on the bed and they both stripped off their shirts in a frenzy. Hisashi gritted his teeth and stifled his moans as Yuu began to fiercely bite at his neck and chest, nearly breaking the skin at one point. But rather than frighten him, Hisashi relished the passion and sensation of the roughness.
"Yuu…" he gasped. "Please."
With a feral grunt, Yuu flipped Hisashi over onto his stomach, pining one of his wrists down as he slid off Hisashi's cotton pants. Even though Yuu wanted to fill Hisashi immediately, he still slowed down and took his time to prepare his partner, though he still plunged his fingers in a little more roughly than normal. Once he was sure Hisashi was loose enough, Yuu hopped off the bed and dug out the small vial of lube he had stashed in his suitcase—just in case.
After slicking his cock, Yuu mounted his blond, laying a claiming bite to the back of his neck as he thrust his member inside. The brunet pinned Hisashi's hands to the bed as he rutted at a frantic pace.
Hisashi bit down on the pillow as he felt his insides pummeled, but even stifling his moans only increased the pleasure and pain filling him. This was the most intense sex they'd ever had, and Hisashi felt all thoughts of Chiaki driven from his mind as he came, spilling his seed all over the sheets.
Yuu pulled out right before he climaxed, also soiling the bed, but he didn't care. Even though he had taken Hisashi harder and faster than ever before, his mind would not put his doubts or his jealousy to rest. Yuu moved to sit on the edge of the bed, listening to Hisashi's heavy pants. And it was then that he made up his mind.
"Yuu, that was…Yuu?" Hisashi said, rolling onto his back as he saw his boyfriend tug his pants back up and grab a pillow. "What are you doing?"
"Sashi," Yuu said, running his finger over his creased brow. "I…I can't do this tonight. I really need some space to think about things. I'm going to go sleep on the couch, all right?"
"Okay," Hisashi said, trying to make his face mask over the shock and hurt he felt as Yuu opened the door and left the room. Steve skittered in through the open door and was about to curl up on his usual spot on the rug when Hisashi whistled for him. The Labrador immediately hopped up and took Yuu's spot, and Hisashi wrapped an arm around the dog and lay down. But the longer he lay there, the more tears began to spring up in his eyes.
BeyondBirthday133, Miruco, puppyfacetwo, AisteruVivi, JoanIncarnate, and Cerberus Revised- thank you so much for your awesome reviews. More angst to come :D