He supposed, in the end, this death was a far more honourable one then he deserved.
This would be heralded as a heroic sacrifice, a mighty blow to the resistance and recorded as Zero's bravest and mightiest effort to date. He had stood in the face of danger and taken a terrible blow, one that would take his life. Zero would forever be known as a knight of justice, just like Lelouch intended.
But it wasn't only Zero whom had been dealt a lethal blow.
Suzaku Kururugi was a man of honourable intentions. Always. He was young, naive and desperate, which may have lead him down the wrong path from time to time, but regardless, Suzaku Kururugi was always, first and foremost, a man with the greatest of motives. Even on his revenge driven quest to destroy Zero, it had been for the greater good. Zero was a menace that had to be destroyed. When he became Zero, he thought that it would atone for his sins, he would be able to reach out and help others in a way that Suzaku never could.
He always had the best intentions.
But he supposed that's what the road to Hell was paved with.
He had murdered, cheated, lied, blackmailed... All for the good of his people. He did it because he had truly believed it was the right thing to do. A short term loss would surely result in long term gain, releasing the Japanese from the racists grip and free them into an era of peace and equality. He was strong. He could take anything the world threw at him for his people. He could fight for them. He could win.
It was all for them. He convinced himself that he was doing good, no matter how bad it seemed.
That was the only way he could ever convince himself that his life was worth living.
True, he supposed he did not quite have a choice in that matter any longer. Even as the life bled from his body, staining the brilliant white tile that lined the halls of his Master's home, he could not help but hear the voice of the man he had slaughtered those years ago, ringing through his mind with the same desperation as he had spoken with the very day Lelouch used his Geass.
He chuckled bitterly, the pain from his wound slowly beginning to subside, a chill seeping through his body as his vision began to flicker and fade, Nunnally's tear-filled eyes the only thing he found himself capable of focusing on anymore. Her bright violet eyes dancing above his face, the colors beginning to blur and brighten.
A Geass is a bit like a wish, don't you think?
No, not like a wish at all, really. Certainly, it granted Lelouch a power that he could have only dreamed of having. A power that, on his own, the young prince would never have been able to achieve.
But no, the damaged boy had not been given a wish, but dealt a curse. A terrible curse that lead to his death. In the end, what was truly accomplished? Peace held for a few months at most before countries were once again at each others throats. Once again, death and despair surrounded them. The cycle of hatred could not be broken, but merely lulled to sleep by Lelouch's lullaby before greed began to whisper in it's ear, awakening it once more.
Lelouch had never lived to see that the Zero Requiem had been no more then a temporary band aid. Human's were terribly weak creatures, they would fall once again for the same mistakes. They had many times in the past and Suzaku knew they would do so still many times in the future.
There was no solution. There was always someone out there who was willing to use the lives of others to gain their wealth. The vicious cycle would end and begin more times then history could record.
Geass was no wish. If it was, Suzaku would not be laying in a pool of his own blood with Nunally sobbing at his side. Lelouch and Euphie and countless others would still be alive. He wouldn't have become this horrible, twisted creature...
Vaguely, Suzaku wondered if this was how Euphie felt when she died. Controlled, manipulated, confused and ever so alone. No will of her own, not even given a choice on how she would die. The pain, the cold, the horrible fading of his senses. The fear.
Euphie had been a good person who was forced to do terrible things. Even under that influence of the Geass, she had fought. Suzaku had done such things completely of his own free will. For a terrible moment, he thought of dying and going to a different place then her, forever alone.
He could have sworn his heart stopped, his veins turning to ice.
It began to beat once more, pumping more scarlet into Nunnally's frantic hands. How could he have bled that much and still be alive? It simply wasn't possible. Not even Lelouch had bled to this extent...
He tilted his head slightly, an act that required far more effort now then it ever had before, to glance at the man that he had murdered not moments ago. The man that had shot at Nunally from the crowd as she spoke to the civilians that gathered to listen to her hopes and dreams.
The man that had managed to chase them into the palace where Nunnally stayed, who cornered them in this immaculate hall that would be his grave. The man whom Suzaku himself had decapitated, a final bullet piercing his abdomen.
Nunnally had continued to chase after dreams and hope, her now opened eyes still blind to reality. All she saw was beauty that no longer existed. Light that had been extinguished long ago. Fantasies that had once been her brother's, now her own.
Again, weakness. Lelouch had led the same path. It leads nowhere but sorrow.
But he never confronted her on her childish whims. If she chose to chase after her dead brother, then so be it. It would be hypocritical for him to deny her of such fantasies. After all, even he still chased after what Lelouch had once laid down for him.
He still chased his best friend, after all these years.
He had taken the bullet, Suzaku thought with a trace of pride. No matter what that stupid Geass told him to do, how it demanded that he did not place himself before that guns path, he had. No matter how much his instincts had raged, his muscles had burned, his head had pounded, he had done it.
He had defied it.
It felt good.
He refused to admit to himself how nice it was to hear that voice again, even if it was merely a result of hallucination. How long had it been? Too long, he supposed.
Too long since he had destroyed that voice.
His mind was a fog now, hazy as shapes and shadows hovered around him now, their figures no more distinguished now then clouds drifting on a breeze.
Part of him began to panic. What if the Geass couldn't be defied again? What if he remained like this forever, unable to move or see or hear? Would they know? Would he be buried, his mind forever moving but his body as useless as a doll?
Surely not, he reminded himself painfully. His heart was still beating. He would die, just like all the others.
How could his heart still beat?
But it hurt...
This was unnatural, he should be dead.
He didn't want to. He hadn't wanted to for so long now... Ever since he committed that terrible sin, he had waited for death. He had eagerly waited for its chilled embrace, sought it through foolhardy actions and attempted suicides, even more so after Lelouch's slaughter. He wanted to die. He did not deserve to live!
It was finally here, he could feel it. It was coming on swift wings to collect his broken, bloodstained soul.
Why was he so afraid?
He wanted to die. Yet part of him was terrified of the judgement that he would face.
But he needed to. Life was not longer something he desired. Euphie... Lelouch... He hoped they would be waiting for him, why could he not simply go there now? It could be better there.
The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed.
With this, surely he would atone... He was ready... He had saved her. He had done his duty.
Perhaps now, just maybe, he could rest.
He had fought. Surely, now, he could rest.
Yes. It would be nice to rest.