Redlined It All The Way
Jack entered the small room and glanced around. There was an unpleasant smell in the air but they would have to put up with it. Beggars couldn't be choosers, after all.
He took his hat and jacket off, throwing them onto the chair in the corner, and then sat on the end of the bed, waiting for Ennis. He'd tried to tell him that nobody was likely to notice them here together, but Ennis had insisted on waiting for a few minutes. Jack wasn't too bothered by this; at least they would be here together soon.
He kept replaying that kiss in his mind, running a finger along his lips. Ennis had surprised him immensely by not only hugging him in public, but also by kissing him the way he had. Jack had feared that he'd been the only one missing that summer on the mountain, but maybe he'd been wrong.
He heard boots approaching and sat up, watching the door warily. He kept thinking about that second night on Brokeback, when Ennis had come to him and let this "thing" continue. Jack knew in his heart by now what it was, but he didn't dare name it in front of Ennis.
The door opened and Ennis walked in, looking wary. Their eyes met and Jack stood up, rubbing his arm nervously. "Hey."
"Hey," came the quiet response. Ennis put his hat and jacket on the chair too and turned to face him. They looked at each other, all of the memories flooding back to them.
Like a pair of magnets, their bodies collided from across the room. Jack immediately buried his fingers in Ennis's hair, gripping it tight as their lips smashed together. Ennis dropped his hands down to Jack's ass, pulling him in close and making him moan into his mouth.
"Mmm, Ennis..." It was everything that Jack remembered, and yet all new at the same time. He had jerked off so many times to memories of their nights together on the mountain, but now they were here, together at last. He hadn't felt so complete in four years.
They finally broke apart for air, and Jack could see a dark look of lust in Ennis's brown eyes. What he wanted was unmistakeable, and Jack was all for it.
"Missed you," Ennis finally breathed, touching Jack's face as he had earlier by the stairs. Jack gazed into his eyes and felt the thrumming in his chest that was born from need.
"Me too," he whispered, and Ennis claimed his lips again, pushing his tongue into his mouth and curling it all around inside, remembering how Jack tasted and felt. His hands dropped to Jack's buckle, a newer one than he remembered, and quickly undid it. Taking his cue, Jack worked his trembling fingers on Ennis's buckle, eager to feel more than just kisses and caresses.
Ennis moved Jack around so that he had his back to the bed, and he started to push him towards it. He quickly undid the buttons on Jack's shirt and threw it to the floor. It hadn't been cheap but Jack didn't care. Ennis could do whatever the hell he wanted tonight. He took off Ennis's shirt, noting how well-made it was and threw it near his own. They ran their hands all over each other's glowing skin and hard muscles, remembering all of those hot summer nights in their tent.
Jack was then pushed down onto the bed and he looked up at Ennis, full of anticipation and desire. Ennis bent down and started to tug Jack's jeans off, none too gently. Jack helped him, pushing them down and allowing Ennis to pull off his boots first. When he was naked, he saw the familiar look of pure lust on Ennis's face as his deep eyes raked his body.
Ennis looked over Jack, at that hard body he'd come to worship and love when they'd made love. He could never say this to Jack out loud, but it was true. He'd sorely missed Jack during their time apart.
When Ennis didn't move, Jack looked up at him in concern. "Ennis?" he whispered. "You okay?"
The cowboy came to his senses and pushed his own jeans and boots off, and Jack's mouth opened slightly. Now there's a sight for sore eyes, he thought to himself. Ennis moved in close and kissed him again, pushing him backwards onto the bed properly. Jack moved backwards and up the bed, still attached to Ennis's lips and feeling the need build up in him.
At the head of the bed, they entwined their arms and legs together as they kissed and rubbed a little, and then Ennis broke away.
"Jack...gotta do this now...can't hold it in..." Jack kissed him again and squeezed his body with his legs.
"Then don't...let it out...come on..." Ennis looked into the deep blue eyes that had haunted him for four long years, and he rose up a little. He spit into his hand and coated himself as best he could. He didn't want to hurt Jack, but he hadn't exactly been prepared.
Jack spread his legs and fixed Ennis with a come-hither look. "Come on, cowboy...need ya..." Unable to resist any longer, Ennis leaned over him and lifted his legs again, wrapping them around his waist. He pushed in and Jack hissed, feeling pain and pleasure all at once. Ennis paused to make sure that he was okay, and then slid all the way in. He grabbed Jack's hands and held them over his head, staring into Jack's eyes.
He began to thrust in smooth, steady strokes that took Jack all the way and made him moan aloud. "God, Ennis...ain't felt like this in years..." Ennis was incapable of response as it all came back to him; Jack's tightness, his erection, his deep eyes that drew him in...and those sounds he made as they fucked.
Ennis thrust into Jack again and again, until the bed started to squeak and Jack started to shake underneath him, trying to get to that place. He claimed Jack's lips and then finally found the sweet spot, pushing into it enthusiastically. Jack wrenched his mouth away in a groan as he shot between them, the familiar sticky warmth seeming like something homely to Ennis. A few more thrusts and he was there himself, releasing into Jack and then collapsing on top of him, seeing stars as they lay there panting.
A little later, they finally stirred from where they lay, and they looked at each other. Jack smiled softly and cupped Ennis's cheek, glad to see that he didn't flinch under his touch.
"Hey, cowboy," he whispered, and Ennis copied his movement, gently touching his face and looking down into those beautiful eyes. "You doin' okay?"
"Yeah..." Ennis looked over Jack's face, taking in all of the features that he'd missed so much. He couldn't believe that Jack was finally here, in his arms. Four long years of dreams and jerking off and wishing that it could be real...and now it was. Jack was back in his life, and he wasn't yet ready to let him go again. "Um...you alright?"
Jack nodded and smiled. "I'm fine. I, uh...I missed you, cowboy. Just wanted you to know that." He bit his lip and wondered how Ennis might take this.
Ennis looked at him and took a deep breath. "Yeah...missed you too, Jack." He couldn't help but lean down and kiss Jack softly on the lips, surprising him. Ennis hadn't kissed him like this more than a couple of times, but he was happy for it. He eagerly kissed back, lifting up his arms and winding them around Ennis's neck. He felt Ennis tangling his hands in his hair as they kissed, and Jack never wanted it to end.
They broke apart, and Jack sighed. "I, uh..." He didn't quite know what to say now; back on the mountain, after they'd had sex, they hadn't talked much. They had usually lit a cigarette or drunk from the whiskey bottle. But Jack didn't want them to do that just now. He wanted them to stay here and talk, like how he thought lovers should. But he wasn't sure how Ennis might feel about that.
Ennis lowered his eyes. He knew the predicament that Jack must be going through right now, and he felt the same. He wanted to lay here with him and talk through the night, maybe make love a second or third time, and then sleep in his arms until dawn. Maybe they could do that; he'd told Alma that they'd be out all night, so there was nothing to stop him from staying here with Jack tonight.
"Jack, I...I wanted to say I'm sorry..." He looked at him sorrowfully, full of regret for that last day.
"What for?" asked Jack softly, looking over his face in concern. Ennis swallowed. He'd never been particularly good at expressing his feelings, and this was the one person that he wanted to express himself to, more than anyone else. Jack had done so much for him on Brokeback, and he deserved to hear an apology from him.
"For...hittin' you...didn't mean to take it out on you..."
Jack sighed. "It's okay...I never hated you for it or anythin'..." He wanted to say that he knew why Ennis hit him; that he had been frustrated and probably upset about having to leave so early, and was unable to process it. But he was scared of what Ennis might say if he steered the conversation into such dangerous waters. He knew that Ennis wouldn't hurt him physically, but what if he shot him down? If he confessed to what he wanted for them, what might Ennis say?
He bit his lip, looking up at Ennis. "I...I dunno what to say..." This wasn't quite true; he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Ennis that he loved him and wanted to be with him. But that was off-limits with someone like Ennis, at least for now.
Ennis touched his face again. "Me neither...just..." He leaned down to kiss him again, pushing his tongue into Jack's mouth and trying to explore as much as he could. He knew that this rendezvous between them might not last beyond tonight, so he wanted to build up some fresh new memories to last him until their next meeting, if there was one.
He knew that he wanted that; to have Jack in his life all of the time. But it just wasn't possible, as far as he could see. He knew that he didn't love Alma in quite the way that he should, but that wasn't her fault. She just wasn't Jack. But he was the man, and he had to provide for his family. Even if this thing between him and Jack was seen as acceptable, it just wouldn't be right for him to run off with him and leave her and the girls. But he couldn't deny what he felt when he was with Jack. If he could go back in time, he would never have left Jack in Signal. He would have stayed and maybe they could have had a shot at being together.
But circumstances were different now. He and Jack both had responsibilities now, and they would have to make do with what they had. They were here together, and that was what mattered right now. They kissed even more deeply and Jack wrapped his legs around Ennis's waist, whispering to Ennis to rub his hips against him. He did so and rocked his hips from side to side, their groins locked together. Jack moaned softly into Ennis's mouth and held him closer with his legs. Within minutes, they were both releasing again, and collapsed once more. Jack wrapped his arms around Ennis's back and smiled.
"Mmm...can we stay here a bit, cowboy?" he asked, feeling himself dropping off. Ennis nodded against him, too tired to move.
"Sure...couldn't move even if I wanted to..." He nuzzled into Jack's neck and closed his eyes, happier than he had been in four years. Jack kissed the top of his head and followed him into sleep, hoping that the time they spent here would be enough to convince Ennis that this should be a permanent thing. He felt as if it should be; they should be together and sleep in their own bed every night. Maybe one day they would have that.
After about an hour of sleep, Jack finally roused himself, and he opened his eyes to see Ennis still asleep on top of him. He smiled to himself and gently touched the blonde curls, loving how they felt between his fingers. Ennis stirred and blearily opened his eyes, blinking at Jack.
"Hey," he said groggily, rubbing one of his eyes and yawning. Jack smiled at how endearing he looked.
"Hey yourself..." He was surprised when Ennis leaned in to kiss him, but he had no intention of stopping him. He was prepared to take whatever he could get right now.
With a few soft kisses between them, Jack broke away and sighed. "I, uh...I gotta go to the bathroom. Could ya let me up?" As much as he loved the feeling of Ennis on top of him, he just had to get to the bathroom soon, or there would be another bodily fluid on the bed, and not the one he liked.
Ennis rolled off of him, somewhat reluctantly, and stretched out on the bed as Jack got up. He watched Jack go into the adjoining bathroom and sighed a little. He wasn't exactly sure what to do now. They had had their reunion and had made love twice, and were now at a crossroads. They couldn't stay in here forever, but he wasn't ready to go back to the apartment yet. He really wasn't ready to say goodbye to Jack yet; he felt that since Jack had driven up all this way, he deserved more than a few hours from him. Jack meant more to him than that.
Jack finished in the bathroom and peered into the mirror. His hair was in disarray, his cheeks were a little flushed, and his lips were slightly swollen from all of the kissing, but he'd never been happier. This was all because of Ennis, and Jack knew that he didn't care how untidy he was.
Exiting the bathroom, he stopped when he saw Ennis; he was lying on his side facing him, and his deep brown eyes raked Jack's body, and Jack could see the effect it was having on him. Ennis was fully aroused and Jack would have liked nothing more than to lie down with him and have him in his mouth. He smiled and joined Ennis on the bed, letting Ennis draw him into his arms and kiss him. After a few moments, Jack whispered what he wanted into Ennis's ear.
"Get on yer back; wanna feel ya in my mouth..." Ennis shivered at the thought of that warm mouth on him, and he willingly did as he was asked. He rolled onto his back and Jack straddled him, kissing his lips and his face and feeling Ennis's hands in his hair.
Jack started to move down Ennis's body, kissing every inch of hot flesh as he passed. His long eyelashes brushed Ennis's stomach, making him squirm.
"Jack...hurry up..." His head was pushing deep into the pillow and his eyes were closed in ecstasy. He needed to feel Jack down there and soon. Jack smiled to himself as he pressed soft kisses to Ennis's lower regions, including his inner thighs but not the place that Ennis really wanted him to touch. He looked up at Ennis and lightly trailed his fingers across his balls, watching him buck upwards and groan. "Jack..."
Seeing that Ennis couldn't take much more teasing, Jack lowered his head and gave him what he wanted, wrapping his mouth around the swelling erection and closing his eyes. His movements were smooth and quick; the perfect combination to drive his lover crazy. Ennis gripped the headboard behind him and started breathing heavily as Jack sucked at him, his hands on his hips to stop himself from choking.
Jack flicked his tongue out as he continued to move his head up and down, and he heard Ennis moan aloud. He took one hand from Ennis's hip and moved it between his legs, pushing it in and searching for that spot inside him. Ennis bucked wildly when he found it and Jack couldn't help but smile. He could still remember that second night on Brokeback, when he'd done this for the first time. Ennis had been rendered completely helpless and had told Jack in his own way how much he'd loved it.
Without warning, Ennis let out a deep groan, clamped his muscles up and released into Jack's mouth, hard and fast. Jack held his hips down again and felt himself spill onto the sheets; he'd been aroused since getting his mouth on Ennis. He kept his wits about him and sent up a prayer of thanks that he didn't have a gag reflex.
When he was done, Ennis collapsed back onto the bed, gasping for breath and staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know how on earth Jack could be so good at that, but he was thankful for it. Jack crawled back up his body and rolled off him to the side. Ennis put an arm around him and pulled him close, kissing his forehead.
Jack moved in close and breathed in Ennis's musky scent. He wished that they could communicate verbally as well as they did physically, but he just didn't know how to say the things he wanted to. If they had never parted after that summer, and had been together these last four years, maybe things would be different. Maybe they could talk for hours after making love, like Jack thought lovers should do. He would like that more than anything, but he didn't think it was possible, not with someone like Ennis. As much as Jack loved him, he wished that he could be a little more open about how he felt. It was only in their quiet and most private moments that Ennis let his guard down and let him see into his heart.
Still, Jack was very grateful for whatever he could get from him. All of the things Ennis did do more or less made up for all of the things he didn't do.
Jack awoke to the feeling of someone kissing his face, like the tip of his nose and his cheeks. His face broke into a smile as he felt Ennis's lips on him. He'd never woken him up like this before, but he loved the feeling. He opened his eyes slowly to see Ennis's face come into focus, looking intent on making him feel good. Jack smiled when their eyes met.
"Hey there, cowboy. You startin' somethin' there?"
Ennis didn't respond, just smiled back and buried his fingers in Jack's hair. He then kissed Jack on the lips and pushed his tongue into his mouth. Jack smiled into the kiss and ran a hand along Ennis's arm. Even though Ennis wasn't the best at communicating with him verbally, he was still an amazing lover that knew how to push all of his buttons and make him feel incredible. Jack could never let go of his wish for them to be together all of the time, but he would have work on Ennis if it was to become a reality. With some persuasion, he might be able to convince Ennis to his way of thinking.
Jack felt guilty for Lureen, and for Alma, and for their children, but he couldn't help it. He was in love with Ennis, and he knew in his heart that their current situations weren't good for any of them. He had appreciated Lureen when they'd met, and he'd thought that he was doing the right thing, but he knew now that it wasn't. She was a great friend and a decent mother, but he didn't love her like she deserved. He felt that they would both be better off if they weren't married, and even though Bobby was growing on him, he knew that he didn't want his son to grow up in a family where there was no real love between the parents.
As for Ennis, he could see the same sort of thing. Alma was polite enough, but he couldn't see any real love between them. There hadn't been any passion in Ennis's voice when he'd introduced them, and Jack could see plain as day that he too was in a loveless marriage. Jack suspected that he loved his daughters, but it was the same as with him and Bobby. All three children would probably be better off if their parents weren't together. It might be the only way for all of them to be happy.
He put these thoughts aside for now, and concentrated on what Ennis was doing to him. His hand had slid from Jack's hair and down to his ass, squeezing it gently and making him moan into his mouth. Ennis then pulled at his hip and encouraged him to roll on top of him. Jack eagerly straddled him as they made out, running his hands in Ennis's curls and letting their tongues explore each other's mouths. They pulled apart and Ennis looked up into Jack's eyes.
"Jack...I...I want you to..." He hesitated; he knew what he wanted, but he was unable to say it. Instead, he took Jack's hand and brought it to his ass, hoping that Jack would get the message. Jack's eyes widened as he understood what he wanted. Back on the mountain, they had only done it this way a few times, and Jack knew that it was a bigger deal for Ennis than it was for him.
"Are you sure?" he whispered, looking into Ennis's eyes and hoping that he was. Ennis nodded.
"Yeah..." Jack then bit his lip.
"Okay...just a sec..." He lifted himself away from Ennis and got off the bed, heading for his bag. He rummaged through it for a moment, and then produced a tube, bringing it back to bed with him.
"What's that?" Ennis asked, looking at it. Jack climbed back onto him and held it out.
"It's lubricant. Makes things easier back there...I forgot about it earlier, but just now I figured...might be better for you if we use it. Don't wanna hurt ya..."
Ennis nodded, touched by how caring Jack was. "Alright." He took several deep breaths as Jack prepared himself with the tube, watching his face. He threw the tube onto the nightstand and scooted forward. He lifted Ennis's legs and guided them around his waist, feeling Ennis grip him tightly. He leaned forwards over Ennis, holding his face.
"Just relax, cowboy...it's alright..." He slowly began to push in, pausing now and then to make sure that he was okay. Ennis kept breathing deeply as Jack pushed into him, feeling pain shoot through him but not wanting Jack to stop.
When he was all the way in, Jack laced their fingers together and looked into his eyes. "You ready?" he whispered, and Ennis nodded.
Jack slowly began to thrust into him, ever mindful of how sensitive Ennis was back there and how big of a deal this was to him. He watched Ennis's face as they moved together, seeing the look of pleasure drift over him and feeling happy that Ennis was enjoying this.
He let go of Ennis's fingers and moved into his arms, wrapping him up as the bed started to squeak underneath them and hearing Ennis moan into his ear. He started to nibble at his lover's neck and earlobe as he picked up the pace, hoping that Ennis was feeling the same as him.
Ennis desperately grabbed at Jack, needing release and yet not wanting it to end. He wanted them to be doing this forever. His muscles suddenly clamped up and he shot in between them, groaning loudly and shaking in Jack's arms. With a few more thrusts, Jack was there too, releasing into him and then collapsing into his arms, breathing heavily. Ennis wound his arms around Jack's back and sighed.
"I know, Ennis..." He kissed his lover's neck and settled down, unable to talk any further. They were happy to just lie here and bask in the afterglow. It was all they could do for now.
Night had fallen by the time they were awake again, and they were sat up in bed, smoking. Jack was leaning against the headboard with Ennis leaning against him. Jack's right arm was around Ennis, holding him tightly, and Ennis was holding onto it like an anchor.
They had talked a little about what they'd been up to since Brokeback, and they had somewhat admitted how much they'd missed each other. Jack wanted so badly to tell Ennis that he loved him, but he was scared of being shot down. He would just have to try and work on Ennis until the time was right. They hadn't yet worked out what they were going to do now, and time was running out. They would have to make a decision by tomorrow morning, and both of them knew that they weren't yet ready to say goodbye again.
Jack sighed and rubbed Ennis's arm. "So...what are we gonna do now? Can't stay here forever..."
"I know," came the quiet response. Ennis didn't know what to do either. He knew what he wanted, but he just couldn't muster the courage to go after it. Some part of him wished that Jack would be the one to pursue something more for them, because he sure didn't know how to go about it. "I, uh...don't want ya goin' nowhere just yet..."
Jack looked down at him in surprise, taken aback by this declaration. "Um...alright. If you don't want me to, I won't...maybe I could stick around a little longer..."
Ennis took a deep breath. "Yeah...that'd be good. Um...how are we...?"
"Well...I got a little confession to make. I brought some campin' gear with me...hoped that you'd wanna go off into the mountains for a bit..."
The notion sounded wonderful to Ennis, to go back into the mountains with Jack and re-establish their connection. Lying here in a motel was well enough, but he felt as if they needed to be out in the fresh air again. He could take a couple of days off work, and he figured that Alma wouldn't mind so much if he took some time away with a friend. Jack was so much more to him than that, but nobody needed to know. As Jack had once said, it was nobody's business but theirs.
"Jack, I...I'd like that. We could go up there for a couple days, I guess. Be good to go back up there..."
Jack's heart soared to hear this, and he couldn't help but smile. Ennis wanted to spend more time with him, and he was all for it. He would stay for however long Ennis wanted him to. It would also give him time to work on Ennis and propose his idea for more of a relationship.
"Okay, cowboy. We'll go tomorrow then. That okay?"
Ennis smiled a little. "Sounds good." He then sighed. "If we're gonna go back to the apartment first, we'd better get up early tomorrow. We gonna turn in?"
Jack kissed the side of his head and gave him another squeeze. "Sure."
They finished their cigarettes and settled under the covers, holding each other close and tangling their legs together. They looked into each other's eyes and Jack couldn't help but smile.
"Night, Ennis," he said softly, and they leaned in to kiss a couple of times.
The next day, they left the motel and headed back to the apartment. Jack waited outside while Ennis gathered a few things for the trip. He was glad that he didn't have to go back in there. He had met Alma once, and that was enough. He didn't exactly get a friendly vibe from her, even though she didn't know the truth about them. Now that he and Ennis had had sex, he really didn't want to see her. To look in her eyes, knowing what they had done, the guilt would niggle at him, and he didn't want anything to spoil their reunion right now.
He wondered whereabouts in the mountains they would go. Would they go back to Brokeback? Or would they want to keep that place sacred by not returning there? Jack wondered if it would even be safe for them on Brokeback; Aguirre knew about them, after all, and he was bound to still be using the area for sheepherding. The Forest Service could be around, and Jack knew that they couldn't let themselves be discovered. So maybe they would go elsewhere up there; there were plenty of beautiful areas that they could use.
Around five minutes after Ennis had gone inside, he was back out, and Jack smiled, throwing his cigarette away as Ennis went around the truck, putting his things on the truck bed. Jack couldn't believe his luck that Ennis had agreed to this.
"I'm starvin'," he said as they turned to the doors. "Wanna get somethin' to eat?"
"Yep," Ennis replied as they got in. They sighed and settled into Jack's comfortable front seat. Ennis had to admit that he was proud of Jack for how well he had done for himself. They looked at each other and smiled nervously.
"Ready to go?" asked Jack, and Ennis nodded, tentatively reaching for Jack's hand and lacing their fingers together. Jack smiled widely and squeezed his hand, happy that they were back together, where he felt that they belonged.
"Let's go." Jack nodded and started up the truck, backing out of the parking lot and heading north. They would get some breakfast and then head up to the mountains, looking for a place to camp out for a couple of days.
They stopped at a small diner and sat in the corner, eating eggs and bacon and drinking coffee. It felt good to be out together, and even Ennis was feeling relaxed. They were out of town here and nobody knew them, so he felt relatively safe.
After breakfast, they got back into the truck and headed north, going back to the place where it had all begun, and where their hearts belonged. Their love had brought them back together again, and they hoped that it would be enough to keep them this way.