My Secret Love

A Criminal Minds Fan Fiction

Disclaimer: I own no characters of Criminal Minds. Only the story is mine.

Chapter six

Secrets part two-Madalynn's point of view

"And the wife will cleave to her husband..and the two shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

It's been nearly three days since the incident at the hotel. I'm still trying to make since of Jeremy's senseless death. I think the question that still rolls around in my head is why? Why did Jeremy think that suicide by cop was his only way out? I don't think I'll ever figure that one out. Even the most brilliant profiler wouldn't be able to figure that question out. I guess some minds weren't meant to be studied.

I lay with my head on Spencer's chest, listening to his heartbeat. It's a sound that's comforting however, instead of sleeping, I lay there rolling those awful events thru my head. My restlessness more than likely wasn't lost on him. Nearly three years of marriage, and I'm surprised how well we know each other.

"Something on your mind, Lynn?"

I turn so I can look at him. "Just wondering why Jeremy decided that life wasn't worth living. Did he think death was the only way out? I'm laying here blaming myself."

He plays with a strand of my hair and looks me in the eyes. "You did nothing wrong, Lynn. Jeremy's problems more than likely stemmed from abandonment issues he had when his mother left him on the steps of that hospital. You were like a mother figure. He confused that with love, or what he thought was love."

"Doc, that doesn't make me feel any better." I sit up with my back facing him. "Am I naïve in thinking that violence met with violence never solves anything?" Then for no apparent reason, I began sobbing. Spencer gets up and grabs my arms. "What are you doing?"

"It's nearly midnight and neither of us can sleep. Besides, I want to show you something."

He leads me to the bay window that has a breathtaking view of the New York skyline. It's the reason that I bought the second story apartment when I first moved here. "Look out the window. What do you see?"

"A city that never sleeps?"

He chuckles. "I see a city in which a handful of homeless kids gained a new lease on life because of your actions. This city may be a war zone, but just know that there are some bright spots. These kids that have decided to turn their lives around are now like flowers that are growing in between the cracks in the pavement. This city can't keep them down, because of the difference you've made in their lives."

I turn to face him. "You really believe that?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I'll be right back."

As Spencer walks towards the living room, I stand there, staring out the window, pondering his words. The faces of the kids I've helped get into a detox program, those who chose to kick their habits and make something of themselves, flood my memory. Kids like Trey, who had called me Mother Theresa or Saint Madalynn. I never wanted to be recognized, just to help kids gain a second chance as I'd been given. Had my adopted parents not helped me out, I'd probably been on the wrong side of the law. Then there's Nadine. She'd never been born. And Spencer. I would've never bumped into him in Central Park spilling the ten dollar cup of really bad coffee. More than likely, I would have been in the same position that Jeremy found himself in just a few days ago. Spencer interrupts my thoughts with a glass of red wine.

"Question. What did Hotch mean by 'see you in DC'?"

I sighed. Here it comes. No more secrets. I promised both Hotch and JJ that. "I got my transfer after you left Sunday morning." I see the fear in his eyes.

"And?"

"I haven't opened it." He leads me to the living room. We both sit on the couch. I rest my head on his shoulder. He massages the base of my neck.

"Why?"

"I'm not going to take it."

"You're not leaving New York?"

"Yes."

"Okay, now I'm confused."

I turn to face Spencer, staring into his deep brown eyes. "Hotch told me about your inquiring about a possible transfer out of the BAU."

"Oh."

"I don't want you to leave the BAU, Doc. That team is your family. That's why Nadine and I are going with you to DC."

"You're willing to leave New York for me, Lynn?"

"I love you, Spencer Reid. I'll take you any way I can get you. If you asked me, I would follow you into the bowels of Hell."

I'd only seen this man cry twice. The day that Nadine was born and the day he buried his mother. It was surprising that the tears flowed unchecked.

"I need to thank Hotch when I get back." My quizzical expression must have caught his eye. "Hotch told you about me asking to leave the BAU. I just realized that I can't leave it. It's my home."

"Doc, I'd rather see you happy than miserable. That's why Nadine and I are going to DC with you."

He placed a hand to my cheek. "What about you? You've been a cop for nearly eight years. I don't want to see you miserable."

I smile. "I'm happy as long as I'm with you and Nadine." We sit there on the couch in silence. Him in those funny looking pajamas bottoms with the owls reading and me in one of his long sleeve shirts and pair of black shorts. I'm content. Moments like these, when Nadine is asleep and the apartment is quiet, and I'm in the arms of the man I love, don't come very often.

"You know," Spencer breaks the silence, "We should open the transfer papers. You know, just for kicks."

I shrug. "Couldn't hurt." I walk over to the desk that my mail tends to pile up on and pull out the transfer paper. I look down at the FBI insignia and shudder. There's no telling where in the US that they'd want to send me. I open the envelope and read the contents. I look at Spencer in surprise. He puts down the glass of wine and walks over to where I stand frozen.

"Well? What does it say?"

"They want me in Quantico."

"Quantico?"

"Apparently the BAU has a fellowship with the department of Crimes against Children. They want me to head it up."

"Will you take it?"

"What do you think," I ask, playfully hitting him in the arm. He walks over as to sit down again, but he finds one of Nadine's stuffed animals and throws it at my back. I turn around and see him feigning innocence. I turn back to the desk and find a piece of junk mail. I crumple it up and throw it at him, hitting him square in the head. I hold my hands up, mocking a football referee signaling a touch down. "Score! Two points!"

"Oh," Spencer smiles menacingly, "You want to play dirty, do you?" We're both laughing as he chases me back into the bedroom.

That night, after making love to my husband, lying again with my head on his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat, I finally realize that in his arms is where I want to be, regardless of what state or country we're in.

THE END

a\n Most of us have really off the wall dreams. This fan fic was inspired by a dream. I hope you've enjoyed it!