Chapter 33: Final Departure
A/N: I advise you NOT to read on mobile if you want to hear the music. :D
Freedom was all Rin and Len wanted, and freedom was what they got….well, at least for a short precious while…
With the house sold and their High School Graduation Ceremony over, (an event that drove most of their friends to tears) the twins were now spending their last moments inside of their old home.
It was the home they grew up in after moving from their previous neighborhood at the age of 12.
-The very neighborhood that had scarred them, the neighborhood that Mr. Yamaha used to live in, but that wasn't the case in this home.
In this home, Rin and Len grew up in a pretty normal way. They had parents at one point, they went to school, they were in clubs/sports, and they took public transportation home.
Basically they did what everyday teenagers did…live their boring mundane lives.
But now the twins were under oppression (or they believed they were even though they weren't anymore), and as a result of this they were fleeing.
Everything was packed, the moving trucks had already picked up their furniture, and the house was emptied. The only thing left to do now was wait for the shuttle van to come and take them to the airport
Waiting was easy for Len.
He busied himself by looking around his unadorned residence. It amazed him how much space there really was with the absence of all their belongings being stored away.
In fact, nothing in their current house seemed the same now that they were leaving it. Everything had taken on a life of its own within the past 36 hours. From the chips in the paint to the cracks on the countertops; everything inside of it was tangibly filled with some type of memory.
It didn't hurt that the residence itself was lovely either, perhaps making it even more difficult to leave.
The truth of the matter was, it stood as a frightening type of beauty…because this house, no…this home was a sharp contrast to Mr. Yamaha's dwelling and their past residence.
There was no indigo roof or yellow shudders over this abode. Instead the house was cream-colored with forest green window panels. They were a shade of olive that matched the very greenery that wrapped itself around the front lawn.
In sum the house was beautiful…too beautiful, and as a result of this Len found himself becoming increasingly melancholy over the thought that someone else was going to be living here soon.-That a complete stranger was going to claim the place that had been his family's for more than 6 years.
In fact, Rin and Len didn't know much about the people who were going to move in at all.
The Kagamine's realtor did his job quickly and effectively, so they didn't really bother to take the trouble of finding out who the movers were going to be. They only wanted to leave as soon as possible.
But despite all this, Len remained attached to the home. And henceforth he found himself writing down the minute details of his abode in an attempt to keep this place his own in some small way. He never wanted to forget what it looked like on the inside, and so he wrote and wrote and wrote until his pen was completely out of ink.
Over and over again he kept thinking: 'Once you move out of a place, you can never come back'.
However this wasn't the only thought that had repeated itself within Len's mind, the words: 'Don't ever forget how difficult it was to attain her love' also did as well.
And as such, Len wrote not just about the house, but about Rin too. He needed to make sure that when he turned 30 or 40, he would still recall how difficult it was for him to come and accept the feelings he had for his younger twin sister...and how he had struggled with facing the horrid memories they shared.
To be honest, for Len it almost felt like his entire life was spent fighting for her affections…and now that he finally had them all to himself, everything seemed like a bittersweet dream.
In truth it upset him a little knowing that this happiness could just disappear at any given moment, but this paranoia was understandable when looking at his past…
…The torment began when he and his sister were molested and forced to have sex with each other all those years ago, then both their parent's died leaving them orphans, afterwards four of their schoolmates had found out about their taboo relationship, one of those people blackmailed them while the other broke his hand. After that they got rid of their only remaining relative by telling her that she was basically useless, and finally they were forced to escape their hometown out of fear of being brought to the police by the girl who had attacked them.
So for Len, having so much happiness all at once is painful when all you've known is grief…
And so…Len gazes out his bedroom window into the street placing down his pen to stare at the ominous morning sun.
It is an odd shade of cobalt and orange, a shade he's never seen before, a shade that seems devoid of warmth.
His eyes turn away from it as he looks around his quarters. It is completely barren. All that there was left now were the pale blue walls and soft carpet beneath his toes. Len proceeds to watch the gloomy morning sunlight move its way onto his skin.
And after a few moments of observing the morning rays slowly inch its way across the floor, he returns his gaze to the street outside.
It's hauntingly peaceful, like a painting drawn by Norman Rockwell.
The view from his windowpane makes Len realize that looking is not enough. And as a consequence of this, he decides that he would rather walk amongst the maple trees in person than to just gaze at them from his window.
So with a slightly anxious breath Len stood up, dropped his pen and thought, A final walk should help…
Boy would he be wrong.
And so Len went on to exit his room, going downstairs to slide on his Converse so that he can stroll amidst the summer breeze outside.
Rin was consequently taking a nap back at the house waiting for the ride to come. He did not want to wake her. This was just one of those things he wanted to do alone.
A/N: A song to listen to for this scene: YouTube Helios - Every Hair On Your Head, watch?v=YB66dcorh4c
After closing the front door, Len lifted his head to the sky and took in a deep breath of fresh air. He persisted to observe the smells, the sights and sounds of the tranquil community. Children laughed down the street as they played in their front yards while their parents watched. Several dogs were being walked by their owners (going on to wag their tails as Len passed by them and smiled).
The air was filled with the aroma of freshly cut grass along with the faint scent of the ocean that lingered close by.
And to tie this all up, the distant sound of a summer breeze hummed itself throughout the houses (traveling down the street proceeding to brush itself against Len's skin as it floated past him).
Quiet calmly, Len ensued to stroll by the brightly colored cottages that darted their neighborhood, placing both his hands at the back of his head closing his eyes as he went.
And then suddenly, the most horrific sight befell him. Len raised his eyes to the heavens to witness a flock of crows on a hunt.
In front of the crows was a herd of insects, but not just any insects...butterflies.
To Len's disgust the butterflies were getting eaten by the dozens, and not just getting eaten but massacred.
Remnants of their torn wings fell from the sky like tiny shards of ripped paper…
Len reached out his arm, extending one index finger…and almost as if in slow motion he gazed at a single fragment of butterfly wings land on the tip of his outreached hand. He drew in his arm to stare at the tiny sliver that had landed onto his skin, and then he returned his eyes to the feeding frenzy above him.
The remaining butterflies kept hopelessly trying to flee, but over and over again the crows would swoop down and rip their bodies in half, throwing their appendages like rag toys to their fellow avians. When one crow opened its beak, another would throw a dead butterfly into its jaws because it was already full.
In short the crows were not just eating their food but were playing with them as well, but despite this aspect…their actions were still a natural part of the circle of life.
However for Len, this feat of nature taking place before him was so much more than that.
For Len...the butterflies were not just insects, they symbolized him, his sister, and their wretched but pure love. The group of butterflies getting devoured was a sign in his eyes…that regardless of where they went, they could never be truly happy.
To him the crows represented society (in that they existed everywhere much like people do). The observation of these birds made him decipher that it didn't matter where they moved or how far they traveled.-People would always question their relationship…which meant they would constantly be living in fear.
Deep in his heart Len knew this.-That society would gradually consume them, leaving only disjointed bones left.
So for Len, at that moment he grasped that "freedom" was unattainable for them. Being "free" meant pursuing happiness without having to experience oppression by another. And although Len knew that he was just one of many people who were not truly "free" (the others being people of color, women, the gay community, etc.) that even those very people who experienced prejudice would still attack their relationship simply due to the fact that the girl he loved shared his blood.
Who would want to support incest?, Len comprehended sadly (his shoulders slumping over in defeat), Hell, even I don't support it! The mere thought of those types of relationships makes me cringe. But...but when I think of Rin all I can see is a soul untainted by all the hatred that swept over her. She's like a glass prism. She reflects whatever is put over her and shows it in a different light. I can only live knowing that she exists, but somehow it feels as though that's not enough anymore.-Because no matter how deeply we love, someone will always look down on us. There is no other way to escape their eyes but this...
That's right…Len could no longer combat the feeling of wanting to commit suicide.
He had put on a brave face for so long that the mask he was wearing finally shattered. Len wasn't brave, he hated himself.
The belief that he was the reason they were damaged goods still remained.
Basically…Len had not really forgiven himself for that incident in the past. And now that they were being given a second chance, he felt sick to his stomach…because he believed he didn't deserve a new beginning in the first place. And so he sought to end that possibility by dying…
Slowly Len raised his hands to grab at both his arms, cradling his body in a self-soothing manner. He dropped to his knees with wide eyes as he began to see black circles that weren't actually there, and then (merely out of pure stress) Len collapsed onto the lawn of one of his neighbor's front yards.
A/N: For your ears!: YouTube Ólafur Arnalds - Alice Enters watch?v=-e1G_QQMeAk
With his gaze shut tight he delves into his false reality yet again, and then swiftly a calm and somber voice hums all around him whispering, "You do not have to 'dream' anymore. Your wish has come true, so why do you still sleep to dream?"
Len raises his cobalt pupils to find the faceless girl blocking the sun from his view; her silhouette casting a shadow over his face while her long platinum blonde hair weaves itself all around him like seaweed inside of the ocean.
He hurriedly stands himself up to ask snappily, "I-I fainted...didn't I? I guess that must be the reason you're here again. So what is it now?-Have you come to shed some more false wisdom? Regardless I thought you were done with me, but every time I say that you just keep reappearing…"
"I am done with you. It is you who is not done with me. I appear because you are at a standstill. You have your sister's love now…yet you still feel empty. You wish to die again. That is why I am before you right now, to help you solve this issue." Untainted Rin proclaims.
Len turns his eyes away angrily and mutters, "I hate how you know everything about me. But even more than that I hate how there's no way you can help me…"
"I am not supposed to make choices for you, you have to help yourself. As you already know I am only here so that you will be better able to see how you really feel." Perfect Rin declares, her pale blue eyes scorching themselves into his own.
She then descends from the air and settles her feet onto the ground. She is tall and slender, her height being the same as Len's.
The faceless girl then proceeds to brush her long thin fingers against his cheek murmuring, "If you truly feel so empty, then take her with you to the 'other side'. She might agree to it."
"Y-you mean…ask Rin to commit suicide with me?! But what if she gets mad at me for wanting us to die together?!" Len retorts restlessly, his gaze being narrowed in pain.
To this the faceless girl just smiles and announces, "You cannot know unless you ask her now can you?"
"But asking such a thing…it's…it's almost impossible to do!" Len shouts.
Untainted Rin then nears her face towards his own, pressing her soft lips onto his before saying in a quiet hushed voice, "Nothing is impossible, but thinking makes it so…"
Then out of nowhere, just as quickly as she appeared, the faceless girl backs away from him steadily…fading into nothing like she always does. Her departure meant it was time for him to awaken, and so he does.
A voice…someone's calling out to me…, Len thought.
Ever so slowly he raised both his lids to find two people on their phones asking for emergency medics.
"Hey! The kid is finally awake! Are you alright son?" a man with brown hair asks.
Stunned, Len takes a moment to recompose himself when he abruptly notices that the man is the same guy who he saw at the park with his girlfriend so many months ago (the park where he first kissed Rin while she was asleep). The man is now married to that same woman and they currently have a newborn child.
Barely enough for the brown haired couple to hear Len mutters, "The world really is too small after all…"
"Kid you're talking nonsense!" the brown haired man pleads gently, "Now my wife here is calling the authorities because you don't look too good. Try not to stand up okay?"
Ignoring his request Len stands himself up then manages to say, "Don't call the authorities. I was taking a nap."
Because of this odd response, the man's wife proclaims worriedly, "But your body was sprawled out on the grass face down! Are you certain that you're okay?"
"I am certain now fuck-off!" Len yells causing the couple's baby (that is resting in the stroller) to cry.
Since Len was already under a tremendous amount of stress to begin with, he had no patience left for the concerned young couple.
"Hey now kid." The brunette man declares angrily, "That is no way to speak to strangers that were just trying to help you!"
To this statement Len turns his back towards them and mutters, "I know, and I thank you both for what you just did. But I'm really not in the mood for this right now and I truly was taking a nap. Please take my word for it. Now that I've explained myself…I would like you guys to leave me alone. That's all I'm asking for…"
With suspicious eyes the newly married man asks, "Alright…that's fine with us. But are you SURE that you're okay?"
"I am. Now please if you don't mind, I'm already late as it is. I truly have to get going." Len states whilst pretending to appear as though he were missing an appointment of sorts.
"Okay then. We'll be off…" the young man announces (motioning his wife and child away from Len).
Little did they know that the blonde youth they had just met was on the brink of death.
Back at the house, Rin has just awakened from her nap as her cellphone alarms signals that the ride should be there any minute. She steps onto the front porch of her house to keep an eye out for the shuttle van when she suddenly spots Len. Rin was just about to greet her brother when she curtly notices that he is sending the shuttle driver away.
Somewhat confused, Rin sprints down the front walkway as she asks, "Len! What're you doing? That was our ride to the airport! How're we going to get there now?"
Despite her question her brother does not turn around to respond, so cautiously Rin strolls over to him this time and inquires softly, "Len…is there something wrong?"
She is startled when he whips his body around only to force a very sexual kiss on her. She struggles to get out of her twin's grasp as he digs his lips onto hers, shoving his tongue into the caverns of her mouth. His hands are groping her all over: one of them is squeezing her rear while the other tightens itself around her breast.
Then with one swift push Rin knocks herself out of Len's arms proclaiming shakily, "What the hell is wrong with you?! We aren't in our new hometown yet! You can't just go doing things like that out in the open! Jesus Christ you almost gave me a heart attack…!"
Still Len does not answer to her. Instead he holds both her hands and questions, "If I ask you to join me…will you follow?"
"W-what're you talking about? Join you where?" Rin inquiries naively, her petite shoulders quivering with doubt.
Instead of answering Len simply gazes at her, observing her beautiful features. From the sharpness of her petite nose to the edges of her clear azure eyes, everything about her shouted 'honesty'. He starts to tremor at the thought that he is willing to allow such an honest and beautiful person get mangled by a train.
Biting his trembling lower lip he ponders, You will become nothing but scrapped pieces of flesh by the time the trains passes over us both, but that's okay if it means we'll meet on the other side, or at the very least if we can escape this constant hell.
That's right…Len was going to ask Rin to commit lover's suicide with him on the train tracks, in fact at the very station terminal they used throughout their entire high school career.
"I've…I have been thinking about wanting to fulfill something for a very long time, so I ask you this again. W-will you join me so that we can meet…on the 'other side'?" Len proclaims in such a low voice that Rin almost believes he didn't say anything at all.
But when she hears 'other side' she immediately recognizes what he's asking for.
A/N: I have another song to introduce for this scene: YouTube Ólafur Arnalds – Fyrsta watch?v=dj7zWQYEw7U
Little by little her expression becomes smeared with nothing but grief as she questions (her eyes starting to water), "Why n-now Len? Why choose death when another door is opening f-for us in that new home we bought…?"
With this comment Len's eyes become dim as he explains, "Even in our new home halfway across the country someone will be bound to find out. We will always be living in fear Rin. Carrying out this relationship would be easier if we didn't look so much alike, but it's so goddamn obvious we're related! For god-sakes we even have the same birthday! Don't you think that's enough information already for someone to realize the truth about us?! I can't see any other way we can avoid the future trouble we'll run into but this!"
"-So what?!" Rin screams, her cheeks becoming sprawled with enraged tears, "We'll take on the future together! They can look down on us all they want! It doesn't matter what they think, the only thing that matters is how WE feel! Len you know how we've learned, and loved, and experienced more than most people have in a single lifetime! So why fight it now even though we're this close to freedom?!"
"Because I know that the love we feel isn't the same!" Len falsely confesses.
This statement was a lie. He knew Rin loved him dearly. What Len couldn't stand was the thought that her entire life would be spent suffering, because of him. So he had to convince her some way to end it all so they could die together while only a few people were still aware of the secret before more found out. In sum he wanted for them to depart from this world before their troubles became worse.
It killed him inside knowing that she would endure turmoil just because she chose him of all people: the person who was the reason she lost her innocence when they were children.
He never got over that…and now here they were discussing this 'last solution'.
"It's…because I know are love isn't the same…" Len repeats, his heart clenching involuntarily.
Shocked, Rin puts both her hands over her mouth and starts bawling before she runs over to Len hugging him so hard that he too starts to weep as she whispers, "I-I hate you for saying such things…In fact I hate you so much that I don't know what to do with myself. You're the most horrible person in the world, because you're an idiot. You're an idiot for thinking that we love unequally, and for believing that you make me suffer, but most of all…you're an idiot for convincing me to do this with you…because now I'm an idiot too. I'll do it. I'll die with you if it means you'll hurt a little less…"
Len just stands there, embracing her so tightly that his fingertips are digging themselves into her back. She too is gripping him securely, so much so that she can feel her brother's ribs expand against her chest with short excruciating breaths.
With his face buried firmly in the crook of Rin's neck Len asks unsteadily, "A-are you sure you c-can do this with me?"
"I-if it means it will end all the torment than y-yes…" Rin proclaims, her tears soaking themselves right through his shirt.
With the decision to commit lover's suicide, the Kagamine twins waited until just before sunset so they can step onto the tracks of the station terminal (and not be seen by other civilians).
It was an outdoor station terminal, the type that you can walk beside because there were no barriers. It was also the type that didn't have a security guard.
Rin and Len lived in a town just big enough to have its own mall. It was the sort of town that didn't expect its citizens to go standing in the line of traffic or to go jumping off of buildings.
Yes…it was that kind of town.
"Why here?" Rin states (unable to cry any longer), "Getting killed by a train seems awful messy…"
Len goes on to hold her hand as he clarifies, "I chose a train because both of us die instantly together. Our deaths will be dirty but we don't have to do anything other than stand and wait. With a gun we'd have to purchase two of them and hope we die at the same time, a noose seems too time-consuming to prepare, and pills along with cutting vital arteries with a knife will likewise take too long."
"I see. Um, how…how long have you thought about doing this with me?" Rin asks, her fingers clasping his hand a little more snugly.
Len turns to meet his sister's eyes before he says calmly, "I've thought about doing this ever since I found out about our past. I kept thinking that even if we start anew, that there would be no way to avoid a bad future. Everywhere we go together is a fight. We live but with masks till the end of our days, and then I realized that we don't have to go through all that torture. If we met before we were ever alive, you know…before we were born, then I'm positive that we'll meet after we've died…"
"How're you so sure?" Rin inquires, her eyes slightly filled with uncertainty.
"Because for us there was never a 'till death do you part'. We were never apart in the first place. There is no 'parting' for us, only meeting over and over again but in new forms. We have lived and we will die as one just like we always have…" Len proclaims quietly.
"That's funny that you say that Len…" Rin grins a little, her face glimmering in the purple haze of the setting sun.
"Why's that?" Len inquires forcing a smile onto his lips.
"Because I read once that both fraternal and identical twins have always been fated to meet each other, even after death..." Rin illuminated gently.
"It that's true, then I guess we'll say hello to each other again very soon…" Len proclaimed softly.
A/N: Last song suggestion: YouTube Welcome to the NHK - Hitori no Tame no Lullaby
"But before that, we must say goodbye I suppose..." Rin declared, her head dropping down to look at her toes.
To her statement Len shakes his head sadly and clarifies, "Don't say goodbye Rin, because it means we will never see each other again…just say: I'll see you tomorrow…"
"…O-okay, then I-I'll see you tomorrow Len…" Rin manages to declare unsteadily, her deep blue eyes finding the strength to hold back more tears.
And with that being said Len kisses Rin one final time.
Night has now fully draped itself over the little community covering the twins in a blanket of darkness.
With great courage the two of them stepped onto the tracks, hand in hand. The wood that layered the pathway was a lot wider than what they had imagined, big enough even to fit them both.
Oddly enough (from their position on the trail) it gave them a perfect view of the beach. The sight of the clear blue ocean from the railway seemed so confounding to Len, because it presented a world that was vast and outwardly never ending. But then he looked at the other side of the tracks at the station terminal and witnessed how claustrophobic the structure was. He decided then that he probably made the right choice.
The chimes of the train seemed so far away at first, but the clangs gradually became louder and louder until neither Rin nor Len could hear their own heartbeats anymore.
It came so fast that it surprised them both. And in an instant one bright beam shone onto them, making their shadows grow in length the closer the train got.
It was surreal. No one really knows how big a train actually is until you're right next to one. And before they even had a chance to flinch they were shoved.
The conductor didn't even notice that two people were ever there...
A/N: Hey there readers. It has been a long while since I last updated, sorry about that. :/
I was so busy I thought f^ck it, I'm putting school and my other responsibilities first before my hobby so here we are. Well this is the second to last chapter. I've received a few questions that I'm going to add to the "Author's After Notes" at the end of the story (so if you have any questions please ask now, I've already gotten a few and will post them when the story ends). Do so by pm-ing me or leaving a review with the question.
However before the last chapter *I'm going on hiatus to spell check and edit all chapters so the last chapter will take a very long time to be updated*. :(
Please do not pm me about wanting to help me spell check. I know that some of you think it is helpful to get another person's perspective besides my own, but I already have help for that. However thank those of you for wanting to assist me; I just don't need it since the job is already filled. :]
Don't ask me why I did this to Rin & Len for the 2nd to last chapter, there's a point to all this madness. I rated it M so I can explore dark themes, and I am not diverging from this path. The happy ending will still be there, and because of all the anguish I put them through, the ending will seem all the much sweeter.
And if you feel like this is just too much for you to handle I warned you at the very beginning that all my stories have something horrible in them, it says so even on my profile page.
Well that's it for now, and see you all at the final chapter and please review! :P