This is what I do when I'm on study breaks. Also, last time I checked, I don't own PLL - pretty sure it's still true.
I'm not too sure where to begin today, Labour Day 2012, but I suppose I can start with the fact that Ezra and I have reached our one-year anniversary. It feels like so much has changed in our relationship over the past few months yet at the same time nothing has changed at all. My parents know about our relationship yet we're still hiding, Ezra isn't my teacher anymore yet we're still forbidden, A can't hurt him anymore yet after Maya's death I know he can still be hurt – and that scares me most of all. It feels like we've come so far yet we've barely moved at all. I know, I know "Slow and steady wins the race" but it'd be nice to be able to see the finish line in this never-ending struggle to be together.
But, all of that aside, after everything we've been through together, I'm more in love with him than ever. That seems to be the only thing that's changed positively in the last year. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but I've never lost love for him. Every day I find something new to love about his mind or his body or our relationship. I know we can last another year and hopefully every year after that for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I wonder if I sound naïve by saying that I've found my soul mate in him but then I look at him and I know that, no matter what anybody else says, we're meant to be together. "Even though this doesn't look right, it has always felt right."
He's taking me out on a proper date later tonight in Philly. He got a hotel room for us, too. My Mom knows I'm seeing Ezra tonight but she's under the impression that he's dropping me to Spencer's after our date instead of tomorrow morning before school. I dread to think what she'd do if she found out that we were probably going to hook up tonight. Castration is definitely not beneath her, haha! And, oh God, if my father found out. I still haven't forgiven him for everything he's done and I doubt I ever will. He seems to be waiting for me to realise that he was right all along. He'll be waiting long time because Ezra and I are stronger than ever.
It makes me so sad that he isn't accepting of what Ezra and I have, granted that he's
under the impression that we no longer have it. I want my father to be the one who walks me down the isle, I want him to place my hand in Ezra's as he gives me away to my one true love – is that too much to ask? There isn't a doubt in my mind that Ezra and I will one day get married but I know the day won't be completely perfect without one of the most important people in my life. I may not forgive him for what he did, for what he's still doing, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him, that I don't want him to be at my future wedding. I know that if he only gave us the time to explain what we have that he'd come around and see. He knows Ezra, he knows that he wouldn't even think about doing anything to hurt me.
In other news, senior year starts tomorrow. It's so strange to think that two years ago today Ali went missing. It feels like no time has passed at all but at the same time junior year felt like it would never end. Two years ago I would never have believed that all of this would happen. I would have scoffed at the thought of falling in love with my English teacher, let alone being involved in murders and missing people's cases and having a psycho stalker. I can only hope and pray that there's no drama this year, but who am I kidding? We live in Rosewood.
Emily seems to be doing better this week, too. I'm glad that she has school to focus on now. When she got back from Haiti she seemed fine for a few days but then Rosewood ruined her, just like it ruins the rest of us. I can't wait to get out of this God-forsaken town for good. Even that fishing village in Guam is starting to feel appealing.
The nightmares about A are becoming more frequent, too. I can't help but feel that this isn't over, that there's more to it. Surely Mona revealed herself to Spencer that night for a reason. Why would she want to reveal herself if there was a possibility of getting caught? When she went to that motel room, she knew what Spencer would find. I've spent countless hours mulling over all those details, trying to figure out what Mona's plan was. Kill Spencer? Kill all of us?
When will this nightmare end? I'm either living through one or dreaming of one. I just want to rest. I want to be able to walk down the street and not have to check over my shoulder in case I'm being followed, I want to be able to receive a text without almost having heart palpitations, I want to feel like a teenager again.
Anyway, I'm sick of thinking about Mona and her stupid mind games. I just want to enjoy an evening with my boyfriend. Speaking of, I better go wrap his present. I got him a first edition copy of his favourite book, 'The Great Gatsby' and at his request I'm wearing what I wore when we first met. My underwear, however, are certainly a lot more provocative than the one's I wore when meeting him – courtesy of Hanna Marin.
Review? Thinking of MAYBE turning this into a fic once I'm finished my exams on the 19th of June. Wish me luck!