I can't make excuses guys. All I can honestly say is that I lost the drive to write this, I wasn't having any ideas come to me. But now, I am ready to finish it. I still need to make edits to the other chapters, but I figured you deserved a new one first.

In case anyone cares I am going to give a very brief note on what's happened in my life. I had shoulder surgery, I graduated high school, I leave for college on the 22 of August, and I told my best friend that I liked liked her. And guess what, we're still best friends and I am currently helping her find a boyfriend. Thanks for listening.

My very good friend lealbee has not had the chance to beta this, I was getting impatient and refused to wait. So you've been warned. This was typed and then published, no reading over it and no beta... it's probably a mistake, but we'll see. I hope you guys like it. A huge ginormous thank you to you all who have stuck with me, even though I am a terrible human being that doesn't update. It means so much that I still get reviews and favorites and follows, it really means the world, so thank you again. I am going to start the next chapter as soon as I finish posting this, see ya!

CH 19

I run as fast as I can, my feet pounding against the ground. Nothing registers. Not the trees whizzing by me, not the shouting from behind me, nothing. The only thing running through my head is the fact that I am not what Alice needs. I am not her perfect mate. And if I am not perfect for Alice, then what good am I?

I catch the sound of a high pitched, heartbroken whine and only after a minute do I realize that it's coming from me. But I can't make it stop.

I continue running, for how long I don't know. When I do eventually stop I find myself in a very dense forest. I can't tell where I am from looking around, but if I had to guess, and based on how long I ran, I would say it's Canada.

I glance up and beyond the thick covering of leaves I can see that it's evening, probably close to midnight. I glance around once again and trot off towards a large clump of boulders and fallen trees. I hop up on the biggest rock and glance up again. There is a break in the trees so I can see the sky clearly. There are millions of stars shining brightly and green lights painted across the sky. Alice would love this. As soon as the thought comes to me, the pain of reason why I am here hits me. I tilt my head up and howl at the stars and lights, hoping that they'll be able to help me.

My howl ends in a quiet whine, but I can hear it echoing amongst the trees surrounding me. I lay down ignoring the sharp aching in my chest and try to get some sleep.

The snap of a branch at the base of the boulders wakes me. I jump down from my rock with my hair bristling and a low growl rumbling in my chest as my welcome to the intruder. I can't see him, but I can smell him and surprise causes me to stop growling more than anything. I shift back into my human form, not caring in the least that I am wearing my birthday suit.

"Edward. What do you want? Now is not really a good time to be fucking with me." I say with less venom than I wanted.

"I saw what happened. Between you an Alice." He says, and I clench my jaw at the thought of him seeing us. His eyes roam my body up and down, lingering here and there. I snort at him.

"That's peachy. Now did you come to gloat about that or to ogle me? Either way, fuck off." I spit out. He seems to realize that he was drooling all over the place because he shakes his head and rubs the back of his neck, his eyes on everything but me.

"Ah, sorry, but, no, that's not why I'm here. I'm actually here to tell you that you are making a mistake. Leaving Alice—leaving everyone—is a huge mistake. You haven't brought us any trouble."

"Please. We all know that you are not my biggest fan, and that's fine, really, but don't sit there and lie to me. I have caused all of you problems, and not minor ones. You guys are essentially going to war because of me."

"Being dramatic isn't your style, Bella, leave that to Rosalie, but, Bella, listen to me. Did you cause these things, yes." He holds a hand up at my glare and continues. "But you have also done so much good for us. Carlisle and Esme have another daughter. Esme has someone she can actually cook for. Emmett has a new sister that enjoys videogames and wrestling and pranks and jokes just as much as he does. Rosalie has made a new friend, one that has softened her up a little bit, one that has made her see that not all strangers are evil and are trying to expose us. Jasper has someone else to play chess with, share stories, and who enjoys tactics. He has found someone to talk to. Do I need to even talk about what you've done for Alice?" He asks, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Oh yes, I've done so, so much. She gets a werewolf as a girlfriend. That's just stupendous. Not only that, but a girlfriend that she has to make sure she isn't thirsty if we want to have sex. Do you know what this means? All that fantastic spontaneous sex, which is unbelievable by the way, can't happen. Oh my God, we'd have to make a calendar. 'Dear, did you go hunting this weekend like we planned? Oh good, so we can have sex tonight and tomorrow, but then we have to wait until you feed, well okay.' " Edward frowns at me and cocks an eyebrow.

"Don't you think that that is a tad overdoing it? You know that isn't true."

"It doesn't feel like it. She could do all this stuff if her girlfriend was a vampire. Do you know how much it hurts that I am not what she needs? That I am not good enough for her, well, we all know that I'll never be good enough for her, no one ever will," I ignore his smile and continue, "but, before, I could at least pretend that my shortcomings were overlook…able. Yeah, overlookable, is that a word? Anyway, but now I see that it isn't something that can be ignored." I sigh and look away. "All I want is for her to be happy." I hear Edward move and soon his cold hand is lifting my head so that I am looking him in the eye.

"Bella, you are more than Alice's girlfriend. You are her mate. Do you realize how rare it is for us to find ours? And it certainly isn't going to happen the day after you're turned. It takes a long time for us to find them, if we ever do. Being her mate makes you perfect for her, not perfect. Our mate is our other half, they complete us. They make life worth living. You mean the world to Alice, and she can no longer be happy with anyone else. She has found her perfect."

"I'm still not good enough."

"That's not true. Being mates isn't just about feelings. Look at how you and her fit together. She can get a little exuberant at times but now she has you to keep her grounded. And you, you are serious and use sarcasm as a defense against not letting people get close, but Alice loosens you up, breaks down those barriers. You both have ended each other's loneliness. She had a family, but she wanted more, was missing out on what Esme and Rosalie had, and you fixed that, just as she fixed you being completely alone."

"It wasn't just her; you guys ended it, too, you are all my family." I say quietly and Edward smiles.

"Yes, but you know what I meant." I look him in the eye.

"While we're on this, you don't have a mate either. And neither does Jasper for that matter." I say and he smiles.

"Yes, but unlike dear Alice we don't have to have someone, I mean we want someone, but we are fine with waiting. Alice is very sensitive and very social. I think it is safe to say that she needs her other half, needed you even before she knew who you were, to be happy. Jasper and I don't. So what I'm saying is that you and Alice need each other, deserve each other, and make each other happy."

"Well, I do miss her." I say, downplaying the sharp pain in my chest.

"Then go get her. I promise she won't reject you, she's too far gone for that." Edward says chuckling. I breathe out a laugh that's more of a sigh, and face him once more.

"Are you going back? Everyone is worried about you. "

"I will, soon, but there is one thing I have to do first. Tell everyone I say hey?" He asks with an apologetic smile and I nod.

I take a few steps away from him and start to shift, when I finish I move towards him. I stare him in the eye for a moment before putting my head over his shoulder and pulling him towards me. I feel him gently wrap his arms around my neck and squeeze back. "You're welcome." He says and I pull back and roll my eyes at him, but my tail swishes back and forth anyway. I bump him in the arm with my head before I take off for home and Alice.



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I love you all so much. Until next chapter, friends.