A/N Sorry everyone, I screwed up a chapter replacement and accidentally removed the first chapter. All fixed now.
"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about this because it still might be classified but...
Kids, in the summer of 2012, your Aunt Robin joined the Avengers. Also, apparently her name isn't Robin and oh, she's also not Canadian. In fact, most of the stuff I've been telling over the years was apparently a lie..."
"I'm a spy."
Barney blinked, Ted's jaw dropped open, Lily had no reaction, and Marshall tried not to have a reaction.
Then everyone started laughing, like I expected them to. When I joined the CIA, they told me that my cover was "reporter" and that was what I told everyone I did. I was still Maria but I was also "a reporter". Then I went to work for SHIELD, I was reassigned to deep cover and "I'm a reporter" became "You're Robin Scherbatsky, you work at a TV station, four days a week you'll be on camera and on the fifth and sixth day you'll work for us." I got Sundays off.
I didn't expect that "Robin" was going to have friends and boyfriends and an apartment and a life and a career. Slowly over the course of several years, my life as a spy got weird. I assumed that when I went to Japan to kill those North Korean terrorists that my relationship with these people would just end quietly but there I was, back in New York, still Robin.
Now it was time to come clean, I was going to be a Deputy Director and that meant going public and I just needed to actually be Maria Hill to the people that I cared about.
Coming out of the closet wasn't going very well.
"Oh sure! Robin the spy!" Marshall laughed as the rest of the table chuckled.
"My name isn't Robin, it's Maria." That just got more laughs.
"Double Oh Robin, Canadian Secret Agent, protecting the people of Calgary!" Barney was in tears as he said that in his fake Canadian accent.
"Shakin' not stirred yah hooser!" Lily replied.
"I'm not Canadian either, that was my cover id. My name is Maria Hill, I'm a level 9 SHIELD Agent and-" More laughter, clearly she needed to prove it. She reached into her bag for her comm link. "Mother Bird to Hawkeye, pull the trigger."
"Roger Mother Bird, trigger pulled." Was the reply and suddenly an arrow flew through the pub window, past a sea of bar patrons, and right into their favorite booth. It embedded itself in the table in front of Ted with a small note attached to the tip: "She's telling the truth. -Signed CB"
Everyone stopped laughing.