A/N: Sorry for the wait everybody, I wanted to hold off on posting another chapter until I saw Spiderman, thinking of making this a three way cross over, let me know if that's okay with you.
Kids, in 2012, we became really good friends with Thor, the Norse God of Thunder. Actually that's not true: we were his best friends! Thor was like a 24-7 party and since he didn't have that many mortal friends on this "plane of existence", Thor hung out with us all the time. Of course, because we were friends, we helped one another out of jams..."
Fun fact: Asgardian Gods and Olympian Gods do not get along, which is something I wish I had known before Nick Fury insisted that I recruit Hercules to join the Avengers "B" team.
The knowledge that there was an inter dimensional race of aliens out there called "Asgardians", lead us to look around for other groups of mythic space gods.
Two phone calls, 600 million dollars, and a secret wormhole project out of the Cheyanne Mountain later and SHIELD had it's very own Greek Super hero, the demi-god Hercules of Olympus. Things went just fine and Hercules was more than happy to join a team of super heroes. In fact he was the cheapest member of the Avengers team: as long as there was beer, wine, and a sexy lady waiting for him after the fight, Herc did whatever we needed.
Then Thor got back from his latest trip to Asgard and all of the shit hit all of the fans.
Olympians and Asgardians have a blood feud going back centuries, they hate each other. H-A-T-E. Period. It took less than a minute during their first team meeting together before Thor tried to cave in Hercules' skull. And it only got worse. They bickered like school girls on missions, started fights in the locker rooms, threw punches at strategy meetings. The whole thing became a crisis when they started ambushing each other in the streets and fighting in back alleys to "prove their worth".
When two normal men act like meat heads, they're usually the only ones who get hurt. When two men who can lift a sedan over their heads get into a fist fight, it causes property damage and that property damage is why I found myself sitting in a New York City Jail, watching Thor through the bars of his cell.
He tried to get my attention, even dropped something that might've been a joke if I was still in the mood to hear it. I ignored him. Thor was in my dog house right now and I didn't trust myself to talk to the guy.
I think we were both really thankful when the guards lead Marshall Eriksen into the room.
"Hail Marshall, Scion of Erik's Line!"
"Hey, Thor, how's it going?"
"Not well, friend Marshall, the earthly authorities have waylaid me for brawling within the Garden Square."
Marshall's face had that same amusing, blank look when I tried to explain how the Canadian parliament created coalition governments. So I knew he was going to need some kind of translation for Thor's crazy Shakespearean speak. "He and Hercules got into a fist fight at Madison Square Garden."
"Aye, the Grecian Blackguard ambushed me while Selvig and I watched the Knickerbockers battle the Heat."
"So you got into a fight during a Knicks game and they arrested you?"
His confusion didn't go away and I could see the wheels spinning around in that big Minnesota skull. "I thought you guys could just do some of that SHIELDy stuff and get them both released."
"I tried, Thor refused." Thor who had the good sense to look sheepish, "He wants to plead guilty."
"I have broken Earth law, to shun my punishment for such offenses would be dishonorable." I could hear that same, stubborn honor in his voice that would make "And though, I am loathe to admit it, the Son of Zeus is also not without honor either. Our quarrel is with each other and not with Earth, we wish to do penance."
I made a motion to the cell at the end of the hallway, where the thick hands and sturdy fingers of Zeus' favorite son waved at us with a polite smile. "Hercules is in the other holding cell; he also wants to plead guilty."
Marshall sighed, "Okay, so what are the charges?" He wasn't a criminal defense attorney; I could tell he was probably getting in over his head.
"I am shamed, friend Marshall." Thor hung his head and his shoulders slumped, "I used the mighty Mjolnir to call a storm on the Olympian dog and it caused great harm to the House of Knickerbocker."
"They caused 4 million dollars in damages." I had to wince when said the words.
Marshall grabbed his chest and I almost called an ambulance, "Four...million...IS THAT IN AMERICAN MONEY?" He looked over at Thor with confusion,"How in the hell did you cause Four Million dollars in damage?"
"Twas a grand storm, son of Eric." There was a glimmer in his eyes as he said that, I made a mental note to make sure his room on the Helipad had the Weather Channel. Thor was clearly a weather porn junkie.
"I can't…I've never…" Marshall was on the edge of a panic attack now, he was obviously regretting ever giving his Nordic buddy his business card, "Isn't there someone else you could-"
"This is a public relations disaster and half of New York want's SHIELD's head. The Mayor of New York is going to evict the Avengers if we don't come up with some way to please everybody all at once." I said, "Marshall, Thor goes before the judge in a half hour. There isn't time for anyone else."
"Are you kidding me? I'm an environmental lawyer, if somebody dumps a bag of trioxin in the river, the most I can do is call for a four year study and threaten a lawsuit!"
Thor reached through the bars and placed his hand on Marshall's shoulder. There was a funny, kind of tender look on the demi god's face. "Friend Marshall, when I came afoul of this city's magistrate, I knew in my heart that you and you alone could deliver me from this shame." He spoke his next words, slowly and quietly, "I know that you are no warrior and you have never faced battle but there are times when greatness calls men to it's bosom." Thor paused so that Marshall could chuckle at the word bosom, then squeezed the smaller man's shoulder. "Friend Marshall...I believe in your greatness."
I watched as a change came over my friend. Marshall's chest puffed up, his jaw drew tight. He straightened his tie and he walked away without a word. I tried to call out after him but Thor stopped me. "Do not bother him." Thor said quietly, "He has the look of a man preparing for war."
Here's another fun fact about Gods: they all know a trade.
Remember those stories from your child hood? Stories like the Labours of Hercules or the Journeys of Thor? Do you know what they have in common? Work.
Gods and Goddess were all patrons of the tradesman back in the old days and our two patron gods were no different. Thor was a pretty skilled metallurgist and Hercules was once the Bronze Age version of a construction worker, so they both knew their way around a work site. Watching them rebuild Madison Square Garden together was actually kind of fascinating.
It was also great PR. When that Spiderman guy tore up Osborn tower fighting that giant lizard thing, he didn't show up the next day to fix what got broken. Thor and Hercules did show up and they did exactly what Marshall said they would do: perform four million dollars of construction work.
Obviously the Judge laughed at the idea that they could perform that much community service in one day but Thor and Hercules seemed to take that as a challenge.
We had to clear it with the union but once the ink was dry, there were two mighty Gods doing the work of a hundred men alongside a bunch of very impressed construction workers.
The funniest part was the trash talk.
"You are the foulest of scum and you work so slowly that it is like you are standing still!" Thor shouted as he picked up a two ton steel beam with one hand.
"Since you have never seen a real man give a hard day's work, you have no right to complain about the speed with which I perform these labours!" Hercules replied as he pushed an iron rivet into place...without a rivet gun.
"Olympian bastard! Son of One Who Lays with Men!"
"Asgardian Dog! Son of One Who Lays with SHEEP!"
Then Thor raised his hammer and got a little worried there was going to be another fist fight. Wrong, he was just calling down lighting to weld together two pieces of hard steel together. I later asked the foreman how long that kind of work usually takes.
He said two days.
I laughed and wondered how Marshall actually pulled a stunt like this off. I examined several possibilities, turning them over in my mind before I came to the only conclusion that made any sense: Marshall Eriksen was an effing genius.
A/N Thanks everybody for hanging in there, let me know if you're okay with an appearance by Spider-man in the next one.