Lessons I Learned from Ghost Adventures

Lesson 1: If you walk into what feels like a spider web, it could actually be a b****-slap from a ghost.

Lesson 2: Always wear a mask. You don't want to get crap in your lungs.

Lesson 3: Sometimes, the toughest-looking guys are the biggest chickens.

Lesson 4: Some ghost-recording equipment lets you hear burping mosquitoes.

Lesson 5: Sometimes ghosts will tell you dirty little secrets, like if they got pregnant before getting married, or if they killed someone.

Lesson 6: Don't go puddle-jumping right after a thunderstorm, especially when said puddle is near a downed power line.

Lesson 7: If you yell enough, ghosts WILL come out.

Lesson 8: Sometimes, the toughest-looking guys are also the biggest goofballs. See also Lesson 3.

Lesson 9: 15 minutes seems to be the magic number for the amount of time it takes for someone to die in a hanging execution gone wrong.

Lesson 10: Chirping crickets make great rave music.

Lesson 11: If someone says not to mess with something like a painting because bad things will happen, don't mess with said thing.

Lesson 12: Watch out for old ladders and staircases. You don't want to accidentally fall through, or come close.

Lesson 13: If bricks start flying at you, the best escape route is the window of an upper floor of the building.

Lesson 14: Don't use an Ouija board in a house where famous exorcisms took place.

Lesson 15: Black cats are bad luck. Demonic black cats are worse. If a random black cat shows up when you're talking about them, get out.

Lesson 16: Wandering around sewers is a brilliant idea, especially when said sewers lead to a portal to hell. And by brilliant, I mean terrible.

Lesson 17: When ghost hunting at night, watch out for doors and furniture, so you don't run into them.

Lesson 18: Apparently, there are light wands that are the ghost versions of bug zapper lamps.

Lesson 19: Sometimes, spirits of children are actually demons in disguise.

Lesson 20: Dolls are evil.