Disclaimer: I am not J K Rowling. I do not own Harry Potter.
Note: The following is a one-shot set in an alternate universe where the Sorting Hat said Slytherin for one particular pupil in 1971, and events played out in such a way that the following scene occurs at some point in late November/December 1975. It's intended as a generally light-hearted piece, and I'm not too bothered about adhering rigidly to canon of what witches/wizards of this age should/shouldn't be capable of doing.
"I lay the blame for this latest debacle entirely at your door, Prongs." fifth year Hogwarts student Sirius Black said to James Potter, with an air of offended dignity. "What kind of stupid idea was it to say to them last time 'but next time we will make you run away like little girls'? That was just setting them up to do this."
The Marauders each currently featured long plaited hair tied with multiple pretty pink bows. Despite their skills with transfiguration, they had been unable to figure out a way to transfigure their way out of the problem. They also had difficulty walking without skipping as they did so. They had at least managed to turn their dresses back into more usual Hogwarts student wizardly attire however.
"At least it's not as bad as what happened that time you made a wise-crack about making a song and dance of it." James retorted to his friend.
"Yes, well: In my defence I'd like to think that I genuinely believed that magic like that was well beyond their capacity at the time."
"We need to split them up somehow." Peter groaned. "Every time we go up against them four on two we lose."
"Have we ever not gone up against them four on two?" Remus asked.
The Marauders paused and scratched their collective heads.
"I don't think so." Sirius said slowly. "There was that time last Christmas when we thought we had Snape One on his own, but Snape Two was just hiding under cover of a disillusionment charm nearby, showing off that she doesn't need an invisibility cloak to do stuff like that."
The Marauders had long ago christened Severus Snape and Lily Evans respectively as Snape One and Snape Two, and occasional hangers-on or other associates by various other numeric identifiers.
"Mary Macdonald occasionally swaps the time of day with Snape Two." James said. "She doesn't give away any Gryffindor secrets to her, of course, and she doesn't get much back in return, but apparently Snapes One and Two went around together as much for their own protection from their own house in the early days as for any other reason. And then we sort of started ambushing them, and they became even more committed to sticking to one another. Apparently their running encounters with us have gradually made them quite popular in the house of snakes, despite Snape Two being muggle-born."
"I heard from Reg the other day that sometimes Snapes One and Two practice duelling, as a pair, where they face off against Snapes Four through to Eight, and they still manage to generally come out on top." Sirius said. "Okay, several of those are members of younger years, but that's still against odds one more than us, and against wizards and a witch who probably both know and use occasional dark magic."
"Oh crap." said James. "There wasn't any chance your brother was trying to wind you up?"
"Reg wouldn't do that to me." Sirius shook his head. "We may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but he wouldn't try to deliberately mislead me about something like that."
"We all know that Slytherins tend to go dark and join up with Voldemort." Remus said. "What happens, to the wizarding world, when Snapes One and Two do?"
"Hey, my cousin Andromeda is not dark. And she's married to a muggle-born." Sirius protested. "He's called Ted something or other – 'Donks' I think. And they have this cute little baby, named Nymphadora, who's going to grow up to be a real heartbreaker of a witch some day… But anyway, my point is that not all Slytherins go bad."
"Your cousin, Sirius, is an exception to the general rule, I suspect." Remus said. "And what are the odds of Snapes One and Two not going dark? All it takes is one of them, and the other will go as well, they're that close to each other. They'd probably be dating already if they weren't so busy fighting constant running skirmishes with us."
"Maybe skirmishes with us do count as a hot date for them. I could have sworn I saw them snogging each other as we were busy running away from those snorkack things they summoned last month." James said.
"Eeew." Peter said, pulling a face. "Snogging in front of snorkacks."
This short sketch was originally titled 'Snogging in front of the Snorkacks', but I'm not sure if 'snogging' constitutes a K rated word, so I revised the entry title.
To repeat the opening note, this one is a one-shot. It's something of an indulgence written and posted as a change from some of the more serious stuff I'm currently working on.