I never knew this before, but the song for this chapter, "Make Love Like a Man", was on the UK version of Vault. Since I live in the States, I only have the US version. I am now rectifying that, but unfortunately I don't have the liner comments for this song. All I'm going to say is that it's very OOC, absolutely silly, and takes place during late in the fourth season, I guess. Besides, the song is funny and the band wrote it to help cope with the death of their guitarist, Steve Clark (or so I've heard).


Chapter 17:

Make Love Like a Man

"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into doing this," Tom Hanson muttered, shooting an irritated glare at his fellow officers Doug Penhall, Harry Truman "HT" Ioki, and Dennis Booker. The four guys had arranged to sing karaoke in order to lift their fellow officers' spirits, and Hanson had unwillingly let himself be looped into going along, knowing his friends (well, Dennis not so much) would give him grief if he didn't.

"Hey, relax, Hamburger," Booker said, throwing an arm around Tom's shoulders. Hanson moodily shook off the arm as soon as he could, but that didn't deter Dennis. "It'll be fun." He gave a roguish grin. "Besides, there's no backing out now."

"And you said you'd do it," Doug added, giving his partner big, brown, puppy-dog eyes.

Ioki, dressed in his black leather jacket (as was Doug, Booker, and Hanson), didn't say anything, but he was smirking, his dark eyes dancing with silent laughter.

Tom gave a long-suffering sigh before he turned to the rest of the officers in Jump Street Chapel. "Do we have any Def Leppard fans here?"

Almost all the girls and maybe a third of the guys raised their hands, while some of the female officers let out a cry of "Ow!"

"FIND!"

Everyone looked askance at Doug, who looked around with an innocent expression. "What? Hufflepuffs are very good finders."

Judy hung her head. "Those kids never should have had him watch A Very Potter Musical."

Hanson and Ioki looked puzzled. Harry asked, "What's that?" just as Tom asked, "What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"

She shrugged. "Beats me. Some kids at school introduced it to him. Said they were from the future or something. Considering we had that case with the teen psychic, I'm almost ready to believe them."

"Ah. Remind me why Booker's here," Tom said. "He's not even a cop anymore, since he turned private eye on us."

"I told you last week I'd be dropping in to visit you guys," Dennis said. "Now, can we get on with it?"

Hanson shrugged. "I guess. Doug, I know I'm going to regret this, but hit it."

Penhall grinned, keyed in the song he wanted on Jenko's old jukebox (they hadn't dared rid themselves of it when Fuller took over as captain after their beloved mentor's death via a drunk driver), and the chords to a Def Leppard single resonated throughout the main room of the chapel. Somehow, Doug had gotten a hold of four wireless mikes, and he handed three of them to his singing partners. All the female officers who knew this song were grinning like crazy and already starting to move to the catchy beat. Even Hanson was loosening up a bit, a small smile on his face as all four guys chorused:

"Make love like a man
I'm a man, that's what I am
Huh c'mon"

Harry, Tom, and Doug dropped out, leaving Booker all by himself for the solo. The leather-clad PI gestured at the female officers, Judy more so than others, as he invited:

"All you girls 'round the world
Lookin' for a guy who's a real go-getter, yeah
Every guy, grab a girl
Love her like a man, make her feel a lot better, yeah
Everybody"

Hanson, wondering again why they had convinced him to do this in the first place, couldn't help smiling as he sang:

"You want it—I'm the one"

Doug took over:

"I got it—I'm Mr. Fun"

Harry's dark brown, almost black, eyes were laughing as he interjected:

"You need it—I'm Captain Cool"

Dennis finished the verse with:

"Come get it—and I've come for you
Come on"

All four of them sang the chorus in unison, gesturing at various female officers:

"Don't call me gigolo, don't call me Casanova
Just call me on the phone and baby come on over
When you need someone, when you need someone to

Make love like a man
I'm a man, and that's what I am, yeah
Make love like a man
Your kinda man, and that's what I am"

Tom did a solo on the next verse with:

"Oh, every day, every night
Take her little heart till it beats like a hammer, yeah, oh
Come on, do it good, do it right
Crazy little girl gonna stutter 'n' stammer"

Dennis, Doug, and Harry added "Stammer" before all four of them went onto the catchy chorus again:

"Don't call me gigolo, don't call me Casanova
Just call me on the phone and baby come on over
When you need someone, when you need someone to

Make love like a man
I'm a man, and that's what I am
Make love like a man
Your kinda man, and that's what I am"

Since Booker looked more like a punk rocker than the rest of them, he belted out the next bridge of the song:

"Gimme some rock 'n' roll, little bit of rock 'n' roll
It's gotta be rock 'n' roll, little bit of rock 'n' roll"

The three cops and single PI were all rocking out to the guitar solo, but motion stilled when Doug took over Phil Collen's verse:

"A little bit of love goes a long, long way
Gonna get it on if you really wanna get her
Never ever wait, it's a little too late
Love her like a man, make her feel a lot better"

At the next verse they alternated lines, first Tom, Doug, Harry, then Dennis:

"You want it—yeah, baby
I got it—why not?
You need it—oh! Oh!
Come get it—oh, come on"

Once again, it was on to the chorus:

"Don't call me gigolo, don't call me Casanova
Just call me on the phone and baby come on over
When you need someone, when you need someone, when you need someone to

Make love like a man
I'm a man, and that's what I am
Make love like a man
Your kinda man, and that's what I am"

For the next verse, Harry took the lead, while the others sang the backing vocals:

"Make love—make love
Like a man—like a man
I'm a man—I'm a man, that's what I am baby
Make love—make love
I'm a man—I'm a man, that's what I am"

This time, Booker sang the lead vocals, with Harry, Doug and Tom backing him up:

"Hey, get it while you can—make love
I wanna be your man—like a man
Baby understand—I'm a man
I'm a m-m-m-man
Make love—make love
Like a man—like a man
Your kinda man"

Then there was silence for a couple beats before Hanson finished with a flourish:

"Oh, love her like a man, she's gonna feel a lot better
And that's a fact!"

When the last drumbeats faded out, there was silence for a few heartbeats before everyone in the Chapel—Captain Adam Fuller included—started clapping hard and wolf-whistles rang out. Harry, Doug, Tom, and Dennis just exchanged grins, clasped hands, and bowed low. Booker cried out, "Thank you, thank you very much!"

"Ugh, not the Elvis impersonations again," Tom muttered.

Judy fought her way through the crowd until she was standing in front of him, a wide grin on her face. "Great job, guys." The grin turned evil. "Now, exactly how many times have you seen the music video?"

Hanson rolled his eyes and thought, Oh boy. She's never going to let us live this down.