A/N: This story will be a collection of songfics or fics written to song, which document Kensei and Shuuhei's relationship. I'm not quite sure why I'm writing these now, since my exams start next week, but i couldn't help it. Updates probably won't be great... probably be very sparodic actually, but I'll always try to get one out a week. Anyways, this song is Wait by Get Set Go.
Please review and tell me what you think (of the writing and the general premise)
Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the song.
How Bad We Need Each Other
"Wait, wait for the dawn my dear, Wait till the sun gets here, and you will wait too long he will be gone"
"What if he's not ready?" Kensei asked desperately staring into the eyes of his friend.
Shinji sighed inwardly, knowing the internal struggle his friend was facing. The struggle he'd being trying to work his way through ever since he'd realised that the young man acting as his Fukutaichou was actually the kid he'd saved from death 100 years earlier and the centre of his attentions.
"Kensei-san, I cannot tell you what to do. I have never tried to… but what I will say is this, if you continue to deliberate over what you're gonna do about the kid, then you're gonna be waiting forever."
"But…" Kensei started, but didn't know how to finish. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
Shinji rolled his eyes, "If you wait until everything is certain and stable and happy, you might just have waited too damn long and the kid, who probably feels exactly the same about you, will have got tired of waiting for you work out the finer details."
Kensei looked at him, showing the one weakness he had, to his most trusted friend. His eyes, wide and revealing his one vulnerability…showing how completely he was in love with Shuuhei Hisagi.
"Wait, wait till the sun shines through, Wait till the sky is blue, and you will wait too long he will be gone, he will be gone"
"Shuuhei, I can't believe we're talking about this again." Renji huffed, "You were so certain you'd tell him. You had a plan and everything. What happened?"
"I just couldn't." he friend replied quietly. "There was just so much to think about. So many possibilities…"
"Was there…really?" Renji asked, giving his friend a searching look.
Shuuhei didn't reply. They were sat outside sixth division's barracks, on one of the veranda's; he preferred to stare out towards the sky than answer his friend. Instead he just kicked the ground and leant back on his hands, to avoid meeting his friends gaze.
When he didn't receive an answer, Renji sighed and said, "You think things over too much Shuuhei. You want to be with Kensei, and everyone in Seireitei knows he wants to be with you, even if you won't see it. You just need to go for it and know we'll be here in the highly unlikely event that he's not interested. If you continue waiting for everything to be certain, you really will lose him, because he'll have got sick of waiting for you."
Renji's final words caught his friend's attention and their eyes met. In that one gaze Renji saw just how deep Shuuhei's feelings for his Taichou went and he felt a small amount of pity for his friend, knowing the pain of the internal struggle he was facing.
"Wait, wait till the signs are right, Wait till the perfect time, and you will wait too long he will be gone, he will be gone,"
Shuuhei stormed out of the ninth division barracks. He could hear Kazeshini purring in the back of his mind, feeding off the anger that was coursing through his body. He wasn't angry at his lover, he was furious at himself. He'd managed to say the wrong thing, yet again. He'd made the terrible mistake of making it sound as if he didn't care about what Kensei did for him, as if he was ungrateful for the small but meaningful gestures he'd always given, because he'd forgotten one little holiday.
It had meant to be a joke, said with a smile and no bad intentions. Yet, as soon as the words had left his mouth, he knew it'd been a mistake. He knew he should have just kept his mouth shut and his opinions to his-fucking-self.
There was no clearing up the mess right now. Despite the anger dissipating away into the heavy guilt that inevitably follows any fight. He knew there was nothing he could say to make it up to Kensei, not right now anyway. He'd have to leave everything to settle for a while, let the storm that had got kicked up blow over before he tried to talk to him.
He'd seen the hurt in Kensei's eyes, even though the man would never admit it. He wasn't the type to wear his emotions on his sleeve. No, Kensei's emotions lived in his eyes, hiding and waiting for someone to recognise everything that was going on. Shuuhei could always tell.
Shuuhei also knew he had to find a way to fix things between him and Kensei. But not tonight. So he kept on walking. Walking away from the barracks, away from the squads, to a quiet place in the woods, a clearing, where he could think.
"Wait till you doubt no more, Wait till you know for sure, and you will wait too long he will be gone,"
"You questioned my character, Shuuhei. You questioned who I am and what I believe in, all in one sentence."
"I know, but I never intended to. I didn't even mean it in a bad way, I didn't mean to question you like that. I know who you are." Shuuhei stood behind Kensei and put his hand on his back. "I do."
Shuuhei had said everything he could. He knew Kensei well enough to know long speeches and bullshit were not appreciated or wanted, so he didn't bother with them.
When Kensei didn't reply, Shuuhei sighed and sat down on the nearest chair and put his head in his hands. He had never understood how a fight could tear you into such small pieces even when you tried to fix things. He'd been feeling sick since yesterday, he couldn't eat and he was so tired he could barely function. He'd even gone to a bar with Renji when he realised he couldn't sit in the clearing any longer because he was making him worse.
He couldn't lose Kensei, not because he'd been stupid enough to over-react and say the wrong thing. He could almost feel everything start to slip through his fingers, leaving him trying to cling on for dear life.
Kensei looked round at him and said, "I'm not going anywhere Shuuhei, stop panicking. I'm just mad at you. It'll pass, but I can't deal with you always jumping to the worst case scenario. I know it's you natural reaction after all the shit you've been through, but I've been through shit too. You deal with it and move on. I just… I need to be alone and think right now."
Shuuhei looked up, met his lover's eyes and nodded. He left their quarters without a backwards glance, knowing if he did, he'd have stayed no matter what Kensei said.
Remember guys reviews are love. ;)