I was in the process of re-watching some of my old videos again, but one had completely frozen me because I remembered where it had come from. Coming Out: The Charlie-bot. One that had gotten a great response and a lot of laughs, but it didn't start out with that concept. First step: remove everything that has to do with robots. I had to scramble for a new video idea when the name of the video started getting a bad reaction at some other places on the internet. Coming out, coming out, coming out, the thought that had plagued my head for the past couple years. But it would never happen, I could never tell anyone. I'm sure there would be a fan base online that would accept it, but so many people would be revolted by it, unfortunately. With the internet being my job, I couldn't afford to damage my online presence, and I wouldn't want to hurt his either.
I had filmed the original video at my family's home in Bath. I couldn't risk him hearing. I spilled absolutely everything I felt with full purpose to post it online. Fortunately for the common sense that remained in my being, my laptop crashed shortly after from a virus, deleting everything that hadn't been backed up. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, where the swell of confidence and courage had come from. No way would the world know who I really loved. Ever. I didn't want things between Alex and I to get weird.
Great, now I can't stop thinking about Alex. Again. I had been so close to clearing the trance. My brain must enjoy torturing me. Well, either my brain or my heart. Both must be having a party with my pending sexuality. I could never just tell Alex. I wouldn't want anything to happen to our friendship. I would go flipping crazy (as if I weren't already.)
Thank goodness Alex had gone to a concert with Tom. He would have certainly known something suspicious was going on. And if asked me what was wrong, in the state I'm in, I would undoubtedly spill, and then the world would probably blow up or something. Or maybe I would.
I groaned, planting my face in my palms and running my fingers up through my bangs. Yes, my hair was too long, again, but I had been too preoccupied as of late to bother going downtown and having someone hold scissors way too close to my eyes. You know what? I wasn't exactly enthralled with what I was thinking about. Might as well get a few inches off. I turned off my laptop, and rose myself out of my swivel chair for the first time in what seemed like ages. I needed an escape from my feelings, which were growing to the point of unbearability.
Since the weather had been warming up, I didn't bother grabbing a sweatshirt. I stuffed my IPod in a vacant pocket along with enough money for a haircut, and grabbed a fresh notebook, just in case inspiration struck, which was highly unlikely, and headed out the door. A light spring breeze blew through the air, nipping at my exposed arms. Alex had taken the car, so the only option was to walk. The tube was a few blocks south. They say walks were a time for someone to really connect with themselves, for a man to be alone in his thoughts. Because that's just what I needed right now. My thoughts were what I was trying to avoid. I pulled my IPod out of jeans, popping the headphones into my ears that were slightly too small for them. Music had always been a good escape for me, it would just ship me off to another world. I hit shuffle. And what song should come up in my dire moment of desperation? Tom's song "They"
They say all's fair in love and war
But this war's not fair
And my heart's still sore
Who the hell are they anyway?
The ones who say tomorrow's just another day
And there are plenty more fish in the sea
Yeah, not for me
Great. So now my brain and my electronic devices were conspiring against me. Thank you Mr. Milsom. This little crush of mine that had grown out of control had rooted itself in my being a few years ago. There had been, and continues to be, a strong following of people who had thought of us as a couple, we laughed about it and denied it. We were heterosexual. But I just couldn't seem to ignore what I had been feeling, I wasn't letting myself. Now I could see what I mean, Alex was perfect. He always knew how to cheer someone up or make them laugh. His eyes were so pure and the way his brown hair scattered about on his head epitomized how he was so completely right. Amazing personality, handsome, charming appearance, and kind soul. All the things that made up Alex Day. I'd said I don't know what love was, but I couldn't imagine anything stronger than what was in my heart right now.
I crawled aboard the tube, and searched for an empty seat. I spotted a few vacant spots nearby, and shuffled through the people to settle down in one of them, and proceeded in actions that would make it clear that I was feeling rather introverted. I was feeling rather overwhelmed as well. Why can't I live in a simpler world? Why can't what I feel be considered normal? I love you, Alex.
Thank you for reading! Not only is this the first Cherimon I've ever written, it's my first slash fiction. I loved writing this, and I hope you are enjoying reading it. I will try and update really soon. Reviews and constructive criticism are extremely appreciated. So, until next time, keep calm and DFTBA!