Author's Note: This was a prompt by readinggirl1989, and I hope she likes it, and I didn't followed it to the letter, but it mostly fits, it just kind of worked out like this.
Discliamer: I only own my fatasties of Loki, so I don't own Avengers or Marvel.
Prompt: Loki and Darcy are dating before the whole take over the world thing. She sees him on TV and gets upset, calls him. He answers mid-fight, bewildering the Avengers by asking for a minute. She yells, he gets sheepish, leaves fight.
Summary: "So it is like this, yeah you can take over the world and all that evil stuff…but if you have to do this…don't expect to be getting any from me!" Darcy gives Loki a choice.
How Darcy Saved the World
Darcy came home from her job at the county clerk's office. Her feet were killing her! Sure, she could have a better paying job at S.H.I.E.L.D. and as much as she would have liked to continue working for Jane-because she did love her like the big brainy sister she never had-and actually being paid for it would have been awesome! The thing was…there was a complication named…Loki, her boyfriend.
And that would have made things difficult with him being on S.H.I.E.L.D's wanted list and all. She was no fool. She figured they were watching them. Those perverts probably never got laid and watching her and Loki was as probably close as they got. They did put on a very good show.
The point was even if they had not been watching, working at S.H.I.E.L.D. would have caused problems, they would always had been suspicious of her-it would of been more uncomfortable then her aching feet which at this point, felt like she stepped on sharp knives all day.-Or worse, they would have wanted her to spy on Loki or something. That was not going to happen! The way she figured it, she was already doing a service for her country; a happily laid Loki was less likely to take over the world or so she thought until… she turned on the TV.
She could not believe what she saw. It did not make any sense; everything was going so well….
They had been dating for six months…and Darcy well… she giggled as much as one of those gushy mushy teenagers on the opening of a Twilight film with delight, because it was so unbelievable. Oh yeah…she was a fan girl…a fan of a powerful God who could make her see stars, more accurately something beyond them. For real, sometimes she swore she saw Asgard when he brought his very skillful, large… oh yeah and just rocked her world.
That had to do with one of Loki's tricks, and she loved…loved some of Loki's tricks. Especially, the ones that seemed to make her orgasm for hours and there were the ones he did just to amuse her like making their mouthy bitchy neighbor's lips dance all over her face so the woman could not talk. She did not like them however when he did something stupid like when he turned her washer into a bug, because it pissed him off because it ruined his clothes because the idiot mixed his whites with her reds, and he declared, "You weak thing, you are beneath me ha ha…" No she did not like that trick so much-though…he did always magic it back.
In situations like that she would often find herself talking to Loki like he was two, "baby you can't destroy the washer, a washer is a good thing, I need clean clothes," She said it in a soft voice before adding, "and if I have to buy a new one, I will have your balls and not in a good way!" Okay….so maybe not like you would talk to a two year old, but you get the idea.
And of course when she asked him why he did not use magic to clean his clothes in the first place he simply replied, "It is not the same and you don't have any hand maiden's to wash my clothes."
"Yeah," She agreed, "No maidens here."
Anyway…the sex was crazy amazing, which was not too surprising…well considering HELLO…Loki was a God! And she was pretty good herself, though she had a thing or two to learn, but she was always quick on her feet and certainly gave the guy a reason to stick around. Then there was the other stuff besides sex. It was pretty obvious they were compatible, he had a wicked sense of humor that some…well…a lot of people did not get and of course, the bonus was that he understood her strange humor as well:
"Hey babe, I think that if we ever need to hide something we should totally use my boobs. Nobody would think to look there, but if they did I could totally sue them for harassment." It was not be the first time she said crazy things while she sat there bored waiting for dinner to finish baking in the oven.
He looked at her with those deep green eyes that always made her think of wild nights in a forest, "I think there would be little need to sue them, when their remains are being scraped off the ground, furthermore you should not let someone touch something that isn't yours."
She looked at him with a quirky grin and winked, "Oh come on, I would not let them touch them on purpose, that would make the whole suing for harassment impossible, babe." She kind of would ignore the violent remarks he made. She accepted those and sometimes they were funny but now the other thing he mentioned well… "And hey, who said you own these," She puffed her chest and pointed at her pretties.
He smirked at her. Then the next thing she knew his hand was under her shirt, firmly but not painfully grabbing her boob, "I do." His voice was so deep, full of lust and possession. So…sex was always inevitable after conversations like that. Of course, she would put up a fight for awhile, push his hands away, talk about women's rights and so forth, because if you did not make it hard for the God of Mischief he would get bored, and you did not want him bored.
Now maybe she should have kept him more occupied. She stared wide-eyed at the television, there was herboyfriend trying to take over the world. "There is chaos going all around!" The reporter exclaimed, even the prissy blond was freaking out. Not that Darcy could blame her, Loki could be DAMN right terrifying when he wanted to be, but why would he want to be?
What the fuck!
She wanted to pull her hair out. She did not understand. Was this his crazy way of saying he was not getting enough sex? Surly that thing she does with her legs…oh…and there was her mouth. He always seemed to love her mouth, but…apparently not enough. The worse part was not even that he was all super-villainy, she figured out he was the one that put the smack down on Thor. In the beginning she kind of figure that was a possibility, but after months of lots of sex and getting to know each other, she thought he worked through all that, but she guessed not. And the worse part was…she had not seen this coming…(not at all).
Everything had been fine. There was not even a sign this morning. They had woken up tangled up each others arms after a night of bliss. She headed to work and assumed he went to do his normal routine of pulling seemingly harmless pranks, reading and maybe…he was just bored or maybe he has been planning this the whole time while she was at work, because really…there had been nothing…not a clue...no 'hey baby I been bored lately, so I think it would fun to take over the world.' Nothing to indicate he was going to do this:
She saw as the camera showed the chaos where Captain America, Hulk, and Thor were fighting weird alien guys. It did not show Ironman or Loki at that point, but she seen him before announcing how humans needed to be enslaved. She could not believe this…why the hell was he doing this? Was he using her? What for? Sex…she supposed, but it felt like…she thought. Stupid foolish Darcy, why the hell would a God care about you, when he did not mind enslaving the whole world?
It could not. Darcy could feel her face getting wet, but she would not, could not. It was so freaking unbelievable. They talked about everything, granted it took awhile. When he first showed up in her life, it had been in a dark night and she was freaked out, so in normal Darcy fashion she shocked the guy with her taser. When he had woken up and she was face to face with those gorgeous green eyes, he been more than a little pissed off. He yelled something about her being a worthless mortal that should bow at his feet. She just shrugged it off, "Whatever dude, I was about to apologize for tasering you, but now I'm totally not."
And she guessed she interested him, because he started popping in and out of her life. At first it had annoyed her, and she did not know who the guy was at the beginning but after the whole Thor incident, nothing…well…not surprise her that would be a lie, things still surprised her, but…she just did not feel the need to call the police. For real, what could they do? So despite, the fact she knew she was in a dangerous situation and maybe she could of have gotten a hold of S.H.I.E.L.D but for some reason or another she decided against it. In reality what would they have been able to do, most of them were just human and Thor… he was gone. She had not at the time, knew anything about the other guys, heard rumors but had no clue who they were. Well, she knew of Stark but still…he was justa mortal, too.
And after awhile she did not care and after awhile she started to enjoy it and so did he. That took only a couple months. At the end of that, he confessed. Well more like gloated about how he was the one that brought down the monstrous tin-man. Darcy just shrugged it off, "Okay, so are you planning on doing that again, soon. A girl needs a heads up and all." After that, here and there he would give her a piece of information. He kept things locked up for awhile that she understood because it took her while to tell him about her drunkard father, her brother the solider killed in war, and some of the not so good things she done.
And one day…He showed her that he was a Frost Giant and when he immediately summoned his clothes back on she said, "You know how I like my men right? Naked and willing, and if I would have thought of it…I totally would have added blue." It seemed after he showed her his frosty goodness side, and it was goodness, like frosty flakes, delicious fun that there would be no secrets he would keep from her.
"Guess I was wrong," she stated as she heard the reporter babble on about the clip with Loki telling the humans that they needed a ruler. She was totally upset but…Okay, maybe it was strange, but even now being mad at him she still found him sexy in THAT suit. She shook her head, "bad sex drive, bad," She scolded as tried to refocus.
So…Granted, it would have been a strange conversation, 'hey babe, I'm thinking of taking over the world, and would you really mind?" At least he would have talked her and then she probably would have tried to throttle him and then he would have done some magic trick and then…then WHAT? What would she have been able to have done? Loki was Loki and she loved him no matter. If he wanted to take over the world…What was she supposed to do? Support him? Walk away? No! Darcy shook her head. She would not have been able to walk away. That was what sucked about being in love-and she was-she just kind of realized it recently, but she was and she thought he was too, but now she was not so sure.
Darcy was never one for lying down on the job…okay-so there was that one time and just last week…so maybe she was, but it was beside the point. She had his number. She wanted answers she was sure as hell was going to get some. She took her phone off the charger and dialed.
Tony knew there was a possibility he was going to die, standing there with a guy who was like a God, but Stark took these kinds of risks all of the time. He was sure Pepper would kill him once she found out, which would be ironic after surviving this encounter, just to get knocked off the map by his lithe blond girlfriend. But hey, what was the point of living? If you did not do stupid things ever once in awhile and in the Ironman's case, all the time.
"So," He started pouring himself a scotch, "You want a drink." He was not even sure what he was doing, buying time, and maybe gathering some information, not that he thought he get much of either, but hey…ever little bit helped.
"Foolish mortal, you know I could destroy you where you stand."
"Really," Tony just kind of shrugged, "Well…you know I think you are kind of afraid of us, because you know if we can't save the world we damn sure will avenge it."
"You think…" He stopped, there was 'I'm bitch, I'm a lover' ringtone playing. And really, what kind of super-villain has a cell-phone, but on top of that what kind of super-villain has an angry female chick song, maybe he could see it if 'he' was a 'she' but no…Tony shook his head, not even then. It was some kind of teen pop hit, it was not COOL. Loki seemed to read Tony's face. "I didn't pick it out," He looked at the number and sure enough it was Darcy.
His girlfriend had picked the ringtone when she stolen his phone and she had said, "I'll be your bitch if you'll be mine." What a strange thing to say? They were not dogs, though he knew there was a sexual reference as well, but if he had not know better he would say…in some strange way…she was saying 'I love you.' And if that were true…well then she should understand why he was doing this.
"I have to take this," Stark was wide-eyed, in what kind of world was this? That a super-villain took phone calls, "Hello." Oh this was weird, he actually had expected Loki to cackle something evil like 'Mortal why do you disturb your God' he assumed it was a mortal, but it could be another God. Why would Gods call each other? Was it Thor maybe? Does Thor even know how to use a cell phone, could the guy keep from breaking a cell phone was probably a better question? It did not matter, this was probably the top of the most bizarre shit that has happened in his life and a lot of weird things happen to him-almost on a daily basis-for example this:
"Hello, that's all you have to say!" Loki pulled the phone from his ear. Tony watched with morbid fascination whoever it was, made even the God of Mischief flinch. That must be one scary person. Maybe it was his father, Stark's dad would probably make him look like that, and it would have nothing to with the fact he was supposed to be dead, either.
"Darling," Loki began, he should have know this was not going to go well. He knew Darcy would not understand why humans needed to be enslaved, that was why he never told her.
"Don't you darling me!" She shrilled, "how…how…ugh…I'm so mad…I don't even know what to say right now."
"I'm just trying to do what is best for your planet," Tony stared in disbelief was this guy really talking to what-his girlfriend? Though he was not sure with the pointed helmet and all it seemed like the God might be trying to compensate for something-but did he expect whoever to understand?
"You have a girlfriend, and you actually think she is going to understand why you have enslaved her family. You got more issues than I thought," He took a sip of his drink, "Good luck with that. Women are quite complex creatures, maybe she will surprise you."
"Silence, mortal," Loki cringed at the sound of his beloved shouting at him.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that! I know where you sleep buster," Though Darcy realized he probably would not be coming home.
"I was not talking to you, Darcy," He said calmly. "I was talking to this idiot who prances in a metal suit and actually thinks it will keep him safe."
"Hey," Stark exclaimed, "I'll have you know this suit is some of the most advance technology on this planet."
"Well cans do keep the tuna safe man well…until you use a can opener." She replied and what was coming out of her mouth? This was not the time for this! "It doesn't matter who you are talking to right now, you better listen up." For a moment Tony noted that guy was smiling, for real, not one of those sadistic villain smiles, but a real one but it turned quickly into a frown which was equally fascinating. "How can you do this to me? You…nitwit! How could you fucking asshole, after everything…I thought…I'm so stupid aren't I? I thought…"
"You thought what?" Loki inquired.
"That you loved me," She knew it was stupid the guy was probably going to laugh at her now that he was…what…she was not sure. She knew he was still Loki or at least she hoped he was, maybe she had not known him at all… was this what he wanted to be? If that was true…then what…the thing was she wanted to be with him…for like the forever kind of thing, not that she thought too far ahead to comprehend it, but she knew it.
"I…" He saw Tony watching, he knew it was kind of hard to be intimidating when you watched someone saying mushy human things. "I'm doing what is best for humanity; you all need to be enslaved."
"Okay, fine if you have to do this…" What was she saying? What was she thinking? "You didn't even talk about it with me." Loki was kind of confused, was she more upset that he did not say anything or that he was enslaving the planet? "You didn't even talk about this with me …"
"And if I had?" Loki asked honestly curious.
"I would have tried to talk your dumbass out of this idea!"
"And if I still refused?" Tony noted his expression had returned back to his original 'I'm a badass' villain expression.
"Obviously you would have, because you are doing this stupid thing, and I don't get it."
"You don't get it?" He inquired, "This is what I was destined for, I was meant to be King."
"Fine, if this is what you want-" This was crazy she knew. He probably already had killed a whole bunch people but…her voice was soft, "Just come home alive."
"What?" Huh Ironman noted, the 'I'm superior than all your worthless' expression disappeared again. Who is this person, she has some affect! "You would have stayed by my side despite the fact I was going to enslave your race and you are strongly against it. I thought I have figured your mind Darcy Lewis, it seemed I haven't began to understand the complexity of it. I love you," It fell off his lips at the last second, but he knew it to be true.
Ironman was in complete surprised…he just stopped. What the hell? He was kind of envy the obvious power the person held, they were kind of getting their asses kicked a minute ago and this girl called and now Loki was…pussy whipped. Ah hell Tony was completely floored, the God of Mischief was whipped? "You got to be fucking kidding me!"
Darcy clung tightly to the phone, "Then don't do this please," She begged if that did not work, there was always her usual fall back,. Loki glared quickly at the man in the red suit until he heard, "Or I'm going to put your balls through a fucking meat grinder, and if that doesn't work, then…so it is like this, yeah you can take over the world and all that evil stuff or you can come home right now and after I kick your dumbass for your stupidity. After words… I promise you will get some, but if you have to do this…don't expect to be getting any from me for at least a month or more…and you and I both know I'll be so sad, Loki. I don't want to let you go but… I'll never be fully happy. We will never be the same. So please… STOP this now before we can't go back and come home and let's fuck like wild tigers."
The God of Mischief was thoughtfully. The repercussions were too much…He usually thought his plans thoroughly through, several steps ahead and everything around them. But he did not account for Darcy, he never thought that she would be willing stay, and despite his beliefs of needing to take over the world, of being King….She was right. She might stay, but she would never be content again and he would not be able to let go, even if it torn her apart. Maybe it was impossible for him to enslave a race when he was so enslaved himself, willing so, too. At that moment, he realized he was an idiot! Of course, he could never go through with this plan, not without Darcy and how could he fool himself into believing that he would be able to move on without her. Perhaps, it made him weak, but no power in all the Nine Realms could have predicted that a force such as Darcy existed.
"Well," he turned to Tony and he actually appeared to be embarrassed, so much so that Stark kind of felt bad for the guy, "It seems I've been outmatched. Goodbye," And with that Loki was gone.
What the fuck!
That was what everyone had on their minds in the debriefing.
"So" Nick Fury circled around the table. He was rarely surprised-especially these days-was trying his best not too look completely stupidly shocked, but he was…he really was. "He just said he was outmatched."
"Yep," Ironman stated.
Nick turned to Captain America, "He closed the portal himself."
"Affirmative!" Steve replied.
"Wow!" Clint stared in complete disbelief, "all that crap…and he just…wow!"
"Ah my brother knew that we would defeat him, perhaps now he will come willing," Thor stated proudly, "Truly as brothers in arms he could see our strength," He hugged Tony and Steve.
Tony still stared in disbelief and shook his head, Steve just grinned in stupid disbelief, Bruce spoke, "Somehow I don't think that's what happened." Thor frowned a little.
"Don't look so sad, Thor." Steve patted him on the back, "We are still brothers in arms," Thor grinned and hugged him once more, making the captain kind of regret saying anything at all…well at least it was not the hulk hugging him, he glanced at Bruce.
"That shows you the power of a woman," Natasha grinned, "Only she could have done the impossible."
"Are we sure that it was a woman?" Nick asked.
"Not absolutely sure, because Loki called her Darcy, but…"
"Ah Darcy," Thor intercepted, "I made her acquaintance once, she wields a mighty weapon, that one. My brother does have strange tastes, indeed. She is a fiery one."
"What strange weapon?" Steve wondered, "Is she a secret avenger or something?"
"I do not know, but the weapon she used was a black box that caused my body to shake with pain," Thor explained and shook with horrified fear of the thing.
"That sounds…" the Black Widow looked thoughtfully, "Was it is a taser?"
"What's that?" Steve wondered.
"Yes, I believe Jane called it that," Thor nodded.
"It is a device that shots electricity through a person; a lot of women use it to protect themselves from dangerous men." Bruce explained and Captain America nodded still having no clue what it was.
"She tased you when you first met? You must not have made a good impression." Stark stated in amusement as the shock started to wear off.
"Well…as educational as this has been," Nick interrupted, "We still need to bring Loki in."
"I will go get my brother," Thor said. Somehow everyone knew it was not going to be so simple.
"Maybe I should go and make sure Darcy is unarmed?" The Black Widow suggested. "She might not taser a fellow member."
"Somehow," Fury was calm with his hands behind his back, "I don't think that will matter."
When Loki returned he was not surprised to find he had to endure violent retaliation. Darcy was a passionate creature, and he always thought under the right circumstances she could have been a force to reckon with…though he was not happy to be on the receiving end. He saw the taser just as it hit him. When he woke up she had slapped him a few times screaming at him, "Asshole, why did you do that? You could have gotten killed. And why do you have to be king? Why I am not enough?"
"I believe you know that is a lie and I am the God of lies."
She slapped him, "Exactly you don't need to be King you are a fucking God, don't be so greedy! I'm just a freaking peon in this world, but you don't see me trying to take it over."
"I would apologize but I still believe the world needs a king, but I am hardly fit as I am a mere slave."
"To you, it is actually kind of annoying but I cannot do anything which brings you such misery."
She went to smack him again, but stopped and kissed him softly on the cheek, "You better remember that next time you decide to take over the world."
"Of course, dear," Loki caressed the dark waves that framed her lovely face, really being a slave was quiet delightful what were the humans so worried about; besides Darcy's wrath, he loved being her servant.
"Well, I guess we should start packing," She stated the obvious as she pulled him up off the ground.
"Yes, well I suppose the other humans will be less understanding then you and my brother is on his way I am certain."
"I kind of figure that, another thing I'm pissed off about. You know I still have four months left in my lease. Now it will be impossible to get another apartment this nice." She looked over the place. So many wonderful memories…!
"I assure it will not," he promised as he saw the way her face had sadden a bit, "I will get you whatever you desire."
"You better, you fucked up! " She was still kind of pissed, but she was also ecstatically happy. She actually got Loki to stop, and that was awesome on so many levels. One: she kept Loki from doing something stupid. Two: She saved the world, she big mouth Darcy Lewis saved the world with her mouth, literally. Three: Loki would be doing her bidding for years, it hold more power than being pregnant. 'I want chocolate from Germany, oh you don't want to get it huh? Remember the fact you tried to enslave the world dear?' Oh yeah, she had total blackmail power.
He saw the delightfulness in her expression, one he often got when he was planning mischievous things "I'm going to pay for this for several years aren't I?"
"Oh yes, you will be putting every part of your body into work, especially…" She grinned like a wild-cat about to pounce on its prey, "That silver tongue of yours."
He now realized it was fundamentally stupid, though he still thought the world needed to be enslaved, but he much rather be with Darcy. Plus…there was this thing that she did with her tongue that he did not believe he could last a whole month without.
I guess this was a crack, but I think it was fluffy too, in spots. This was a blast to write and came out really fast and I admit it is really wacky, and there were probably moments of OC but I tried my best to keep them in character. I also tried to this thing were Loki firmly still believes in the enslavement of the race, and Darcy is firmly against, but they love each other even more than there beliefs. I edited and went through this, over and over and it is still not what I want, I had another version that went deeper into character, but I felt because this was something to be more funny, I tried not to go to serious. So any errors are mine, and always open to constructive criticism.