Hey there guys! If for any reason you cannot handle anyone making fun of your OTP or just of anything in general, or you take yourself a little too seriously, I suggest you high-tail it. I wouldn't think anyone reading my stuff doesn't have a sense of humor, but hey, it happens, I'm sure.
After reading the below definitions, I hope you will understand what this is.
Also, I am a bisexual myself, so I don't make fun of this to make fun a certain sexual preference. I just make fun of everyone.
A critical or explanatory note or body of notes added to a text.
A humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing.
Now that we have that settled up there, I would like to remind you that this is a work of satire and parody. It is making fun of itself. It is sometimes what goes through my mind as I try to write serious things. Please forgive me, but it must be done. I don't take myself very seriously most of the time. Perhaps it is insecurity or just my sick sense of humor. I think everyone should be able to laugh at themselves.
( ) Parentheses will indicate something not part of the original text. My comments, alternate dialogue, ect. I will try to put it in bold, as well, for places I have figured that out.
Chapter 1 'Vibrations'
(Oh look at me, being so clever with titles)
( A fanfic in which Wally is in denial about his bisexuality, and Robin is way too in touch with his sexuality for his age.)
Wally West sat in the gymnasium, stretching after being forced into a couple hours of training from Batman.
( Batman thought he wasn't fast enough, obviously, and made him run laps with Robin on his face.)
" Overtrain? Is there such a thing? Everyone is so grumpy today," Wally said, sitting down on the springy floor, stretching his calves in his shorts and tank top, cracking his toes.
(Batman is always grumpy. He's the goddamn Batman, for heaven's sake, Wally. )
" Batman knows what he's talking about, even if your brain finds it useless," Robin answered, smiling and plopping down on the carpet next to his friend.
Wally stuck his tongue out at Robin in mock annoyance.
(Because real annoyance is too mainstream, yo. He just wanted an excuse to 'tongue' Robin, anyway.)
Robin had just finished his workout on the bar, seeing how long he could hold himself upside down.
(Or see how far he could get the bar into his mouth...I mean...)
He had a bet with Wally going, and the speedster was always showing off, demonstrating how well Robin knew he could push his own body.
( Funny enough, no sexual innuendos here...yet. )
He practiced his normal rep of flips, as well, bouncing around the floor. Wally watched him move with a bit of jealousy. Robin was always doing such spectacular things, even without superpowers.
( Robin, bitch.)
He had to remember that he was only just a talented guy, sometimes.
( Don't sell him too short. Gymnasts hate being called short. Fuck you, Wally, Robin is awesome.)
Following in Batman's footsteps. Sometimes even more competent than him due to his flexibility.
( Oh, baby. Batman is jealous of the fact Robin can back-bend without falling on the floor. )
" Why are you fighting crime when you could be out gaining fame with competitions? Hiding your face. Nobody knows who you are," Wally mused, teasing him.
(" Been there. Done that. Dead parents.")
" I have my reasons, just like you. I like it that way. I find my place is better suited in the shadows than on the stage," he said, although it was ridiculously obvious that he belonged on one.
( The actual reason was that he wanted to be a stripper, instead.)
" You're such a liar. You love it. You'd eat the audience's cheers up. You're not Batman, you know. Such a little show-off," he mocked, smiling as he sat and watched Robin cartwheel around him.
( Cartwheel like a boss. Robin is totally a liar, btw. Wally, you are so right.)
He finally looked to be sweaty and tired enough and sat down next to Wally, spreading his legs out on the floor.
( Then proceeded to say, " Baby, take me.")
Robin chuckled knowingly and lifted himself up and easily pushed himself into middle splits, straddling the ground.
( Then proceeded to say, " Baby, take me.", once again.)
Kid Flash found himself decoding Robin. That small chuckle meant it was something personal that Wally wasn't allowed to touch.
( Not allowed to touch...yet, anyway, if you get my drift. Decoding Robin? More like undressing him with his eyes.)
" Sometime, Robin, you'll tell me all your little secrets," Wally said, mockingly rubbing his hands together like a villain.
( "Like how you actually want to be a stripper...and also how you really want to dress as a Japanese schoolgirl for Batman. Or for me. Either is fine.")
Robin giggled again, different this time, amused.
( Like a little schoolgirl.)
Kid flash had tried to find ways to get him to laugh like that. It was his favorite, since Batman was so mysterious and pushed that onto Robin.
( By 'that', we mean his sexuality.)
He knew he was being protective, but what was wrong with making the little Boy Wonder smile? C:( It would break the anti-matter universe, of course. Don't be silly!)
As Robin settled himself completely parallel with the ground, Wally decided to try and distract himself with something else.
( By something else, I mean...totally not picturing Robin as a schoolgirl.)
There was something about all the positions Robin decided to stretch in that seemed to show off every single asset in his body. It was..distracting.
( No shit. I can't watch Cirque du Soleil without taking my pants off.)
He wasn't gay after all, so he shouldn't be staring. He watched the ropes and rings that Robin had used swing from leftover momentum. Robin grunted next to him.
( Totally. Not. Gay. Nope. Thanks, ladies and gentlemen, goodbye and enjoy the evening! No gay here! Back to searching through ...) ( Grunted... in pleasure.)
" Legs are tight today, I think I have a knot in my back, too. I can't seem to get it," he uttered, getting out of the splits and getting on to his back and pushing up into a bridge with his feet and hands on the floor.
( " So, so tight, KF." Unf. " Those knots? I'll get them out, baby. Just let me work my finger magic,"...he said as Robin pushed his crotch into his face.)
He pushed his legs straight, groaning as his muscles stretched out. Wally sighed, flushing slightly at the little sounds he made.
( Still not gay. Nope. What gay?)
He was starting to think he should excuse himself to go shower, but he hadn't talked to his best friend almost all week. He had been busy with Batman, and then this whole damned mission today...Part of him didn't know what to talk about, feeling so flustered like this.
( He had actually been busy playing Batman: Arkham Asylum and was embarrassed to let anyone know. ) (So flustered, yet so not gay!)
" Hey, KF, could you help me stretch? I need a little weight on me," he asked, like he did normally during practice.
( "And a little cock in me...I mean...did I say that out loud? Crap.")
Wally had always obliged, at first not thinking much of it and talking away.
( Obliged with the dicking, of course...Get it? 'Dick'ing? Oh never mind.)
He had Robin there, and against his will could chatter about anything he liked.
( Like the latest Oprah, how well Bella and Edward were together, or what new dress really went with his eyes.)
Then, increasingly, certain thoughts started to creep into his head. The Boy Wonder was so flexible, his limbs moving so elegantly. Every muscle could be seen tensing under his pale skin.
( Almost like his favorite vampire, Edward.)
Wally had jokingly felt up his arm once, to compare muscles.
( If it's done as a joke, it's not gay! )
Robin had been warm and his muscles firm. It was a different type of strength that he had as he danced around on his hands without his feet or flipped upside-down on the bars.
( Still not gay.)
Kid Flash had found himself learning to really enjoy helping his friend stretch.
( 'Stretch' his 'muscles'...down under...)
Lately, though, his heart would start to race, his breathing becoming faster as he watched the brunette fold himself up and arch in obscene ways...well they were starting to look obscene.
( No, they really were just obscene.)
He couldn't imagine anyone NOT noticing the way the positions emphasized his crotch and posterior, right?
Wally nodded and got behind Robin to press his legs into a pike stretch with his legs straight in front of him. The redhead could feel the warmth of his skin through the shirt and the relaxing of his muscles underneath his weight. Of course, the smell was there, as well.
( The strange smell of death. And whores. Lots of whores.)
Robin always smelled amazing, he thought. It had to be some sort of expensive, musky cologne that just smelled perfect on him.
( Batman, eau de parfum, the Scent of Justice, by Bruce Wayne)
It nearly made Wally's mouth water as he pressed his hands hard onto his friend's back. Sometimes, Wally would joke around and sit on top of him, making him roll over and kick him for being 'an idiot'.
( Wally, you tease. Once again, if it's a joke, it's not gay.)
Robin grunted, then eventually became quiet, body easing up into the position.
( I think the sentence speaks for itself, ladies and gentlemen.)
Wally began to think that in the quiet gymnasium, all that could be heard was his heart beating like a madman. He hoped it wasn't quite so bad, since Robin was so intuitive.
( Robin knew the exact heartbeat of Joker, obviously, and would find Wally out.)
" Mm. Thanks, that's good," he announced, and Wally was a bit glad to take his hands off of him.
( Only a bit glad. Okay, maybe not at all. )
Although, he felt a little disappointed, to his own dismay. He grimaced and told himself to snap out of it.
( Not gay! Not gay! Stop the gay!)
" He's your best friend. You two are bros. I really need to get over this stuff. Probably a phase or something. I would ask someone about it, but it feels too embarrassing," he thought to himself, catching himself watching Robin's ass as he bent over to get his towel and wipe any of the sweat off of his brow.
( Bros..in bed. Yes, everyone has a gay phase, Wally. No problem. Watching Robin's ass... is fine if you're bros.)
" Stop that, Wally! Geez!" he angrily thought to himself.
( Yeah, Wally! Geez! Stop being so gay!)
" We gonna hit the showers, or are you going to keep on staring out into space all night?" Robin asked, laughing at him and pushing him playfully as he walked towards the locker room.
( " By space, I mean my ass, KF." )
" Uh. Yeah, sorry. Maybe I'm a little hungry. You go on ahead, Dude. I'm gonna whip up something in the kitchen and I'll be in," he said, feeling so lucky that he could speed away from the conversation.
( A little hungry...for ass? 'Whip up something in the kitchen' is Wally code for jackin' it.)
He saw his friend smile knowingly and toss the towel over his shoulder, going into the entrance to the boy's locker room. He hurried and found some snacks, shoveling them into his mouth, then drank an entire bottle of water in a couple seconds, trying to calm himself down.
( When I feel gay, I eat!)
" What the hell is up with me, lately? He would be so angry...I'm..I'm not gay! Artemis is hot...and so is Megan...See? Everything's all fine, Wally. Just calm down. It's not like you want to screw him or anything," he thought, smiling and taking a handful of chips into his mouth.
( Well. That takes care of everything, doesn't it? Problem solved. )
He stopped for a second and they began to fall out of his mouth and hand onto the table.
( Pick those up, Mister! Batman works hard to put food on this table and you just litter it all over the place! Have some respect!)
" Damn it..." he thought, watching as his quick words finally gave way to imagery inside of his head.
Robin was making small noises under him, sweating. His skin was soft and face flushed as he called out to Wally. Asking him for more...faster...faster.
( Nope, no homo.)
Wally slapped his palm to his forehead.
" No, no, no! I'm in deep shit, now. Batman would kill me. Everyone would never stop teasing me. Robin wouldn't want to be around me. He'd be so disgusted, wouldn't he? Damn it!" he pounded his fist down onto the table, then clutched his fiery red hair in both of his hands.
( His hair was on fire. Just like him. Get it? He's flamin'.)
" I'll just play it cool. Look at lots of dirty magazines with lovely ladies in them. It will be 'a'-okay, Wally. You're not weird. Just a phase. Just a silly little phase. When Robin gets older and looks more manly, it'll be fine," he said to himself, then raced back to the showers.
( Lovely ladies are much higher in caliber than normal ladies, btw. Fun fact.) ( Pedo alert!)
He breathed in quick through his teeth as he saw Robin was still showering in one of the stalls. He cursed his speedster skills for that and stripped his sweaty clothing off, stepping into the shower and turning it on cold. He yelped and hugged himself in the freezing water, hoping it would help him cool down. Well, it was. He heard a chuckle from Robin a stall over.
( Freezing water would probably cause something to be cool, yes.)
" Did you burn yourself again? Do you even know how to operate a shower, dude?" he smugly asked.
( No, he doesn't.)
" Of course I do! It was just cold for a sec," he said, trying not to let his teeth chatter.
( Well, I stand corrected.)
" Still sounds cold. Wanna switch? I'm getting out soon," he asked.
( " Come into my shower, Wally...")
Wally tried not to picture what his bare, soaked body would look like as he spoke. The cool water was helping him out.
( Only helping out a little. )
" Naw, I'm feeling a bit hot from the workout," he lied, grabbing some shampoo and soap to find something else to focus on.
( Anything, god.)
" Okay then. See you in a little bit when you're done. Maybe play a game against you when you get back? I have the night off, " he uttered, turning his shower off.
( A game of gay chicken, of course.)
Wally heard him grab a towel and wipe himself down. He shivered from more than just the water, jealous of the strip of fabric, and heard the footfalls of him walking out. As soon as the wet footsteps were gone, he sighed, relieved.
( Typo. He sighed, then relieved himself.)
" Wally, if this goes on for much longer, you're going to have a problem on your hands," he thought, racing through his shower to stop the temptation of touching himself.
( By problem, he means erection.)
He quickly rinsed and dried off, stepping out and finding his spare change of clothes. His Flash t-shirt was nice and dry and smelled of detergent. He sighed as he pulled his shorts on ran back to the room he and Robin shared. He hesitated at the door, and then thought that would be suspicious, so he came in quietly and quickly, running over to his bed and jump onto it, pulling out the gaming system to distract himself.
( 'Gaming system' also means 'erection'.)
" Wanna play, Rob? Rob?" he peered over at his friend.
( " Wanna play with my erection, Rob? ")
Robin was laying on the bed, breathing even, appearing to be asleep. His mask had happened to fall to the pillow as he slept, revealing the upper part of his face. Wally's eyes went wide at the sight of his bare face. He had to silence a squeak of excitement with his hand over his mouth. He wasn't sure if he should go put it back on or pretend it didn't happen. The guy must have been especially tired to let that happen. The speedster set down the controller quietly and crept closer for a better look. Delicate eyelashes teased the skin at Robin's cheeks in between the perfectly cute nose. His eyebrows were clean and groomed, same color as his hair.
( So convenient.)
Wally swallowed hard, face beginning to flush pink at the sight. He was even more attractive this way, without his mask. The redhead had always known he was keeping a lovely face underneath the strips of leather, but never knew exactly how lovely. He wanted to reach out and touch him. He wanted to see the color of his eyes against that skin. Oh god, did he want it. He wanted to just...reach out and touch all of him. All of him? Wally looked down, noticing that Robin was only wearing a pair of rather tight boxer briefs, and felt a small shiver go up his spine.
" Shit. Relax, you've seen this like...a thousand times! Get a grip! No! Not that kind of grip, damn it!" he argued with himself inside his head, torn.
( No, do feel free to get a grip.)
Finally, impulsiveness took over and he snatched up the mask, plopping onto his bed with it. Dick grumbled a bit as he felt the slight bit of air his his face and he glared over quietly at Wally.
" Oh, it's you. Wait...is that..? Wally, did you seriously take my mask off? Dude! Not cool!" he said, sitting up and planting his feet on the carpet in between their beds to lean over and grab it.
( " Not cool! I wasn't planning that at all!")
" Actually, it fell off, and I was thinking I might just keep it for a little while," he said, smiling smugly.
( Maybe sleep with it every night and secretly make-out with it.)
" You're going to have to give it back sometime. I can't go out like this," he said, seeming to be caught between annoyance and forgiveness.
( It would be utterly repulsive, going out like that.)
" Eh. But what would happen if they all knew what the Boy Wonder looked like under that thing? How bad could that be? Or could I keep you prisoner in here, forever?" Wally asked, using his height advantage over the other teen to keep it away.
( Holding him prisoner sounds fine.)
Robin practically started to climb him like a tree to get the mask back, face determined and fingers strong.
" The damage may be done, but I need it back, Wally. Give it!" he said, hip bones becoming flush with the speedster's collarbone, giving him a mouthful of strong abs.
( And a mouthful, it was.)
" Ooof. Nope, you'll have to try harder than that, little Boy Wonder. How much wonder are you actually full of without the aid of that mask!" he said, zipping over to the other side of the room.
( " Quite a bit, actually. Wanna see?")
Robin glared over at him, crossing his arms, standing on Wally's bed in the towel. Wally pretended that he was going to waltz out the door with it, until Robin ran over and put himself between Wally and the door.
" I told you not to go out, and to give it back," he said, holding out his hand.
Wally smirked, leaning in so that their noses almost touched and then uttering, " Nope."
( " Not gonna let you kiss me, yet!")
Robin tried to snatch it away, again, falling onto a knee as Wally slipped from his grip to across the room, again. He knew it wouldn't have much effect, but he locked the door, hoping it would give him a little millisecond to act if the speedster tried to get out again. Instead of coming back the way he did the last, time, he grabbed a pillow, trying a different approach.
( " I will kill this pillow if you do not give it back.")
" I'll just knock it out of your hands, then. Fight me like a man, Wally. Or are you chicken?" he asked, trying a different tactic.
( Wally's actually a chicken man.)
" Only if you insist, since you prance around like a gymnastic little girl," he retorted, grinning.
( Which Wally is very fine with.)
Wally could get behind this. If he beat him fairly, he'd give the damn thing back. Hell, he would give it back eventually. But...he wanted to see his real face just a little bit longer. As he was thinking of it, a pillow flew into his face and Robin was on top of him, pushing his down to the ground. He mercilessly hit in in the face with the soft, feathery thing, blinding him until he moved out from under him and sent him head over heels. Robin countered it easily with a small roll and jumped back at him.
( He could totally get behind this, if you know what I mean.) (As merciless as one can actually be with a feathered pillow.)
Wally had to give him credit, he was relentless. That jumping, too, without super speed was still above human level. The speedster smiled as he saw the concentrated face of Robin, the real Robin. Eyes narrowed, lips in a hard line. He was being much too serious for a pillow fight, he thought. He began to zip all around him erratically, passing him by with hits of his own. Every time he connected, Robin regained composure quickly, not caught off guard.
( But isn't everyone serious during pillow fights?)
Wally laughed and continued his random movements. He watched as Robin closed his eyes tightly and concentrated.
" Whatcha doin' Robin? Using mind control?" he mocked, getting it out just before the hand snatched out to his ankle, catching him completely by surprise and pulling him off balance.
( " Shut up, Wally! It's a legitimate power!")
The Boy Wonder used the momentum to flip him around, his own legs wrapping around the speedster's and arms hugging him down by the elbows.
" Wow. That was pretty Kung Fu, dude," the redhead spouted, not at all unhappy with how their bodies were entwined.
( " This is what we call Kung Fu Sex. Batman taught me.") ( Not at all unhappy probably means erection alert.)
Of course, Robin was taking it a little too seriously, and some of his limbs were beginning to hurt as the brunette found some nice pressure points with his heels and fingers. Wally winced, then grinned up at him.
( Now, his chakras were all messed up! Damn you, Robin!)
" Neat trick. But I have some of my own," he challenged.
( It's like the Matrix in here, only gayer.)
Wally rolled back laughing on the carpet when the Boy Wonder went flying out of his grip as he vibrated violently against him. Robin took the laughing as an advantage to strike, again. The play fight had taken a completely different turn now. Robin had him in a headlock for a bit until he was thrown off of him across the room into the bed, again. Tears came out of Wally's eyes from laughing so hard, until he finally wiped them away and caught his breath.
( The play fight was now much more sensual as Wally became a human vibrator.)
" It's okay Rob, anyone else wouldn't have gotten out of that. I know you hate it when I let you win," he said, gazing up at the ceiling, smirking, swinging his legs around as he had to keep moving.
" Wally, this isn't what you really wanted is it? It's always an excuse," Robin said, finally walking over, one foot dangerously in between his legs.
( Little did he know, Wally had a gun in his pants, and he was also happy to see him.)
" What do you mean, Rob? You're so cryptic and serious, sometimes. Seriously, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? You can have your mask back. I was just teasing, " he stated, holding it up to him.
Wally blushed, but he was probably just assuming and being paranoid about the Boy Wonder. He probably had no idea what he was...doing.
( Paranoid that he would actually catch onto the whole gay thing...)
He looked down, seeing Robin in his tight, black brief boxers, standing over him, smirk on his face. His member was clearly outlined in the thin fabric, almost completely hard underneath. Wally's eyes widened at the sight, instantly feeling his body heat up in embarrassment and excitement. He felt his heart pump faster as his body tingled.
( Clearly.) (Tingled in gay anticipation.)
" R-Rob? What the hell are you doing?" he stammered, narrowing his eyes up at his dark-haired friend.
" What do you think? Do you really think you could fool me, the freakin' Boy Wonder? I've been taught to read people better than an Arkham psychologist. The pillow fight was totally a ploy to feel me up. Are you saying that you don't want this? If not, consider it pay back, then, for stealing from me, " he asked, gesturing to his shirt-less body, lean muscle from the training and gymnastics clearly standing out against the sweat.
( "Da freakin' boy wonda.") (Hopefully reading better than Harleen Quinzel.) ( "Yes, it was a ploy. I am so gay for you, Rob. Let me take you.") ( Pay back for stealing from Robin is gay sex, don't do the crime unless you want to do the time.)
Wally gulped hard, face flushing further as he watched his best friend kneel down and plant a hot, wet kiss on his lips, taking the mask easily from his hand.
( Gulped and was hard. Typo right there. )