Yo guys! Sorry it's been a little while since my last update, school is draining especially since I'm doing something after school everyday =_= And I'm still expected to get high levels in uh, EVERYTHING *cries* but hey, as I always say to my friends, what will complaining do about it? Apart from everything…ANYHOW, on the 5th October IT WAS BY BIRTHDAY! YAY! And I got an AWESOME tablet and pen thing (I named the Tablet Mukuro and the pen Chrome because I was high off having two whole cakes) and so I can finally show you guys what Eliza-chan looks like! YAYAY! Shout outs~!
Soul Vrazy: Don't worry about getting my common sense back, it's been gone for quite some time…OH WHERE DID YOU GO? COME BACK! PLEASE! WAIT! If I get you back then I might not be able to write anything insane anymore! NOOOOOO! What does it feel to be without common sense? Well, I know my friends are annoyed about it…XD PUDDING! OMG, YAYAYAY! HAPPY DANCE INITIATED! *Spins around in desk chair* I LOVE MY CHAIR! IT IS PINK AND AWESOME! YAY!
KayleeXD: When I read the first words of your review I simply went 'THEY HAVE RETURNED! PREPARE THE BATMOBILE ROBIN!' it might have been because we just went to see where they films part of the movie…TO THE BAT CAVE ROBIN! MUWHAHAHA! Okay, I'll stop now. Luss-nee is like my fictional best friend. I know somebody EXACTLT like them and we always cause chaos XD everytime I meet them they shout my name and glomp me. Which is why I have bruises. From hitting the floor. THEY WEIGH A TON! TAT PINEAPPLES FOR THE WIN! Bel trying to flirt….HAHAHAHA! Sorry, I imagine the weirdest things…O.o INTERNET HELL! WHERE ALL GOOD MEMES COME TO REST! Your dad is an accountant? *joins you in eyeing him suspiciously* I am sorry to say but not all British people are awesome. Just a select few. Like the queen. HIGH FIVE ME WOMAN! ME LOVES YOU! I shouted the word Futabulous in the middle of my history class…now everybody is saying it. I HAVE STARTED A TREND! MUWHAHAHA! Eliza-chan breaks the fourth wall on a regular basis. Xanxi-chan does too…by throwing Levi through it. I bet there is a real tea foundation out there now because of Eliza, I bet you… Squ-chan used Voi. It lowered the opponents patience by 100%. XD le gasp! How could you mistake future Tuna for being cute and not ; -hot? HOW COULD YOU? A few days back: ME: *walks up to bro* I am about to embark on an epic journey. Bro: to do what? ME: TO DRAW A PREGNANT SQU-CHAN FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS FANISH! Bro: *salutes me* I wish you luck. *Sigh* I love mah bro…BOOM! HEADSHOT! XD Yeah Bel! Accept Eliza's sexiness! ACCEPT IT! Ryohei isn't the tea god, don't worry. He just LOOKS like them according to Eliza. I think they are more of a Xanxi guy though…Meh. Just my opinion.
ShinigamiinPeru: Eliza and Bel-chan are so adorable…*girlish squeals* One day they will be a proper romantic pairing, one day…when I decide to think through this stories plotline a bit more. But that means effort and I am a lazy insane person. *Cries* I was gonna have the secretly gay family be instead just awesome and badass and get their butts kicked by Levi anyway but that just didn't seem right for some reason…BLAMING LEVI. Insanity as brainwashing? My plans for taking over the world have become even more elaborate! MUWHAHA! I thought of the swear box thing a while back but there didn't seem any appropriate time to fit it in…BEL! REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR ELIZA SO WE CAN HAVE MORE CUTE MOMENTS! Bel: ?
Yuki-shi-chan: You are dying? NOOOOOO! *picks up phone* what's taking you so long Byaku-chan? ANOTHER READER IS DYING FROM LAUGHTER! HURRY UP DAMMIT!
Che-Shire-Cat17: You are dead already? Ah well, we always have Byakuran to bring us back to life. Because we have marshmallows. Evil grin. I've already done Snow White though so I can't so it again…or can I? CONFUSION! AND DON'T TAKE AWAY MY TEA! NOOOOO!
TasmanianTempest: That is some…awesome family. LET ME COME LIVE WITH YOU! But then I wouldn't have my awesome bro…AH WELL! FAMILY COMES FIRST! Wait...what did I just type? O.o Aww, cute real life Bel x Eliza! One day this fic will reach the romance part, one day…NOW GO! AND LIVE YOUR LIFE EPICALLY! FUFILL YOUR DREAM! Your online twin jax2000 laughed and smiled at this fic? And you got it on camera? Kufufu, you have learnt well young reviewer! YOU HAVE LEARNT WELL!
ixCheshire: TWINNIE! Too long we have been separated, too long *wipes away tear* I know somebody who swears at least once in every sentence they speak…they would be broke and living in a dustbin. Me laughing in the background like the evil sadist I sometimes am XD Let us go to those meetings! THE TEA HATERS MUST DIE! MUWHAHAHA! If only the Varia website was real…(Xanxi-chan's gift card is hidden in those feathers of his *wink* Xanxus: Trash *get's out guns* me: WAIT! DON'T KILL ME! HERE HAVE TEA! HAVE IT ALL!) THE FU-TABULOUS TREND IS CATCHING ON? :KBSFkvf *dies epically and is brought back to life by Byaku-chan* Don't worry, I think Squ-chan should be off her monthly's soon (Squalo: VOOOII! I'M NOT A GIRL! Me: Right…) Dying has got no talent Whatsoever will be back soon ;) Squ-chan! GO SIT ON THE NAUGHTY STEP FOR UPSETTING LUSS-NEE! NO BUT'S! NOT EVEN BADASS ONES! America bets 700 euros? Well, ENGLAND BETS 1000 EUROS! MUWHAHA! The tea dream…lol. Mark, Bob and John. You shall be forever remembered for your awesome sleepover plan *wipes tear away* LE GASP! Where was his sister spatula Chrome? OMG! IT'S WHERE'S WALLY ALL OVER AGAIN! BUT WITH PINEAPPLES! You want a pizza? M'kay, it's all yours twinnie ;)
LoStInIlLuSiOn: Fran: messing up sentences since…FOREVER. (Fran: *does peace out*) Yeah, I love Yama-chan and stuff but those smiles…RUN. RUN AWAY NOW. WE CAN STILL MAKE IT TO AFRICA AND ESCAPE HIS WRATH! Why do we need to run? Something concerning his baseball bat, bloodstains, fairy tales and me…Swear boxes-messing up sentences since BEFORE forever. I.e. we beat Fran. SUCK ON THAT BITCH! WAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I LOVE YOU REALLY FRAN! HONEST! Mary, we missed you. We honestly did. COWS FOREVER DUDE! Futabulous. I SHALL CAMPAIGN FOR IT TO BE ACCEPTED INTO THE DITCTIONARY AS A REAL WORD! IN THE NAME OF THE TEA GOD, THIS TASK SHALL BE ACCOMPLISHED! MUWHAHA! Ahem. Nah, you readers aren't stalkers. I was just high when I wrote that last chappie (as usual) "Seven, ten, SAME THING!" Eliza-chan the genius. Only she can pull that off without looking like a completely insane psycho idiot. She pulls it off looking like a completely insane psycho tea loving idiot. Makes all the difference. "TELL ME ABOUT IT!" …Must…erase…image… ; *dies AGAIN and gets Byaku-chan to bring be back to life. AGAIN* Darling, we ALL talk to ourselves. It's only weird when the little voice in your head wins an argument you are having with yourself. SHUT UP STEVE! Sorry, about that, my mind wants to have tea again. No Steve, WE ALREADY DRANK 5 LITRES! So, SHUDDAP! I wondered why Eliza knew their names but *shrugs* she's awesome. No more questions. WHITE HAIR FOR THE WIN INDEED! Goku-chan…HAHAHAHA! Your comments make me laugh all the time :)
Fire Tests Silver: …Your bro…comb over…*goes into corner* what has been seen cannot be unseen, what had been seen cannot be unseen JOKING! My soul *sniff* I shall miss it terribly. AH WELL! Life goes on~ Don't worry, there will be a sleepover chappie one day…one day…I was gonna call the Irritante family the Iamtheenemybutdonottellanyon e but it didn't have the same effect…LEVI! ONE DAY YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES! WHEN WE FIGURE OUT HOW TO KILL YOU! AND STUFF! YAY!
My bro came into my room and looked on the computer when I had finished writing the shout outs and he just said 'what the hell?' and I can only agree with him. BUT STILL SEND ME REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Chapter 13: Library + Varia = RUN NOW.
"SQU-CHAN! IT'S TERRIBLE!" Lussuria burst into the sitting room to find the said man, a bored looking Fran, a smirking Levi and a tied up Elizabeth, duct tape stuck across her lips. "…Eliza-chan?"
"She interrupted boss's tea break and therefore must face the consequences," Levi told him, his arms crossed and a triumphant look on his face. Lussuria turned to the tied up girl, his glasses gleaming sternly.
"Is this true Eliza-chan?" he asked, the girl shaking her head furiously in response.
"I thought you just tied her up to do something unspeakable that would get this story banned in thirty-four countries…" Fran muttered.
"Hmm? Did you say something Fran-chan?" Lussuria asked the boy, his head cocked to one side.
"MUMPH! MUMPH!" Elizabeth's yells were muffled by the tape stuck to her mouth, the girl struggling around in the rope tying her wrists together. Squalo smirked at her predicament and stood in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest.
"VOOOI! That's what you get for being such an annoying brat!" he yelled with obvious delight. In response, Elizabeth twisted her body round and showed him her middle finger. Oh yes, even when tied up with no idea how to get free, she could still annoy the hell out of Squalo. As shown below~
"VOOOOOOOIIIII! YOU FUCKING BITCH!"
"SQU-CHAN! STOP!" Lussuria ran up to the man and restrained him as he flailed his limbs around, trying to get to the girl who was letting out muffled giggles.
"VOOOIII! LET GO OF ME YOU GIRLY BASTARD!" Squalo roared with pure anger, pointing his sword at the brunette. "SHE DESERVES TO DIE!"
Elizabeth stopped giggling at loud out a small squeak from the murderous aura surrounding Squalo. Usually she would take no notice of this and simply continue to verbally abuse the man but being tied up kind of made her feel vulnerable. Hell, she was an assassin! Having restricted movement at anytime made her feel uneasy in a way! Which begged the question, why the hell was Levi so good at tying people up? She turned her head and stared for a moment, the said man looking smug knowing the brunette would not be able to attack him no matter how much his 'murdered' tea. Oh what fun shall he have… Elizabeth, noticing the sinister look in his eyes, gave a small shriek-well, what passed for a shriek with that tape covering her mouth-and managed to flip herself to her feet, hopping towards a nearby table and standing in front of it protectively. Why had she done this? Well earlier she had decided to make herself some awesome tea since quite frankly, Lussuria was the one always making it for her and although he had admittedly improved, it still tasted like something that resembled shit. Xanxus on the other hand had not noticed the improvement and continued to claim that it was shit. This was one of the reasons why Belphegor liked coffee, there being a machine to make the beverage instead of somebody having to do it manually. Well, as manual as tea making got AKA putting the right ratio of milk to tea in the mug. Elizabeth had a degree for this. Lussuria didn't. Actually, Xanxus didn't have a degree in tea making either but when have you seen him actually make the hot beverage? I rest my case.
ANYWAY! Elizabeth had made that fricken awesome tea that she had to sneak out of her office to do so which was quite the task since Bel had decided that her office was SO much more interesting than his. Thus knives were strung across the floor and walls in pictured-mostly of teacups. Elizabeth asked him very nicely for him to do this. And bribed him with doing some of his paperwork. Again. Yay. And those that were not arranged into a sort of orderly fashion, because really since when did Bel ever plan things, were often lying point up. Safe to say nearly everyone who entered Elizabeth's awesome office had to go to the infirmary with deep cuts in their feet. Unfortunately, Levi had yet to enter the girl's death trap but one day, one day…I'm going off topic again. So, Elizabeth managed to sneak out of the death trap when Bel had fallen asleep in one of the chairs, a pair of cat ears on his head that had DEFINITELY not been there when he had fallen into his slumber courtesy of a certain brunette, and made her awesome tea. THE PLOT THICKENS! Once reaching the sitting room she found that, shock horror, SHE HAD NO BISCUITS TO GO WITH THE TEA! OH, THE HUMANITY! And this is why she interrupted Xanxus's tea break. She had done it all, quite literally, for the cookie. I LIE! COOKIES ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM BISCUITS! SPREAD THE WORD PEOPLE, SPREAD THE WORD! So this is why she was standing in front of a table. Like I always say, everything I do has a reason for it. Just most of those reasons aren't very good ones.
Levi grinned at Elizabeth who let out another shriek as he walked towards her, slowly and deliberately, drawing a parabola. The girl looked desperately at Lussuria who was still restraining Squalo, the man understanding her somehow. "LEVI! DO WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO AND YOU WILL BE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!" he screeched.
"This is for boss," Levi stated firmly, electricity sparking from the parabola now. "Move brat."
But the girl did not budge, knowing that if she did her precious friends who had stuck through with her through good times and bad times would be killed. And, as she had promised her God that fateful day all those years ago, she stood there with her head held high, protecting them. "Leave us!" one of her friends cried. "Leave us and run!"
"I will not leave you again," the girl proclaimed proudly.
"But why? WHY?"
"Because…" she turned around, a sad smile on her lips. "Because I promised I would protect you."
"And thus Cute-sempai died a horrible death by being electrocuted from Levi-sempai's umbrella," Fran shut the book in his hands, his usual bored look on his face.
"T-That was…SO BEAUTIFUL!" Lussuria cried comically. "I never knew you were so passionate Elizabeth! The friendship, the strong bond, IT WAS SO AMAZING!"
Elizabeth nodded furiously, tears also streaming from her eyes. "It costs about 100 Euros per copy," Fran informed them. "200 for a limited edition."
"Sometimes I see the similarities between you and Mammon…" Squalo sweat dropped as Lussuria got out a wad of notes, Elizabeth trying to do the same. But failing. She's tied up remember?
"…It's not an umbrella…" Levi said, referring to Fran's description of Elizabeth's death. Otherwise, it was PERFECT! Thinking of how she would scream as he completely destroyed her body, laughter bubbled from his throat as he advanced towards Elizabeth who let out another muffled shriek and jumped out of the way. Screw her awesome tea and her bond with them, SHE WAS GOING TO DIE AT THIS RATE! After thinking this thought she changed her mind completely and tried to jump back but lost her balance and toppled backwards, Levi suddenly leaping towards her getting so close that she could feel the heat of the crackling electricity on her cheek. Before another scream passed through her lips she was suddenly pulled backwards into something slightly squishy before practically flying across the room, slender fingers keeping her close to the warm squishy thing she had been pulled into earlier. That same thing being also stripy. Before she had time to consider whether Wally who she had been trying to find for five whole fucking years had kidnapped her, she glimpsed something familiar. No, it was not the sparkly awesome tiara she really wanted for some strange unknown reason, probably her girly instincts taking over, it was two blonde haired cat ears. A realization that had come to her earlier when she had placed the same ears on a certain blonde captain came again: Bel looked fucking awesome with cat ears. Full stop.
"Ushi shi shi~ what are you doing to the prince's servant?" he half sang, holding Elizabeth in his hands bridal style. Not that the girl noticed, too busy admiring her spontaneous idea to put them on the boy. "I said," Bel glared at Levi from underneath his bangs when no response came. "What are you doing to the prince's servant?"
To say Belphegor whatever-his-second-name-is-as-nobody-seems-to-know-it was annoyed was an understatement. After waking up in Elizabeth's office having had a great time not having to do any paperwork in return for making pictures of teacups on the girl's walls and floors with the intentions of flirting with the brunette again-always a good boredom killer-he had found much to his immediate frustration that she wasn't there. So he had set off trying to find her, wondering whether Fran would turn up first thus giving him an opportunity to do another of his favorite boredom killing activities AKA Let's-throw-knives-at-the-Frog-and-see-if-he-can-feel-any-pain-after-all-or-even-simply-bleed-to-death game. Yay. But after not finding anyone for at least five minutes, patience not being one of Bel's (few) good traits, he got pissed off. THE PRINCE DEMANDED HIS BOREDOM TO BE DISSPELLED! So after hearing muffled shrieks and screams and realizing somebody was in pain and HE wasn't causing that torture, Bel stormed into the sitting room to see Elizabeth tied up and jumping out of the way of Levi's parabola. First thought of the prince: What the fuck? Second thought of the prince: Levi is into BONDAGE? Naturally, Bel was a very confused royal man. He then saw Elizabeth as she tried to jump back to where she was a few seconds ago making him even more perplexed. Bel then spied a pot of tea. Ah. Now EVERYTHING made sense.
And so, like the awesome captain he was, Bel saved Elizabeth's life before something else entered his mind. Yes, it was clear that Elizabeth was there because of tea but her stay had been PROLONGED because of Levi thus causing him more boredom than necessary. So Levi now needed to die. For the millionth time. YAY! "This brat," Levi began his answer to Bel's question, obviously disappointed that Elizabeth had escaped death by his hands. "Interrupted boss's tea break."
Okay, it was official. Tea was the source of everyone's problems.
"MUMPH!" Elizabeth half huffed and Bel was certain that she would have crossed her arms across her chest if they hadn't been tied behind her back. The blonde was also certain her MUMPH translated as 'Levi needs to die again. Oh and, could you take this duct tape off my mouth? It's annoying the hell out of me.' Yes, one MUMPH can mean a lot of things…so Bel being the currently awesome captain he was right now was only to happy to oblige.
"ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" Elizabeth screamed right in Bel's face, her lower lip having split by the sheer force the blonde had used to remove the tape, blood dripping down her chin and onto her clothes, also a red mark surrounding her mouth. "IT BUUUURRRNNNS!" she wailed as the boy put her on the floor, using his knives to cut the rest of her ropes in one fluid movement. Obviously the pain could not have been very great because Elizabeth began to prance around the room, flaying her limbs around wildly. "I'M FREEEE! I NEVER KNEW I WOULD MISS WALKING SO MUCH! I LOVE MY LEGS! THEY ARE AWESOME!" she shrieked happily, blood still trailing down her face. How hygienic.
"VOOOII! If you like walking so much then go do something productive!" Squalo yelled, pointing to the exit. Suddenly Elizabeth was sitting on a couch, a teacup in her hands.
"Yeah, I don't like walking anymore. It's a pain," she drawled before taking a sip of her drink and spitting it out. "Ew, there is blood in my tea…" she then shrugged and took another sip. Squalo then stood over her, a dark aura surrounding him.
"Die," he seethed.
"Sorry but I'm too awesome to die~!"
The group watching as Elizabeth ran around the room with Squalo chasing her, the first laughing and the latter yelling. "Oh! I just remembered what I came in here for!" Lussuria clapped his hands together happily.
"That was some time back…" Fran muttered.
"SQU-CHAN!" Lussuria grabbed Squalo's collar as he ran past him, half suffocating the man. "WE MUST GO TO THE LIBRARY!"
"Why?" Squalo finally asked in a suspicious tone. When Lussuria dragged him places it never ended well…
"Because all couples have lovey dovey moments in libraries!" the man let out a squeal before taking about a flip chart with the words 'Luss-nee and Squ-chan's perfect library date' printed over it. "They have cute study sessions," he began, showing a picture of him reading a book and a smiling Squalo leaning over him. "Forbidden kisses in the quiet sections," he flipped over to the next page, Elizabeth covering her eyes and the front of her teacup. "And some even have quiet se-"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Squalo yelled as Lussuria began to turn over the next page, Elizabeth going extremely white and half fainting onto a sofa being careful to put her tea down first.
"Cute-sempai, are you okay?" Fran asked in a voice, which said that he really wouldn't have cared what her condition was in the first place making you wonder why he even asked it.
"My poor innocent mind…" she wailed slightly, hugging a cushion tightly. "IT HAS BEEN TAINTED BY UNSPEAKABLE PICTURES!"
"Innocent mind?" Levi scoffed. Cue empty teacup flying at his head knocking him out.
"HEADSHOT!" Elizabeth pumped her fists in the air as she continued to lie down on the sofa, giggling uncontrollably. "MUWHAHAHAHA!"
As usual, Elizabeth's psychotic laughter was ignored.
"So, in conclusion, we should go to the library!" Lussuria clapped his hands together.
"No." That response was from Squalo, Elizabeth still laughing her head off, believing that she had killed Levi. FINALLY.
"If you don't come with me I will delegate all my cooking responsibilities to Elizabeth."
"…Fucking bastard," Squalo swore, knowing Lussuria had beaten him. "Alright, I'll go but ONLY because of that laughing brat over there so DON'T GET ANY IDEAS!"
Of course, Lussuria didn't get any ideas. "SQU-CHAN! YOU HAVE FINALLY ADMITTED YOU LOVE FOR ME!" Yep, no ideas whatsoever. "I know! How about everyone else comes too and widens their knowledge in the process!"
"Ushi shi shi~ no way you perverted freak," Bel glared at the man from underneath his bangs. Like hell he was going! "The prince has better things to do than watch you and the shark commander have se-"
"THIS IS T RATED DAMMIT!" Elizabeth suddenly yelled, rolling off the sofa and onto the floor with a huge thud. "DON'T MENTION THE WORD!"
"What, se-" Fran was cut off by a bullet whizzing past his head.
"I SAID DON'T SAY IT!" the brunette spun her gun round in her fingers before putting it back in it's holster. "Anyway, aren't you too young to know what it even means? AREN'T YOU TOO YOUNG?"
Before Fran had the chance to say anything, Lussuria joined in with their banter. "Yeah Fran-chan! You are only eight! ONLY A CHILD!" the man began to sob. "Have I brought him up in an environment that has meant he has learnt things before his time? IS IT MY FAULT?"
"No Luss-nee! It was never your fault!" the girl rushed over to them, hugging the man tightly. "If it was anyone's fault it was Levi's! And probably Squ-chan's."
"VOOOIIIIIII! FRAN ONLY JOINED THE VARIA A FEW MONTHS AGO!" Squalo yelled. "AND HOW THE FUCK WOULD IT BE MY FAULT ANYWAY?"
"Because you are our in denial mother and everything you do has an affect on us, your children," Elizabeth stated, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
"VOOOOIIII! FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CHILD EVEN IF YOU ACT LIKE A DAMN ONE! AND SECOND…" the man took a deep breath. "I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN!"
Shockwaves literally flew through the room, Elizabeth's longish hair flying into her face and momentarily blinding her. Squalo breathed heavily, his outburst having taken the energy out of him completely. "Oh…" the brunette blew some strands out of her eyes, her grin returning to her face. "Still in denial are we?"
Squalo quite literally broke down on the floor muttering things about how his subordinates were 'useless' and how completely and utterly 'stupid' Bel's lieutenant were. He was all for her being tied up again! "Fine…" he eventually muttered weakly. "Call me a fucking woman…like I care."
"Woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman," Elizabeth, Bel and Fran all said in unison, the latter droning in a monotone voice the whole way through.
"VOOOOOOOOIIIII! SHUT UP!"
"So…we are all going to the library then?" Lussuria asked, slightly confused by everything.
"Ushi shi shi~ the answer is still no perverted freak~" Bel sang. "I have more important things to do like catch up with my servant."
"HA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! NEVER!" Elizabeth shrieked, jumping onto the back of the nearby sofa. "MUWHAHAHA!"
"…Cute-sempai, I don't think he meant that…" Fran sighed slightly at the girl as she began to sing various random songs. How annoying…
Lussuria made a small noise that resembled a squawk of a parrot, rather fitting considering what his hair looked like. Yes, I think it looks like a parrot. Deal with the parrot-ness. DEAL WITH IT. "But you children NEVER study! I don't want anybody to think my darling sons and daughter are stupid!"
"Have a nice time persuading everyone otherwise," Squalo muttered under his breath, glaring at the youngest three in the room.
"Going to the library is a good experience! You'll remember things you have forgotten during your years at school! And anyway, if you don't go you might have to take evening classes at a school because my children cannot be stupid!" Lussuria continued, his voice stern.
"NOOOO! NOT SCHOOL!" Elizabeth screamed and hid under the sofa, her arms covering her head. "DON'T MAKE ME GO BAC TO THOSW CHILD ABUSERS! DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!"
"I spent fourteen years at school thus I have no desire to go back at all Lussuria-sempai," Fran stated bluntly, not at all pleased with the prospect of going back.
"IT'S LUSS-NEE!" Lussuria cried. "And anyway, you are only eight! How could you have spent fourteen years at school?"
"VOOOIII! HE'S NOT EIGHT!" Squalo yelled.
"So how old is he then Squ-chan? Enlighten us."
"…" A pause. "…" Another pause. "….VOOOIII! Why the fuck should I know that?"
"SQU-CHAN! LANGUAGE!" Parrot-nee scolded.
"WHY ARE YOU ONLY BOTHERED ABOUT THAT NOW?"
"Don't make excuses Squ-chan!" Lussuria tutted. "You need to be responsible for your actions!"
"Somebody kill me!" the man hung his head miserably.
"Ushi shi shi~ gladly shark commander!" Bel laughed getting out some knives.
"VOOOOOOIIII! I WASN'T SERIOUS!"
Whilst Bel chased Squalo around the room, throwing knives madly, Elizabeth was having a deep conversation with herself in her consciousness. Yes, a deep conversation with herself. It happens sometimes. ONLY SOMETIMES.
If we go back to school then maybe Squ-chan won't call us stupid anymore! Part of her chirped happily.
But I don't want to go back to school! Those teachers are child abusers! Another whimpered.
But Squ-chan won't be able to call us stupid!
I know! But is the hassle really worth it?
…Are you sure?
Yes I'm sure! It'll be like old times, sitting in the playground and playing tag with our friends only we'll be much…much….much bigger.
NOOOO! I'LL LOOK LIKE LEVI AKA A PEDO RAPIST!
Calm down! We won't look like Lev-
NOOOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GO SCHOOL! I WANNA STAY HERE AND DRINK TEA! DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK! DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!
I'm sure it'll be fine…probably.
YOU JUST SAID PROBABLY! I KNEW YOU WEREN'T SURE ABOUT GOING BACK! I KNEW IT!
Wait! I didn't mean it! I'm certain we'll be fin-
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!
Who are you?
Don't tell me…IT'S A RAPIST!
I'm PART of you dammit! Honestly, it's your fault that we are considered to be stupid! If we only thought things out more then we wouldn't be that stupid blonde prince's lieutenant! Hell, we would be the head of the Varia and nobody would be able to talk shit about us ever again!
Really? That sounds kinda cool…WAIT! CAPTAIN ISN'T STUPID! DON'T INSULT HIM!
Whatcha gonna do? Kill with your stupidity?
And so we are now that stupid shark. Great, this is why I didn't want to be the minor voice in this consciousness. I mean, WHY AM I THE MINOT VOICE? I'm the smartest out of everyone here! Rant, rant, rant…
This was meant to be a deep conversation…
And why are THEY the one in charge? All that voice in this consciousness does is yell 'tea' all day! THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME! THEY DON'T KNOW!
…Why me? Why am I stuck here, a perfectly good voice of reason? Who decided to put me in this insane consciousness?
Huh, makes sense…
And so, Elizabeth came to the conclusion that bunny rabbits should never be allowed to play croquet. Never. Oh and that they should probably go to the library instead of school. Yay.
"CALL ME LUSS-NEE! Ahem, yes Fran-chan?"
"…Isn't letting long haired commander get the library cards a really bad idea?"
"I'm sure it'll be fine…" Lussuria rifled through some books as Squalo began to wave his sword, that was conveniently disguised as a magic wand; you would never believe how sticking a pink star on the end of a sword with pink stickers saying 'Girl's forever!' and various other similar things makes people not look at the sharp object twice. Instead, three of four looks are required, Xanxus also being there having actually been dragged along with promises of the finest liquor in the land if he didn't burn their hands off. Of course, it was Levi who would be blamed when that delicious alcoholic drink did not arrive but did anybody care? Anybody? Exactly.
"Well…" Fran peered past him. "He's waving his wand around quite a bit now…oh and he just threatened to shove it down one of their asses…Lussuria-sempai?"
"Hmm? What is it?"
"Longhaired commander doesn't make empty threats."
Bel giggled insanely as Lussuria tried to restrain the obviously more powerful man as he attempted to do just as he threatened he would, Xanxus smirking. Ah, the torture of innocent people was always amusing~ Whilst this was going on Elizabeth was picking up random books, reading the blurb and then throwing them behind her, the objects accumulating in a small pile. Covering Levi who was beginning to look more and more pissed off at the girl. "Brat…" he eventually hissed. "Stop doing that all I'll rip your throat out!"
"Hell no, a book written by Ihateyou~" the girl sang sweetly, chucking the book at the man over her shoulder. Levi blocked it with his parabola, his frustration now at max. He had failed to deliver the girl's righteous punishment from before when she had interrupted her boss's break for a simple bloody biscuit (ooooh, alliteration~) but would he fail this time with the brunette's back to him and dressed not in her uniform but a pink hoodie, jeans and black boots therefore having no guns like she usually had with them being unable to be hid on her person? What was it that Elizabeth had said, 'Hell no' a book written by Ihateyou? Well, Levi was certain that there was going to be a sequel: 'A much appreciated death'. Oh yes, he just went there (Bastard). Levi lifted a parabola that was disguised as, wait for it, AN UMBRELLA (genius right?) his face lit up by an evil smile as he placed his other hand on the unsuspecting girl's shoulder. And then…
"Ushi shi shi~ do you wish to die?" Bel, who was dressed in a red hoodie and black skinny jeans took out a knife and twirled it around in his fingers, humming along to the tune blaring from his headphones and his red conversers tapping in time. Levi cursed as the brunette spun around to face him, an evil grin on her face. Had she known that Bel would come rescue her from her demise that was not imminent at all as everyone was stronger than Levi? Actually, the answer was no but hey, she could go with that! "Because…" Bel walked towards the other man, a killing intent filling the air. "That can be arranged."
Before Levi could say anything in response Lussuria yelled for him, saying that they had the book about forbidden love between a boss and a loyal subordinate that he had wanted. And the best part about that wasn't that shout, oh no. It was that Levi actually; I shit you not, half skipped to where Lussuria was, Squalo beside them and also laughing their head off.
"…Tell me somebody filmed that. If nobody did then I might have to go on a killing spree," Elizabeth giggled, Bel grinning in agreement. She then gasped. "OMG! WE maaaatch!" she pointed to her hoodie and then his hoodie, the look on her face priceless. "If only we had sunglasses and then we could be the awesome street gangsters, beating up those who disturbed the library peace!" she crossed her arms and closed her eyes, a satisfied look on her face. "Yes, the Library Gangsters is what we'll be called, we kill the peace breakers and donate to the poor~"
"…Servant, that was pathetic."
"Don't listen to him mah hommies! He just jealous cause he didn't think of it first!"
"Servant, you are talking to a pile of books."
"BOOKS ARE PEOPLE TOO!" Elizabeth protested, placing her hands on her hips. "But instead of air they breathe words that strike our hearts strong and true, their wisdom and knowledge educating us on how we should live! And like humans whose souls are eternal even when our bodies are no longer useable, books are too as even with their cover gone and the spin of them destroyed, their words live on forever."
The blonde blinked, slightly taken aback by her speech. "That was…" he lifted up his forefinger and poked her cheek. "Who are you?" he began to stretch her cheeks, the girl flailing her arms around in protest as he leaned closer to her, studying her facial features carefully. "The prince's servant is not deep. She is…" her mind groped around for a word to describe her before finally landing on one. "Stupid."
SEE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! EVEN THAT STUPID BLONDE THINKS WE ARE STUPID!
OI! CAPTAIN ISN'T STUPID!
L-let's calm down a little shall we?
"…Fuck you. F-U-C-K you," Elizabeth said angrily but with her cheeks being pulled on it came out more like 'Huck who. H-U-C-K who'. But Bel being the awesome genius he is understood her and grinned.
"There is my cute little servant~" he sang, cuddling her as if she was a pet. Which to him, she probably was. Yay. I say yay a lot now don't I? …Yay.
"INCEST!" Lussuria's shriek was actually audible even though he was on the other side of the library now, him and Levi fan girling over a the forbidden romance between the boss and the loyal subordinate. Oh the laughs we will have when we find out how that conversation went, oh the laughs…Unfortunately, them hearing meant the rest of the library heard and all the girls who had seen Bel walk in earlier with the others and were already in love with his looks let out squeals, all coming together to say one word.
"…Captain? Is it okay that I feel disturbed?" Elizabeth asked as Bel let go of her, also looking freaked out. "I take your silence as a yes."
"VOOOOIIIIIII!" the two then turned to see Squalo roaring at Xanxus who was asleep in the kids' section (that somehow seemed slightly pervy in a way…) where all the beanbags were, small children crying since they had been kicked out of their special district. Yes, district. In this day and age children are categorized into different districts and that is where they will live the rest of the sad little lives and every year a boy and girl from each district between the ages of 12-18 will battle it out until there is only one survivor, they being lavished with the famed…PICTURE BOOK! District one was of course set in the computer part of the library and District nine was filled with aliens who were considered racially inferior to humans and looked like shriveled up prunes/shrimps. Ah, references. What would we do without you?
"SHH!" practically everyone in the library hushed Squalo making him blink, taking a few moments to take in what had happened. It was then he realized something.
"VOOOOIIII! How come it's okay for you to shout and not me?" he yelled.
"`I don't think Squ-chan get's the idea of having quiet in the library…" Lussuria sighed. "Well, quiet unless there is some awesome gossip going round! Right Levi-chan?"
"Uh huh…" the man grunted, immersed in his book.
"Well it's good at least one of my children understand me! Except…" he cast a disdainful look over him. "I'd prefer it wasn't you who understood me."
Bel chuckled slightly as he leant against a bookcase, his eyes drooping slightly not that anybody could see it happening. With Xanxus asleep, Levi the rapist absorbed in a stupid book and Squalo on the other side of the library he had nothing to worry about. Well, as long as he didn't piss off Elizabeth that is. Sure, when it came down to it he was probably stronger at hand-to-hand combat although he had to admit she was incredibly good at it too. And without her guns she was at quite the disadvantage even if she did have box weapons on her since, to put it simply, she was far too lazy to use her Sei Spada Arte. Grinning at the thought of being able to beat her in a fight at this current moment in time, he began to fall asleep at the rare silence he barely experienced at the Varia castle, something he found himself enjoying slightly...
His eyes suddenly snapped open at the sound of his name being used and looked at the person who had spoken it: Elizabeth. The brunette was holding a thick old looking book with jewels, obviously fake, decorating the cover with spidery writing scrawled onto the front, practically ineligible. Upon feeling her captain's gaze on her and looking up, seeing a sliver of confusion on his face, she grinned cheekily. "Apparently you are one of the seven princes of hell."
Bel, upon registering what she had said, let out a small chuckle; easing himself off the bookshelf to go see what was written inside the book she was holding. "Ushi shi shi~ into demonology are we?"
"You embody the sin of sloth and seduce people with the promises of riches, discovery and genius invention," Elizabeth continued, Bel humming in approval at the words 'seduce', 'riches' and 'genius' being used to describe him. "And you…HAHAHAHAHA!" the girl burst out laughing, instantly dropping the book on the floor.
"What is it servant?" the blonde asked, wanting to know what she had laughed at.
"Y-you…pfft!" she began to giggle again. "You were worshipped on a toilet!"
Belphegor then picked up the book and subsequently began to rip it to shreds, being careful to note down the author who had decided to write down such unimaginable trash. "I'm never going to be able to go to the toilet again!" the girl laughed, clutching a bookshelf for support. "Just…HAHAHAHA! WHAT KIND OF DEMON GETS WORSHIPPED ON A TOILET?"
"SHHH!" most of the library hushed her but she ignored them, practically weeping with laughter now.
"Servant…" Bel glared at her through his bangs. "The prince is the source of your income, remember?"
Once again, silence.
"…If I go to the toilet and worship you from there, will you consider forgiving me?"
"Ah well, worth a shot," she shrugged before falling to her knees dramatically. "NOOOOO! NOT MY MONEY! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU?"
"NOT MY MOOONNNNNEEEEEYYYY!"
Unfortunately for Elizabeth, this woke Xanxus up and he had been having a nice dream about fucking ponies. Yes, fucking ponies. That were carrying to him his most favorite wine in the whole world. With sexy hot girls surrounding the man and cooing at him, allowing him to do whatever he wanted to them. And, to top it all off, fucking tea. Fucking awesome tea. He was in bloody heaven. Key word: was. Now he was awake because of Elizabeth. But here is where Xanxus's awesome logic comes in once again! Elizabeth was shrieking because Belphegor was going to take away her money. Belphegor was going to take her money away because of the stupid demonology book. Elizabeth had been reading the book because they were in a library. They were in a library because Lussuria wanted to do M+ rated things with Squalo. Squalo was in the library because he, along with everyone else, had been threatened to go by Lussuria. Lussuria had threatened everyone to go because he didn't want his 'children' to be stupid. And who was the most stupid out of all of them? Well, the answer Elizabeth was acceptable, and quite frankly the most logical, but Xanxus liked Elizabeth. She gave him awesome TEA. Well, Squalo actually did that but he didn't care about the hot beverage so he could go die, Fran watching him with his awesome drink powers as he burnt to a crisp. So, who was the most stupid? Yep, you guessed it, Levi. So nobody should have REALLY been surprised when Xanxus had shot him in the middle of a library making the children nearby scream in terror, the 'incest' fangirls squeal at his sexy although intimidating personality-according to them he was just misunderstood like most badass sort of villains are-and Squalo roar at him. As the rest of the 'alive' Varia members watched the library burn from outside, Elizabeth shrugged.
"So…anybody want to go get a biscuit?"
Ah, biscuits. If only the Xanxus logic could see that you were in fact the one who caused everything.
Extra: Alice in Tea-land
Once upon a time lived a beautiful young girl named Alice (Elizabeth: I'm the main character? HELL YEAH! Fran: Cute-sempai, you are always the main character. Elizabeth: What? But we have never had story time before! Me: Yeah…of course…I hope she doesn't have brain damage. Elizabeth: ?) whose imagination knew no bounds (Fran: Sounds exactly like Cute-sempai…). One day she and her sister (Haru: Hahi! I don't recall ever having a sister. Elizabeth: I'm the younger one how? Squalo: Tch, your mental age is younger at least. Haru: Hahi?) were outside and the two chatted quietly to each other (Elizabeth: Tea. Haru: Hahi? Elizabeth: TEA. Haru: HAHI?. Elizabeth: TEEEAAA! Harui: HAAAHHHIII? Elizabeth: SEI SPADA ARTE! Haru: HAAAAAHHHHHIIIIII?! Me: Uh…I said CHATTED QUIETLY) before the older sibling read her book (Haru: I don't understand what's going on *cries* Elizabeth: JOIN DA CLUB SISTA!) leaving Alice without anything to do (Elizabeth: Some awesome older sis she is…). Suddenly the young girl spotted something strange sticking out from behind a tree and gasped upon seeing a small frog holding a pocket watch chanting the words 'I'm late, I'm later for a very important date' over and over again (Fran: Long haired commander is going to kill me if I'm late again…*sigh* how annoying…). Alice, intrigued by the animal, followed it as it raced off, watching the frog then jump down a hole.
"Ah! Mr. Frog!" she cried , upset it had ran away from her (Elizabeth: You have tea on you! I CAN SMELL IT!) as she peered down the hole. Suddenly the ground beneath her crumbled and as she let out a small scream, Alice began to hurtle down the hole, various objects passing by her as she did so such as grandfather clocks and mattresses (Elizabeth: Boring~ Me: Also tea rushed by her head, falling down past her. Elizabeth: AFTER THE TEA!). Eventually she landed at the bottom with a huge thud to see a small golden key on a nearby table. She tried it with various doors around her but it was no use until she saw a tiny door before her (Elizabeth: Cool story bro. Now, where is my tea…) and using the key opened it to see that it led out to a beautiful garden. After letting out a cry of frustration (Elizabeth: WHERE'S MY TEA? WHERE?) at not being able to get through the door (Elizabeth: It's a door. WHY SHOULD I CARE MORE ABOUT IT THAN MY TEA?) she suddenly spotted a cup with the words 'drink me' on them (Elizabeth: TEEEEAAAA! HOW I MISSED YOU! Squalo: VOI! You had tea five minutes ago dammit! Elizabeth: Five minutes is an eternity! I mean, how many times have you had to wake up and said to yourself 'I'll just sleep for another five minutes'? Fran: Doesn't that just mean you just sleep for more than five minutes? Elizabeth: No, I'm sure I'm right… Squalo: She's such an idiot…). But Alice, only too aware of the dangers you could face as a young child who ignores common sense (Elizabeth: Common sense? What does that taste like? Squalo: …Just die.) and checked the cup for any mark to say that it was poison (Elizabeth: Tea? Poisonous? BLASPHEMY! WHAT KIND OF IDIOCY AM I SPOUTING? Squalo: VOOOII! That's what I want to know!). But there was no such mark so the girl downed the liquid inside the cup, seeing as there was nothing she had to lose whilst trapped in that room. It was then she suddenly began to shrink and shrink and shrink!
Now small enough to fit through the door, she tried to turn the knob to get through to the garden however, much to her dismay, it was locked again! (Elizabeth: OH THE DRAMA!) But then she remembered a golden key on a nearby table. (Elizabeth: Wow, that was a quick resolution!). There was only one problem: how would she get the key in her tiny state? (Elizabeth: OH THE HORROR!) It was then she noticed a small biscuit with the writing 'eat me' scrawled on with pink icing. (Elizabeth: BISCUIT! Me: The cause of everything XD) Scurrying over, she took a big bite of the food and, unlike last time, she grew taller and taller and taller! "Curiouser and Curiouser!" she murmured as she said goodbye to her feet (Elizabeth: BYE BYE FEET! HELLOOOOOO CEILING!) as she continued to grow. "I wonder how I'll be able to communicate with them now…" she wondered (Elizabeth: Tch, mobile obviously. Squalo: …You are such an idiot) before realizing that what she was saying was nonsense. (Squalo: THANK YOU! Elizabeth: Discoabc…you think what comes out of my mouth is nonsense? Me: Hey, I WRITE this thing. Consider the nonsense that comes out of my mouth when I actually talk!) Eventually, once her head was squashed up against the ceiling, she took the key but alas now she was too big to get through the door. (Elizabeth: And I should care why? It's just a garden! Me: Apparently all the plants there grow tea naturally. Elizabeth: …NOOOOOOO! WHY AM I TOO BIG? WHY? Oh yeah, biscuits… Me: The cause of everything XD Fran: Author-san, you said that earlier…) Upset, she began to sob, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Because of her huge size, the water streaming from her eyes collected together into a pool a few inches deep. (Elizabeth: But I wanted a pool of tea... Me: SO BE IT THEN! Elizabeth: ...YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!)
Suddenly she heard a monotone voice bouncing off the walls and in walked the frog from earlier through a door Alice had been certain was locked but a few moments ago, carrying a small frog hat and an elegant fan. He stopped before the pool of tears (Fran: Why is there a puddle of tea?) before seeing Alice and, startled by her sudden appearance (Fran: Cute-sempai is huge…I had nothing to do with this *walks away*. Elizabeth: WAAAIIIIT! TELL ME HOW TO BE SMALL AGAIN! Fran: …No.) and raced off, dropping the items in his hands in the process. Alice sighed as she picked up the fan for after crying so much she was terribly hot (Elizabeth: Crying: Makes you hot. Me: Why does it sound to me like you are saying you are sexy? Elizabeth: Because I am~ along with TEA! Squalo: VOOOIII! That doesn't even make any sense!) and fanned herself, trying to figure out if she had changed since yesterday (Elizabeth: Well, it is true that I definitely had more tea yesterday…and I wasn't infatuated with biscuits…OMG! I HAVE CHAAANGED!). Eventually she came to the conclusion that she had changed somehow and vowed not to go back to her sister until she became somebody the slightest bit more agreeable. (Elizabeth: My heart can only hold one man! I HAVE TO KICK BISCUITS OUT! Wait, NO! I LIKE BISCUITS! ARGH! I'M TORN! SOMEHOW! Fran: You were rejected Fake prince-sempai…by tea and biscuits. Bel: …Die froggie.)
Just as she began to feel lonely she suddenly noticed that she had unconsciously placed the frog hat on her head (Elizabeth: Unconsciously? My conscious must be fricken oblivious then! Me:…Let's not go back to that place again ever. Period. Okay, I lie. LET'S GO BACK NOOOOW! Everybody else: ?) a strange thing since she was certain that she had been extremely tall but a few moments ago. Suddenly she realized that she had shrunk (Elizabeth: HELLO FEET! I MISSED YOU!) and let out a small shriek, dropping the fan before it could make her any smaller. Quickly she ran towards the tiny door once again but alas, she had forgotten the key on the table! (Elizabeth: NOOOOO!) throwing her arms up in frustration she lost her balance and accidentally fell into the pool of tears. (Elizabeth: I'm in a pool of tea? AWESOME!)
She let out a scream, (Elizabeth: Why scream? I AM IN A POOL OF TEA!) afraid she would drown (Elizabeth: Drowning in tea = best way to die EVER) but then found it was easy to swim in it and got out quickly, meeting up with a dodo (Ryohei: I'm extinct TO THE EXTREME!), a chicken (Hibari: I'll peck you to death), two ducks (Mukuro: Kufufu, a duck is better than a chicken I suppose. Chrome: M-Mukuro-sama!), a hedgehog, (Yamamoto: Hahahahaha, good one Discoabc! Now *evil smile* give me back my baseball bat. Me: …help.) a pigeon (Lambo: HAHA! Lambo-san is the best! Me: …I hate pigeons), a crow (Gokudera: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE TENTH? Me: He is in a maid outfit waiting for you at home. Gokudera: lizygf;ldsv *dies* Me: …Hee hee) and a mouse (Tsuna: HIIIEEE! What have you done to Gokudera-kun? Me: nothing...). After talking to them for a while (Elizabeth: You guys got tea? Ryohei: I haven't got any TO THE EXTREME! Mukuro: Kufufu, if you like illusionary tea then yes~ isn't that right my cute Chrome? Chrome: Yes Mukuro-sama. Tsuna: Mukuro? What are you doing here? AND DISCOABC, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO GOKUDERA-KUN? Gokudera: Tenth…maid… Discoabc: Like I said, nothing~ Yamamoto: You are so funny Discoabc! *evil smile* Baseball. Bat. Now. Lambo: HAHA! LAMBO-SAN IS THE GREATEST! Hibari: for crowding…I'll peck you to death. Elizabeth: …So you don't have any tea?) the group ran away from a comment she had made (Elizabeth: By the way, I'm from the Varia. Everybody: *gives her a look of horror and runs off excluding Hibari and Mukuro who are fighting out for who is better: chickens or Ducks* Me: GO CHICKENS! WIN SO THAT NO ONE QUESTIONS YOUR ULTERIOR MOTIVES WHEN YOU HAVE CROSSED A ROAD!) about her cat (Elizabeth: …I'm from the Varia cats now? Me: GOOO CHICKENS!) leaving her alone once more.
It was then that the frog bounced in, looking for his hat and fan (Elizabeth: Screw you! They are mine now! MINE!), Alice noticing that her surroundings had completely changed and now looked like she was outside. The frog then mistook her for his maid Mary Ann (Me: No, that's Tsuna. And he's at Gokudera's house. For M+ rated stuff.) and he scolded her for leaving his house (Fran: Lussuria-sempai said you shouldn't be outside. You could get raped. Elizabeth: NOOOOO!) before ordering her to go back and fetch him a new frog hat and fan (Elizabeth: Don't wanna. Fran: There is tea there. Elizabeth: BYE~). Alice raced off, his angry scolding terrifying her (Elizabeth: I WANT TEA! NOT TO BE RAPED!) but luckily found the Frog's house, a sign saying 'F. FROG' hung onto the front door. After entering the small house, she grabbed the items the frog had ordered her to get and, just before she left, spotted a small cup (Elizabeth: TEEEEAAAAA!). It did not have a sign on it like the other one but she had since figured out whenever she drunk or ate something, an interesting event would happen (Elizabeth: LIES. Why would I need a reason to drink tea?). So she downed the liquid in one go.
Suddenly she began to grow and grow and grow! (Elizabeth: Fuck, why didn't I remember something like this would happen? WHY? Oh yeah, because tea rocks… Fran: That didn't explain anything Cute-sempai. Oh, wait, it did… Squalo: VOOOIII! IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!) Another scream erupted from her lips as she quickly became to big for the house, her arms sticking out the windows, her legs and head huddled up to her chest uncomfortably (Elizabeth: Umm…Help?). It was then that the frog returned and bounded upstairs, calling Mary Ann's name repeatedly (Me: I never knew you wanted to rape Tsuna too… Fran: To make this clear to all readers, Author-san is high and doesn't know what nonsense she I spouting. Me: GOOOO CHICKENS! PECK THE DUCK TO DEATH! Fran: I rest my case.). However he could not enter his bedroom for Alice's body was squashed up against it, holding it shut. The frog tried to get in through the window alas Alice's arm was there, blocking that entrance too! So he called his gardener Pat (Spanner: Why are you calling me? I was in the middle of creating another Mini-moska to sweep up leaves for me. Fran: There is a person in my house. Spanner: …) and asked him to explain what was stopping himself from getting into his room. (Spanner: It's an arm. Fran: I know. ME: Well…that was pointless) Pat told the frog it was clearly an arm (Spanner: I was right. Fran: I know. Me: …Awkward silence…). The frog, clearly frustrated (Fran: I am angry. Me: Convincing speech), wanted to get rid of his inconvenient addition to the house, Alice also wanting to get out. The animal then called for Bill, a lizard (Me: MY PARTNER LEON! I MISSED YA! Leon: …^o^ Reborn: He's going to kill somebody else now…), and ordered him to go down into the room through the chimney. Unfortunately, Alice's foot was already lodged in that part of the house and upon hearing them climbing down, kicked the lizard out savagely (Elizabeth: NOOO! HE'S GONNA KILL ME NOW! TAT Me: Don't worry I'll protect you! Wait, Leon is scary…YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN! *Runs off* Leon: …*evil smirk* Elizabeth: D:).
Bill, upon reaching the frog, told him that it was no use and that they would have to burn the house down to get her out (Elizabeth: IMMA GONNA DIE! Leon: ^o^). In response, Alice threatened to set her cat on him (I-pin: I am not a cat. Me: Of course you aren't *pats head* WAIT! DON'T START TO EXPLODE! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! STOOOOP!) thus the burning plan was abandoned (Fran: Shame. Leon: …:( Elizabeth: Is anybody happy I survived? No? WELL AT LEAST TEA LOVES ME! But I love biscuits too…GAH! I'M TORN!). Eventually the animals started throwing rocks at her through the window (Me: Chrome style~) and for some reason, they turned into tiny biscuits upon hitting the house (Elizabeth: MY SECOND LOVE!). Upon eating one, she shrunk in size and ran out of the house away from the other animals. She then began to form a plan in her mind. (Elizabeth: First, I need to get back to my awesome normal size and then I need to get into the tea garden) First, she needed to somehow revert to her original size and then she needed to find a way into the beautiful garden. (Elizabeth: It's like I know what I'm going to say! Wait…) It was then she came across a caterpillar (Levi: What?) sitting on a giant mushroom (Levi: What?!) smoking a long hookah (Levi: WHAT? Me: Chillax dude, we heard you the first time…). The two looked at each other for a long time before the Caterpillar finally demanded to know who she was (Levi: Who are you? Are you after boss's life? Well, I WON'T LET YOU TAKE IT! Elizabeth: …Well hello to you too!).
"I knew who I was this morning but I do believe I have changed since then," the girl told him (Elizabeth: I mean, I never had a love for biscuits before! Is it a thing? Does everybody go through it? IS HAVING A LOVE FOR TWO MEN WEIRD? Levi: …I don't think someone as stupid as you could kill boss.)
"What do you mean girl?" the caterpillar blew a puff of smoke in her face (Elizabeth: GAH! MY EYES!) as he ordered her to explain herself.
"I can't explain myself because I am not myself," Alice informed him of the events that had taken place up till then however. this did not make the issue any clearer to the caterpillar, who didn't think that changing size again and again would be confusing. (Elizabeth: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU HAVEN'T HAD THE PAIN OF HAVING TO SAY GOODEBYE TO YOUR OWN FEET! YOU DON'T UNDESTAND!)Alice reminds the caterpillar that it will be strange when he changes to a chrysalis and then into a butterfly, but the Caterpillar disagrees. (Levi: And one day, I shall transform into a beautiful butterfly and boss will finally love me! Everybody: ...What?) Alice counters that such changes would seem strange to her.
Again, the Caterpillar demands, "Who are you?" (Elizabeth: Didn't you listen earlier? I DON'T KNOW. God, you need hearing aid dude!)
Frustrated, Alice stomped her foot on the ground. "Shouldn't you be telling me who you are first? And being three inches for the rest of my life would be HORRIBLE!" she shrieked, insulting the caterpillar's height. (Elizabeth: AND BOOS WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, EVEN IF YOU DO TURN INTO A BUTTERFLY!) Offended, (Levi: Boss…is this true? Xanxus: *ignores him and eats his steak) the caterpillar hurried away (Levi: NOOOOOOOOO! *runs off crying*) not forgetting to tell Alice that one side of the mushroom will make her bigger and the other smaller. The young girl took a piece from either side and ate both at once, returning her to her original height, completing the first part of her plan. (Elizabeth: Phase one complete. ONTO PHASE TWO! MUWHAHAHA! I SHALL GET MY TEA! I SHALL!) Whilst pondering how she would find the garden, she came across a small house. Wanting to go inside, she took a bite of one of the pieces of food and changed to the height of nine inches.
Alice entered the house to find herself in a smoke filled kitchen and coughed violently when a bit of pepper got stuck in her throat. Once the smoke had cleared she saw the Duchess nursing a baby (Lussuria: Mammon! You are so, so, so CUTE! Mammon: You must pay me to call me cute), a cook making a very peppery cake (Bianchi: I am making this for my beloved Reborn for love overrules all *spakley eyes* Elizabeth: Kay, you go do that) and a grinning cat, their tail swishing fro side to side in an amusing manner (Elizabeth: SEE! I TOLD YOU CAPTAIN LOOKED GOOD IN CAT EARS! I TOLD YOU! Me: He has a stripy shirt and Cheshire has stripy fur…OMG! BEL! YOU ARE A CAT! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what are you on about? Elizabeth & Me: CAAAAAAAAAATS! Bel: …?).
Alice found herself staring at the cat curiously, her hands clutching onto the skirt of her blue dress tightly as she did so. "I never knew cats could smile…" she murmured, the Duchess hearing her.
"Ohoho, but this is CHESHIRE CAT my dear~!" they sang (Lussuria: Might I add, you like grrrreat in that dress! Elizabeth: Oh, SHUCKS!), hugging their baby tighter to their chest (Mammon: Kill me now. Me: Don't have to, you are already dead XD Mammon: …Did I mention that I might hate you? Me: I love ya too~). "But for you to not even know that…you must not know much my dear." (Lussuria: Which is why you should go back to school! Elizabeth: NOOOOOOOO!)
Suddenly the cook began to hurl things at the Duchess and her child (Bianchi: POISON COOKING! Elizabeth: Oh noes! They have been possessed by C.A.K.E! Squalo: What has been seen cannot be unseen, what has been seen cannot be unseen… Elizabeth: We are all going to die~ Fran: You don't seem very concerned Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: Well, if Levi can survive anything and STILL not be considered immortal then I can do the same! Fran: I don't think it works like that…) worrying Alice enough to beg the cook to stop (Elizabeth: Nah, you can continue. It's kinda entertaining. But, hit Luss-nee and…*evil glare*) in fear the baby would be killed (Lussuria: WHAT ABOUT ME? Elizabeth: I'm not scared for your life because crazy cook knows what's gonna happen if she does hit you…). The Duchess instead claims that if everyone kept their noses out of everybody else's' business the world would run far faster.
"Run faster?" Alice snorted slightly. "But if the world ran faster then all of the seasons would be messed up and life as we know it could be destroyed!" (Elizabeth: A good point if I say so myself!)
"I do not wish to hear your theories stupid girl!" the duchess's shrill voice cut through the air (Elizabeth: L-Luss-nee? H-how could you say such a thing? HOW COULD YOU? Lussuria: I am sorry! I don't know what came over me! Fooorrrgggivvve meeeee! Elizabeth: Ok. Fran: That was a short argument…) The older woman then began to sing to her baby, shaking him violently as she did so (Mammon: Author-san, you must pay me in compensation after this. As otherwise I will sue)before throwing them at Alice (Elizabeth: MAMMON ROCKET!). "I am going to play croquet with the queen so you can take care of this baby if you want."
The Duchess then flounced off leaving behind a very confused Alice holding a baby, a fuming cook and a laughing Cheshire. Deciding that the baby would likely be killed if they stayed any longer (Bianchi: This baby knows Reborn and looks like a girl? THEY MUST BE AFTER REBORN'S LOVE! I SHALL KILL THEM! Mammon: …I've changed my mind. I am definitely suing.) Alice walked out of the house into the woods. Suddenly the baby began to change into a pig (Skull: OI! I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A PIG!) and, realizing that walking around nursing a pig would be very silly, she let it free into the wilderness. (Elizabeth: GO! BE FREE! BE FREEEEE! Skull: I AM NOT A PIG!) "If it had grown up I suppose they would have been a very ugly child but I think it would be a very handsome pig," (Skull: For the last time, I AM NOT A PIG! Squalo: Don't waste your breath. This stupid Author won't listen to me when I tell her I'm not a girl. Skull: …You aren't? Squalo: VOOOOIIIIIIII!) Alice mused.
"Ushi shi shi~ the prince agrees," a sing song voice made the girl look upwards to see Cheshire cat sitting in a tree, his tail flicking from side to side slowly. His grin at her didn't make her feel warm like her sister's did (Haru: Hahi? Squalo: VOOOIII! I THOUGHT WE GOT PAST THAT!) but instead sent shivers down her spine. All the same she was compelled to say something to the cat and ended up asking where she should go next. "Depends on where you want to go~" Cheshire sang in response.
"I don't really care where, as long as it is somewhere," Alice sighed, wishing that everyone would not try her patience all of the time!
Ushi shi shi~ well if you keep going in one direction your bound to end up somewhere," Cheshire giggled as Alice glowered at him. (Elizabeth: Wow, great advice captain) Alice, seeing that it would be pointless to try and explain how WRONG the cat was, changed her tactics.
"Well, who LIVES round here then?" she asked, the cat pouting for a moment, destroying his pearly white smile (Elizabeth: Colgate: for those shinier teeth~). He had been looking forwards to arguing with the girl as such thing always amused him
"Mad Hatter lives that way and March Hare lives the other way," he clicked his tongue impatiently as Alice gave him a blank look. "They are both raving mad."
"MAD?" Alice let out a cry of dismay (Elizabeth: NO! I MUST BE THE MOST INSANE PERSON AROUND! I MUST!). "But I don't want to be around any mad people!"
"Ushi shi shi~ but we are all raving mad around here~" Cheshire sang, satisfied with the girl's upset look on her face. "So, are you going to go play croquet later with the Queen?"
"How should I know?" Alice cried. "I don't even know what I am doing here!" she squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply before snapping them open again. "Maybe…I'll see you there if I do go there," she whispered. Cheshire grinned.
"See you there then Princess~" he jumped off the tree, raising a hand. "Bye bi~!"
He disappeared before he even touched the ground. Alice hugged herself as she began to walk onwards, a sense of loneliness overcoming her. "I would have preferred it if he had stayed, it's better than being alone in this place," she murmured.
"Oh, the prince forgot to ask," Alice yelped as Cheshire suddenly appeared to her. "What did you do with that baby?" (Bel: I wanna know where Mammon went~ his cheeks are puffy! Elizabeth: …Say wha?)
"It became a pig!" she squeaked, unnerved by his sudden appearance. (Skull: I AM NOT A…you know, I don't know why I bother…)
"Oh…well, bye bi!" he vanished again, Alice sighing. She couldn't believe the people around here! For a little while she stood there, fuming slightly to herself. She then considered what her next move would be.
"Well, since Mad Hatter does have the word 'mad' in his name and it is May so I suppose going to March Hare won't be so insane…" she said out loud before walking off to find March Hare's house. Eventually she found it and outside there was March Hare (Byakuran: Pyon~!), Mad Hatter (Squalo: VOOOOIIII! FINALLY I'M NOT A GIRL! Me: I know, sad isn't it?) and a sleeping dormouse (Reborn: Oi. Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm as small as a mouse) who, much to her immediate surprise, were having a tea party (Elizabeth: OMG, TEA PARTY! Squalo: VOOOIIII! It's with the top enemy of the Vongola and a supposed to be dead baby! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HAPPY? Elizabeth: B-but tea parties make EVERYTHING better!) As she approached, the two awake people jumped to their feet and pointed at her accusingly.
"VOOOIIII! THERE IS NO ROOM HERE!" Mad Hatter yelled as March Hare nodded in agreement, throwing a marshmallow in his mouth. (Elizabeth: Squ-chan, he can't be the Vongola's most wanted enemy! I mean he's…ADORABLE! *grabs Byakuran and places him in front of Squalo* Byakuran: Pyon~ Squalo: … Fran: Lussuria-sempai, I think you better come over. Longhaired captain's heart seems to have melted at the sight of somebody else. Squalo: VOOOIIIII! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Byakuran: …Pyon~)
"There is plenty of room at this table," Alice pointed to all the empty seats, sitting herself down. (Elizabeth: I need my tea and not even adorable so-called villains will stop me! Byakuran: Pyon~ Elizabeth: I CHANGE MY MIND! YOU ARE SO FRICKEN ADORABLE!) Upon seeing their annoyed expressions and realizing they were studiously ignoring her, the young girl slammed her foot down onto the floor making the two awake jump, the dormouse continuing to sleep (Reborn: Guppi…). "Honestly, you are so RUDE!" Alice exclaimed, disgusted by their behavior. (Elizabeth: You haven't even offered me TEA!)
"VOI! You were the one who joined us without being invited!" Mad Hatter pointed out. (Elizabeth: THAT IS NO EXCUSE! GIMME MY TEEEAAAA!) A few moments of silence past, Alice drumming her fingers on the table out of frustration. (Elizabeth: If I DON'T get my tea soon I swear, somebody is going to FUCKING DIE! Byakuran…Pyon? Elizabeth: Of course, not you, you are too CUTE! Byakuran: Pyon~ Squalo: She is such an idiot…) "Why is a raven like a writing table?" Mad Hatter suddenly asked, slicing through the awkward silence. Alice ran her thumb over her lower lip, deep in thought.
"…I think I can guess why," she eventually spoke, her brow furrowed in concentration (Elizabeth: BECAUSE THE TEA GOD USES BOTH THINGS TO PUNISH DOES WHO SIN! Squalo: VOOI! What the fuck is wrong with yo- ARGH! GET THIS FUCKING RAVEN AWAY FROM ME! AND WHY DOES IT HAVE A WRITING TABLE ON IT'S BACK! Elizabeth: I rest my case. NOW GIMME TEA!), Mad Hatter scowling slightly.
"VOOI! You should say what you mean!"
Alice blinked, slightly confused. "I mean what I say!" she insisted.
"That's not the same thing!" they pointed at her menacingly.
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"YES IT IS!"
"NO IT ISN'T!" Hatter, stood up, waving a spoon around. "For example, seeing what one eats is not the same as eating what one sees!" (Elizabeth: Squ-chan…you said something sane? Squalo: VOOOIII! YOU ARE THE INSANE ONE AROUND HERE! Fran: Actually, since your name is 'Mad Hatter' I beg to differ. Elizabeth: BEAT THAT BITCH! *High fives Fran*)
"…" Alice glared slightly at the man as he now rambled on to March Hare about how his pocket watch (ME WANTS ONE!) was two days slow.
"VOOOIII! I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE FIXED IT WITH MARSHMALLOWS!"
The girl whimpered slightly at how little sense his last comment meant before realizing that POCKET WATCHES COUNT THE TIME AND NOT DAYS. (Elizabeth: OH NOES!) Mad Hatter, upon seeing her expression, scowled angrily.
"VOOOIII! Haven't you seen a pocket watch before?" he demanded.
"Yes…but not one like that since normal ones just tell you the time," she pointed out, the man scoffing slightly in response.
"OF COURSE my one is normal! After all, both the ones you are used to and my one don't tell what year it is!" he yelled, hitting March Hare round the head and making him choke slightly on his marshmallows (Elizabeth: NOOOOOO! NOT ADORABLE VILLAN! Byakuran: *evil glare* Pyon. Pyon. Squalo: …*slightly freaked out*) Alice sighed slightly. She was certain his words had no sane meaning at all AND didn't help her to become somebody agreeable. Hell, Hatter was probably making her a LESS agreeable person, infuriating her to no end. "So, young lady, have you answered the riddle yet?" Hatter asked the girl. (Elizabeth: I have a theory. What about YOU old woman? Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL! MAD HATTER ISN'T EVEN A FUCKING WOMAN! Me: Oh, I wouldn't know, there are plenty of female Mad Hatter costumes out there… Squalo: VOOOIIIII!)
"I'm afraid I have not," she told him solemnly, (Elizabeth: WHAT? BUT I SAID IT EARLIER! WHY CRUEL WORLD DO YOU IGNORE ME? WHY?) expecting him to explode from anger. (Elizabeth: Explode? AWSOME.)
"Well, neither have we!" Mad Hatter burst out laughing with March Hare, Alice narrowing her eyes with frustration.
"You two are wasting my time COMPLETELY!" she snapped, crossing her arms in a huff (Elizabeth: Of course, not you adorable villain. Hearts. Squalo: FOR THE LAST TIME, HE IS OUT TO KILL US! Byakuran: Pyon~).
"It's best to be on the best terms with time," Mad Hatter told her seriously. "I once had a quarrel with them when I took part in a concert for the Queen of Hearts. Apparently, singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat off key murders them according to her and since then it has always been six o'clock for me: TEA TIME!" he laughed heartily, downing his cup of tea in one go. (Fran: That imagery is creepy. Me: On a sort of random note, I just got given tea right now. Yay. Elizabeth: TEEEAAAAAA!)
"This is boring Pyon~" March Hare suddenly said announced, tired of the current conversation. (Elizabeth-you SPOKE! Byakuran: That's right cute little Eliza-chan~ Oh and Pyon~ Squalo: …You do realize that you a hare not a rabbit? Only rabbit's say Pyon. Elizabeth: WHO CARES! HE'S FRICKEN ADORABLE!) "Why don't you tell a story?" he addressed Alice who started with surprise before claiming shyly that she knew (Elizabeth: Well, I have the stories The Princess and the Tea, Beau-tea and the Beast and Sleeping Bea-tea… Squalo: Rejected.) none.
"There's nothing for it then…" Mad Hatter bent down to the sleeping dormouse and opened his mouth wide. "VOOOOOOOIIIIII!"
The dormouse woke up instantly, punching the man in the face (Reborn: Heh. That's what you get for waking me up. Fran: *shakes head* beaten up by a supposedly dead baby. You are in need of training longhaired commander. Squalo: VOOOOI! SHUT UP! Everyone: No.) before looking around sleepily. March Hare informed the animal of how they needed a story (Squalo: Well, it's either that or we listen to HER story about tea. Elizabeth: What's so bad about that? Squalo: EVERYTHING.). The animal complied and sat up straight, the other three watching him intently.
"Once upon a time lived three girls Elsie, Lacie and Tillie (Tsuna: WHY AM I HERE AGAIN AND DRESSED UP IN A MAID COSTUME? Kyoko: Tsuna-kun, you look very cute! *oblivious sparkles* Hana: Kyoko…I don't think you should call him 'cute'.) who lived at the bottom of a well (Hana & Tsuna: WHAT? Kyoko: Hmm? *more oblivious sparkles*) and ate treacle (Hana: Not even going to comment… Tsuna: That was…random? Kyoko: I like treacle! *OBLIVIOUSNESS*)."
"Would you like some more tea Pyon~?" March Hare asked Alice, interrupting the story.
"I cannot have MORE tea if I haven't even had ANY!" the girl pointed out in an irritable fashion (Elizabeth: WHY DID I NOT GET TEA EARLIER? TELL ME WHY!), Mad Hatter grinning in reply.
"Ah, well you can't have LESS TEA since you've had none can you? But it's easy to have MORE TEA than none," he pointed out (Squalo: *grins smugly* Elizabeth: Squ-chan…I never knew you cared so much about tea! Squalo: FUCK! ME: On another not so random note: …I've finished my tea. Can I have some more?).
"…Why WERE those girls living at the bottom of the well?" Alice asked the dormouse, ignoring Hatter. The animal thpught for a few moments before answering.
"It was a TREACLE WELL." (Hana & Tsuna: That makes no sense. Kyoko: Hmm? Do you two not like treacle? *you get the picture*
"That makes no sense," Alice objected making the animal glare at her.
"Interrupt my story again and I'll (Reborn: I'll blow your brains out) stop telling it," he threatened her.
"VOOOIIII! WHY IS MY FUCKING CUP DIRTY?" (Reborn: Right. Prepare to die.) Mad Hatter interrupted, waving the crockery around furiously.
"It's because you put tea in it Pyon~" March Hare reminded him.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Alice shrieked in annoyance, throwing her arms up into the air with exasperation. "You people are so RUDE!" (Elizabeth: YEAH! How DARE you suggest that tea can dirty something! I WITHDRAW YOUR TITLE AS ADORABLE VILLIAN! Byakuran: …Pyon :( Elizabeth: I CHANGE MY MIND! YOU ARE TOO CUTE!) the girl flounced off and came across a tree with a door in it. Not being bothered to think about it too much, she threw it open and marched inside to find herself in the room with the glass table in it, the golden key still atop. Having learnt from last time, she grabbed the object before eating some of the mushroom and turning tiny, unlocking the small door leading out into the beautiful garden and marching through. It was then she saw two flat and oblong shaped figures like playing cards in front of a rose tree, the blossoms a brilliant white and in the midst of being painted red. (Ken: HAH? This is insane byon! Chikusa: I agree. Me: …Mukuro is here. Ken & Chikusa: MUUUKKKURRROOOO-SAAAAMMMMAAA!) Upon seeing Alice, they stopped their task and bowed low to her. (Elizabeth: THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES! BOW TO ME! MUWHAHAHA!) "Why are you painting the roses red?" the girl asked them curiously once they had both straightened. (Elizabeth: Don't tell me…YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM! YOU MONSTERS! Ken & Chikusa: ?)
"It's because the Queen wanted red roses and we planted the wrong ones byon!" one told her miserably. "Otherwise she would get angry and cut out heads off!"
Suddenly a fanfare blew and the two flattened themselves against the floor, terrified. The Queen and her procession whom all apart from the first were in fact playing cards, stopped before Alice and the gardeners. "Trash. Who the fuck are you?" (Xanxus: *gets out guns* ME: WAIT! I'LL GIVE YOU TEA! I'LL GIVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS OF TEA! AND MORE KILLING LEVI MOMENTS! Levi: Boss would never agree to have me be injured like that for his respect for his subordinates is supreme! Xanxus: *puts away guns* you have yourself a deal scum. Levi: O.O ME: XD)
"My name is Alice," the girl told her simply, curtseying slightly to her. (Elizabeth: Looking sexy boss. S-E-X-Y.)
"And who the fuck are they?" the Queen then pointed to the gardeners, Alice replying she wouldn't know since it is not her problem. "Off with your fucking head scum!" the Queen roared in anger at the girl's 'insolent' words but Alice simply scowled and told her it was nonsense, shutting them up. The Queen's husband (Tsuna: WHY ME AGAIN? AND WHY AM I STILL IN A MAID OUTFIT? Me: Two words: Fan service. Tsuna: *starts to cry*) tried desperately to calm him down (Tsuna: HOW DO I EVEN DO THAT?) but, still furious, the Queen turned her attack back onto the gardeners and demands to know what they were doing. However, before they could answer her, she ordered their execution. Alice, feeling sorry for them, hid them quickly behind a tree so the Queen's soldiers would not find them-rescuing them from their cruel fate. Thus when the Queen asked whether their heads were gone, the soldiers truthfully replied that they were gone, not mentioning the rest of their bodies were missing as well. That settled, the Queen turned to Alice. "Trash. Can you play fucking croquet?"
"I can," Alice replied instantly (Elizabeth: I never knew you were the croquet fan… *gives Xanxus tea before he can shoot her*). Whilst the group moved off to the croquet ground, the girl noticed that the Frog was there next to the Queen (Fran: Wondering why longhaired commander didn't get that role.) "Sir, where is the Duchess?" she asked him in a hushed voice, the animal sighing.
"She has been sentenced to be beheaded for boxing the Queen's ears," he told her solemnly (Lussuria: SQU-CHAN IS MINE DO YOU HEAR ME? MIIINNNNEEE!) but Alice could not receive it seriously, bursting into giggles. However, before she could ask him any more, they arrived at the croquet grounds. Never had Alice seen such a bizarre set up for the game: the ground itself being peculiar shades of color, the balls live hedgehogs, the mallets flamingoes and some cards being bent over to serve as wickets. Of course, this whole thing made the game exceedingly difficult and as the Queen issued out execution orders for people every five seconds, Alice escaped to the furthest corner away from the angry woman.
"Ushi shi shi~ having fun are we?" a familiar voice spoke, Alice spinning round to see the head, and ONLY the head, of Cheshire. She pouted slightly after realizing he had asked her a question and was expecting an answer.
"Nobody seems to know the rules or at least they simply aren't abiding by them!" she complained, stamping her foot against the ground from frustration. (Elizabeth: AND I HAVEN'T GOT ANY TEA!)
"The prince takes it that you aren't enjoying this one bit~" the cat sang in a happy fashion (BEL: Such a shame about the tea…*grins*).
"Oh and that dreadful Queen!" Alice told him, twirling one of her locks of hair absent-mindedly. "She is such a selfish little woman! A complete nightmar- SWEETEST DREAM IN THE WORLD!" she smiled bitterly at the Queen who had wandered over to her, a frown upon her face.
"What is that trash?" he asked her, eyeing Cheshire disdainfully. (Bel: …)
"I don't like the look of it," the king declared (Bel: *get's out knives* Tsuna: HIIIIEEEE!) "It needs to be removed."
And so, the Queen made a very helpful suggestion. "Off with it's fucking head scum!" (Levi: Hmph. Boss ALWAYS makes the right choices! Elizabeth: Sure…)
Alice sighed from exhaustion, watching some cards continue to play croquet as she ignored others arguing over whether a head could actually beheaded since it had no body to begin with! "Honestly, it's the Duchess's cat so why don't you ask her what to do?" she eventually snapped, their arguing getting to her head. (Elizabeth: LUSS-NEE CAN FIGURE ANYTHING OUT! Lussuria: Eliza-chan! Mou, you are making me blush! Fran: Looks like you've got competition longhaired commander. Squalo: FUCK YOU!) But before anybody could fetch the Duchess, the floating head of Cheshire cat wafted over to Alice.
"Ushi shi shi~ I guess this is 'arrivederci' princess~" the cat sang, Alice blinking slightly as he disappeared.
"I never knew that cats could speak Italian…" she murmured to herself (Elizabeth: You learn a new thing everyday… Squalo: VOOOIII! THAT IS THE MOST STUPID LIE IN THE WORLD! CATS CAN'T SPEAK ITALIAN! Elizabeth: You are right. Squalo: I am? Elizabeth: Yep. They speak Japanese. Squalo: You…YOU…;ibsufg;/bdisug;/oubh *dies from her idocy*) before being whisked away by a crowd of playing cards to, as one so helpfully called out, a trial for the Knave of hearts. Upon entering the court and sitting herself down, Alice saw the King and Queen of Hearts both sitting upon their thrones the first wearing a judges powdered wig (Xanxus: *glares at Tsuna* Tsuna: …Help.), the Frog holding a trumpet and a scroll nearby (Fran: *sigh* trials are seriously troublesome…), the Knave standing in front of the royal couple in chains (Dino: …I got tangled up in my whip. Reborn: *shakes head*) and a HUGE platter of tarts (ME: *points at Squalo* Squalo: Fuck you.) in the middle of the room.
"Silence please," the Frog droned, hushing the crowd. "As we all know we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Cute-sempai and Fake-princ- I mean, the trial of the Knave of hearts. (Elizabeth: Hmm, are you suggesting that me and Captain would get married? Fran: …No. Everybody else: HE OBVIOUSLY WAS!) AS we all know, the Queen of hearts, she made some tarts (Me: *points at Squalo again* Squalo: DIE.) all on a summers day. The Knave of Hearts, he stole these tarts (Me: DINO! HOW COULD YOU STEAL SQU-CHAN AWAY FROM LUSS-NEE AND XANXI-CHAN? Dino: Hah? Squalo: After this is over you will experience the most painful death imaginable. Me: NO! NOT TWLIGHT! NOT THE SPARKLY VAMPIRES! NOOOOO!) and blah, blah, blah, blah. Done." (Fran: I think I covered everything. Important.)
"Err…Jury, what is your verdict?" the King asked the crowd which coincidentally included Bill the Lizard (Leon: *holds up guilty sign* ^o^). The Frog instantly scolded the royal man for this as much more of the trial had to happen before the jury came to their verdict. (Fran: No, I would prefer if it just ended here…with the guilty verdict. Leon: ^o^ ME: LEON! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME FOR FRAN? HOW COULD YOU? Fran: I'm sorry Author-san but that is just how life goes. Elizabeth: Dun, Dun, DUUUN! ME: TAT) Thus, the first witness was called in.
"VOOOIII! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY TEA!" Mad Hatter yelled angrily at the crowd and waved around his tea and bread to prove it, Alice sighing. Of all the people… (Elizabeth: Of all the people… Squalo: I will fucking kill you all.)
"S-so, when was it that your tea started?" the king asked the man (Tsuna: I WANT TO GO HOME! Reborn: Tough.) who told him that it was six o'clock. However, the dormouse and March Hare burst in suddenly, the three disputing furiously over what time their tea actually started (Reborn: Ciaossu. Squalo: VOOOOIIII! Byakuran: Pyon~ Reborn: Ciaossu. Squalo: VOOOIII! Byakuran: Pyon~ Reborn: Ciaossu. Squalo: VOOOO- ME: SHUT UP.). Of course, Alice knew Mad Hatter was telling the truth however she had not a chance to catch a word in edgeways for their argument was so fast and furious (Ah, references. What would we do without you?). It was then the King let out a gasp. "Wearing a hat in court is forbidden! I must ask for you to take it off!"
"Say what brat?" (Tsuna: HIIIIIEEEE!) Mad Hatter glared at the King. "This hat does not belong to me."
"Y-you STOLE it?"
"VOOOIII! IT'S FOR SALE IDIOT!" (Lussuria: SQU-CHAN AS MY DARLING WIFE YOU MUST SELL IT TO ME! Squalo: 400 bucks *smirks* Lussuria: As in sell I meant give. Now.)
It was then Alice realized with some amount of horror that she was growing again (Elizabeth: OH NOES!) and although her first thought was to get out of the courtroom as soon as she could (Elizabeth: LET'S GO AND GET ME SOME TEEEAAAA!) she decided to stay as long as she could fit. (Fran: We have free ice-cream. Elizabeth: ICCCEEEE-CRREEEAAAM!) The King then remembered that Hatter had yet to give his evidence and told him to hurry up before his execution was ordered. (Squalo: Hmph. Like I would be scared of that Vongola Brat!) Mad Hatter was naturally terrified of this. (Squalo: WHAT?) Frustrated with his lack of help (Tsuna: More like terrified *gulp*) the King told him that he may stand down or if he couldn't stand any lower, sit down. (Squalo: VOOOIII! Like I'm doing that! YOU NEED TO DIE VONGOLA BRAT! Tsuna: HIIIIIIEEEEE!) Mad Hatter ran away before he could be executed instead (Squalo: WHAT THE FUCK? Tsuna: Saved…) Next to the witness stand was the Duchess's cook (Bianchi: Reborn~ I missed you so much! Reborn's inner thoughts: Fuck.) who refused to give evidence (Bianchi: Love overrules all. Tsuna: Um, that isn't what I am asking- Bianchi: LOVE OVERRULES ALL! Tsuna: Y-yes!). The King at this point was so dismayed by the whole affair that he was ready to give up but the Frog didn't allow him, insisting that he must get at least some information. (Fran: Like I care…)
"Give evidence NOW!" he yelled at the cook who eventually sighs and tells the court that tarts (Me: points at- Squalo: ENOUGH WITH THAT ALREADY!) are mostly made of (Bianchi: Love) pepper. (Bianchi: It seemed you have gotten it wrong Author-san. It is love. LOVE! ME: …*runs away*)
"No they aren't," the Dormouse called from the back of the court (Bianchi: R-Reborn? Y-you don't think tarts are made of love? Reborn: He, sorry, SHE isn't made of love *points at Squalo* Elizabeth: And you know it's true when a supposedly dead baby says it. Squalo: VOOOOIIIII!) "They are made of treacle."
In response, the guards threw the animal out, the cook slipping away as it happened (Bianchi: REBORN! I AM COMING FOR YOU! *runs off after him* Lussuria: It's so romantic *sniff*). "Onto the next witness then…" the King sighed, Alice leaning forwards in her seat in anticipation. "Alice." (Elizabeth: WOOHOO! I WIN THE LOTTERY MOTHERFUCKERS! Fran: …Cute-sempai, this isn't the lottery. Elizabeth: Then what pray tell is it? Fran: …Never mind.)
Alice rushed forwards having quite forgotten about that fact that she was rather big now, and tripped over the box the jury was in (Leon: *death glare* Elizabeth: …Help.). After apologizing and squishing herself into the witness box, the trial continued.
"What the you know about the matter at hand?" he asked her seriously, Alice listening to his words attentively.
"I'm sorry your honor but I know nothing," (Elizabeth: But if you give me tea and that free ice-cream I might conveniently remember something…) she told him solemnly, the man advising the jury to make note of this 'important' statement. (Elizabeth: Exactly. Tea and free ice-cream is VERY important!)
"You mean unimportant," the Frog corrected him (Fran: This is such a bother…). The King repeated the words to himself, not seeing the difference between the two. (Reborn: Hmph. As expected of No-good Tsuna. Tsuna: R-Reborn…TAT) Frustrated with the whole affair, he then proclaimed from the rule book in his hand that rule forty-two states that all people who are more than a mile tall must leave the court.
"That is stupid! I am not more than a mile high! Alice cried crossly. "You just made it up to make me leave!" (Elizabeth: IT A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!)
"How dare you! It is the oldest rule in the book!" (Elizabeth: Take. That. Back. Tsuna: Y-yes!)
"If it was the oldest rule then it would be rule NUMBER ONE!" she stated boldly. This turns out to be too much for the King who orders the jury to come to their verdict. Again, the Frog points out there is more evidence to be heard but the royal man did not listen. (Fran: Suit yourself…)
"Sentence first, verdict afterwards," the Queen announced (Xanxus: Tea and Steak now. Elizabeth: You have your priorities right boss!), Alice's mouth opening in shock.
"It is NONSENSE to have the sentence first!" she shrieked, outraged (Elizabeth: I know. That's why we get tea and steak first. As my boss think of EVERYTHING!) this of course prompting the Queen to order her execution (Elizabeth: b-boss, HOW COULD YOU! Wait, now I sound like Levi…NOOOOOO!). But Alice was not frightened by this at all. "You are nothing but a pack of cards!" she screeched. This brings the whole pack (Elizabeth: they sound like wolves now… Fran: Like Lupo? Elizabeth: No, she is a dog silly!) flying at her making her scream. (Elizabeth: NO! NOT THE CARDS! OH THE HORROR OF POKER!) Suddenly she found herself lying in her sister's lap (Haru: Hahi? Elizabeth: Say that one more time and I'll set Mary on you). "It was a dream?" she wondered, staring up and the blue sky with clouds drifting across it. (Elizabeth: T-the tea was a dream? NOOOOOO!) Suddenly she saw a small frog hopping along and giggled slightly to herself. "Ah well. At least it was enjoyable!" (ELizabeth: BUT I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHO I LIKE MORE! BISCUITS OR TEA! Me: Don't worry. YOu'll forget all abut this soon... Elizabeth: ?)
Discoabc: I wrote the actual chappie ages ago but I never realized how hard it was to cut out bits of the Alice in Wonderland story and still make it make sense…sad face.
Squalo: VOOOIII! YOU JUST TOOK YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKING LAZY!
Fran: Well, that is all fascinating but why did you knock out Cute-sempai and Fake Prince-sempai?
Discoabc: *looks down at their unmoving bodies* because I could?
Squalo: VOOOIII! You fucking idiot!
Lussuria: My poor, poor children *wipes away a tear* now, who wants some waffles?
Discoabc: WAAFFFFFFLLLLLEEESSS! *runs away to kitchen*
Squalo: She's insane. Completely insane…wait, kitchen?
Discoabc: *walks out* …I don't think that putting soap in a microwave is a good idea after all…