I've always considered myself to be able to sever bonds and keep my distance. After spending all those years at Sybak and suffering at the hands of discrimination, that's the least I should be able to achieve. Humans can't be trusted. Let people get too close and they will lure you into their trap and betray you.Those are the things I've learned. There are only few exceptions to those rules. Aster was one of them. I told him countless times he was naïve, and that he was a fool to be so easy trusting with someone he didn't know. He was also the first who did not betray me when I did put my trust in him. But he was killed, his kindness was ripped away from my everyday life, and I was once again proved wrong by trusting anyone other than myself and Aster.
So why? Why do I let Emil get so close? Why do I allow myself to let him live, in hopes of him seeing that what he is doing is wrong? In hopes of him becoming something different than who and what he really is? There's something about him that keeps me there, unable to walk away. It's not only because he resembles Aster, even though the boy may think that's it. Heck, right now the boy is under the impression I'm ignoring him because of that, even though I only told him moments ago that isn't the case.
When I encountered Emil, I first expected him to be Aster himself. He had the same innocent look in his eyes, and if it wasn't for the different eye color and his timid nature, I might have even accepted that thought. However, I didn't understand the situation, and first wanted to find out the meaning and cause behind all of it. Now I have, and I regret having ever made that decision. Because I never, ever expected to encounter Ratatosk again in thisform. I was prepared for any sort of hideous monster he could transform in, but instead I have to fight someone who wears my lost friend's face.
It was not supposed to happen like this. It was never supposed to happen like this. I suppose I only have myself to blame. I made a mistake by letting him get to close to me. I made a mistake by allowing myself to get too close as well. It should have ended after that first encounter. I should have killed him while I had the chance, from the start my suspicions came to be.
But I didn't. I didn't and because of that I've made things all that much more complicated. What's more, he's not fighting me. He doesn't see me as an enemy and doesn't wish for us to be as such. When I tell him that the next time we'll see each other we'll be enemies, he doesn't understand. And that's just what makes it worse. He's not trying to oppose me, he's trying to understand me.He's trying so he can make me change my mind. Not on fighting Ratatosk, but on us being enemies. He wants us to be friends. The word leaves a bad taste in my mouth without even speaking it. He's trying to find a way to let me lower my guard, so he can get close to me, so he can be my friend, and he's succeeding. Because when I tell him goodbye and make my way around him, he takes a quick step forward and hugs me. He actually hugs me, and I let him. His arms are wrapped tightly around my torso, and by the looks of it, if he could, he would never let go. I just barely refrain from returning the gesture, and instead I change my arm's movement to ruffle his hair. He looks up, and that's when I realize something . The one thing that could make all of this even worse. He does not want me to be his enemy, and neither does he want me to be his friend.
He wants more.
The realization startles me, and I take a step back, putting distance between us. I look at Emil with a look of confusion, and it's probably even mixed with a look of fear, because I have no idea what to do with this. We have to be enemies, that's the only way for both of us to settle things. That way I can still take out my plan. That way, I can kill Ratatosk. That way Aster can come back to live. No one has to suffer but me, and I had long since accepted that fact. That's the only thing that has been on my mind for the last couple of months. I don't have a back-up plan for this.
Emil seems to realize his mistake, and I can see the panic in his eyes. He stutters out an apology and takes another step forward as he does so, and I take another step back. My expression is neutral again, and I struggle to keep my voice monotone as I remind him once more, that we are bound to be enemies. I hold on to that thought as I ignore him when he tells me we don't have to be and turn around. I scowl as I walk away, ignoring him calling out to me once more.
In the back of my mind there's still a small speck of hope that maybe, Emil isn't Ratatosk, and that the boy will be able to live his life, but I quickly shake my head to get rid of the thought. He's my enemy. I repeat it in my head over and over again. A bit louder with each step I take until I'm screaming it in my thoughts. It was bound to be like this. That's all there is.
That's how it has to be.
Alright, so this one didn't exactly turn out as I hoped. There's a lot of repetition in it, and that's because that's what I imagine to go through Richter's head. He feels like Emil shouldn't have anything to do with this, but he realizes he simply does, and there's nothing he can do about that. Emil is his enemy, even though he does not want him to be. While Richter is...well... Richter, a man who can probably handle most situations with relative ease and a calm attitude, I also imagine this being his response to Emil's ''more than friends wish''. He truly is surprised and startled, and does not know how to handle the siuation, this scares him, hence the open and expressive response. So he holds on the the only thing he does know, and that's that Emil is essentially Ratatosk, and thus his enemy. By repeating that over and over, he hopes to be able to push his feelings away, so he can act as he desires.
...So that's essentially the whole story.