His scream echoed in the TARDIS and I shuddered. Between the fact that he didn't know I was there and the fact that he had obviously lost someone he cared deeply about I felt as though I was spying on a deeply personal moment. But aside from my guilt there, I was personally having my own mini-panic attack. The Doctor I thought I'd never see again was standing right in front of me. I used every ounce of my self control to not jump and hug him right now. He wiped his eyes where tears had obviously been forming and then intently started fiddling with the TARDIS.
"D-doctor?" I said my voice hitching in the beginning of his name. His head snapped up and we locked eyes."Lily." He said my name, almost as if it knocked the very air out of his lungs. I looked intently into his eyes with a questioning look, as though to ask his permission for something. Something deep within him unlocked and he broke into a huge smile.
"Oh my Lily!" He ran over to me and scooped me up into a huge hug. "Doctor!" His arms felt like home even after all this time. "I've missed you so much! What happened? Who is Rose? And what happened to her? And how did I get here? I mean I know why I'm here but how?" The flood of questions just flowed out of my mouth without much thought.
As soon as I said Roses' name, he instantly froze. But then as soon as he heard me ask how I arrived inside the TARDIS he unfroze, a thoughtful look spreading across his lovely face. Especially seeing as we were floating in space."Yes dear Lily how did you arrive in the TARDIS. I did not summon you intentionally and I did not think that you were anything more than human. Perplexing." I pondered this for a moment and then as though struck by inspiration is said, "Intentionally! Doctor that's the key! You called to me unintentionally! I knew I was here because you were upset. So that's that, but there are still some questions to be answered. Who is Rose and what happened to her?" He looked at me incredulously.
"Lily how did you know I was upset?" I looked back at him and tilted my head to the side speaking slowly as if it were obvious, "I felt your distress. And while feeling that distress I became shimmery, like the TARDIS does when you leave." I shot him a scathing look here as though to remind him of the fact the he left without saying goodbye. So I would know, firsthand, how the TARDIS appeared while leaving. He flinched at my obviously upset look.
"Lily…saying goodbye complicates things. I was never meant to be more than just a fleeting hero to you. But I've obviously stayed with you mentally."
"And I've obviously stayed with you mentally. Otherwise why would you have summoned me? Even if you didn't think you did. I was sitting at home when I started to feel such great sadness. And I knew it wasn't from me because I could see you in my mind screaming. And then I looked down at my hands and they started glowing a faint gold like the TARDIS does. I was confused and Bam here I am seeing you lose someone you obviously were in love with. And I feel as though as soon as possible you'll bring me home. Even though I'd rather remain with you. Because you need a companion. And I'd love to be her."
The Doctor looked at me, an almost pained expression on his face. "Lily, I will not put another person in danger for my own selfish reasons. I cannot go through what I just went through again. You mean something to me, and losing you would be unbearable. So Lily, do not make me tell you something that will end up hurting me in the end."
"Doctor, is the pain at the end not worth the love, fun, enjoyment, and blissful times we will have together? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that?"
"Lily." His voice held 900+ years of sadness and anguish, forged by war and loss. "Lily, I have reached the point in my existence where I no longer need a companion. So please, just let me take you home.""No." The one word the Doctor would not accept for an answer just escaped my lips.
I was sitting, cross legged, on the floor of the TARDIS watching the Doctor pace back and forth in front of me. He was contemplating keeping me with him. I opened my mouth to say something and he gave me a look, similar to a look that a father gives a small child who has done something wrong. But on the Doctors face the look was out of place and slightly humourous. So, because I'm immature and so enraptured by this man that a small giggle escaped from my mouth. Which, of course, gained me another stern look. But this time instead of giggling I returned his stern look with one of my own. And the Doctor, forever a child, reacted the same way I had– laughter. God was his laugh beautiful. I smiled at him and he returned the smile.
"Lily, you may stay. Under one condition. If at any point we return to your time, you will go home. Understood?" I nodded like a scolded child and leapt up. I hugged the Doctor, taking him completely by surprise. "Why are you hugging me?"
"Because I now have the opportunity to actually be with you, Doctor. And that's all I've really wanted since the day you left me." I clung to him as though he was my attachment to all life and survival and I didn't let go easily. But the Doctor cleared his throat and gave me a look of caring and I acknowledged it as a hint to uncling myself from his long, thin frame. He moved away from me, but not without a gentle hair tousling first, and then proceeded to fiddle with the TARDIS yet again. I smiled to myself and sat back down, all the while smothering a yawn. The Doctor turned and caught me in the last few moments of a yawn.
"Are you tired Lils?" I blushed slightly at the name Lils. I had always hoped he would have a cute name for me. "Yeah Doctor just a bit. Well for me its prolly 'round 1:30 am for me. So yeah just a wee bit."
I smiled at him. "Let's go sleep for a bit then Lils. Come on, my room is this way." He lead me down the hallway of the TARDIS towards a beautifully carved wood door. He opened the door and held back a gasp. The room was bathed in a pale golden light. His bed was enormous with pale gold sheets and quilts. He had a closet and a dresser but I couldn't pull my eyes away from the bed and the gorgeous patterns on the sheets. The pattern was similar to one of small leaves on a newly budding tree. The gold thread wove in and out of the fabric in intricate patterns of wavy lines and swirls. I stepped over to the bed and ran my fingers over the pattern on the bed. The sheets felt so silky and smooth; it was heavenly. I had never felt something so soft before. I looked up at the Doctor who had come to stand behind me while I felt the sheets. He smiled and said with a laugh, "After you."
I walk to the left side of the bed, kick off my converse, and crawl under the mass of golden sheets. "Mmmm, why is this so soft?" I ask while lying on my back in a state of pure bliss. I roll over to my side and prop myself up on my arm. I look at the Doctor and smile at him. He was still standing though. I raise my eyebrow at him and ask, "Aren't you gonna sleep with me?" He smiles and chuckles softly. "Yes of course Lils I am going to sleep with you." He kicks off his converse and crawls in next to me. He mirrors me and props himself up on his arm so we're now face to face. "Doctor why did you leave me? Honestly, I prolly wouldn't have been as upset if you had said goodbye to me properly. That's all I wanted from you." He looked at me and I could, again, see all of the sadness in his beautiful eyes.
"Lily Waters, I regret leaving without saying good-bye to you everyday. I never wanted to hurt you the way that I did.